Loving a Dangerous Life (editing)

Chapter 30 - Shower

I groaned, leaning against the closed door in my bathroom. I should have warned my family to not talk about that in front of Alex. I hated the look on his face. God, why do I hae to be a runner? Why can’t I stop breaking his heart, and mine?

I already have the airplane tickets booked, and I already knew where I had to go, but I didn’t want to.

I knew that I was going to be killed. Even I can't fight off that many men- and if my boss didn't want me to be dead, then why did he plant that bomb? 

Something tickled the back of my mind. It was a story about my gang that I had heard, but I just couldn't remember it. I tried to focus on the story, but I couldn't.

"Audrey!" Alex pounded on my door, and I hastily backed up. I bit my lip as the door opened. "You better tell me that he's joking," Alex said, stalking toward me. He looked so angry, so confused, so broken. I backed up, not wanting him to see how nervous I was. I tucked the stay hairs behind my ears, my hands curling into nervous fists in my pockets, the nails digging into my skin.

I wasn't scared of him, but rather I was scared for him. I was scared about what would happen when I told him I was going to die in a week. I was scared for how I would break my own heart. I was scared of always running. Fuck.

I sighed, wrapping my arms around my waist and turning away from him. I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. I traced the tattoo on my arm, sadly smiling at it. Such a beautiful thing that doesn't belong on me. Alex stepped behind me, waiting patiently and angrily for an explanation. 

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that if I had a choice, I would stay with you?" I quietly questioned, finally breaking the silence. Alex scoffed. 

"Then stay.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest. I longed to touch him, to make him and I feel better, but I can't. I sighed again, running a hand through my hair, and turning around to sit on the counter. I let my hands dangle between my legs, and I looked at Alex, thinking about what I should say. I chewed on my lip, not noticing how his gaze lingered on it. 

"Well, my boss placed that bomb, in case you didn't know. He was trying to kill me, and you for some reason. I can't avoid him forever, and it's been nearly five months. He called me the day after I left and said I had a week to be at base or he would kill you, and that you came near me again, he would kill you" I paused, hanging my head. “So I’m hoping that he doesn’t know you are here and that me going will keep you safe.” My hands were shaking. "I'm so fucking scared," I admitted, my weak voice cracking. I looked back up at Alex, meeting those blue eyes of his that did so many things to me. He moved towards me, his eyes still holding the fire that they did when he was mad. He grabbed my shaking hands, rubbing them between his. "I don't want to die," I whispered. Tears burned in my eyes, my throat clogging up. 

"Damn it!" I teared my hands out of Alex's. I savagely wipped the tears off of my face. "Why am I always crying? I hate crying, I am so sick of crying." All my words came out in breathless, chocked jumbles I ran my hands through my hair, all my emotions crashing together. I felt so overwhelmed, but I refused to let myself cry, I was so tired of crying. I shook my head as Alex reached out to me. I jumped off of the counter and turned on the shower, closing the bathroom door. I kept moving around, fixing things that didn't need to be fixed as I waited for the shower to heat up. Alex kept trying to grab me, but I just kept moving. 

I can't look at him, because if I do, I'll break down, and it won’t be pretty. 

"Audrey, stay still!" Alex grabbed me, holding my waist. I shook my head, my whole body .