secret benefits // bucky barnes x female reader

-43

"did he find out or did you tell him?"
bucky asked while closing your door.
he walked to your bed and sat down in front of you.

"i said something accidentally which led to telling him everything."
you answered, bucky just nodded.

"hey bucky can i tell you something?"
you knew you were probably going to regret this, but you just needed him to know.

"what's wrong?"

"so uh, i know you don't like keener, but i really want to tell you something.."
you started to tell him everything with every detail. he just sat there in silence, listening to what you were saying. after you've finished, he was still being quiet.

"wow i always thought you weren't easy to get"
he broke the silence. you clenched your eyebrows in confusion.

"all of those guys you've hooked up with, they get you so easy, and then there's me, who's trying so hard and for god knows how long and still don't get any affection. i always thought you were just hard to get but when i listen to what you and other people are saying, it's not like that."

you looked down at your crossing legs, not knowing what to say.

"listen, bucky.."

"no y/n YOU listen."
he pointed his finger at you,
"i don't know how you don't get any of these hints i give you all the fucking time but i'm in love with you y/n. i'm madly in love with you. having you by my side is giving me both, happiness but mostly pain. i have you, but also not, which drives me insane because i just want you by myself. and i want to know what this is between us. what is this going on between us?! because i don't want it. i want you by myself. i want to be able to call you mine. i want to take you on dates where everybody can see us so they know that you belong to me."

your were completely shocked. you would've never expected this. you knew that you had felt some sort of feelings towards him but you always fed them inside you to hide them. you forced the feelings away and never thought of him feeling the same way. you were speechless and didn't know what to say. he apparently noticed..

"don't worry, you don't need to say anything."
he said quietly and slowly stood up. he was looking down while standing up, but then looked over to you with a straight face.

"good night."
he said and walked out.

something on that 'good night' wasn't right. it didn't feel right.. something was missing.. it was.. doll. he always said that after wishing you a good night, this time he didn't.

you were still sitting there, not knowing what to do. two guys have told you that they are in love with you in the last two days. you really wanted to stand up and go to bucky, but you couldn't move. you didn't really know what you were going to do there but you just wanted to be on his side right now.

suddenly a knock on your door..
hoping it was bucky, your gaze shot to the door. you stood up quickly and opened it.
it was harley.

well, great. it couldn't have been worse.
"hey y/n.. mind if i come in?"

"yes.. NO, no i mean no. come in."
you walked over to your bed, sitting down on it. harley closed the door behind him and did the same thing.

"is everything alright? you look like you're traumatized or something."
he said jokingly and chuckled. you stayed the same. he noticed and quickly dropped the smile.

"everything's alright. just a bit tired."
you smiled, he nodded.

"harley i think you shou-"
you began speaking but couldn't finish because his lips smashed against yours. you pushed him away and quickly stood up.

"what the fuck harley?! no! i already told you that this is not going to happen again!"

"sorry y/n. i'm so sorry. but i really don't understand what's wrong with that. we were always so good and happy together."
he stood up as well.

"yeah harley, we WERE. it's in the past. 5 years ago. now.."
you put your head down,
"now there's someone else.."
you said quietly.

everything was silent for a short moment.
"oh"
harley said and took a step backwards.

"sorry... actually no i'm not sorry harley, this was already over 4 years ago, get over it."
you said and made your way to your door. you opened it and stood there, looking at him, as a sign for him to leave. he did what you wanted and left your room, without saying anything.

after he left you closed your door and pressed your back against it. bucky's words were constantly replaying in your head, still trying to proceed them.

you decided to go to bucky. you had no idea what you're going to say but you can't leave him like that now. you made your way to his door and knocked on it. nobody answered so you slowly opened the door. you got in and saw him laying in his bed, looking up to the ceiling.

"hey"
you said softly, closing the door behind you. he didn't answer.
"can we talk?"
he still didn't answer.
"look bucky, i really didn't expect this from you. i've never paid attention to your feelings and just tried to force away mine.. im really sorr-"
you wanted to continue but you saw how his head quickly moved and shot to you.

"forced away which feelings?"
he asked quietly.

"i don't really know.. the feelings i started to feel for you i guess."
you scratched the back of your neck nervously. it was weird for you to talk about your feelings, since you never do.

"and now they are gone?"
he asked, you just shrugged your shoulders. he looked back up at the ceiling and now there was an uncomfortable silence. you slowly stepped closer to his bed. you sat down beside him and gently caressed his cheek. he didn't look away from the ceiling but you just got closer to his face slowly and put a soft, quick kiss on his lips.

he switched his eyes to you, you weakly smiled at him. he sat his back up, not taking his eyes away from you. he came closer to you and put his hand on the back of your neck gently. he pulled you closer to him as he kissed you softly. you parted your lips and the kiss deepend. your lips melted together, his tongue swirled around yours.

suddenly the both of you heard the sound of an opening door. you quickly pulled away and looked over.. it was harley.

you and bucky looked at each other. he was just as confused as you.

"so he's the someone else?"
harley said and scoffed. he closed the door and left again.

"what the hell was that?"
bucky asked.
"someone else? what?"

"oh uh.. shortly after you left my room he came in and.."
you started telling him what happened. you saw a smirk growing on his face.

"and i'm the someone else?"

you nodded. he pulled you in for a kiss again. you broke the kiss quickly,

"should i go after him?"
you asked.

"no why would you? he has no right to be mad."

"ok you got a point."
you said and pulled in to kiss him once again. the kiss was light and sweet at first but before it could turn deep and passionate you broke it once again.
"sorry bucky i'm too tired for this right now.."

"of course y/n. don't worry we still have many other days to spend."
he smirked. you did too but tried to hide it whilst biting your lip.

"good night doll."
he placed a kiss on your cheek.

there was it. there was the 'doll.' now the feeling of something missing is gone.

"good night"
you smiled and stood up to walk out. before you could open the door, bucky began speaking again.

"y/n.."

you looked back at him. he took a deep breath and started speaking,

"i know you're still not ready to say.. you know.. the big three words, but i'll wait for you. i'll wait how long it takes."
he stated. you looked into his beautiful eyes and smiled. you nodded and got out again. as soon as you closed your door you sighed heavily, still grinning like an idiot. you felt a warm feeling in your chest. you felt safe.