Cold Devotion | ✔️

Chapter Twenty-Seven

All I can feel is the deep thrumming of my pulse in my temples as I regain consciousness - still on the floor of my bedroom. I can remember but it's as though everything is jumbled, there's no timeline nor chronology. I remember one thing but then it is counteracted by another, the things not matching up. The places, the people, none of it making sense.

I want to talk to Colton but I don't know if I can trust him anymore, not after everything he has done. He didn't even tell me the things he had done to me which makes me uneasy about whether he was ever going to tell me at all.

If I had forgotten forever, he wouldn't have told me how he stabbed me. How he killed my first love in front of me. The things he would say to me and how he would grab me.

Before I can think it over, I get dressed, grab my knife and am on my way to his room.

Red is all I can see as I stalk down the corridors to his room. I am well aware that I look like a mad women running down the corridor with a knife in my hand. You know... maybe I am mad. Crazy, even. But... I have my reasons.

All I can hear is the slapping of my feet against the floor. Each footstep another thought, another memory. My brain is about to go into overdrive. My hand is clutching the wooden handle of the blade so tightly my knuckles have turned white.

Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.

Memories, memories. So many memories.

My head, the pain is so intense I am sure my body is soon going to give up on me. To give up completely and shut down. I wouldn't be surprised, I'd be happy if anything. I don't want to live like this. I'm not even living, I'm barely surviving.

It feels like I am trying to tread water but the current just keeps pushing me under. Further and further. I'm trying to swim to the surface, trying to break free. Trying to breathe. But no matter what, I can't swim. My legs won't move and my arms are bound to my sides.

I'm drowning in my own mind, trapped.

***

Before I am even somewhat aware of what I am doing, I'm barging through Colton's door, knife at the ready. His eyes go wide as soon as he sees me but then he quickly recovers. An emotionless expression replaces the shocked one he had not moments ago.

"What are you doing love?" Colton gets up from where he was sitting on his bed. The several pieces of paper surrounding him, shifting.

"You killed..." I trail off and he runs a hand over his face.

"You remember?" he asks and I nod slowly. God do I remember. How could I ever think about loving him? I am more disgusted by myself for ever thinking of him that way than I ever could be about the things he has done to me.

"I remember everything," I spit and he walks closer to me but I back away. "Get away from me," I breathe but he doesn't stop walking towards me until my back hits his closed door.

"I know... I know this looks bad but I-" he starts but I cut him off, not wanting to hear the bullcrap he is about to spout out.

"Looks bad?" I laugh, mocking him. "You didn't tell me anything about what you did to me... you painted yourself as the good guy when you are the epitome of the exact opposite," I can see the frustration pooling in his eyes but I continue. "You weren't going to tell me that you killed the person I loved," I whisper. The words not feeling real as they leave my mouth.

"He was going to kill you!" Colton shouts back. "Sorry for not letting him slit your throat... because that's clearly what you wanted," his hands are either side of my head, blocking me in.