Cold Devotion | ✔️

Chapter Nineteen

Dylan screams in agony behind me and lets go of me. I spin around to see his body on the floor, his face pale and he's clutching his chest. I hate myself for caring but I can't help it. You can't just have no regard for someone who you once loved, it doesn't work like that. No matter how much they have betrayed you or how much you hate them, there will always be a part of you that still loves them even if you are no longer in love with them.

"What have you done?" I whisper before I clamp my hand over my mouth. Colton just shot Dylan. Dylan just got shot by Colton. He is struggling to breathe on the floor and I don't know what to do.

"He tried to kill you so I did what was necessary," Colton shrugs and I want to murder him. He tucks the gun back into his blazer and begins to walk off. What the hell is wrong with him?

I rush over to Dylan and kneel beside him. "What do I do?" I say frantically and he slowly shakes his head. My hands are covered in his blood as I try to move the fabric of his shirt to see the wound. The bullet is deep.

"I...deserve this," he chokes and tears are streaming down my face. "I'm... sorry Rose," he whispers as a sob escapes me. A tear falls down his face and my heart feels like it is physically breaking in my chest.

"You don't... please don't," I cry and his breathing becomes shallow and slow. "Help!" I scream.

"Goodbye... Rose," he whispers and his eyes fall closed. I thought I knew pain but this is immeasurable. It feels like it is consuming me and eating me alive. How do I escape all of this pain? When will it end? When will everything stop hurting?

"No...no," I whisper and my tears are endless.

***

I don't know how long I have been staring at his lifeless body but somebody screams from behind me. I look over my shoulder, my eyes probably swollen from how much I have cried, and look at the girl. Her eyes are wide and she's screaming.

I forget why for a second but then my eyes return to Dylan.

I hear footsteps pounding against the floor, getting closer with each step until I am surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know. Someone grabs me and pulls me away from Dylan and I snap. "Don't touch me!" I shout and claw at the person's arms. "Get off!" I scream and my whole body feels weak.

As soon as they let go of me, I walk and don't look back. I'm covered in his blood. I can't fathom how I feel right now. It feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest. So much is happening and there's not stopping it. I don't get a break... it's just one thing after the other and I hate it. I hate it so much.

My brain is moving at a million miles per hour the whole time I am walking back to my room, so much has happened that I can't even think straight.

I stand in my bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror.

Taking the knife my mother got me, I hold it to my neck.

I can't recover from all of this.

There's only one way I can see out.

All the people I have killed, all the pain that I have had to endure my whole life. Both from my father and the rebels. The emotional trauma and physical torture. The pain... the pain is so significant. Both that I have inflicted and have received. There's no light at the end of the tunnel... not for me. For others the light is so bright it's blinding but my light - it's barely a flicker.

The tunnel is too far, too tiring, too dark.

There's no bright side, no happy ending... not for people like me.