Cold Devotion | ✔️

Chapter Fourteen

"So you're just going to change the subject," I laugh at his pettiness. Why can't we just be mature and talk about something for once? I know this isn't exactly the best time but he can at least say something other than changing the subject.

"Take this," he takes one of the guns from their place and holds it out to me. I freeze. "Take it," he says forcefully and I feel like I can't control my body. I can't move to take the gun, I can't do anything. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he grabs my hand and puts it in the palm of my hand.

It feels so wrong in my hand and the words I want to say just won't leave my lips. My hand folds around the gun and my body feels numb. I don't know what's wrong with me, I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to. I don't think I'll ever forget that day, it will haunt me for the rest of my life but I deserve it. I deserve to be reminded of that with every waking moment.

Yes I am weak but at least I have feelings.

"I can't do this," I whisper so low that I can barely hear it myself. I'm not ready to do this, not yet, possibly not ever. Whenever I touch it, it feels like I am detached from my body. Like I am outside looking in.

Everyone around me moves in a blur, like time no longer exists and I am in another dimension of some sort. I hear a gunshot and throw myself onto the ground and cover my head with my hands. "What are you doing?" Colton's voice breaks through my thoughts. He's knelt next to me and looking at me, concern plastered onto his face.

"You didn't hear that?" I am going crazy. If he didn't hear that then where the hell did it come from? I sit up and stare at the gun in my hand. How can my insanity come down to an object? Am I really this weak?

"Hear what love?" he says gently and I think I'm more shocked by the soft tone of his voice than the realisation that I am going crazy.

"The..." my breathing is erratic. What is wrong with me? I throw the gun in front of me and quickly move backwards, trying to get away from it. Mud covers my hands and clothes and the cold air stings at my tear covered cheeks.

"We need to get going Rose," Colton says softly and I quickly get up and run a hand through my long hair. Taking deep breaths as I try to calm myself down.

"Yeah... yeah," I nod frantically and follow him into the darkness.

***

We are set up by an abandoned building in a quieter part of the city. The other two groups decided to go deeper into town and I was relieved that our group stayed behind.

"What happened... back there?" Colton whispers from beside me. Everyone is spread out in their own corners. Colton made me stay with him seen as I didn't have much to defend myself with. We are both sat next to each other behind a half-broken down wall.

"I don't know, I think I am losing my mind," I laugh a little to try and lighten the mood but it doesn't really work. Colton furrows his brows.

"You're just not used to it. I think where you were just thrown into everything without a warning it was too much, too fast... you know," he shrugs and I am taken back by how understanding he is being. I can't help the shock that I feel.

"Where is Colton and what have you done with him?" I say and he chuckles before looking into my eyes. I knew that there was a side to him that he hid away from everyone, a side that was kind and only had good intentions. He rarely shows it but sometimes I can see a flicker of life behind his stone cold eyes.

"I like that," he whispers and moves in closer. My breath gets caught in my throat from how close our faces are. His eyes flicker to my lips before returning back to my eyes.