Getting Closer To My Mate

Chapter- 57

-Fima-

My fever has gone down and I'm feeling exhausted now. I've applied for a leave from my office today before leaving the hospital.

On my way returning home, I see some kids in school uniform walking to school. They are holding their mother's hands. The scene slowly becomes blurry as tears start to gather in my eyes. I have my own kids but I can't hold them in my arms.

I miss them so much.

I miss them to the extent of getting crazy and the reason behind leaving them seems all pointless.

I remember last night's incident. When I was burning with the fever a doctor came to check on my condition.

"How are you feeling now?" The voice of a middle-aged man rang in my ears.

"I am feeling like I am sitting in an oven. It's so painful. I think I'm gonna die tonight." I said with a hoarse voice.

As my fever was too high, I was given saline solution. The doctor leaned to check the plastic pipe to see if the liquid was flowing in the correct amount. I tried to look at him but my eyes were teary due to the high fever and headache. I couldn't see his face.

"Are you being hard on yourself, kid? This must be the result of your strictness towards your heart. Be a little more flexible and forgive yourself. Let it go."

This should have been some random talk. However I don't know why those words stabbed my heart but gave me relief at the same time. It was as if I was waiting to listen to this as if I needed to face myself.

This time, tears rolled down because of my sorrow. "How can I forgive myself? I did make mistakes one after another. I should've listened to my parents and shouldn't have married him. I even tried to harm my innocent babies. They were not supposed to be in this world. I brought them into this world as a result of my sin. It was my fault. How can I forgive myself?"

After some breathtaking silence, I heard the voice again. "At that time you chose your heart over every prohibition, so why are you not listening to your heart now? Why are you running away from your duties, what you have chosen for yourself and blaming yourself?"

The doctor's tone was so soothing. I tried to see his face again but the tears weren't stopping so I failed to see his face again.

"Sometimes accepting the sin and taking the responsibilities of its consequence can be a great atonement. Just like the warning dreams. You may receive a warning but you failed to recognize it. In that case, you are meant to accept your fate and keep going on."

I remembered my dreams about Zach being the wolf and the whole Scarlet Moon pack being the pack of wolves. I whispered, "Dream? Yes, I have seen dreams but didn't think much about them. I really am a fool."

"Dreams don't necessarily mean the warnings that can save you. Sometimes they are meant to prepare you for the upcoming events so that you don't become harsh to yourself like you are doing right now. Yes, you might have chosen other options and your life might be different. but Who knows?... Who knows the twist and turns of fate? Our life paths are different. Who knows the sin you committed, the mistakes you made, the sorrow you are feeling and the atonement you are seeking are all the parts of your spiritual journey? Accept your fate, do your duty, be kind and forgive. Even the beasts have hearts, they feel pain and they, too, need love and care. You must take care of nature as you are the human being, the superior creature on the earth..."

His voice was so soothing. His every word was like a cool ointment on my wounded heart. It felt like I was waiting for this guidance; my soul was thirsty and burning under the scorching sun and he soothed it with his sentences. My burning fever began to fall slowly and I fell asleep.