Dreamland Review Archive

Glass Shadows (P)

At least, that's the plan. Until her life is invaded by a slew of very attractive friends.

I removed 'potential' as it felt like an extra unnecessary word, and also got rid of the lovers bit because it's already kind of implied by the fact she thinks of them as attractive, so doesn't necessarily need to be stated.

Final couple lines and we're back to the big tick. I just like cool metaphors too much xD Like I said, your summary is already really good. I just felt in the mood to suggest very small and deliberate changes.

Hook

Again, when I started writing this review, you had a prologue. That has since been removed, which I'm fairly pleased about because much of what I had written about it was basically me saying 'it doesn't feel necessary'. I'm still intrigued as to what it had to do with the main story, but the beginning you have now is a far better hook.

Usually, I like action-filled hooks to put the reader right in the middle of it instantly, but you do a really good job with a more descriptive hook which is (I think) harder to pull off well. The imagery is immersive, the situation is mysterious, and the way you weave in Evelyn's thoughts is just really interesting. It raises a lot of questions which aren't immediately answered (still haven't been, for a lot of them xD). You drew me in so well with that opening.

So yes, I approve. Though I guess technically, your epigraph could be classed as your hook? So I'll quickly address that. It does set up the tone well, and it did draw me in to a point, but like the prologue I'm not entirely sure it's necessary. To me, the epigraph feels more like a list of quotes/sayings, which -- while cool and the sort of thing I add to my pinterest boards -- don't really feel necessary. It doesn't set up any aspects of the story or plot. It does seem to hint as Evelyn's character, but it's too vague to really have an exact purpose. I understand if you want to keep it for effect, but from my point of view as a reader, it doesn't add much.

Maybe if you just picked one of the quotes and used it as a front page/part divider type chapter? I've seen single quotes with their own page at the start of published books before and that seems to work, but having this many might dilute the effect.

Characters

Evelyn is the only character I feel I've properly got to know, and I think your character building for her is excellent. I find I only really enjoy first person if the main character has a very strong voice, and Evelyn has just that. Her character shines through so well throughout everything. And she is such a fascinating person to see through the eyes of -- certainly unlike any MC I've seen before.

I really love how bitter and numb she feels about everything. In what I've read so far, there isn't a moment where she has a burst of strong emotion or anything like that, which fits with her character so well. Except for the flashback at the end of Chapter 3, of course, but even then it's only her past self that we see emotional. I really hope you keep that consistency up, because it is an interesting way to read things. I also like how her thoughts are so well interwoven with everything and her opinions come through so seamlessly -- enough that I feel just as much dislike for the place as she does xD

I'm also a huge fan of mystery and drip-fed backstory, and Evelyn has a whole bunch of that. We start off knowing literally nothing about her but gradually learn details and piece things together, and yet there's so much more I want to learn. Connecting dots is always fun and I'm doing my best to figure things out xD Even the flashback is so mysteriously vague and leaves me wanting more.

I guess we also get a feel for Lucas Wright's character in Chapters 1 & 2, so I'll cover him too. I am properly intrigued as to what his mother did to annoy Evelyn so much, though *eyes* But he does kind of seem like what Evelyn calls him -- used to being in charge, and pretty arrogant. But I guess we'll see. Maybe that's just the effect of Evelyn's PoV swaying me to believe how she portrays him, which just shows how strong her voice is with everything.