Little Pea

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Shawn doesn't like it when you're sad. In fact, he absolutely hates it. It makes him feel a lump in his throat and a sickness in his stomach when he sees you curled up in bed at four in the afternoon with sore and red eyes. He knows you haven't eaten at all and that you have only taken a small sip from the glass of water on the bedside table. 

You have been feeling somewhat down the past few weeks, Shawn can easily tell. Your mood hasn't been as chipper and you seem distracted, occupied by your own thoughts. You don't want to talk to him, though. He has tried multiple times but you continue to tell him that you're just a bit tired. 

At first, Shawn didn't worry much. He figures you want space and to deal with whatever is weighing you down on your own. He hopes that you'll share with him whenever you're ready. 

But lately, the worries begin to appear in his stomach and spread in his veins. You are in fact tired, you barely eat and you look slightly pale but you still don't want to let him in. And that, makes Shawn utterly sad. 

He wants to be your person, the one you count on and feel safe with and he wonders if that's not the case any longer. 

Shawn watches you carefully from the doorframe, the nagging feeling in his chest growing as he steps into the dim bedroom. Your back is toward him and you don't turn to face him, though you're able to hear his footsteps approach the bed. 

Shawn lets out a small sigh and sits down on the bed while his hand moves across the sheets to press his palm against your back. He allows his thumb to move in small circles to show a tiny amount of affection to you. When you don't react to his tenderness, his heart drops and he instantly feel the ache appearing in his chest. 

"Please." He begs in a whisper and shut his eyes to cope with the sadness taking control. "I need you to let me in." 

"I can't." Is all you manage to stutter as you drag the duvet to cover your body a bit more. 

"You can, love. You always can." Shawn blurs with a shaking voice. "I'm here for you. No matter what." You don't respond to his words, but you shake your head slight as a sigh escapes your mouth. 

Shawn crawls into the bed and cuddles his chest against your back. It gives him chills as he closes his eyes and plant a soft kiss on your neck. Shawn can hear in your voice that you have been crying and it makes the nausea spread that you don't feel like you can talk to him about it. 

"Look, no matter what is going on with you... I'm here." Shawn mumbles against your hair and force some air into his sore lungs. "Nothing you say will make me love you less." 

"It's hard." You reply, choking slightly on the tears forming in your eyes. 

"Then let me help you through it." 

"Okay." You whisper as you struggle to take a breath. Shawn's hands slide over your body to reach for your hands and then, he gives you a soft embrace. "I'm pregnant." 

A silence spread between you after the words you blurred and it makes a yank shoot through your chest. You press your face against the pillow and feel the sadness drown you like a wave. 

"And..." Shawn stutters as he pulls you tighter. "You're upset about that?" 

"I mean, no..." You manage to say as your tongue slips between your lips. "But aren't you?" Shawn wrinkles his forehead in confusion as he reaches for your hips to turn to towards him. 

When your eyes fall on his, he feels the bundle of knots in his stomach grow. With his thumb, he removes teardrops from your sore skin and sends you a small smile. 

"About you having our first child?" He asks you and raises his eyebrow. You cannot force words to leave you mouth and therefore, you reply to his question with a single nod. Shawn shakes his head slightly in confusion to your reaction and the lump in his throat seems to ease. "No, love. Why would I ever be upset with such wonderful news?"

"Because, well... The timing isn't right, we didn't discuss it." You stutter through the words and it becomes harder for you to breathe. "And we haven't talked about how it's going to affect your career and-" 

"Stop, honey." Shawn interrupts you as his fingers remove a tot of your hair from your face. "I don't care about how it affects my carer or that we didn't plan it." 

"You don't?" 

"Not the slightest bit. You're pregnant, we're having a baby. You and me, we get to start our own family." Shawn says and his eyes begin to shine. 

A smile appears on your lips when Shawn allows his hand to slip to your stomach and he softly presses his palm against you. A heat rushes down your spine when he leans forward to kiss below your bellybutton and suddenly all the worry and the fear leaves your body entirely. 

"There's someone in there." He says with a smile and search for your eyes. You nod with a smile as your fingers slips into his curls. 

"Violet." You correct him and Shawn cannot help but laugh. 

He's fully aware of your obsession with the name Violet and he's on the verge to believe that if the baby happens to be a boy, you still want to name him Violet. 

"Violet Mendes," Shawn mutters against your stomach, his soft lips tickling your skin. "I like the sound of that." 

"I was terrified you wouldn't be happy." You admit and chew into your bottom lip. 

"Why wouldn't I be happy about it?" He asks you confused while you stroke his cheek. 

You shrug your shoulders and suddenly feel a bit stupid for judging how Shawn would react, you were just nervous. Your dad left when your mother found out she was expecting you and that's still deep in you. 

"My father, I guess." You stutter as your eyes flicker around the room. Shawn caress your belly with his hands and leans closer to plant a kiss on your lips. 

"I know, baby." He whispers and rubs his nose against your cheek. "It's great news, the best." He assures you and you cannot help but smile. 

"We're going to be parents." You say as a warmth spreads through your veins. 

You watch as tears form in Shawn's eyes and his lips begins to tremble as he tries to hold back small and almost silent sobs. 

"I can't even find the words." Shawn says, completely numbed by happiness. He leans down to your stomach and rubs his nose against your skin, it makes you giggle slightly. "Hello love, it's dad. I just found out about you and I cannot wait to welcome you into the world." Shawn whispers against your belly and you struggle to hold back the tears. 

"I don't think we're at the point where the baby can hear you yet." You say with a laughter and Shawn rolls his eyes at you. 

"I don't care." He says while finding your eyes. "I want our baby to know that he," 

"Or she," You correct him just to annoy. 

"Or she is already loved unconditionally." 

"I love you, Shawn." You blur as tears fall from your eyes. Shawn wraps his arms around you and gives you a tender kiss. 

"And I love you and this little pea." He says and you laugh against his lips. 

"We're actually going to be parents." 

"And our mothers are going to be grandmothers." Shawn says with a smile. 

"Oh, Karen is going to explode from excitement. She's going to be out of control." 

"And your mum is going to spoil our little pea way too much." Shawn says and you share a laugh.

 "We're going to have to take care of both your baby and our parent's, aren't we?" 

"We definitely are." Shawn agrees with a smile and you cuddle further into his chest. 

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