Devoted Nobility

Chapter 101

Sophia

I did try my best to keep my composure and comfort Alexander, but it didn’t last long at all. Our short conversation ended with me balling in his arms. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t as broken as I. Despite him saying how much he hated who Matthew became, there was something in his voice that was not right. He didn’t exactly sound like he was lying, more like he was being careful not to say the wrong thing. I assumed he was just doing his best to not upset me more than I already was.

He walked me back to my room when my tears ceased, promising to come back after he had handled some arrangements for Matthew’s funeral.

My ladies stopped in for a short while, but I didn’t feel up to talking and they left me to have some time to think. I tried to think, but every time I saw Matthew’s face in my head my thoughts became scattered and unclear. I just stared at my dress. The black lace was bleak and tired. It lacked energy and joy. It perfectly represented my emotions.

I wanted to drift off to sleep, but when I fell back on the couch nothing happened. My mind just continued to race in pain.

At some point, my door creaked open quietly. I assumed it was one of my servants coming to check on me.

“I do not need anything right now. I just wish to be left alone,” I whispered hoarsely.

“I only have a little while to speak to you and now would be best,” the voice responded. It was my mother.

I sat up. “I don’t understand. I thought you were supposed to leave this morning.”

My mother closed the door and began to walk to me. “We were, but Prince Matthew’s death changed our plans. We are staying until this evening so your father and I can pay our respects.” She sat next to me and put her hand on my arm. “Are you alright?”

“Honestly, no. I have been given many gifts in my life, but for every jewel there is a dagger. For Alexander there is his father. For the baby there is Matthew’s demise. For you there is my father. For the crown there is… well, the crown.”

My mother’s eyes were sympathetic. “I understand, but I also encourage you to see the beauty in your life. You hold the power to your life, as much as any woman can at least.”

“What do you mean?” I asked her.

“I know you are grateful for what you have, but you need to understand the gifted life you lead. Peasant women are completely powerless. They are prisoners to their husbands. You may not have the freedom to make your own choices, but most people do not. What you do have is more than most will ever see in their lives. You have a husband who loves you beyond words. You have friends who would do anything for you. You have riches, servants, and a palace. But most importantly, you have respect and power. Those two things mean more than the rest combined.”

I sighed. “Any respect I receive is out of my station and my power is limited to approval by my husband and the King.”

She shook her head vigorously. “You’re wrong. You receive respect for what you do, not who you are. This world is changing. Royal blood isn’t what makes you equipped to lead and neither is our divine right. It is out of care for those you look after. I know you care for them and they know that as well.

“Besides that, you allied Spain and England. That makes every citizen safer. You have been married a mere few months and you are already expecting a possible heir. You are beloved to them. That love gives you power. The people will support you on any decision you make. You have the power to change the world. You can make or break lives. It all lies with you.”

I had never thought about the things my mother said. I knew how lucky I was, but now I felt a new sense of purpose. As she said, I could change the world for the better.

Author's Note- Sorry it took me so long to update, but I spent last weekend in NYC and then had a busy week. I will write more very soon!