Devoted Nobility

Chapter 98

Sophia

Turning my heart cold wasn’t easy. Every day, my belly grew slightly larger. I wanted to run through the halls with joy, but I didn’t, I wouldn’t.

I began to think of my heart as a safe. The things I loved were locked inside and still very precious to me, but the things that I couldn’t let get to me- politics, death, anger- were kept away. I didn’t notice a much of a change in my personality at all, but those around me did.

One afternoon, I was enjoying tea in my chambers with my ladies and my mother when they all became very serious.

“We are worried for you, Sophia,” my mother mused and placed her thin hand on top of mine.

“Worried? That is ludicrous. I am well.”

Eloise grimaced at me. “You have lost all emotion. Nothing matters to you anymore.” Jane and Amelia nodded in agreement.

My mother’s eyes became watery. “It has been going on for weeks now. You should be relishing in joy at your impending child, but instead you have a dour face and show no feeling.” Her voice cracked as she finished speaking.

Seeing my mother cry used to break my heart, but now it was a solid object. “Why are you all acting as if I am no longer myself?”

Every pair of eyes in the room dropped to the floor.

I was beginning to become irritated at their overreaction, but I reminded myself to be calm. “I am merely doing what needs to be done. I will be a good leader and being vulnerable will hurt me. If I take away all means of weakness, then I am undefeatable.”

No one brought it up again.

A week or so after our conversation, Alexander came to see me. When he entered my room, I could tell that it was more than just his daily visit that brought him to me.

His face was heavy with concern as he sat down. “The negotiations between your father and I… England and Spain,” he corrected himself, “are complete. Your parents are due to leave tomorrow morning.”

I was disappointed. As much as I hated knowing my father was lurking in the halls, my mother and I had become close once again. “That is a shame, but I am glad to hear that negotiations went well.”

Alexander stared at my face for a few seconds, searching for something. Then he shook his head as if to remove a thought. “Well, he has requested that you and I join him and your mother for dinner tonight.”

I recoiled at the thought of having to see his face again, but then I smiled. “That’s a very kind invitation from him. With your permission, of course, I think we should accept.”

He clenched his jaw. “With my permission?” He took a deep breath and then seemed to force himself to relax. “If it wouldn’t make you uncomfortable, then sure. I will see you at 5:30 in the dining room then.”

He looked at me for one more second before getting up and swiftly exiting. I went through the conversation again in my head and tried to think of what I could have said that would have made him react the way he did. I could guess my request for his permission would bother him, but it was what a proper wife would do.

I chose to wear a new dress that I had received a few days prior to dinner. It highlighted my growing stomach and for some reason, that was something that I felt the need to show off to my father. It was the ultimate proof that I was no longer his, that I was having my husband’s child.

When I arrived in the dining room a few minutes early- to show my father that I could follow instructions- Alexander was already there.

“Why are you here so early? I’m sure you had more important things to do,” I asked lightly as I walked towards the table that was set for four.

He sighed. “I suspected that you would be early and feared that your father might be as well. I didn’t like the thought of him being alone with you. Especially because our guards seem to believe that because he is a king, they shouldn’t interfere.” His eyes flew up to the two guards that were standing at the entrance to the room. Their expressions stayed frozen, looking ahead as if they hadn’t heard.

“I would have been fine on my own,” I muttered as Alexander pulled out my chair for me. He sat to my left.

“How are you feeling?” His voice was strained, as if he was fighting to not say something.

“Very well, thank you.”

We spent the next few minutes with idle chatter about the weather and what we had done today.

Right on time, we heard footsteps enter the room. We stood just as my parents approached the table. I bowed my head as Alexander stood, unmoving.

“Hello Prince Alexander,” my father said formally. Then his eyes fell to me. With a stiff voice, he spoke to me. “Princess Sophia. You look well.”

With all the formalities out of the way, we all sat down again.

My father had more to say. “I have visited this country a handful of times and am always marveled by its scenery. You are both very lucky to live in such a beautiful place.”

I was taken aback by his kindness. “Yes. There is a lot that this country has to offer.”

My answer brought out a fire in my father. He squinted his eyes. “How long are we going to pretend that you are not my child, that we are merely political allies?”

I tried my best to not lose my control, but an anger that had been filling me for weeks was begging to break out. I let it. “Have I not done right by you? Have I not done everything I’ve been asked to do? I secured our country’s protection! I saved your life, my family’s lives! I have been loyal to you and my country. I am already providing a possible heir to the English throne! Is that not enough? What else would you like to put on my back? Another country to watch out for, more difficult decisions? If you put too much weight on me, I will break. I hope you go to hell so you can experience what I have been.”

I saw the shock on my father’s face. He went from a triumphant peachy color to a boiling red, his mouth hanging open. My mother’s eyes were full of tears that began to spill over. She covered her mouth to hide her sobs.

Alexander looked at me with weary eyes. He slowly placed his hand on my shoulder and whispered, “Would you like to leave?”

I shook my head and he nodded in response. I felt his hand drop from my shoulder as I opened my mouth. “I meant it. I will gladly do all I can, but sometimes I wish it would go noticed.”

I didn’t expect my mother to be the first to respond, but she did. “I wish you were happy. I wish you had been born into a different family, one that could provide an easier life. For that and for everything you just said, I am truly sorry.”

Hearing those words come out of my mother’s mouth threatened to crease my smooth face and to make my still lip quiver, but I looked away from her just in time.

The room was silent. No one knew what to say. Salads were soon placed in front of. As we ate the silence continued.

I was about to say something, but a page came running into the room and interrupted me. “Your graces, may I speak to you in private?”

Alexander looked at my parents quickly before responding. “Whatever you have to tell us can be said in front of our distinguished guests.”

He seemed unsure, but continued. “Your brother, Prince Matthew’s body was found in the woods a few miles north of the palace. He has been killed by a stray arrow.”

My entire body went numb. I couldn’t breathe. The room began to spin and I could hear my heart beating in my ears. With a gentle thud, my body fell to the floor as everything went black.

Author's Note- Thank you for being patient. I will update as often as I can. Love you all! xoxo