When I wake up... You will be here

Chapter 34

The decision

 Emma’s P.O.V.

I felt how my body was heavy, how it hurts. I was lost in the darkness. My body didn’t respond to what I said. I couldn’t move, I felt how something on my arm was itching. I was cold, very cold. I could hear whispers around me, but didn’t understand what they said. My throat was dry, I needed a drink.

Why I couldn’t wake up? Was I dead? Was I in heaven... or hell? No, I hadn’t done anything bad, do I? I tried listening to something or open my eyes, but nothing. I gave up and let my mind go off plunging me into a deep sleep, plunging me into the dark...

I heard the "beep-beep" of the machines around me. My whole body felt numb and sore. And after much struggle I opened my eyes slowly. Everything looked blurry and the light coming through the window blinded me. I blinked a few times getting used to the light. I looked at my arm, which itched, and saw the IV through my skin. I winced. I hated needles. I ran my fingers through the thin wire connecting the needle. I thought for a moment if I should take it off, but I only win the nurses putting it again in my skin.

The room smelled like medicine and plastic. The walls were white as the sheets. A pale green horizontal line was across the wall. The window was open and the pale green curtains moved with the wind. That explained why I was so cold...

And I realized that I was alone in the room. I tried to sit but my body was too heavy for me and it hurts too much. I dropped myself back heavily. The band on my wrist burned. I sighed. I stared at the window. The sun was almost completely hidden behind the trees. My dry throat scraped and the smell of medicine made ​​me nauseous. I fixed my eyes on the window where the birds peeped. I moved away the strands of hair from my face.

I was thirsty, very thirsty, listen as the door opened. I looked over and saw Harry entering the room. He wide opened his eyes when he saw me awake. He took a few steps back and I listen as he called a nurse. He came and sat next to me on the edge of the stretcher. He pushed away a strand of hair from my face.

“Hi, babe.” He whispered. I only made a face, unable to speak with my dry throat.

A woman in her forties with big round hips and wrinkled forehead, dressed like a nurse entered the room. She looked at Harry with contempt and he got off of the stretcher. He sat in the chair next to me. The nurse took my vitals and checked the IV.

“I’m thirsty.” I mumble.

She looked at me and nodded

“I'll get you a glass of water.” She said with a sweet voice and looked at Harry, warning him not to go up to the stretcher again.

She left the room, closing the door. Harry took my hand. I look into his eyes and saw that they were red ... As if he had been crying. He looked down and I just stroked his cheek. I hated to see him like this. It broke my heart. I closed my eyes tight and I remembered why I was there, all that had happened. I breathe deep as I could, feel how the pain returned to my already broken heart.

“Harry…”

Fate hated me ... I was sure of that. Alina was there, standing in the door of the room. With her big pregnant belly. I let go Harry's hand and turned to look out the window. I didn’t want to see that ... I wasn’t ready for that. Harry sighed in frustration. And he stood up from his chair, moving away from me. The cold came back to me and went under my skin to my bones.

Harry and Alina began to discus quietly, but I could perfectly hear them. I could hear them arguing about me, about the baby, especially. My breathing became faster and the "beep-beep" of the machine went ​​faster. I did not want to listen. I tried not hearing as Alina once again tried to convince Harry to get rid of the baby. I didn’t want to hear how Harry threw all the blame on her.

The nurse appeared at that time with the water glass of water. She frowned at the scene that Harry and Alina had in the corner of the room. She walked up to me and handed me the glass of water. She helped me sit down and I began to take small sips of water. She walked toward them, looking at them with a dead look.

“I have to ask you to leave.” She said.

Alina left the room with her fists clenched, in a huff and muttering insults to Harry and to me. Harry looked at me and I just look away. I could not look him in the eyes, not now. I knew if I looked into your eyes I regret I have stayed. The nurse waved her hand towards the door and Harry left the room.

“Big drama you have here.” She said.

I sighed and she left the room, leaving me alone with my messy thoughts and my hurt heart...

“Honey, no pressure, but have you decided what to do?” Mom asked in a sweet voice.

The sun was coming through the window illuminating the hospital room. Mom was sitting beside me while I just watched a fixed point on the wall. I had not seen Harry in all day. I did not know where he was or with who he was. And right now momma brings up the Alina subject. I sighed and turned to look. I bit my lip, trying to find the words to explain what I felt.

How to explain that I could not leave Harry because he is a part of me? How to tell that despite all I am happy with him? Love is not that you like his virtues, to love is to learn to live with its flaws. Mom had told me that once... And Alina was just an error, defect, Harry and I had to learn to live with that.

“I don’t know…” Those were the only words that came out of my mouth.

“What if you give a time to think?”

I felt like my skin went pale. I could not be away from Harry, though my heart ache and my torn soul.

“No, that will be the end of everything.”

“Why did you say that?”

“Because I would realize many things, I will open my eyes and I don’t want that ... If I open my eyes I will realize how stupid I'm being irrational.”

“You can’t continue suffering…”

“I know, but I cannot live know that I was the one that ends all this. I know it's hard to grasp that he will have a child with someone else ... But I really feel something for that baby. Is strange.”

“Honey, you know I love your big heart. But don’t you think this is too much? I do not mean to say this.” She whispered. “You have to accept that he cheated on you, that you were not ended all that.”

I stayed quiet. She was right, all mothers are right. The problem is that I was blind. I did not want to see reality. I closed my eyes trying to understand the thousands of thoughts that crossed my mind. Trying to stop them and put them in order. Trying to understand something of what my subconscious was telling me. After a while of being so lost in my thoughts, I knew what to do.

“I want that baby, no matter who’s the mother. I won’t leave harry now that he needs me.”

Mom grimaced, but she nodded. I knew she was not convinced of my decision, but it was the decision I had made. And he knew I was about to fall into the abyss. But if you don’t take risks you don’t win...

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