The Coffee Shop (Scoups)

𝟺𝟻 - ʜᴇᴀʀᴛʙʀᴇᴀᴋ sᴇᴀsᴏɴ

I wish I hadn't fought with Seungcheol earlier because now all I can do it think about our argument earlier today and stare at the wall in anger and hurt. 

A part of me knows that I should hold my ground and that my words probably hurt his ego more than anything but another part of me feel terrible because perhaps I should try to see things from his point of view. We both can't help the way he was raised, the beliefs he was raised with and we both can't change the fact that the two of us come from very different backgrounds. 

Then again, I also can't forget the way he referred to others. To people like Mingyu. On how he probably thinks its unfair they get to attend the same prestigious University as his kind do.

I just can't help but wonder where I am in all of this. If I see things from the point of view Seungcheol has been raised in, then doesn't that make me on the lowest tier of the spectrum? 

I'm pretty much a nobody. 

I'm adopted. I have no clue to who my biological father is and by that one singular interaction I have had with my mother, it was clear she wanted nothing to do with me and gave me up because she was teenager at the time. For all I know, my biological father could literally be murder. 

This past weekend I spent at Seungcheol's house was more than enough to tell me that his grandmother and father are not fans of the fact that I am adopted and have probably deemed me as unworthy. In fact I'm pretty sure that my parents middle class background was already bothering them but my adoption really did put the cherry on top for them. Despite Seungmin being much more friendly to me during the entire night, I have heard more than enough stories about him to know that there is more to him than his handsome face. And I am already sure most of it is not pretty either. 

I am really surprised Seungcheol has turned out the way he has. Unlike the majority of his family, Seungcheol is much kinder and understanding and though he does have some very biased views on the lower social class, he has never openly discriminated against them publicly. In fact, it is only Mingyu he really refuses to interact with. 

Maybe I was a bit too harsh on him. 

He really was just making a joke at first. 

Did I perhaps overlook the fact that it must be as awkward for him at is for Mingyu. After all, how do you address someone whose mother worked as a housekeeper for your family for years. Do you treat them as a friend or as an acquaintance or pretend to know each other well? I suppose ignoring is the easier solution. 

Screw it.

I slam my book shut and close my Ipad. 

This is ridiculous. 

I can't study anymore. It's useless trying to concentrate when all I can think about is Seungcheol. 

I bitterly stuff my Ipad and my textbook into my bag and zip up my jacket. Staying stuck within four walls is only making me loose my mind even more and I rather just go and sleep if I can't study anymore. 

Maybe when I wake up later, things will seem clearer. 

It just sucks because Seungcheol and I were finally seeming to get back to normal and we just had to have another fight. It's like every time we take one step forward, we end up taking three steps backwards. 

Even though I have only been in the room for about forty minutes, the library is a complete different scene with student beginning to crowd the areas, a clear indication that most of the classes are ceasing to complete. I can't help but feel incredibly lonely walking out of the room all alone when mostly everyone is here with a friend.