Dear Sirius...

Part 21

I sit in my room, Remus watching the twins in the sitting room. I haven’t really been in the best head space since Halloween, today isn’t helping with that either. A full year of being alone without Sirius.

I take in the falling snow outside. The first time it snowed this year.

Everything seems so innocent and carefree. While inside my own head everything is bursting at the seams. I pull myself together for the sake of everyone in this house, but I’m hurting and I can’t process my grief and pain correctly.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I reach over the bed and grab some parchment, just like I usually do when the hours become too much for me to handle.

Dear Sirius

Happy twenty-second birthday! I do hope you’re okay... Who am I kidding? Of course you’re not. It’s Azkaban. There are Dementors. You probably have no happiness left inside you. Sirius, I know you can’t really escape Azkaban, but please come home. You boys need you, Harry needs you… I need you. Even if Remus won’t admit it to himself, he also needs you. Sirius you’re the only family we have left. After Marlene, Lily, and James, you are all we have. You should be happy to know that I'm going to America when the twins turn four. I haven't given up the search. Happy birthday my love…

Till the end of time
Lottie

I fold the parchment up and place it with the rest. Soon I'm going to need a folder for how many notes there are, but writing them makes me feel grounded. It gives me hope that at some point he is going to come home and these will help him know what he missed. Give him that small time away something worth knowing.

I lay in bed, bringing the covers up to cover my neck. I can hear Remus laughing at something downstairs. A faint smile appears on my mouth.

They all really love each other. Regulus and Remus are inseparable. I honestly can’t wait to see what they are going to be like when they are older.

I stare out the window again, the snow now falling a lot lighter than before. I wonder if they are getting snow in Godric's Hollow? If Marlene and Regulus are finally together after being apart so long.

It must be nice to be with the ones you love… I should go be with the ones I love, maybe it will get me out of this head space. But I already know I will bring down the mood, it's better if I stay here for a while.

A knock on my door knocks me out of my miserable mood. I look towards the door but I stay in bed. Where I feel most safe at the moment.

"Layla?" Remus calls through the door. "Leo wants you."

My heart pangs with hurt. I'm being selfish. My family needs me and here I am, wallowing in my own self pity.

I take a deep breath and maneuver myself out from the covers. I walk over to the door, I can feel Remus's worry emitting off him. I take a deep breath and put a fake smile on my face before opening the door.

Leo smiles at me from Remus’s arms. I tickle him on the stomach before picking him up for myself.

"Should we go get Reggie?" I ask Leo, he cries in a happy tone.