Dear Sirius...

Part 5

I finally got home. Was a little shocked to see Remus standing in my kitchen, I thought he was going to leave me alone now.

"Where were you?" He asks, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

"Visiting Harry," I say.

I take my jacket off and set it down on the table. Remus looks happy that I got out and about. Can't blame him, I have been a hermit for awhile. Probably going to be one for the rest of my life.

"I'm guessing you guys came up with an agreement?" He asks.

I ignore him, going over towards the stove, putting a pot on to make some tea. I grab some tea leaves from a shelf and two cups.

"Layla?" Remus calls behind me. "You did come to an agreement right?"

"No," I said, "those people are awful."

"Why didn't you take him from them then?" He asks.

I ignore him again, putting all my effort into making my tea.

"Layla! Answer me!" He says.

"I tried," I turned to him. "They said that if I tried they would change me for kidnapping. Then how could I help him?"

Remus sits down in a chair, thinking about how to fix this situation. I tried, multiple times. Thinking about a million different ways to get Harry away from them, each one crazier than the other. Either way none of them would work. Harry is safer with his aunt and uncle versus here with me.

"Lottie," he says.

My heart stops. Everytime someone calls me Lottie, all I can think about is how Sirius gave me the nickname when we changed to our Animagus forms.

"You're still going to be a part of his life right?" He asks. 

I shrug my shoulders. I honestly don't know how I could be a part of his life without his aunt and uncle to know.

I pour the tea into cups. I walk one over to Remus who gladly takes it. We sit in silence, neither one of us wanting to break it. I would most likely ruin everything by saying Peter has to be alive, and Remus will ruin it by getting angry with me for being blind with the fact I'm married to the murderer.

"You staying the night?" I ask after a long while.

"Do you want me too?" He asks.

"Up to you," I say, "won't bother me."

"You won't be scared being alone?" He asks.

I refrain from rolling my eyes. "I know how to be alone," I snap.

"You never been alone for long periods of time," he says.

I look down at my tea. I wish he would just stop treating me like a broken piece of china. We both lost so much, and yet when I ask him if something is wrong, he gets defensive or waves it off. It's not fair.

"I got to get used to it at some point," I say.

He looks at me, eyes searching for something. "Do you want me to stay?" He asks.

I shake my head no. He nods. We finish our tea and talk about some unimportant stuff going on at the Ministry.

Finally we say our goodbyes. He Apparates out of the kitchen. The whole room getting a lot larger with no one else being here. I better just get used to it. Remus can't stay here forever, and Sirius isn't coming home anytime soon.

I make my way upstairs to go to bed. No point in worrying over things I can't control the outcome of.