CHARADES (Namjin.)

CHAPTER SIXTY TWO.

Namjoon.

I glance to my wrist watch for the third time in two minutes, feet moving on their own around the grass, pacing like I've been doing for a while now. "Your nervous." Taehyung states in observation from where he is sitting, not sparing a look as he continues to scroll through his phone.

I don't think I am necessarily nervous, I am worried, a little fearful they might not show. "Maybe they are not coming, maybe something came up." I rush out, sounding nervous, and I look to Taehyung, who has his phone down, now staring at me. He raises a brow, and I take a deep breath, quickly realizing I am working myself up.

"If he wasn't coming he'd tell you. Plus, they've only been late for a few minutes, so relax, they'll be here." This fatherhood dynamic is still pretty much new to me, foreign, and a lot of times, despite the excitement, anxiety reigns over me. I don't know if I am doing things right, or even if I am doing anything to begin with. I don't know if am rushing or going too slow, I don't know if they want this or not, I just don't know...

These past three weeks have been a turning point to my life, it's almost like I am new person, living a new life. All I have been thinking about is our son, and how I am going to fit in his life for that matter. There has been a lot going on with all of us, and in one way or another it has affected Jeonghan. I want to be there for him as his father, but at the same time I don't want to overwhelm him with my presence.

I have gotten together with him a couple of times, four times to be specific, and each time it has just been a magical world of it's own. He's marvelous, he's beautiful, charming, and I just can't believe that I am his father. Each time I am with him he makes me a new person, somehow urges me to be a better man, he just has a way to warm my heart.

The way he plays freely around me, is like he's known me all his life, or the way he hugs me so tightly, like he's missed me, or kisses me, like I am dear to him, brings me joy. I am different around him, I am always blown away, I am surprised, and of course, I am a father.

All thanks to Seokjin really, he brought him into this world, and despite all the secrecy shrouding Jeonghan's existence, he's civilly given me a chance now. He's super supportive of this new alliance, and I appreciate that fully. I know he's still going through a lot, especially with him departing from Jeon, and I honestly applaud him for keeping a straight mind, and keeping our son in the forefront of his priorities.

"Will you sit down, your pacing is starting to affect me." Taehyung grumbles from the bench, and I look over to him, giving him an apologetic look before glancing at my watch once more. It's a few minutes past noon, and my worries about them not being able to make it intensifies. For this weekend I proposed an outing to the Han park. Seokjin tells me Jeonghan loves going out but he hasn't actually had the time or the opportunity to visit many places in Seoul, so I decided to try out a sort of day in the park, picnic kind and fun. We secured ourselves a family bench under a large Jacaranda tree, and with the help of Taehyung we set everything up. There is food, and games, and music, and everything they might need, or so I hope, I was aiming to make it homey, friendly, and a family alike.

Taehyung has surprisingly been very supportive and grasping of this new life. He, somehow, more than anyone else, understands Seokjin and his decisions that led up to this. With everything Taehyung has gone through, and with all this having started with him being ill back in the day, I expected him to take a certain mindset, I thought for a second he'd resort to blaming himself further, but he's shown me this type of maturity these past few weeks, this boldness and adulthood that I haven't seen in him before, and honestly I've tried to learn from that. Try to refrain from blaming myself and taking on the weight of the world on me. I've been learning to be positive, more brave, and less pessimistic.