CHARADES (Namjin.)

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX.

Namjoon.

Seven years ago

"Where is tae?"

"He went out for a walk with your mother, said he wanted to be outside  for a change." I nod to my father, getting the picture of what he means. Taehyung has been cooped up here since his surgery, he hasn't been allowed to do any strenuous activities, walking for long distances included, and I get his need to go to the world outside, now that he has made progress. I am a little worried of what it might do to him, but he is with my mother, and I know she wouldn't let anything happen to him.

Putting away my tools, I shrug off my hat, noticing my father putting on his coat, and grabbing the keys to his truck. Curious, "where are you going?" I ask.
"Just getting some supplies from the store, I won't be long."

"I'll do it, I'll go." I offer, already walking forward, hand stretched to take his keys. "What, no. You've been at the plantation all day, you must be tired, have a shower and get some rest." He counters, not giving in, despite the attempt. He looks at me, narrowing his eyes at my disheveled self, tired eyes, and an exhausted body.

True, I haven't had any rest since six this morning, I've worked in the plantation all day, with the blazing sun, and the minimal excuse of a meal I tried to have despite my lacking appetite, and it's starting to show. But I needed it, I needed to work, to go away and keep my mind busy, I needed a distraction, still do, and taking a shower and resting would not do it. It would only give me time to think, rest would free my mind, it would give me space that I don't need.

It's why I need to ran errands, anything that would keep my mind occupied, and my body more tired, so tired I would pass out the moment my head hits the pillows. But my dad seems to see through all that, he knows what I am doing, he has seen it before.

"You know Joon-ah, we've had a lot of problems in this family, and you know first hand that we don't run. We share and we face them head on, we tackle them until they aren't our problems anymore." He speaks, stopping to put his keys away before staring at me. I sigh out, moving to sit on the couch to get rid of my shoes.

"I am ok, dad." I've said it a lot of times since I returned from Seoul, I am starting to think it's true myself. My dad of course doesn't seem convinced like always, he walks to the couch as well, sitting beside me. "Are you really son, you busy yourself with all this work in hopes of getting rid of your thoughts. It doesn't work that way."

We've had this talk before, and each time I've shut myself out because I can't bare to listen to the truth. He'd say it, and I would go do the opposite right after. I can't face it like any other problem I've had in life. This is different somehow, it's tougher, and difficult. I can't do it, at least not now.

"Your not ok. You haven't been since walked back here with that bag of money." I sigh again, not willing to think more about it. We've talked before, and he knows I didn't take it forcefully from someone, or do something illegal to get it, but still, he knows well it didn't just come for free, and I think that is what worries him the most.

"I am glad we got Taehyung back, and  I am glad we are slowly working through these financial issues, thanks to you, really. But this redemption is not of any use if your this broken." It's true we are slowly recovering, the first time in a couple years that we haven't struggled to make daily ends meet. We are slowly gaining momentum, but it has a price on his head, on my head, one I have already paid. Dearly.

"Whatever it is, it has taken away your happiness, and I don't like it. You used to be joyous, joon-ah, you used to be cheerful at the family that we have, and you ought to be, now that everything is alright. But your just...gone. It's like your living but you don't have a purpose anymore. Your here, but gone at the same time." It's the first time he has said this. Usually he would call me for a talk, and when I wouldn't open up he would only remind me that he was always available to listen.