CHARADES (Namjin.)

CHAPTER SIXTY.

Seokjin.

"Watch your step sweetie, don't fall on the boxes." I say out worriedly, looking around at the few boxes that are still scattered all round the room. Jeonghan nods, picking up his last box of toys, but otherwise says nothing else as he makes his way to his room. He doesn't speak a lot anymore, not to me at least, his smile and playful nature also gone whenever we are together. It's not exactly the silent treatment, but it's close enough, and with each day I feel like my son is drifting from me.

Three weeks, three weeks it has been going on, three weeks since Jungkook and I told him. I would have preferred a more delicate way to break it to him, but truth be told there wasn't any particular way to coat it, so we told him.

It was probably the most painful thing I have ever had to do, or in this case, watch - because Jungkook did most of the talking. He had brought Jeonghan onto his lap and gently, despite the tears, he had tried to explain to him that we were no longer going to be together. He tried to word it the way you would to a child, tried to break it down softly, without all the traumatic details of it.

I still hear my son's cry in my sleep, still hear his numerous questions, and his please for Jungkook not to go. He sobbed, and clung onto him that night, wrapped his hands around Jungkook and refused to let go, scared the man would leave him. I still remember the pain, the torture from seeing my son suffering, how he had woken up on our empty bed, searched and came up short of Jungkook. He simply couldn't understand it, couldn't put together how it would be anymore, and I've tried, to the best of my capabilities, to elaborate to him further on our situation. I cant fully explain to him the magnitude of everything, not only because he wouldn't be able to comprehend it, but because I don't want my son to be scarred by the details of the lies we've all been living.

Maybe one day when he's grown, and can bare the truth, I'll let him in on what actually happened, but now he'll just have to go with the little we provide to him, he'll just have to understand that this is how it is.

Perhaps it has been this way for a while, we just haven't verbally spoken it out yet. It feels like my journey with Jungkook ended along time ago, it feels like we had both been living separate lives despite being together. I was reluctant to move forward, because of my own internal issues, and it made me drift into a world of my own, and Jungkook, he's been with another for a while now, he's essentially made out another life for himself, unknowingly, and wrongly achieved all his dreams. He made a family, a broken one now, but still....it made him drift into his own world, where he pardoned himself with the excuse of loving me, while he only obsessed over what he wanted to be.

Admittedly, I felt relief to have received answers from him, to have had him own up and acknowledge his wrongdoings, but I don't know how I'll ever begin to even forgive him, I don't know if we'll ever be civilly in the same place. He took from me, things I'll never be able to recover, and for that I don't know if I'll ever be able to let him back into our lives.

Not much was said between us when he left three weeks ago, there wasn't anything really, almost like an agreement we'd come to earlier. It was better that way, better for us to find our individual selves first before making amends, or seeking truce.

Like I had predicted, he had run back to be on Hoseok's bedside, to find his lover and be there to comfort him, while they both still mourned their baby, but the latter had sent him away almost immediately, Hoseok didn't want anyone by his side, most especially not Jungkook, and without choice, the CEO had been left with nothing. He had no option, but to go like Hoseok had requested and without option, had conceded defeat, he had allowed himself to accept and respect Hoseok's decision.

Apart of me felt pity for Jungkook, I hurt for him to see him go through what he was going through. I know he's put me and a lot others into worse of situations, but seeing him so lost, so defeated brought out sympathy in me. I'd been with him for seven years, and seeing him mourning a child that could have been, seeing him begging, praying, broke something in me.