CHARADES (Namjin.)

CHAPTER SEVENTY.

Hoseok.

Miss Soojin comes out of the building rather distraught, she looks to be sobbing, and is visibly upset as the driver opens the backseat for her. She hiccups with emotions, and I catch sight of her crying, hand covering over her mouth as the car drives away.

I can only imagine what went down in there. I know her history with Seokjin, and I know their relationship isn't the closest. It must have been hell for Seokjin to face her, someone who humiliated and betrayed him. Someone close that he trusted and respected, yet stabbed him in the back. Someone who ripped away his loved ones from him....

Miss Soojin might be on another level, but I am not far of from her. She might be evil and cunning, but I am just as disgusting. Seokjin and Namjoon must have chased her away at sight, and I know they would probably do the same to me too if I tried to face them.

I had dropped by for a talk, perhaps I'd get in time to apologise to Seokjin, or so I was hoping, but Soojin beat me to it. I had just come around the corner when I spotted her entering the building, so I just waited it out, knowing well she was going to see the same person I was aiming to as well. But now, seeing Soojin walking away defeated like that, my fate mustn't be any different.

I would love to talk to Seokjin, to just get in an apology, even in the littlest, for the sake of our friendship, but I am not sure he would even want that. He probably doesn't even want to see me, let alone hear anything from me. What Jungkook and I did was unforgivable, unfathomable, and I am going to spend the rest of my life regretting it. I don't know what got into me that allowed me to hurt my best friend like that, what I was thinking when I betrayed him over and over like that, and I'll forever live to wonder.

These past four months I've spent in hiding, trying to decipher at what point in life that I changed ways and decided to live like this. What point in my life that I saw it fit to hurt and betray my loved ones like that, and why I continued to do it over and over again. It's been hell thinking back to my past actions, the things I did and why chose to do them.

Dawon, my older sister took me in when I had nowhere to go. I had just been discharged and I couldn't find anywhere to hide myself from the shame of my actions, so I had just packed up and found myself at her door. I could have gone to hotel, but I didn't want to be by myself, fearful of what I would have done to myself again, or slipped and done....

Thankfully, her husband didn't mind, and they had welcomed me into their extra room without much of a thought. I wanted to share it with them but I couldn't, too ashamed of what I had done, and too scared of the disappointment it would have been for them. I couldn't bring myself to tell hem the horrid things I had done, and for weeks upon weeks I locked myself in and wallowed in depression. It was like everyday was a reminder, a new day that I had to relive loosing everything that I had.

I had to think about how I had hurt Seokjin, how I had kept on sleeping around with his fiance behind his back, sneaking into expensive hotel rooms with a man who was my best friend's and indulging in forbidden pleasure at every given chance.

Everyday I had to think about Jeonghan who I ripped away from the family he knew, who I tore his family into half, robbing him of the father he once knew. Each day I had to think about my friends and my family, the ones I had had little to no regard for as I tried to end it.

Each day a haunting reminder of the little one that had been in me that I had robbed of life, or an opportunity for it's father to choose. Each day I had to think about Jungkook, about his efforts, his constant efforts to reach out to me. The phone calls, the messages, the emails, and so forth. I had to think about why he still cared, what he still wanted with me, and why couldn't bring myself to get him out of my system.