T R A V I S
Ito na ang araw na pinakahihintay ko. Pilit kong inaayos ang sarili ko habang hinihintay ang pagdating niya.
Isang linggo ko rin siyang hindi nakita, sumunod na lang kami sa pamahiin na lahat ng bawal gawin bago ang kasal, ginawa namin parehas, wala namang mawawala kung susunod kami dahil ayoko rin naman na maudlot na naman ito.
Ayokong sayangin ang pangalawang pagkakataon na ito.
Masaya akong makita ang lahat ng taong malalapit sa akin sa araw na ito. Magmula kay Mavis na naging flower girl namin, si Papa, si Nanay, si Tatay, si Laurenz, si Leah, si Leonard. . . ang dalawang kapatid ni Maxene, at ang mga magulang niya na ngayon ay naglalakad na magkasama-- teka, bakit hindi nila hinatid ang anak nila sa altar?
Hindi naman ito yung--
Tumugtog ang piano sa hindi ko inaasahang musika. Kasabay no'n, bumukas ang pintuan ng simbahan nang may hawak siyang mic na pinapalibutan ng Asul na rosas.
Everything fills in color while she takes her sweet time walking with grace on the aisle and starts singing the song From the Start (by Rachel Ann Go).
[Endless, we'll be together always
Promise that you'll always love me
That you'll hold me 'til eternity]
I'm overwhelmed by her presence as my mind fails to work with me finding the perfect adjective that I could describe her.
She is still the same person I fell hopelessly in love with, even after all these years have passed.
The way she looks at me made me remember how those eyes accepted me for what I am. She didn't change me, yet change is what I did to be worthy of her equal.
She's my everything. My future, my second chance in life, and the hope that fills me with light.
She's blooms in a garden filled with flowers who are looking at her way, she's beautiful no matter what she looks like. Yet, this image of her in her wedding dress, this is the best image I have of her that I will keep in my heart forever.
Now she's approaching my way, I couldn't stop my tears from falling hearing her sing like an angel in front of me.
My emotions were all over the place, scattered like the petals of the roses on the aisle seeing how miracles and wishes came to life right before my eyes.
[Say you'll keep me in your heart
Promise me, we'll never part
I can only love you so much more
Cause you are all I'm living for
And forever you'll be in my heart
The way I've always loved you from the start]
She wipes my tears away. I couldn't contain myself from melting in front of her. I kissed her hand seeing my reflection in her eyes.
She finished the song that I want to keep on loop.
This is the first time someone dedicated a song for me.
She just sang for me.
I love her so damn much, that my heart wants to burst from my chest. Kung pwede lang i-fast-forward ko ang kasal para mahalikan ko na siya agad, ginawa ko na. Pero ayokong madaliin ang seremonya dahil isa ito sa alaala na hinding hindi ko malilimutan.
We exchanged our vows like we're having a conversation in front of everyone as witness.
"Maybe fate has its way to bring me back to you, because fate knows that you're the only one for me."
"Once you find your soulmate, you'll never be the same again." She says smiling at me.
"One can't unlove someone, that the soul can't forget."
"Memories shared, in the heart they remain."
"Through distance and time, I keep you in my heart."
"To my one great love, no matter where you are... you will always have my heart, as yours in mine."
I let out a smile, "After all these years, finally here we are..." a tear escaped from my eye as she wiped it for me again.
"Standing together equally, hand in hand."
I held her hand, "Marking today as the start of you and me, together," Sinuot ko ang singsing niya na nagsisilbing pangako ko sa kanya ng magpakailanman. "Always."
"For this day forth, we have us," she says wholeheartedly, inserting the ring on my finger, "For our 'always' holds a promise of forever."
"Always Mine."
"Always, Mine." she says beautifully.
"I now pronounce your 'Always', as you take on this journey for life as husband and wife." The priest announces, "You may now kiss your bride."
Nginitian ko siya at nakita ko naman kung paano niya ako ngitian pabalik. Dahan-dahan kong inangat ang belo niya at pinagmasdan ang mga mata kung saan nakikita ko ang sarili ko at ang pinapangarap kong kinabukasan na kasama siya.
I gently savored her lips making this kiss as the most memorable kiss that my wife will never, ever forget.
M A X E N E
Aba, hindi naman pwede na ako lang ang magkaroon ng second chance at mukhang effective naman ang pag-seset up ko na si Sarah ang makakuha ng bouquet of flowers ko.
Kinunchaba ko na rin si Travis para yun utol niya yung makakuha ng 'garter ko' na hindi ko naman suot-suot sa loob ng wedding dress ko sa pamamagitan ng bunutan sa loob ng box na nakalagay kung sino ang 'the one' kuno na maglalagay ng separate garter sa babaeng nakakuha ng bouquet.
Halatang hindi nagustuhan ni Laurenz ang nangyari dahil pakiramdam niya napagkaisahan sila ni Sarah, tapos tinutukso-tukso pa sila nila Martin, Alex at Stephanie, miski ata si Monique nakikisawsaw din.
Halatang halata ang pagkapula ng tenga ni Laurenz na nahihiyang lapitan si Sarah para suotin ang garter sa hita niya at ganoon din naman si Sarah.
"Gusto mo, ako na lang ang magsuot sa kanya?" tukso ni Travis sa utol niya at siniko ko siya, "Joke lang naman, pero kasi tingnan mo," turo niya sa utol niya na sinamaan siya ng tingin, "Ganyang-ganyan siya noong hindi pa siya naamin kay Sarah. Para siyang bumalik ng highschool."
"Sige isuot mo kay Sarah yung garter." I teased and he looks at me surprisingly, "Tapos ipapasuot ko kay Laurenz yung garter ko." he narrows his eye on me, "See, mang-aasar ka tapos pikon ka rin naman." I crossed my arm and felt him pulling me to him.
"Hindi ako pikon," he uttered next to my ear, "I'm just being protective of what's mine," he blew his breath next to my neck that sent a current of electricity throughout my body. "Ang akin, akin lang."
"Umayos ka nga," I glared at him, "Mamaya makita ka ng anak mo, behave nga Hayes." I tell him and see him smirking at me.
We ate at the reception while the projector plays a series of our childhood pictures. I see him watching the video and noticed how his reaction change after he sees a picture of me when I was young, naalala ko pa, hindi pala niya nakita ang childhood pictures ko noong debut ko.
"I didn't know that you're chubby as a kid." he says as if he's hiding the amusement in his eyes.
"Pinakita iyan noong debut ko, wala ka kasi noon." If he doesn't remember, then I guess I'll just pretend that I don't know anything.
"You're so cute..." he says next to my ears, "Angel..."
I looked at him with surprise, "So you remembered?"
"I may vaguely forget the face, because you look so different back then. But who would have thought," his eyes were filled with warmth, shaking his head as he held my hand, "Nagkita na pala tayo, noon pa man."
"Well, to be honest, hindi ko maalala na na-kidnap ako noon." I admitted. "Nalaman ko na lang din ang tungkol doon mula kay Pierre." I shrugged, "Syempre, tinanong ko rin iyon kina Dad at Mom. Doon din pala ni Dad unang nakilala ang Papa mo. Kasi sa Papa mo humingi ng tulong noon si Dad para mahanap din ako." I diverted my attention on the screen, "Ang kulit ko kasi noong bata pa ako, hay." I hear him chuckled and see him looking at me as if he is convincing himself not to melt in front of me. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Do you remember what you said to me, when we were on a trip to Japan?"
"Technically, trip ko dapat iyon mag-isa, hindi ba?" I teased and see him laughing at me, "At marami akong sinabi sayo noon na nakalimutan ko na." I tilted my head beside, "Alin ba doon ang gusto mong ipaalala sa akin?"
"Well, you said that 'in a lifetime, fate arranged someone for you that you will meet in the right place and the right time.'" he cuts as he plays the ring on my finger, "Technically, this is the third time that our roads has crossed." his utters soothingly like he's singing me a lullaby.
"So naniniwala ka sa fate?" I teased, I would just like to see his reaction.
"It is not technically fate that I believe in," he says with a humble smile, "The first time is what they say is a chance, the second is a blessing, and the third time is a miracle."
His statement causes tears to build up at the back of my eyes. Hindi ako pwede umiyak, baka nasira ang make-up ko.
"Fate is just an arrangement." he added, "Nasa tao pa rin, kung makikipag sapalaran siya o palalampasin ang pag-asang na ibinigay sa kanya ng pagkakataon."
"Ni-research mo iyan, ano?" tukso ko sa kanya, "Are you trying to impress me, Mr. Hayes?" I say concealing my overflowing emotions from him.
"Not this time, Mrs. Hayes." he says that causes butterflies to roam in my stomach while kissing the ring on my finger, "It is a self realization that I thought was impossible." he stood up as he took me at the center of the crowd as we danced together not minding the people around us.
Para kaming may sariling mundo, pero agad din iyon naputol nang lumapit sa amin si Mavis na gustong makasayaw ang Papa. Nagawa niya pang hilahin ang damit ko palayo sa Papa niya.
"May napansin ako sa anak mo." I whispered next to his ear as he looks at my way.
"Ano?"
"Selosa rin siya. Tapos territorial pa." I sneered, looking at the little girl who is now pouting in front of us. "Manang mana sa iyo. Para namang aagawin kita sa kanya." he laughs at me like I just threw him a joke.
"Don't be a hypocrite," He says, holding his daughter's hand, "Mas selosa at territorial ang asawa ko, kaysa sa akin." he grins, "Don't worry, we'll have our alone time later." he says holding a strong promise that made me anxious of how I'll react.
Nah! Kahit saan pa kami magpunta, isasama ko si Mavis. Hindi ako pwedeng masolo ni Travis.
The hell, ang lame ko para gawing human shield ang anak ko. Hay naku naman Maxene.
Time flies so fast when you're enjoying it, yet for some reason, I see Mavis here and there.
Ang likot likot niya, nasobrahan ba siya sa cake?
Halos lahat ng bisita batiin niya. Dinaig pa ata niya ang social butterfly na sa murang edad dahil lahat kina-kaibigan niya.
Kanina kasama niya lang sila Mom at si Dad, tapos nawala lang siya sa mata ko saglit dahil binati ako ni Leah, nakita ko na lang ulit yung anak ko na kasama sila Maxwell at Trix.
Tapos tinawag siya ng Lolo Tay at sa Lola Nay niya.
Miski ang mga kaibigan ko, aliw na aliw na kinukulit siya, hanggang sa makita ko kung paano siya ngitian ni Laurenz habang kausap si Sarah. Kung hindi lang ako dinistract ni Kenzo, masusundan ko pa sana kung saan nagsususuot yung anak ko.
I lost sight of my daughter.
"Bakit ba masyado kang tense, Maxie?" Tanong sa akin ni Kenzo na parang nang-aasar.
"I'm looking for Mavis." I tell Kenzo, shutting him off. "Tulungan mo akong hanapin yung anak ko, Ken. Dali ang daming tao, siya lang yung bata dito."
"Hush, don't worry." Travis holds my hand keeping me in place like he's not worried of his own daughter roaming around, "May guards din naman at angalang pabayaan siya ni Papa, hindi ba?"
"Eh basta, ayokong mawala yung anak ko sa mata ko." hindi ako mapakali, malapit na rin dumilim, nasaan na ba ang batang iyon?
"Say bye bye to Mama." nilapitan kami ni Papa na karga-karga ang anak ko.
"Bye bye Mama." nakangiting sambit ng batang nakayakap sa Lolo Pa niya.
Huh, anong bye bye?
"Saan po kayo pupunta, Pa?"
"I promised to her that we're going to see the alpacas tomorrow morning at the farm, malayo layo ang biyahe kaya kasama ko na muna siya magpapalipas ng gabi sa bahay."
"Pero--"
"Don't worry, I'll take care of her," he says with a smile looking at his son, "You enjoy your first night together. Okay?"
Hindi ako makalingon sa katabi ko dahil pakiramdam ko nakangisi siya sa akin ngayon.
Nagkanya-kanya na ang mga bisita namin hanggang sa isinakay na niya ako sa loob ng kotse.
"Akala ko may driver ka?" I tried to open a conversation but he just smiled at me playfully starting the engine, "Saan tayo pupunta?" tanong ko pero hindi pa rin niya ako sinasagot. "Bili tayo ng street food, namiss ko na rin kasi kumain ng street food." kahit busog ako, kakain ako ng street food at magpapakapagod para lang--
"Ako rin." I look at him feeling hopeful that he'll take me where I want, "May namimiss din akong puntahan."
"Saan naman?"
I see him laughing at me, "Do you trust me?"
"Oo naman. Pinakasalan nga kita, hindi ba?" tinawanan niya ako sa sagot ko, kahit na sinusubukan kong basahin kung ano ang iniisip niya ngayon. Bakit hindi ko siya mabasa?
"Good, then let me wear this on you." He shows a blindfold. I look at him skeptically, "Akala ko ba tiwala ka sa akin?" His voice is amused.
"Pero, para saan ang blindfold, Travis?"
"I don't want to spoil my surprise for you." He says as he smiles at me.
"Okay." I tell him hiding my uncertainty as he puts on the blindfold at me.
Hindi ko alam kung saan niya ako dinala, pero pinapakiramdaman ko ang paligid ko. Kailangan kong paganahin ang five senses ko para alam ko kung ano ang magiging reaksyon ko.
I hear my footsteps echoing the place, maybe I'm in the basement or something. Then we reach the elevator where I hear it ding after he pressed a button. I'm assuming that we're inside a hotel or something?
"Excited ka na ba?" pilyo niyang banat.
"Eh nasaan na ba tayo?" I asked but I just heard him chuckle.
The elevator opens as he guides me to wherever our destination is. I hear him opening a door and I feel a sudden welcoming atmosphere around me.
"I'll remove your blindfold, but not until I say you can open your eyes, do not open your eyes, okay?"
"Okay." I tell him as I feel him removing the blindfold on my face.
"Five steps forward." he says as he keeps a certain distance from me.
I counted.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
"Open your eyes." he says as I obliged like a child and see the familiar environment that I thought I would never see again.
"Is this what I think it is?" I asked him with a wide smile and saw him nodding at me.
Nagbago ng accent color ang penthouse niya. Mas naging maaliwalas itong tingnan, miski ang gamit niya ay bago na. Hindi man ito tulad ng ibang penthouse na nauuso sa panahon ngayon na malalawak at malalaki, pero kung para ito sa isang bachelor na nag-aaral o nagtatrabaho na malapit sa siyudad, sapat na ito.
Teka, bakit kami nandito?
"Sadly, pinaparentahan na lang ito ng may ari," may konting panghihinayang sa boses niya. Hinubad ang coat niya at pinatong sa may sofa, "Pero pwede ko naman bilhin ito, kung gusto mo." he says with mischief while leaning at the wall with his arms crossed.
"Siraulo," I hissed, rolling my eyes. "Para saan pa kung bibilhin mo ito?" tukso ko sa kanya habang tinatago ang panghihinayang ko.
Siguro kasi marami rin kaming memories na naiwan dito.
"Hindi rin practical." isinantabi ko ang pagbabalik-tanaw ko, "Isa pa may bahay na naman ako." I see him smiling at me.
I took my time to look around as scenes from the past replays in my mind.
Kung sino man ang bagong may-ari ng lugar na ito, sana alagaan niya ang lugar na ito.
I checked my old bedroom that is now looked like a kid's bedroom, "Pamilyado na ba ang may-ari ng bahay na ito?" I asked, but he said nothing but smiled. "Sabihin mo sa akin kung may mga lugar na di ko pwede tingnan, mamaya magalit yung may-ari."
"Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't mind." his words speaks of certainty as if he knew the owner personally. "What do you think?"
"I like the simplicity of the design," I tell him from an architect's point of view, "Mas maganda siya ngayon. Maaliwalas ang kulay na ginamit, presko, warm and welcoming ang ambiance." I hear him let out a light chuckle. "Sa totoo lang, itong layout ng unit na ito ang inspiration ko sa paggawa ng bahay ko." I see him hiding a smile.
"Ay tingnan natin yung dati mong kwarto," I tell him like a child and opened his old bedroom. A smile formed on my face.
To my surprise, he embraced me from behind putting his chin on my shoulder. "I treasure the memories we have here."
"Mga bata pa tayo noon, Travis." I tell him giggling. He kisses my neck and turns me around to face him, "Happy and painful memories are all in one place." I say feeling nostalgic of the same place where it began and ended, "The last time I went here, was the day you left."
His eyes softened, "I'm sorry." He kissed my hand putting it on his face, "I'm here now." He looked at me like an apologetic child.
I shake my head with a smile and pinched his cheek playfully, "Bakit ba tayo kasi nandito?"
"I wanted to check out the bucket list I made in the past." he says as he pulls me closer to him, "Hindi ba ang sabi ko noon, iuuwi kita dito ng naka-wedding dress? Remember?" he tilted his head beside grinning mischievously while biting his lips.
I let out an awkward laugh, "Ay, akala ko joke lang iyon." I dismissed him attempting to break free from his grip, but he pulled me inside his old bedroom, closed the door and cornered me.
I gulped, convincing myself to breathe. Feeling his fingers tracing my shoulder.
"You're hiding something from me." He muttered next to my ear. I feel the wamth of his breath next to my skin.
"Wa-wala ah," depensa ko, "Ikaw, kung anu-ano na naman ang naiisip mo."
Ano pa ba ang pwede kong palusot sa pagkakataong ito?
He shakes his head with a playul grin. "I know what you're doing every time I initiate a chance like this." He says looking into my eyes, "I just can't figure out why." he says with a hint of frustration, attempting to read my thoughts. "Akala ko pa noon may nagawa akong ayaw mo, pero," he tilted his head beside, "Bakit pakiramdam ko, pinipigilan mo ang sarili mo na mapalapit sa akin?"
Just like that, he was able to put the pieces together like a puzzle.
He let out a chuckle, shaking his head, "You always find an excuse to distance yourself from me. Madalas mong gamitin si Mavis o idahilan na pagod ka, kahit na may pagkakataon na alam kong, alam mo na--" he brushed the lips I'm biting with his thumb.
I see him swallow an invisible apple.
Pull yourself together, Maxene!
I attempted to look away, yet before I could find another excuse, he cupped my face to look back into his eyes, "Why are you avoiding me, Maxene?"
I close my eyes and gulped, "Look at me when I'm talking to you."
Wala na akong takas ngayon.
"Ayoko lang madisappoint ka sa akin." I admitted and saw him looking into my soul, "I'm... I'm not the same as before, Travis." I tell him bashfully.
"What are you talking about?" kunot noo niyang tanong sa akin.
"Pangit na ako ngayon, basta." pilit ko siyang tinalikuran, "I got scars from here and there. I just can't allow you to see me that way, because that's not how you saw me back then."
Kinakain na naman ako ng insecurities ko.
"Kapag maganda na ako ulit, papayag na ako."
He chuckled softly as if he's relieved by my answer. He approached me from behind and whispered, "I want to see it." slowly he removes the lace sleeve of my dress. "I want to see all of you," he uttered with a deep voice that is hypnotizing me. I couldn't convince myself to move away, feeling how his touch keeps me in place. He starts kissing my neck, nibbling my ear as I feel him unzipping my dress from behind. "I want to see my wife."
I wouldn't like to see his disappointed face. I close my eyes and finally convince myself to move. By the time my dress fell into the ground, I immediately close the lights and hide myself under the sheets.
I hear him laughing at me as if I amused him.
"Ano ba yan Maxene, alam mong ayoko ng lights off." muling lumiwanag ang paligid namin.
Naramdaman kong hinalikan niya ang batok ko na nakatago sa ilalim ng kumot, "Don't you trust me?" He asks attempting to remove the sheet from my face.
"I trust you, it's just--"
"Then just trust me." he says with security, "I want to see your scars." he kisses me as I feel the breeze of the wind touch my skin. He had successfully pulled the blanket covering me. I close my eyes and feel him kiss my heart, "I remember this," he says, "This is the scar when you had your surgery." I feel him smiling as I feel his kisses all the way down around my abdomen. My eyes are getting teary and I feel him wiping my them away.
"Open your eyes Max." he says pleading like a child.
I open my eyes and look at him, "Diba, sabi sa iyo, pangit na ako ngayon?" I tell him and see him chuckling while his fingers strum my abdomen that ignites those little firecrackers that I'm keeping in my heart. I cover my face with both of my hands.
This is embarra--
"This is the best scar I've seen in my life." He says soothingly, silencing my worries, "Because, these scars," he planted a sweet kiss on my lips, removing my hands on my face, "They serve as hard evidence of you being a mother to our child."
Muli akong napaluha sa sinabi niya.
"Sayang nga lang at hindi ko nasubaybayan kung paano mo dinala si Mavis noon." he says regretfully, "Kaya ngayon, pabayaan mong bumawi ako sa iyo at sa magiging anak natin, kung papalarin ulit tayo, hindi ba?"
"You really mean that?" my voice almost breaks.
He chuckled, "I didn't marry your body, I married your soul Maxene. At nasaan ang pangit, ha?" His voice is now is humoring me, "Wala akong nakikitang kung anong pangit sa iyo."
"Bolero." I puffed my face looking away.
"Seriously, do you think I'm that shallow?" He raised an eyebrow looking at me wholeheartedly, "I had the ugliest soul, yet you gave me hope to change for the better." he is now tracing my face, "Tatanda rin tayo balang araw tulad ng mga magulang natin, pero ang hinding-hindi magbabago--" he puts his palm on my heart, "Ay kung sino tayo dito."
I'm melting from his gaze. I caressed his face and see him plant a kiss on the palm of my hand.
"My wife is the most beautiful woman I ever loved." he declared with passion and admiration, "I love every part of her. I just hope she'd believe me."
A small smile form on my face, "I believe you." I uttered. I saw my reflection in his eyes, "I love you, Travis."
He traces my face, looking into my eyes. How he looks at me alone feels more than intimacy itself. He is openly showing me this side of him that he doesn't share with anyone else.
This is more than enough for me.
"So," he tilted his head beside with a little ray of mischief. He slowly removes his neck tie tossing it aside and removing two buttons from his shirt, "I want to try something, if you don't mind." he is reenacting a certain memory in the past that made me smile at him, "I just want to make sure if what I'm about to say is the right words for you to hear, not unless I try this."
His fingers traced my lips like a soft feather, tracing all the way to my chest, cupping what's underneath the silicone brassiere that he unveils for him to see his priceless treasure. His eyes darkened as a smile crept his face. My reaction reflect his, seeing how his breathing change feeling the warmth of his fingers on my skin. "I'm still waiting for your answer." he muttered with longing and desire.
I release a breath and uttered that one word, "Okay."
He didn't waste any second taking control of the situation and placed me on top of him, claiming my lips affectionately. He puts my hand on the top of his shirt giving me permission to remove his clothes for him, and I did. I feel him devouring my bosom and feel him burning passionately in every sound that my voice sings for him.
After I removed his shirt, I saw how years changed him physically. I'm in awe just by looking at him, his collarbone is still exposed, but his muscles are firmer, still he's not that buff, nor skinny.
I kissed his heart and saw him standing in front of me like an alpha, removing his trousers and leaving that last piece of clothing that he's keeping like a surprise gift for me. He grins seeing me like a child looking at him naively as I wait for his next move.
He slowly pulls me to him, absorbing my scent and warmth. Ripples of kisses flowed like stream, until I found myself falling from a waterfall and emerging from the bottom of the ocean.
I held his face, sealing all my emotions through a kiss that fills his greed. Leaving traces of our breaths on our skin, we left a mark that'll remind us of tonight.
He pushes me to bed and removes the last piece of undergarment that I wear. I feel him kissing me in the depths of my soul. He didn't stop devouring me as I reach the peak of the highest mountain where I gasp for air crying out his name. My hands clenching over the sheets as I tremble uncontrollably that drains all of my energy.
I see him putting on a triumphant smile and reigniting my fire by kissing my abdomen, my stomach, my chest, my heart, my bosom, and my neck until he reaches my lips, fueling my entire soul.
He guides me on top of him, like he wants me to return a mischievous favor. I hear him chuckling as he observes how I take control of the situation. I let my instinct take over me as I fill him with all of my kisses. Hearing how he sings my name, I smiled. I removed the last piece of his clothing as I take him in my hands. I hear his vulnerable voice, followed by a few heavy breaths as he sees me not letting go.
I plan to keep this pace going and see him melting from my flame. He stopped me halfway before he could lose control, telling me, "Not yet, I want to feel your warmth." he reaches for my lips until he successfully pushed me back to bed with him on top of me. As he positioned himself towards me, he didn't break eye contact. "I love you," he declared in between our kisses, "I love you, Maxene."
"I love you, Travis." I tell him as he fills me with all his warmth, security, devotion, loyalty and sanctuary.
Napakapit ako ng mahigpit sa kanya.
I never had anyone else this close to me after he left. I'm not sure if what I am feeling is just normal or maybe my body just reacts differently now.
"Relax, you have to relax Maxene." he says calming me down as he planted a soft kiss on my forehead, my nose, my cheeks and back to my lips.
I see myself in his eyes as he takes his time to see if I'm comfortable before he makes his next move.
"I love you, Mine." his voice resonated within my soul and as two hearts beat as one... We were made whole.
Everything started gently, I'm like a baby cradling in his arms. He looks at me like how his dreams came true right before his eyes. He smiles wholeheartedly in front of me. I'm overwhelmed by his emotions scattered everywhere and I couldn't help but to dissolve in his arms, taking all of his strength. I feel him reached the deepest part of my soul as it intertwined with mine, "I love you." he says filled with promise and certainty, "I love you, Maxene."
I kissed his shoulder and his neck, "I love you, Travis. I love you so much." The pace accelerates as the tension between us rises.
Before I could cover my mouth, he takes my hand away from me, filling the gap between our fingers. Feeling his forehead on mine, I see his dark brown eyes telling me how much he wanted to see everything.
"I want to see your face. Let me hear your voice... Look at me, Maxene..."
I did what I was told as I see him surrendering to me as I succumbed to him. We're both panting with tears on our eyes convincing ourselves that we're not dreaming... this is real.
We are laughing with tears in our eyes. This is him telling me that; the pain, the grief, the tribulation, and the sacrifice were all worth it.
It's all worth it, because that's our past and this is our present now, together.
Me and him.
This time we have us.
His arms are weakening, filling the spaces between our fingers. He's losing himself to me and I trembled in front of him. His other arm supports his weight as he takes his time to recover from a triumphant defeat. I hear him chuckled as he let his head fell next to my head.
I took him in my arms as he remained on top of me while we catch our breaths. I kissed his cheek. I inhaled his scent and felt him inhaling mine, saving this moment in our memory. He slowly let go of me with a wide smile on his face like a winner and plants another deep sweet kiss on my lips. I noticed how his hair drips a tiny amount of sweat as he fixes my messy hair.
He chuckled. He smiles. My husband looks so damn handsome.
Hinila ako sa ibabaw niya at kinumutan ako, tila musika ang tibok ng puso niya. "So, what do you think?" pilyo niyang tanong.
"Hindi ba, dapat ako ang nagtatanong niyan?" I raised him an eyebrow as he smiles at me. I closed my eyes and admitted, "Sa totoo lang, ngayon ko na lang ulit pinagbigyan ang sarili ko maging intimate..." I look away, "Ng ganito..." He cups my face looking into my eyes, he really likes looking at me after we make love, I puffed my face, "Well, ewan ko sayo. Sabi mo nga, you dated a lot of European girls." I made a goofy face, para naman hindi masyadong seryoso.
I see him laughing at me and felt his lips on my forehead, his thumb encircling my shoulder, "Very funny." he traced my face as he faced me with a gentle smile.
I look into his soul, "Seems, we're both afraid."
"I guess, you're right." he muttered almost in a whisper, "Noong umalis ako, iniwan ko ang puso ko kung saan pati ako hindi ko na iyon makikita pang muli. Dahil ayoko nang masaktan at makasakit ulit. I tried to move on like what you once said, but the pain is still there."
This time I cupped his face, "The fear of opening yourself to other people, scares me Maxene." he chuckled awkwardly, "The fear when I got vulnerable towards someone, makes me selfish that I end up being too greedy. And greed, scares me." he pause as he took a deep breath, "Kaya laging first dates lang, para walang expectations. Besides I don't deserve to be selfish, after what happened between us... and to Hope." He swallows the bitterness from that truth he believes in for years.
"Pero nang makita ko si Mavis, lahat ng inalis ko sa sistema ko; parang isang malaking alon na sumalubong sa akin ng isang bagsakan na halos malunod ako." he smiled weakly, showing me everything he hides underneath his masks, "At nang makita kita ulit... bumalik lahat ng takot at pag-aalinlangan ko. Naduwag ako. Oo nga tama ka, takot nga ako. Takot na takot, Maxene."
His candor overwhelms me. He is willingly giving me this side of him that he doesn't share with anyone else.
I smiled wiping his tears and tell him, "When you left, I sealed away a part of me that I know I can't share with anyone because I'm afraid that I might self destruct again." He looks into my eyes, "But I can't blame you for leaving, because I am the one who pushed you away in the first place anyway."
Our foreheads touched as I saw my reflection in his eyes, "I was just lost when I lost you. I swear I tried getting back on track, but I'm just all empty. Like a lifeless doll living day by day in her life." I smiled as that image of me replayed in my memory. "But when I felt her in my belly, I was scared. I was scared that I might mess it up. But then I remembered the feeling when I'm carrying Hope." I giggled, "Having Mavis, felt like I was given another second chance to redeem myself from the past mistakes I did. That I can make it through the storm. She's that little voice that tells me that : I'm not alone. That, I should try again. That, there's still hope even for the lost and the broken," I smiled bashfully. "That she exists because of you and me. That, we're not just a phase."
He smiled and chuckled looking at me filled with endearment as he lock our hands together, "It's very creative that you mixed both of our names and gave it to her."
Masyado atang obvious kung saan galing ang first name ni Mavis. Natawa ako dahil naisip niya iyon.
I hit him playfully and he laughed because he got me flustered. "Ewan sa iyo, Hayes." He kissed me tenderly.
"Now it makes sense why you also gave Hope's name to her."
"Well, I'm attached to that name, but anyway, second name naman niya iyon." I defended and see him lauging at me. "Hope will always be our guardian angel."
"That's true." He says, kissing my temple. He cups my face meeting my eyes, "I love you, Maxene."
I kissed his shoulder adjusting myself to kiss his lips. He fixes the strand of my hair and kissed me. "You're all worth the wait Travis." my heart tells him, "You're worth it."
He smiles wholeheartedly, "It's all worth it, Maxene." he uttered with relief embracing me.
Hearing the happiness of his heart, a familiar song starts to play in my heart. "And if we can find where we belong..." I started softly.
"We'll have to make it on our own..." A smile forms on my face. He remembers our song. I feel him holding the hand where I wear my ring.
"Face all the pain and take it on..." I continued, waiting for him to finish our song.
"Because the only hope for me is you alone..." he closes the gap between our fingers. In his arms, I am right where I belong, "Always..."
Always.
E N D .