M A X E N E
May mga oras talaga na bigla bigla na lang akong nagigising. Tiningnan ko yung katabi ko at buti pa siya mahimbing ang tulog niya.
Might be possible because I slept too much the past few days so parang may extra battery pa ang katawan ko. I kissed his cheek before leaving the bed. Makainom nga ng gatas para makatulog ako.
I boiled some hot water. I took a glass and filled it with a one fourth warm water and the rest is milk. That's how I like my warm milk.
I was again curious of that photograph. Hindi pa ako kasi ulit nakakabalik ng music room niya. I wonder where's that picture. Sumaglit ako sa music room niya and when I checked, wala na doon yung photograph.
Ayaw ba niya na makita ko iyon? Now that is fishy.
Hinanap ko yung photograph and luckily nakatago lang iyon sa side drawer. Muli ko itong pinagmasdan at nakumpirma na tama ang sinabi sa akin ni Monique.
May kapatid si Travis.
Ito ang picture nilang dalawa noong bata pa sila.
But then is my instinct right?
Kasi kung tama ako, nakita ko na ang taong ito.
He's that guy. If Travis keeps him that close, then why aren't they on good terms?
Then I remembered her. Si Sarah. I guess it's time for us to catch up.
Muli kong itinago yung photograph dahil alam ko naman na ayaw ni Travis na pinapangunahan ko siya. Pero sadyang matigas ang ulo ko at hindi ako mapakali. If he can't give me the answers I need, I'll find them on my own.
I washed the glass I used and went straight to his bedroom.
Pagpasok na pagpasok ko sa kwarto nakita ko si Travis binabangungot.
I tried waking him up. I shake him but it takes time for him to open his eyes and gasp for air as if he ran a thousand miles.
"Travis." I called his name and cupped his face, "Look at me, hey, hey." He is still catching his breath with his eyes closed.
His body is trembling and his head just fell on my shoulder. I meet his eyes and see nothing but despair. It breaks my heart seeing him in this state.
"Travis." I called him again and he's still catching his breath, "Talk to me." I say touching his face.
Kung ano man ang napanaginipan niya, hindi biro iyon. Halos kumawala ang kaluluwa niya sa katawan niya.
"Talk to me please." I uttered helplessly but instead he talked, he kissed me, but even his kisses are unstable. He's not fine.
"Travis--" Kinulong ko ang mukha niya sa mga kamay ko, "Please talk to me."
He shakes his head as he kisses my hands. He's still battling his demons alone.
"I just want to forget it," He looks at me helplessly, "Make me forget Maxene." There's this gravity in his soul that drains the energy he has left in him.
"Make me forget." He plants a deep kiss that sends me into the abyss of his heart.
From this kiss I can almost hear his heart screaming for help but what can I do to calm him down?
How can I help him? How can I save his heart?
His kisses were hungry, painful, shaky, terrified and sad.
His touch were disoriented, anxious, powerless and incompetent.
He stops and pushes me because he is frustrated that he can't remove that painful image in his head.
"I'm sorry." He uttered in complete defeat with a broken smile, "You better sleep here, I'll just be in the guestroom." This is him going in solo again!
"Travis," with all my strength I pushed him to bed and kissed him, "Let me in."
"Maxene." He looks at me in defeat.
"Let me in, please." I plead. Looking in his eyes, he is lost. He looks so broken right now that I cried a tear. I kissed him and this time I'll give him all of my strength.
"Allow me." I uttered next to his ear and I kissed his neck and nibbled his earlobe. I hear him grunts my name but still his touch was too weak to stop me from what I'm doing.
If he wants to forget whatever nightmare that is, I'll make him forget.
I'll please him.
I don't know how though, but maybe I'll try something out of character just to pull him out of his hell. I remove his shirt. I kiss every part of him and I will not stop until he regains his strength back. I just hope that I'm doing the right thing, nakikita ko lang ito sa hentai, tapos konting silip sa porn, pero, fuck! Bahala na.
From his lips, to his cheeks, to his jaw, to his neck, to his chest, to his heart I filled him with all my kisses. His breathing changes gradually, especially when I reach his torso. Maybe I am doing it right. I almost reach near the finish line but his hand stops me and looks at me with uncertainty, he gulps and asks me, "Are you sure you're going to do this?"
I nodded and kissed his lips again. "I'll do everything for you." I kissed him again, "I love you." I smiled, "Trust me."
To be honest I don't know what to do since this is my first time pleasing him. Most of the time he does all the work, but seeing him right now he doesn't even have the strength to. I remove the remaining clothes he has and of course I see all of him.
I looked at him but his eyes were still filled with fragility. I put up a smile and I kissed him there. He gasps for air as I pour all my energy into him, he is now openly showing me his vulnerability.
I will definitely save you from your own hell Travis. I'll do whatever it takes. You're not alone in this fight. Allow me to reach you in the depths of your soul even if I have to smash my way in, I'll do everything. I'm here. Please let me in.
I look at him once more and for some reason this side of him is someone I wanted to protect with all I have. I touched his heart and he locks his hand with mine and planted a kiss on my hand. His breathing changes. I hear him calling my name over and over again as he licks and bites his own lips just to conceal his vulnerable voice. He's doing his best to control himself but I want his defenses down. I want them down so bad that he clenches his hand over the sheets. It took quite some time for him to finally submit himself to me as he catches his breath. I don't know what happened to me but I just consumed him.
I gulped and meet his eyes.
By the time he looks at me, there's this familiar desire in his eyes and with all his strength he pulls me towards him and gives me a deep passionate kiss. He's now taking control but he is still a little disoriented.
"Maxene. Rubber. Drawer. Hurry." Excitement is obvious in his voice. I obliged like a child as he removed all of my clothes while his hand wandered around my skin. I feel his breath next to my neck but before I could lose my strength I put the rubber on him, he kisses me and pushes me to bed.
"My turn," he uttered with pride.
He's that competitive that I don't know what he did to me, his breath, his heart, his soul, I feel him everywhere. My mind just went blank and all I could think of is Travis.
Travis. Travis. Travis. Travis. Travis.
His kisses were now vigorous, needy, possessive and passionate.
His touches were warm, dominating, gentle and affectionate.
He covers me with his warmth as he cage me in his arms not letting me go.
"I love you Maxene. I love you so much." He utters next to my ear, I cried a tear hearing and feeling how those words weigh such gravity from him. I am swallowed by a dark hole as he reaches me through my soul. I kissed his lips and let him devour my energy.
Napasabunot ako sa buhok niya at muli niya akong nilunod sa mga halik niya.
His strength is back.
"Travis." I attempted to reach for his lips again, hanggang sa mapaupo ako sa kanya. He guided me on top of him. His hands are tracing all the way up as he kisses my heart. I reached for his lips again and kissed him. "I love you Travis. I love you."
We look at each other as if we are two pieces of one puzzle.
I see him release a breath as we finish together. I trembled in front of him and he just embraced me tightly as he kisses my shoulder. I inhaled his scent and kiss his neck and back to his lips again. He slowly let me go and laid me to bed. He stands to go to the bathroom to throw the rubber.
I see him face himself in the mirror and with the remaining strength I have, I wear his shirt, approach him and embrace him from behind.
I see him hiding his anxiousness away.
"Travis, talk to me, please..." My voice is pleading him.
He turned around, kissed my lips wear his pants and went straight to bed again.
He's avoiding my gaze.
Bakit ba ganon na lang ang takot niya sabihin sa akin kung ano man ang bumabagabag sa kanya?
Hinabol ko siya at muling hinarap siya. Gustuhin ko mang magtampo pero nakikita ko siyang tahimik na naiyak ngayon at nadudurog ang puso ko para sa kanya.
I lay beside him as I take him in my arms. I kiss his forehead as I fix his hair. "I'm not going to force you if you can't talk about it right now."
He inhales my scent as he hides his face on my chest. "I just want you to know that you're not alone anymore. I'm here." I locked our hands together and kissed them. "I'm here with you Travis. No matter what happens. I'm with you."
I brushed his hair as we lay in silence.
He takes a deep breath.
"May isang bata." He started with a weak gentle voice. "Hindi mayaman ang pamilya niya, pero masaya sila."
Is he telling me his story?
"Magiging kuya na siya dahil buntis noon ang nanay niya. Masaya naman ang lahat pero nang maipanganak ng nanay niya yung kapatid niya, wala na itong buhay."
My heart drops for him.
"Hindi matanggap iyon ng nanay niya. Sinabi pa niya doon sa bata, kukunin niya si bunso sa langit, kaya aalis muna siya saglit."
He's telling me this story as if this just happened a while ago.
Ito ba ang napanaginipan niya?
"Walang namang idea yung bata kung paano gagawin iyon ng nanay niya pero nang tumuntong ang nanay niya sa upuan at isinabit ang ulo niya sa isang tali--" Don't tell me that his mother, "Nakita nung bata kung paano halos mawalan ng hininga yung nanay niya."
Hindi ko mapigilan ang luha ko.
"Walang magawa yung bata kundi ang umiyak. Iyak lang siya ng iyak." He tried to conceal his emotion by laughing that memory off but his eyes were crying.
"Nakakainis dahil wala siyang magawa. Ano ba naman ang magagawa ng pag-iyak lang? Kung hindi pa dumating ang mga taong nag-ampon doon sa bata, malamang patay na yung nanay niya."
I brush his hair while I feel my eyes with tears as I listen to his story.
"Halos hindi umalis yung bata sa tabi ng nanay niya at panay dasal niya, kung may diyos man, na sana magising ang nanay niya at lahat gagawin niya para lang mabuhay ang nanay niya.
Nagising naman isang araw ang nanay niya, pero sa mga mata niya, wala nang halos makitang liwanag ito.
Wala siyang ibang tinatawag kundi pangalan nung namatay niyang anak. Wala din magawa yung bata dahil kahit ano mang dasal niya, hindi na mabubuhay ang namatay na."
Hindi ito nakwento sa akin ni Monique, maybe because Travis didn't tell her this story.
Ang alam ko lang ay may kapatid si Travis, pero hindi ko alam na ganito ang simula ng kwentong ito.
This story of him, hurts like hell. No wonder why hindi niya makwento ito basta basta sa akin. Pero kailangan kong magpakatatag sa kanya. Kailangan kong malaman ang lahat.
"Masaklap pa doon, dahil sa hindi na siya maalagaan ng nanay niya, ipinaampon siya ng tatay niya doon sa ninong niya dapat. Tanong pa nung bata, bakit, bakit ba lagi siyang iniiwan, may nagawa ba siya, bakit pati yung tatay niya mas piniling iwan siya?"
His pain isn't like my pain.
Sagad sa kaluluwa ang sugat na ito sa puso niya. I can't imagine how much he endure this pain all by himself.
Baka kung ako siya, matagal na talaga akong wala sa mundo. Pero si Travis, ganito na lang ang pagtitiis niya sa buong buhay niya.
"Nang ampunin siya, binigyan naman siya ng magandang buhay ng mga taong kumupkop sa kanya, hindi naman nila pinaramdam sa bata na iba siya.
Kung tutuusin, they showered all their love towards that child as if he's their own.
But a selfish wish of him took years to be granted by his adoptive parents. Iyon ay ang muling makita muli yung nanay niya.
Nang muling magkita yung bata at yung nanay niya na nasa institution na tumitira, halos hindi siya makilala nung nanay niya dahil hanggang sa mga oras na iyon, yung kapatid pa rin niya na namatay ang tinatawag ng nanay niya."
I caressed him in my arms.
"Because of that, he made a decision to lie for the very first time." He paused and I hear him chuckled. "He took his brother's name to be his, and tell his mother that he is her missing child.
Through the years everything is going well. Nakikita niya yung nanay niya na nagkakaroon ulit ng buhay pero ang kapalit noon, gabi-gabi siyang dinadalaw ng ala-ala na halos ikabaliw niya."
My tears wouldn't stop from falling. He's been enduring this all alone.
"Nag-alala pa noon ang adoptive parents niya at sinabi na hindi na muna nila papayagan yung bata dumalaw sa nanay niya dahil hindi kinakaya iyon nung bata. Pero dahil sa may katigasan ng ulo yung bata, kinimkim na lang niya ang mga bangungot na iyon at nagtago sa kadiliman."
He hides in the shadows so that no one would see him.
"One day he just woke up without those nightmares, because he held those demons inside where no one could find them. Tinago niya iyon sa madilim na bahagi ng puso niya hanggang sa makumbinsi niya ang mga umampon sa kanya na ayos lang siya."
It's sad to hear that you're even lying to yourself.
You lie until you're numb to the pain.
"Years passed and he survived fighting those demons alone while spending his day with his mother." He paused, "Dapat masaya naman siya, pero kailanman, hindi siya hinanap nung nanay niya.
Parang sa puso ng batang iyon, unti-unti siyang nawawala sa mata ng nanay niya. Pero ayos lang. Ayos lang kasi napapasaya niya ang nanay niya, kahit pa magsinungaling siya sa harapan niya."
He's this selfless. He'll do everything for his mother.
But still it's just so unfair that he has to go through all this shit alone.
"One day came and that kid's father visited him. Akala pa nung bata kukunin na siya ulit ng tatay niya, pero hindi pala."
He chuckled again. He might be trying to keep the conversation as light as possible.
"It's a funny story that he was married to another woman, later na lang narealize nung bata na hindi kasal ang mga magulang niya. Pilit niya iyon inintindi, kahit masakit. Masakit kasi hindi siya kailanman magkakaroon ng karapatan maging anak sa tatay niya. Parang siyang anomalya na bigla na lang sumulpot sa mundo."
I hold his hand tightly.
"Pero sa likod ng sakit at pagkabahala, isang balita ang nagbigay pag-asa sa kanya." His voice is smiling weakly, "Buhay pa pala yung kapatid niya all this years."
Ito na yung sinabi ni Monique sa akin.
"Kinaibigan nung bata yung kapatid niya at naging masaya silang dalawa kahit minsan lang sila nagkikita. Masaya sa puso na tawagin siyang kuya nung kapatid niya kahit na hindi niya pwede sabihin na magkapatid sila dahil ibang pangalan ang gamit niya.
Pero hindi naman talaga laging masaya lang, dahil isang araw nagbago ang lahat at katulad ng dati, walang magawa yung bata para protektahan yung kapatid niya sa mga umaalipusta sa kanya.
Yung bata ang dapat na naging sandalan ng kapatid niya, pero isang araw nagbago ang lahat dahil sa isang kasinungalingan na itinanim nung bata sa kapatid niya.
Natutong tumayo yung kapatid niya sa sarili niyang mga paa at natuto na din siyang ipagtanggol ang sarili niya.
Kahit pa ang kapalit noon ay ang kamuhian nung kapatid niya ang kuya niya.
Mas lumayo pa ang loob ng kapatid niya sa kanya noong kinaibigan nung bata ang mga taong umaalipusta sa kapatid niya." He scoffs, "Napakasama niyang kapatid, hindi ba?"
"Pero mahal na mahal ni kuya yung kapatid niya, hindi ba?" I'm still holding his hand and he held it tightly.
"Always." His voice almost breaks as he smiles at me.
"But why would he do such a thing?" I can't contain my tears as he gathers his strength to face me properly. "Kung mahal niya yung kapatid niya, why would he lie? Why would he be friends with those people who treat his brother badly?"
"Because all his life, only by telling lies, he could save the people he loves." He is facing me as the real Travis.
This is his face hiding in the shadows.
"Is that kid, you?" Kahit alam ko, tinanong ko pa rin.
He gulps avoiding my gaze, is he going to lie to my face?
"Yes." He answers softly and faces me. "That's me."
I cried a tear and I kissed his forehead as he kisses the palm of my hand.
I know it wasn't easy for him to tell me this, but I'm flattered that he is facing me with complete honesty.
"Those who you claim friends, are they--?" he nods before I could finish my question.
All this time he's just befriending them to keep them away from his brother.
I'm happy that he lets me in, but it's just sad that he has to play the bad guy towards the person who is supposed to be the most important to him.
I cupped his face, "Sabi mo dati, invisible ka, then other people calls you a monster or demon in disguise," He smiled embarrassingly as he kisses my hand. His eyes looks at me with insecurity, "But now knowing this part of your past, I can say that you're not fit for those description."
He smiles weakly, "Why would you say that?"
"Because for me, you're like a fallen angel." His eyes became teary again and I wiped it before it could fall from his eye. "A fallen angel who sold his wings to protect the people he loves. Angels aren't always seen by other people. They also make mistakes, but that doesn't mean that they're bad."
"Hindi mo alam ang sinasabi mo Maxene." Nahihiyang sambit niya.
"Minsan mo na sinabi sa akin, na kapag nilalait ko ang sarili ko, para na rin kitang nilait. Now I feel offended." I puffed my face and he smiles embarrassingly in front of me.
"But I'm not--" I put my hand on his lips to cut him.
"You're my guardian angel, from the very start, you are an angel Travis. There's nothing in this world that would change that fact in me." I kissed his temple and he closed the gap between our foreheads.
"You're the only person who sees me that way." He says almost in a whisper.
"What can I say," I paused, "I see you through." I kissed him again. "Thank you for letting me in."
He embraces me and hides his face at my shoulders. "Thank you for not leaving."
"I will never leave you Travis. No matter what." He meets my eyes. "Until my heart stops beating, I will love you."
He lays beside me and cages me in his arms.
I know I can't ask for more since what he said was too much for him to share with me, but I'm happy that he's opening himself around me.
That alone is enough. Plus I can't let him do all the work. I'll do anything for him and his brother to meet each other again. Even if he would hate the idea of me meddling with his past.
What can I say, I'm a very stubborn girl who loves him this much.
I can't let his sins drown him. I can't let him carry this weight alone.
I'll save him from his hell no matter what.
I will redeem him.
T R A V I S
The ray of sunshine wakes me.
Anong oras na ba? I checked my phone and smiled. Agad na bumati ang wallpaper ko na candid picture ni Maxene.
Speaking of Maxene, nasaan ba siya? Nagising ako ng wala siya sa tabi ko.
Nagsuot ako ng panibagong shirt. Naalala ko nag-session nga pala kami. Hindi naman planado iyon, pero nangyari pa rin.
Didn't expect that she'll do-- scratch that thought Travis.
I didn't know what to expect since-- gago kalimutan mo na nga! Ang aga-aga iyon ang naiisip mo!
Lumabas ako ng kwarto at nakita kong nagluluto siya ng breakfast. She's still wearing my shirt.
Nakaearphones siya kaya hindi niya alam na pinapanood ko siyang magsasasayaw na parang tanga habang kinakanta yung kanta ni Taylor Swift.
Natuwa ako at may nakahandang kape sa counter, makapagkape nga muna at mapanood ang babaeng kumakanta ng You Belong with Me.
[Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you?
Been here all along, so why can't you see
You belong with me.]
Hindi ko mapigilan na hindi matawa sa hitsura niya ngayon, kay gandang babae, magulo ang buhok, ni hindi niya suot ang damit niya.
Napaka-kumportable niya kapag maluluwag na damit ang suot niya.
Nakita kong nilagay na niya ang pancakes sa plato at nilagyan niya rin ng butter at syrup, smiley face ba ang dinodrawing niya, ano siya, bata?
Pagkatalikod niya nagulat naman siya kaagad na makita ako.
"Ay gago, huwag kang susulpot ng ganon!" Napasapo siya sa dibdib niya.
At namura pa ako ng kay aga-aga. Inalis niya yung earphones niya.
"Walang good morning?" I teased, "Gago agad?" I arch an eyebrow.
"Sorry." Kaagad naman niya ako nilapitan at nilagay niya ang magkabilang braso sa balikat ko.
"Good morning Travis!" She kissed my cheek, "Kamusta tulog?" She kissed my other cheek, "Gutom ka na ba?" She attempted to kiss me again but I stopped her. She pouted.
"Anong meron? Panay halik ka diyan?"
She puffs her face, "Am I not allowed to kiss my boyfriend?"
Bakit ba ang cute niyang maglambing?
I smiled pulling her close enough for me to smell her again, "You wake up early." Pagpuna ko, "Nakatulog ka ba ng maayos?"
"Oo naman. Nakatulog din ako kaagad matapos ko umiyak kagabi." Sambit niya nang may ngiti sa labi niya.
Oo nga pala, nakapagkwento ako sa kanya ng ilang bahagi ng nakaraan ko. Ilang litro ba ang iiiyak niya para sa akin?
"I'm sorry that you cried because of a sad story." Nahihiya kong sagot sa kanya at umiling siya.
"I'm happy actually." She said with a friendly smile, "Because you let me in."
Sa totoo lang hindi ko inaasahan na ikukuwento ko sa kanya ang ilang bahagi ng nakaraan ko.
Pero nakaramdam ako ng ginhawa kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko na may takot pa rin ako na baka magbago ang lahat.
Ang tanging pinanghahawakan ko lang ay ang pangako niya na kahit anong mangyari, hindi niya ako bibitawan.
I hold her hand.
"May gagawin ka ba ngayon? What's your schedule?" I asked her.
"May shoot ako ulit," She checked her phone, "Hmm, two hours from now."
"I'll go with you."
She smiled, "Okay. Breakfast muna tayo."
I smiled and nodded at her.
After we eat together she hurriedly wash the dishes kahit na sabi ko ako na.
Parang may kakaiba sa babaeng 'to ngayon ah. Parang nagbago ang ihip ng hangin.
Kanina puro halik siya tapos ngayon--
"Maligo ka na muna, para mamaya ako naman." Sabi niya ng nakangiti pero agad din siyang umiwas ng tingin.
Fishy, very fishy.
Hindi ako mapakali.
Muli akong pumasok ng kwarto at kumuha ng tuwalya, and an idea just pops in my mind.
Nakita ko na pumasok na siya kaagad sa kwarto at nagulat na makita ako.
"Hindi ka pa naliligo?" Gulat na pagpuna niya at napalunok nang makita na nakatuwalya lang ako.
I grinned.
"Kailangan ko na maligo, mauuna na ako kung hindi mo pa trip maligo." She said keeping her cool. She got her towel and went straight into my bathroom.
It's obvious that she's flushed.
Bago pa niya masarado ang pintuan, pinigilan ko siya.
"Travis!" She's jumpy. Very jumpy.
"Sabay na tayo maligo." Sabi ko pa sa kanya, "Para matipid sa tubig." I smirked and see her gulped again.
"Edi mauna ka na, dalian mo." Aalis na siya ng bathroom pero hinila ko siya sa loob.
"Travis ano ba?" Her voice sounds a little uneasy.
I don't like it.
I cornered her inside my bathroom.
"Iniiwasan mo ba ako?" I asked and she looks away blushing.
"Hindi naman. It's just--" She attempted to meet my gaze but immediately looks away biting her lip.
I grabbed her chin and make her face me.
"Sabay na tayo maligo. Maliligo lang tayo." Mukha na siyang kamatis.
Ang cute niyang pagtripan.
"Hindi ako comfortable kasabay kang maligo." Nahihiya niyang sambit.
"Nakita ko nang lahat iyan. Huwag nang maarte Maxene." I said impassively, "Now strip."
Napayakap siya sa sarili niya. "Kaya ko maligo mag-isa Travis."
"Maghuhubad ka o huhubaran kita?" Pilyo kong tanong sa kanya.
"Mamaya na ako maliligo, mauna ka na muna." Naiiyak na ata siya sa hiya.
Fine, I'll let her slide.
But I want to hear her answer to my question first.
"Why do I feel that you're avoiding me?" I just want to know. Dahil hindi ako matahimik, bigla siyang nagbago ng mood.
She looks at me with uncertainty and gulps again, "It's nothing really. I'm just being bashful. That's all."
"Why?" I'm not going to stop unless she tells me what's wrong.
"Eh, huwag na." Pagmamaktol niya.
"I can do this all day, unless you answer my question." Naka-cross arms na ako. Para akong may pinapagalitang bata.
She bit her lip again and her face was still flushed.
"Baka kasi mag-iba ang tingin mo sa akin after--" She tries to face me but then avoids my gaze again.
Ah, so she's thinking that.
"Basta please, this is awkward for me, lalo na at first time ko ginawa iyon." She said almost in a whisper. Her face is filled with embarrassment.
That confession made me a little happy, like I'm at the top of the world.
I couldn't resist my lips from smiling at her and she immediately avoided my gaze again.
I shake my head in disbelief.
Unbelievable. I was paranoid for nothing!
I run my fingers through my hair trying to maintain my cool in front of her.
What the fuck lang talaga, akala ko kung ano na, iyon lang pala. Punyeta!
"Mauna ka na maligo, dalian mo, baka ma-late ako." She's about to go but I stopped her again, "Travis..."
I kissed her cheeks.
"I love you." I whispered next to her ear. Hinarap ko siya at nakitang pulang-pula na ang pisngi niya, "That doesn't change one bit." I said with a smile.
"Mauna ka na, sorry makulit ako. Gusto ko lang talaga malaman." When I'm about to reach the door I face her with full honesty, "Don't worry, it's also my first time, so I didn't know what to expect." I smiled and left the bathroom just like that.
I really don't know why that made me happy and this is stupid.