I shouldn't have done that.
I shouldn't have done that.
I should NOT have done that.
The thoughts that are running through my mind while we hide from these sick fucks have me sweating my tits off.
I feel Theo's hand on my waist while we crouched down in the bushes, his fingers digging into my hip and I'm guessing he can feel the same frustration radiating through me right now with the grip he has on me.
Is it bad that I slept with him last night to ease the pain deep inside of me?
Probably, yes, but part of me doesn't regret it even though I should. For a moment I was able to unwind and lose myself, lose that part of me that wanted it all to end.
I should regret it, but I don't, I felt free in that moment.
I keep imagining his mouth on my neck while I tugged at his hair to bring his mouth to mine.
Urgh... I would pounce on him right now if there wasn't a group of fake assassins searching for us, the further away they get the more my body is being affected by his presence.
The images of the way his eyes raked down my body while I pulled my shirt off, taking his bottom lip with his teeth and sucking in a breath.
I could tell he felt on edge not to fuck it up, he was trying his hardest not to cum too fast which always happened when he was nervous. His hands were literally shaking tucking my stray locks of hair behind my ear with his eyes nearly blown out from his sockets.
It made me blush like fuck.
At the same time, I wanted to slap him, slap him hard enough it knocked some sense into him or until I felt a little satisfied.
He's an asshole. Or 'arsehole' as he calls it.
His fucking accent.
All the other times we slept together felt different, maybe because he told me most of the fucked up shit he had done and I knew I couldn't actually be with someone who was capable of that type of behaviour.
It still turns me on though, why does knowing he's an even bigger asshole make me wet from just a look?
Urgh, I'm a whore.
"They're gone, we should get moving and find some food and water." He said, breaking me from my dirty thoughts.
He pulls himself up off the grass letting go of my waist which has me mentally slapping myself for wanting him to stay there.
Touching my lips, they felt dry and sore, Theo's lips still look lubricated and nice and... I need to stop before I lose my head again.
"We could head to where I stayed, last I saw my house was still standing but it could be risky." I sigh. "Most of the houses got hit."
"Uh.. yeah, are you sure you could handle that?" He asked me with a hint of pity in his tone that makes me wince.
"You have a better plan?"
He shrugged and turned toward the dirt road that headed in the direction of where I grew up. He seems distant considering he couldn't keep his hands off me the whole night.
I need him to know that my stupid lapse in judgement last night was a mistake and wouldn't happen again, I didn't need to have him thinking there was anything between us anymore.
"You coming or what?" He said over his shoulder.
I was last night.
"Umm, yeah." I shake off my thoughts and run to catch up with him. It's hard to walk beside Theo his legs were nearly the length of me, two steps to his one.
My shoulder bumps off of him a few times too many and I'm not even sure if I'm meaning to do it now, each time he looks down at me and smirks.
"Do you need me to hold your hand so you walk straight or can you just not handle not touching me, babe?" He teased, winking at me with his adorable smile.
"You wish."
He didn't say anything back or even look in my direction but I saw him smile. The next few hours were filled with total silence, not bad silence, calm.
We finally made it to my house after plenty of moans and groans from me, walking made me cranky.
Theo drowned me out the whole time by humming some tune he called auld lang syne.
I stopped in my tracks when I spotted where Thomas' house used to stand tall, no red door or patio with a swing chair, no dogs running between gardens while Cole ran after them.
No Thomas giving me an awkward wave while I walked with my friends with my head down.
God, I was such a bitch. You always see your mistakes after you make them, I have plenty.
One time I had run home from my friend's house in the rain and Thomas was walking home from his work, he gave me his coat and kept me company right to my front door.
The next day I ignored him in the canteen and laughed with my group of friends when he dropped his tray.
He messaged me quite a lot and I only replied to a few when I was myself, saving his number as a girl's name worked a treat also.
I didn't know why I felt the need to hide him but at the time it was all about popularity and I was well known for my snarky comments and not taking bullshit.
Then I met Theo, who turned that person inside out and fed her to the dogs.
"You alright?" Theo asked, snapping me back to reality.
I nodded, giving him a tight smile and headed for the house. The glass panels that filled the door were all smashed and black from the smoke. Walking in I noticed most of the house was black, no longer that perfect pristine clean house my mother would beam over when we had visitors.
I hadn't wanted to come back here in fear that we would be attacked, fear that they would finish us off this time.
Theo told me they patrol the towns and shoot on sight.
Now, I no longer feared death, I have nothing to live for. I'd lost my siblings, parents, friends and now I had no idea if Thomas was even alive.
My parents were very family proud, pictures of us all scattered over the walls and a big canvas of Cole sat above the staircase, his big blue eyes and dimples turning my insides to ice once more.
Theo brought his hand to my back and started to rub it in circular motions, I pulled away from his touch and walked into the kitchen to rummage the cupboards for tinned food.
I wipe the stray tears away and grit my teeth, this will never get easier.
He sat down at the kitchen table and watched me as I pulled apart the kitchen.
Shit! why did my mother never buy good tinned food? Fucking beans for days will have me tooting like fuck.
I tossed Theo a tin and a spoon from the tray. "Eat up, I still have my dad's clothes here so you can change. Take whatever room, except mine." I say.
"You don't want me to share with you?" He asked looking confused.
Urgh, here we go.
"Theo..." I sat down next to him and buried my face in my hands. "That was a mistake, this.." I gesture between us with my hand. "Is done. How can I stay with you when you've done so much shit? I mean yeah, you did help us but we wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't fucked with me in the first place."
"I didn't know I would fall for you." He barely makes the words audible for me to hear.
"Did you sleep with Claire?" I blurt out making him snap his head up to me.
"Well?" I pushed when he didn't answer me.
He shook his head and screws his face up. "Why are you asking me this?"
Urgh, we're back to lying again.
"So, why did she have your shirt?" I raise my brow at him, my tone shifting to anger.
"I don't fucking know, and you're one to talk!" He snaps.
"I never had sex with him, ever." I sneered at him. I was starting to get really pissed off at him, the idea of him with one of my close friends made me see red.
"So... you are trying to tell me you've never fucked him? I don't believe that for a second." He rubbed his face and let out a huff. "I saw the way his hands were on you, remember. But I never slept with anyone behind your back."
"No, I haven't ever slept with him. So can you drop it? I'm going to bed so go sleep wherever the fuck you want to or fuck off for all I care." I yelled as I stormed upstairs to my room.
Yeah, I just lied to his face about Thomas. He doesn't deserve the truth if he can't be honest with me about Claire.
I stop at my brother's room and the past ten minutes seem to have vanished and all I can think about is Cole.
Memories of us playing with his car set and watching frozen on repeats for hours, Cole cradled into me with his blonde curls tickling my nose.
Should I go in?
I nudge the handle slowly, my heart rate accelerating when the view of his Toy Story room came to me. His bed covered in teddy bears and his blue walls with painted clouds to match the theme.
His duvet was stirred up still from Thomas snatching him up.
I fall to my knees, the feeling overpowering every ounce of me. I had to leave, I wasn't ready to see this. I ran out of the room, past Adrianna's room and slamming my room door, dropping to my bed while letting the tears flow.
"You OK, Zara?" I hear the killer's son's voice echo to me.
"Fuck off, Theo. This is all your fault."
I feel the bed drop behind me and an arm wrap around me, pulling me into a warm embrace.
-OLD VERSION-UNEDITED