I had my brother buried next to the waterfalls, not far away from here.
I took him to this beautiful place last year and his smile would have lit up a room, it always did.
I would give anything to see his little dimples again. To hear him talk crap for hours, and even comforting him back to sleep when he woke crying.
I took so much for granted, listening to his stories of how the trees would save the world and get our family back.
A five-year-old's imagination is fucking fabulous.
I'm never going to hear him say my name again, hear him mistakenly call Thomas Dad, repeatedly. Even though he never corrected him, I think Cole knew he wasn't his actual dad, he just wanted him to be.
Do you know how I feel? I'm angry.
My stomach twists when I see his face, his grey beard, his awful accent.
I want that horrid man to suffer for what he did, I want him to feel what it felt like to lose someone close to you.
Who am I kidding, I'm no murderer, I couldn't even kill a spider crawling along my sleeping bag.
But I could try.
"Zara, I need you to come to see something." One of Adrianna's men called out to me, knocking me from my daydreaming of blonde curly hair bobbing around the water.
"I'll be right there," I mumble into my spork. Sitting in the empty canteen, scooping peaches into my mouth.
We walk towards one of the metal huts that are used for the guards, no-one was allowed in without clearance.
Why is he taking me here?
When I enter I see a huge map that's been drawn out. The clusters of towns stretched out and trees to indicate the large forest that takes up most of the map. The towns are scattered like the ones where we live, lettered alphabetically from left two right.
There's a square drawn around them with red Xs over different towns, A where the hangar is.
"What is that?" I asked, pointing at the map and furrowing my brows at Crawford, who stands with his head down.
"This is a project Adrianna and I have been working on since the start. We gathered information from all the towns affected and eventually found the surrounding walls." He points at the thick black lines and turns to me. "We can't get past them, there's no doors, no passages. Nothing. The walls are at least thirty metres high, so climbing isn't an option."
"Hold on, a wall?" I ask, confused.
What does this mean? And what do they expect me to do?
"Yes. Please pay attention, Zara. This is.... was... important to Adrianna. These towns here were gassed, which could've only been done from the inside of the walls."
Oh, there he goes with her name again, I've tried to put everything else to the back of my mind but hearing her name has taken my breath away. I grab the table next to me and Crawford grabs my waist and sits me down.
"I'm okay. Thank you." I nod and bring my attention back to the board, sitting on and leaning my elbows on my knees.
"Why didn't she tell me about this? So, we are basically trapped here?"
"We aren't sure, but we know A-Centre are involved. There's blueprints of that hangar with tunnels leading everywhere too. Possible escape route?"
"Okay, and who are you to Adrianna?" I ask.
"I'm Robert, your sister was in charge around here and I was her right-hand man." He kneels to me and rests his hand on my shoulder. "I'm very sorry for your loss, she was an amazing person and friend." He stands. "And, for your brother."
He nods to me and leaves with his men, including Crawford, who looks as confused as me.
I need to find Thomas and see what he thinks of all this because it makes no sense to me. My eyes scan the map, the paperwork, and pictures taken on Polaroids. According to where they've plotted out where it surrounds us, there is a chance there are more survivors.
We need to find them, unite as one.
I leave the tent and head straight for tent forty-six, across from my own. So many people keep looking at me with that sadness in their eyes, feeling sorry for me and I hate it.
I'm not sad, I'm empty, yes, but mainly running on rage.
"Thomas, I need to show you some..." I stop in my tracks when I see him bagging all of Ella's stuff. Shit, I forgot about her. "Do you need a hand?"
He straightened himself up and sighs, running a hand through his brown hair. "No, I was just going to put them into the donations box anyway." He tied the black bag in a knot, walks right past me, and out of the tent.
He hasn't given me any eye contact, his tone was snapped.
What the fuck?
"Hey, what's wrong?" I run after him and pull at his shoulder so he turns to me, chewing his cheek.
"Just stay away from me, okay?"
"No... no, you stop right fucking there and tell me what's going on here!" I yell after him again, pulling the bag off his shoulder and throwing it across the dirt.
"Can you just leave me alone, just because Theo's gone doesn't mean you can act like he never existed and try fuck with my head again!" He walks over to the bag, snatches it up and walks off.
He has a point.
So, I may have slid into his tent last night. I may have cuddled into him while my hand wandered up and down his abdomen, but I certainly didn't kiss him because he stopped me and said he couldn't be a rebound.
I mean, a fucking rebound. He has never been one for me, so I have no idea why he has seen it that way.
I needed comfort, someone to hold me and make me feel something other than the gut-wrenching pain.
But I was using him because I need him, and I know that's selfish of me.
I huff and go lie down, letting him walk away from me. This day is getting too much and all this new information has given me a headache.
If A-Centre is involved in this 'wall' then did Theo know, fuck, is he involved too?
Did he know hundreds and thousands of people would lose their lives?
The heartless bastard probably caused the whole thing, I wouldn't be surprised.
It hurts me so fucking much that he just left me, but at the same time, I would want to kick him in the balls repeatedly for everything he has done to me.
Theo never loved me, he isn't capable of that emotion. He's evil, a stone-cold killer who will never be forgiven.
My eyes water with rage and sadness.
I fall asleep to the sound of a little boy telling me he had seen a shooting star and I tell him to make a wish.
It's dark when I finally wake, the camp is silent. My heart racing from seeing Cole die all over again, sweat dripping from my forehead. I pull the blanket off me and without thinking, my feet take me to Thomas.
He's sound asleep, so I take a chance and slide into his sleeping bag, feeling his warm body up against mine. He moved so he presses against me more, chest to chest. I smile when his arm snakes around my back and leans his forehead on mine.
I need a distraction, something to take me away from everything for a while.
"You just can't seem to take the hint," he whispers, his dimples making an appearance with a slight smile.
Did he just use my own line on me?
"I guess not." I smile back. "Can I sleep here?" I push my leg in between his, biting my lip, nervous to see his response.
His eyes fly open, his grip tightening on me. He surprises me by flipping me on my back and watching me with hooded eyes. "No more sneaking around?"
I smirk at him, wrapping both legs around his waist, hearing the zip of the sleeping bag loosen. I'm sure my eyes are exploding with joy right now.
"So..." I search his face. "...I can sleep here?" I suck in my bottom lip and raise my brows momentarily, my hands in his hair. "And you won't push me away?"
His nose nudges mine as he closes his eyes, sighing. "Should I push you away?"
I shrug. "Probably."
He doesn't say a word, his eyes are on my lips and I know what he's thinking because I'm staring at his thinking the exact same.
"We shouldn't with everything going on," he says as his face lowers, his pupils blown. "We really shouldn't." But the warmth of his lips delicately touch mine, lighting a fire deep within.
"Make me forget," I beg him, tightening my hold as I whimper against his mouth. "Please make me forget it all, even just for now."
His touch is soft, his fingers trailing the length of my body, pulling my knee up to run them from my ankle to my inner thigh. It feels different, not intimate on a romantic level compared to when Theo had done it.
I love when Theo takes charge, kissing me hard and grabbing at my hair. I could scream with how gentle Thomas is being.
But he isn't Theo, Zara.
Z can fuck off out of my head.
"Can I?" He hooks his finger into my waistband, his hand shaking. "Do you really want this? It's not something we can take back, Zara."
"I want to," I say against his lips, pulling him so his full weight is on me, feeling his hardness press against me. "Please," I beg, feeling his hot burst of breath against my neck before he sucks the skin below my ear.
But his finger leaves my waistband, and I whimper at the loss of contact.
I need to forget.
He starts moving his hips, building that desire in me, forearms to the side of my head, holding the upper half of himself up and rocking against me. The barrier of clothing needs to vanish, like, now.
I hear his breathing hitch when I push my hand between us, under his waistband and grasping him, stroking him, watching his lips part slowly.
I curl my wrist when I reach the swollen head, forcing my hand back to the base, biting down on his bottom lip, not breaking eye contact.
I always knew he was big, but Jesus.
He stops forcing his hips into my grip, pulling back so I let go of him, his hard, heavy shaft on my stomach. While he leans back on his knees he pulls down my shorts, followed by my underwear, making my heart speed up.
This is actually happening.
"I don't have a condom. Are you still taking that pill thing?" He asks while pushing two fingers inside of me, making me groan when he finds a steady rhythm and uses his thumb to stimulate my clit.
My toes curl as my eyes flutter closed, a moan falling from my lips.
The fire in my lower back burns, my legs shake when he starts to pick up his pace, shifting to the side to lean on his elbow and swallows my moans with his mouth.
"Answer me," he hissed into my mouth.
Don't you dare fucking lie to him, Zara. Tell him you ran out weeks ago. My self-conscience is close to ruining this moment, taking away the good feeling that reminds me that I'm still alive, not dead like I feel inside.
"Yeah, of course." Dammit.
He lies back and pulls me on top of him, causing me to giggle, pulling my top off, unclipping my bra and tossing it aside. His mouth is on my breasts within seconds, rolling his tongue around my nipples, sucking, and using his finger to tease the other.
"You are so fucking beautiful, Zara."
The feeling of his mouth on my chest, his hand slipping between us to rub my throbbing core and him thrusting up so his head slides in and out of my wetness has me moaning, fingers in his hair.
"Shh, Zara. We're right next to people." His eyes find mine and his hands drop down on my hips, nudging me down so he slowly fills me.
I bite down on my lip, hands curled around his shoulders, dropping my head back as he continuously slides into me.
This is so different from Theo- foreign. Thomas is gentle, hands holding my hips but not gripping me hard the way I like it with Theo. He isn't pulling my hair or pounding into me aggressively.
It does feel good, my breathing is heavy and the sweat is dropping off us, soaking the sleeping bag.
But I wish he would go faster, harder, all the things I like.
I want him to talk dirty to me, to call me names while telling me he loves me, to make me scream in pleasure.
"Fuck I'm close already." Thomas blurts out.
He isn't wearing a fucking condom, Zara.
I hold him down so I can grind down on him harsh and rapid, hands on his chest while I rock against him. He intertwined our hands and grips me tighter when his name falls from my lips.
Seeing white speckles, feeling heat exploding around him that makes my walls clench around his shaft, my orgasm abrutly stops at the thought of him not being Theo. I feel heaviness in my chest that I'm even doing this, sleeping with Thomas when I shouldn't.
He throbs inside me, filling me as I slow down, breathlessly dropping my head to his shoulders trying to hide my heartbroken expression.
We both lay down on our backs, panting, trying to catch our breaths for a few minutes before looking at each other.
Why are my eyes watering?
"You okay?" Thomas wipes away a stray tear with his thumb, brows knitted together.
I nod, throwing my arm over his chest and burying my head into him so I can sleep, listening to his thrashing heartbeat as I close my eyes.
This wasn't nearly enough to make me forget about Theo but it's a start.
Yeah right. Sh.
-OLD VERSION-UNEDITED