Brett didn't say anything for the longest time, he just sat, staring at him, his face as white as a sheet. When he finally did speak, his voice was so soft that Eddy could barely hear it.
¨I... Oh, God, I've never said this out loud, Eddy. But...¨
He looked down at his legs, wringing his hands together. Eddy waited, not breathing.
¨I... Eddy, I think I'm gay too. I think I've known that for a while, but I've never liked anyone before the way I like you.¨
Eddy's heart stopped for a moment. Did he really just say that? Wow.
¨Do... do you... do you still feel that way?¨ Eddy stuttered, bracing himself. Had he done too much damage?
¨What?¨ Brett asked him incredulously, his eyes wide. ¨Of course I do, Eddy, are you kidding? I just felt so bad about kissing you like that. And I knew... I knew I had to let you go.¨
It was like the weight of the world was lifted off Eddy's shoulders in that moment, floating away in the quiet breeze. Brett still liked him. Oh, thank God.
But he knew in his heart that he had something else to say, something to confess, and he knew that that could still turn Brett away. Suddenly he felt like throwing up again.
¨I kissed her, you know. Well, I kissed her for about a millisecond. Until I freaked out completely and told her everything.¨ Now it was Eddy's turn to look down at his legs.
¨Whoa.¨ Brett said, but when Eddy peeked up at him he didn't look mad. He looked concerned.
¨I'm sorry, Brett.¨ Eddy whispered.
¨Bro, seriously, stop with the sorry! You were free to kiss her as much as you wanted.¨
¨No, I wasn't!¨ Eddy was surprised at the vehemence of his own tone. ¨Because I wasn't honest about my feelings to anyone, including myself. And because... because I hurt you.¨
¨Stop feeling sorry¨, Brett whispered back. ¨Stop it. I'm okay.¨
After a moment he added: ¨How did Lily take it all?¨
¨She took it amazingly well.¨ He shrugged. ¨She really helped, she told me that it was okay, that I was born this way.¨
¨Wow. Does... does she like you?¨ Brett asked quietly.
¨Yeah.¨ Eddy said honestly. ¨I wish she didn't. But she's happy to be my friend, she said that she could see that I would never like her like that. She said she'd be my ally.¨
¨That's good. But... I'm happy that I was your first kiss...¨ Brett whispered. ¨Even if we can't do it again.¨
Eddy nodded sagely, although his heart sank at Brett's words.
¨Yeah. You're right, we can't do it again.¨
¨Not until we're older.¨
Eddy nodded. ¨I know. It sucks.¨
¨I know.¨
They sat there for the longest time, side by side, both quiet and lost in their own thoughts.
Eddy was both incredibly relieved and incredibly sad.
Here he was, feeling all these things for the first time, and the guy he felt them for even felt the same way about him. But he'd have to hide, hide for the longest time. Hide how he felt, hide what they'd talked about. They'd have to pretend to be 'just' best friends for ages. Would their relationship even survive that? Or would Brett get tired of it, and decide to give a girl a go in the end? Would he lose him? Even the thought was more painful than anything he wanted to contemplate.
He gave himself a quick mental kick up the backside. Come on mate, no use whining about crap that hasn't happened yet. Maybe try and enjoy today first.
Yeah. He sighed.
¨We should just try and enjoy what we have now, Brett.¨
Brett looked at him with his eyes as deep as the sea.
¨Yeah. We'll do that. Come on, let's head home, my mum will be wondering where we've vanished to. You okay?¨
Eddy nodded. ¨Yeah.¨
Game face on in three... two.... one.