I shut Slips door slowly, making sure he doesn't wake to the sound. I stare at the knob for a few seconds before turning around to the surprising face of Armitage.
"You were in there awful long." He says.
"We were talking." I breathe out, exhausted from him being mad at me. It hasn't even been that long and it's wearing me down.
"I'm sure you were, telling each other more secrets and such?"
"Armitage." I surrender with my expression.
"Ben." He mocks my tone making me sound more whiny and drawn out.
"What do you expect me to say to that?"
"I don't expect anything from you. I don't like being disappointed, best to just avoid it."
"Stop. Please stop."
I can tell he fights away his inner feelings of being nice to me. His face twitches at his mouth.
"I don't like this." I finish my last sentence.
"So, you just expect me to stop being mad at you, pretend like nothing happened, like that I don't have a right to be angry with you?" He is close to tears again and I hate it. I hate it so much. I don't ever want to see him cry again.
"You do. I'm sorry." What do I even say? "You have every right. I'll talk to you, okay? I promise."
"Your promises are meaningless to me."
"No they aren't." I know he's just trying to get under my skin. He's winning, he doesn't even need to say that.
He shakes his head with his eyes closed. After letting out a very long and dramatic breath, he looks at me with angry sincerity.
"This conversation ends after I say this, okay?"
Excuse me, Master Hux is it?
"Okay." I say biting my tongue after.
"You can hide things from Luke, you can hide all the secrets you want from your family, I obviously encourage you hiding things from Snoke, but you do not hide things from me. I won't accept it." He goes from hard and angry to soft and caring fearfully fast. "Okay, Ben?"
"Okay." I nod. "I can't say anything?"
"No we're done with this conversation. I want you to tell me about the meeting with the parents of that boy." He walks over to the main purpose table and activates a touch pad after moving my mask to the side. I sit down across from him and he looks up at me. "You're allowed to speak."
I give him a questionable glare, confused as to why he's still allowed to be cold to me.
"Did you see this?" I take the husk doll from inside my robes and set it on the table.
He reaches across the table and picks it up. He turns it over and touches the tip of the light saber with his finger. "I saw it, this looks like a sword of some kind. Why is this... doll important?"
"When I was a student, the younglings and padawans made these, it's a Jedi Knight. Isn't that strange?"
"You don't know that it's a Jedi doll."
"The woman told me it was, she said that her son called it that. it looks just like the ones I and the other children used to make." I dread the rest of the time I have to spend talking about this with him. He is already being rude and skeptical to me.
"Ok." He says it drawn out, like he doesn't believe and starts typing what I said into his pad.
"I will leave."
"Don't overemphasize." He puts his hands over his eyes.
"Then stop being so ill mannered to me."
"I'm doing my job, which right now is making sure you don't mess up yours." He takes his hands away from his face and rests them over the touch pad. "Just tell me what happened with you and the couple."
"Well," I begin after taking the husk doll and setting it next to me. "I found details on their son. For one, he isn't their real son."
"Then who does he belong to?" He begins typing.
"He belongs to them, but they said they don't know where he came from or who his original family is."
"That's just superb isn't it?" He shakes his head as he types faster. I smile a little before going on.
"He is thirteen years old and his name is Tosche."
He stops. "Tosche? Where does that name come from? It doesn't sound like any culture I know."
"That's mostly what I wanted to tell you about. It's not the name of a person it's the name of a place on Tatooine. I only know about it because of Luke. He would tell me stories of the Tosche Station anytime he could. He loved it there."
"Do you think that's any clue to where Skywalker is?"
"No, he wouldn't hide anywhere that obvious, he's smarter than that."
He starts typing again, I see that he now has multiple paragraphs just from what I've said.
"The weirdest part is," I say. "Cru and Rohin had no idea what Tosche was, they didn't even know that Tatooine was a planet."
"I'm not surprised, the schooling here practically doesn't exist. Anything else?"
I try to think of every detail I can. "Well their son will be back tomorrow as the suns set. They told me where he will be and I plan on getting to him before his parents do. I don't want them saying anything to him and jeopardizing this whole mission."
"That would be excellent of you. Do you know where he has gone for so long? Why he's not here?"
"Unfortunately I did not find that out. Solely because neither did his parents. All Cru could say was that he goes on "walks" to "find himself" or something like that."
"Try and give me exact details please?"
"That's as exact as I can get, they were so vague, they also knew nothing about their son." I shrug and lean back in my seat.
"That's all you got? Do you even know how long you were there?"
"Did I mention that they were intensely vague and it was rather difficult to get the information I got out of them?"
"Incredible. Incredible how much time you waste."
"If you're so quick to judge then why didn't you ask them the questions?" I grab the doll and squeeze it to calm down.
"Because I thought I could trust you to do well on this, but yet again, you fail me. I barely have enough information for a report."
I look at his screen, he has plenty of words on it. More than enough for the report. "Fail you? Again? Elaborate."
"Don't be doltish."
"I don't understand what you mean by fail you, especially the again part, since when did I fail you? And multiple times?"
He stands up looking straight down at me, I would feel intimidated if I wasn't so mad at him.
"You know exactly what I am talking about. Your words and promises are utterly useless and insignificant." He aggressively swipes his hand over the screen closing out the words.
He waits for me to say something and when I don't, he briskly walks away boiling to the brim. If he slammed the door any harder it would have broken. I catch my breath that he stole. It must have really got to him when I wouldn't tell him what was wrong. I wish I could just tell him. I feel a fiery, hurtful pang to my chest when I really think about what he said. How my promises are useless and meaningless. The only promise I can think of that I actually made to him, well what he forced me to make to him. To never make him regret me, regret us, the risks of our relationship or the time he wants to give me. Does he really regret me? Have I broken it already, does he regret this? Does he regret this? Does he regret this? Does he- I let go of the doll because it starts to hurt squeezing it so hard. I push it away and rest my face in my hands.
I need to calm down, I need to get these thoughts out of my head. I suddenly panic when I realize it's been a long time since I used the force with Armitage. He could lose touch of it, Snoke could be reading him right now as I sit here being useless... and meaningless... and insignificant. No. I shake my head and stand up. I don't care if he's mad at me or what he will say, Snoke will kill him if he knows. I get halfway to the room when extreme discomfort enters my mind. Like someone wrapped a belt around my brain and tightened it. I stop and look down trying to ease the pain. My vision blurs as I see drool drip from my mouth. I touch my lips in confusion, for I never even felt anything leave. I suddenly recognize this now familiar feeling as I fall to the floor. I feel my own spit touch the side of my face. I change my mind set to narrow. Foolish and vacuous Armitage Hux. He doesn't know anything, he doesn't know me, I got information, he underestimates me. I feel my eyes start to close, feeling like cement. The pain becomes unbearable and I want to give up. No! He will see everything if I do. I HATE him, I hate Armitage. I hate him.
I take in the greatest breath I ever have. I feel I am underwater, just because of how much oxygen I can't get. The pain leaves as if it were never here. I don't feel anything, I feel nothing. Snoke has left. He's gone. It's okay now, he's gone. I swallow when the voice in my head is not mine own. He's gone now. Armitage, is that you? It's okay. It hits me, what I said when Snoke was just violently in ravage with my mind. I don't hate him. I don't I don't I don't. I try to re convince myself. But why? I love him, I love Armitage, I shouldn't have to retell myself that. Yet I feel a strong compulsion to remind myself I do. I don't hate him I love him. I finally get up and wipe the side of my face with my sleeve. I look down at the floor and wipe the rest of it away. I use my other sleeve to wipe away small tears of pain.
I stare at the door for a minute before I get up. I want to so badly to go in and make sure Snoke isn't with him. It isn't until this very minute I get the feeling it's best not to go in. I should trust my instinct, I should trust him. But I just want to make sure. Make sure he's okay. I reach for the door but stop. There it is again, I shouldn't do it. Should I? I decide to trust my inner feeling, to trust him. It's gotten me this far after all. He's gotten me this far.
I walk away to the room I am supposed to be sleeping in. An over bearing smell of freshness hits me and it makes me feel sick. I hold back a gag as I walk over and tear the sheets off the bed. They are so tight and neat, it's overwhelming. I feel almost strangled by the perfection. I kick the bedding across the floor into a corner. The feeling of sickness doesn't leave and I am soon rummaging through the closet looking for the clothes I can wear to bed. As I find something, I have to drop it due to me not being able to hold back my gag. I hurry to the loo and release everything I've eaten, being only a fruit. I am about to use my sleeve to wipe my face when I see how dirty they already are. Just like the sheets I tossed in the corner, my top is treated the same way. My eyes stay closed for a good while before I turn on the shower. I turn it all the way to the hottest setting, hoping it will make me feel better. Sitting back down and letting my back fall to the wall, I stare at the mirror as it fogs and the water drips down, leaving long, clear streaks. I feel better as my breathing slows and my mind gives the oxygen a chance to actually aid my lungs. The stupid temptation controls me and I get up and walk to the mirror. My face is blurred and non recognizable. The stupid temptation comes again and I draw a smile face with my finger. I just stare back him for a while, wishing I could ask him how he stays so happy, why it's so easy for him to smile. It's not fair. I wipe away the drawings face. The mirror fogs around the edges of where I have wiped.
After undressing I stare at the shower for a while just like everything else. My mind, arms, and legs like static, moving in slow motion. Even after stepping in the shower I stare at the water before walking underneath it. The water of the shower hits me and it burns at first, but I let it. I want Snoke off of me. I still feel him in my mind and it spreads through my body, violating me. I take soap and a shower puff and try and rid myself of him. I start with my arm as I stare at the wall ahead of me. Water runs down my face. It gets stuck in my eyelashes and I blink it away while breathing it in through my nose at the same time. I don't think of how long I must have been scrubbing until it hurts. I look down and see the skin that was healed not too long ago is now red. I blink more water out of my eyes and feel upset that I've hurt myself again. I touch some of the broken skin that is only one more scrub away from bleeding. I continue to scrub everywhere not even caring about myself this time, I just need the feeling to go away. I don't even feel the pain after a while but I still feel it on me. He won't leave. It just won't leave. My skin feels a new sensation as the water slowly turns cold. I drop the puff and just let the water run for a little longer. I just want to be under it a little longer, just a few more minutes.
I continue to stand and stare at the wall even after I turn the water off. I just stare at the mirror as I dress. Even though I am out now, I still feel water droplets coming down on me. I feel it on my shoulders and my face still feels as if water is running over it. All I'm concentrating on now is my breathing. Slow, with a fast heart beat. As I walk out of the the bathroom and then out of my room, I reach Armitages door. I feel as if I transported here in front of this door. I don't remember anything, I don't remember walking here, I'm just here. I finally open the door feeling okay about it now. I stand in the doorway staring at him. The light from out side of the room shines on his bare back, my body making a small bit of shadow on him. His breathing is steady and perfect. The way he sleeps is perfect, he's perfect when he's not even trying. Maker, I love him. I shut the door slowly just so I can see the light move off my his back. I am careful not to wake him as I pull back the tucked in sheets and lay down. The ceiling stares back at me. The cold bed sheets feel nice on my back. My eyes close and for the first time since the pain and I start to feel it leaving. The burning still remains though. I'm okay with it, the sting helps me feel something. I feel something else and I smile. I hold the arm that my love has now put around me. I smile bigger when I feel his cheek and mellow hair grace my chest. I move to hold him fully. I look down to see his closed eyes, his pastel orange eyelashes resting. I caress his face and and he smiles too. My fingers touch his lips and he kisses them. There are no words needed to know we both know we care. He is perfect. I love him.
Hey pals, I love you if you're reading this <3 :) -yoitsme108 🌅🌌