"I don't want to." He says and I look up at him.
"I see." I mutter, looking out the window.
It was hard to explain how I felt, after Irene conversation, I myself felt like I changed. I guess its just this anxious feeling of not wanting Kai to see me in a way he'll want to leave.
Though, it was hard to explain, the more we dated, the more I wanted to keep him by my side and the more anxious I become with my looks, action and who I was.
We both kept quiet as the car moved. Weirdly, I thought we were compatible but it seems we don't get through a day without misunderstanding. It was frustrating but also heart aching since I really liked Kai and sometimes no matter what Kai those, I felt I was the only who's liking since I was the first to admit my feelings to him and I had already been rejected by him once.
The car halted in front of the tall building and the air corn and movement stopped, everywhere was also more quiet. Too quiet, even though the car had stopped I still kept my gaze out the window.
"Let's go."
"Kai don't take it the wrong wa-"
"It's fine." He interrupted me and got out of the car. Sighing, I got out of the car and followed him inside the building.
Even in the elevator, a silent atmosphere surrounded us and I couldn't help but continuously glance at Kai as we rode the elevator.
He had a straight, emotionless expression as he just looked forward. Luckily the suffocating elevator opened, and Kai walked out first.
Looking around, the area was familiar and though the Hall looked the same, with the carpet and the continues identical door that I couldn't figure out which was Kai's.
We finally stopped at a door and I watch Kai open it.
We always ruin our plan, our plan to play game is probably ruin and I'll probably go home earlier.
No wonder people say it's easier to be friends. There is just this less insecurity you get when you are friends.
Once Kai opened the door, I followed him inside the apartment, taking in the familiarity of the room, I turn back and closed the door then removed my shoe.
Biting my lips, i try to break the awkward silence that has been around us.
"Hmm.. So what are you going to do in the up coming Christmas vacation." I ask from behind as I followed Kai.
Kai sat down on the couch then looks up at me and shrug.
"Ah.." I hum, looking up awkwardly with his stare fully on me, but decided to sit on the couch as well, far beside him.
Clenching my knee, I tried to continue the conversation, hoping the mood would lighten up.
"You won't go on a vacation with your family?" I look at him and he just shake his head.
"Why?"
"We never celebrate that. Christmas is blooming season for business people." He replied.
"Oh." I look at my lap but then look up at him. "Jennie? You don't celebrate with her."
"She normally celebrate with her other family." He says and I nod and look back down at my laps.
Dang it! Nothing is working!
"That's fine." I smile at him. "Its fun celebrating alone then with family, it can get annoying. Don't you think?"
"It's lonely." He simply replied, and my chest tighten and for some reason, my gaze just froze on him.
I should stop talking...
Looking away, I look back at my lap, as I press my lips in thin line, stopping myself from talking anymore.
Which of course.. I couldn't.
"If you want I can help wrap gifts for your family. We can do it now, it'll be fun." I say, trying to make us do something.
"We don't... Really exchange gift in our family. Well we never need it." He says and I had to stop myself from sighing from so many failed attempt of trying to have a normal conversation.
Looking at the headband on Kai's head, I sigh.
"You probably don't want my gift uh." I say and he just stares at me for a while putting me in a more awkward situation, then he looks away, looking up.
"I do.. Cause it's you." He says then looks back at me. I was frozen in my position as he gazed at me, my heart leaping from my chest. "So if I give you something. Want it.. Cause its me as well." He says and I sigh looking at my lap.
"Then you'll eventually not want me."
"Why won't I!" Kai says out of frustration.
"Cause its like that!" I snapped. "When a girl keeps taking from a guy, the guy gets turned off and you'll probably not want to date me anymore cause you'll think you've spent to much and you'll probably see me as a gold digger or something! And I've always had the mentality of getting a better life from munching of a rich guy and I don't want you to think Of me like that. And I don't have that mentality with you! But you might think I do!" I ranted and finally sigh. "And we don't have the best meeting reputation." I finally finish, hanging my head low.
"Joy, you are so frustrating." Kai grumbled. "You think of me as guys I'm not even close to being."
"Cause I don't know what kind of guy you are!" I snap at him, finally facing him. "What kind of guy are you then?"
"I just want to always be with you. I just want to see you. I just want to talk to you. And all this thing you are saying that I might get turn off, I don't get turn off by that. I like it when you depend on me and I know if I depend on you, you won't mind. I just.. " he runs his hand through His hair from frustration. "If I like you, I do things cause I like you, don't put any wrong motive to it. That's my turn off. When you put wrong motives to my action of showing I like you. You like me right?"
"Yes."
"And I do things because I want you to keep liking me cause I fear I like you more, and you might get sick of me."
"I obviously like you more." I stare at him
"How are you sure?" He ask and I sigh.
"Cause whatever you do, I'll still like you." I say.
"And whatever you do, I just like you more." He replied, and I press my lip on thin line.
"Even when I'm annoying?" I ask.
"Even when you are Super annoying." He replies and I bite my lips trying to hold my smile.
"I'm annoying aren't I?" I ask and a smile forms on his lips.
"I guess." He replies and I look away, rolling my eyes playfully.
"You're annoying too." I look at him with a playful smile on my lips.
"So? You still like me." He replied and I couldn't help but giggle.
"Yes.. But you like me more though." I replied with a proud grin.
"Yes." He replied and I press my lips trying to hide my embarrassed smile.
"So...." I draw as a blush crept up my cheek. "Will you like me more again if I..." I immediately cover my face with my palm from embarrassment, but drop my hands and looked at the amused Kai. "Will you-"
"Just kiss me already." He replied casually with a amused smile on his lips. Laughing out loud, I shyly stand up and walk to His front, biting my lips, I hold jus shoulder and knell on the couch, placing my knee on each side of his leg. Throwing my head back from laughter, I sit on his lap facing him.
"Okay." I smile down at him.
"Okay." He repeats, a shy smile on His face as he bite his lips trying to hide his blush. Even I couldn't hold my blush.
"Like an actual kiss okay." I say but immediately smack his chest from embarrassment as he raise his eyebrows at me. "Don't look at me like that." I laugh.
"Like what?" He laughs.
"You even gave me hickey before! And we didn't even know each other then! So why are you being so shy and weird."
"What the heck! How am I being shy! You're the one being shy." He laughs and I smack his chest.
"You're the one being shy." I glare at him but a playfully smile on my lips.
"Okay, you're being weird now." He says and I laugh out loud.
"Right. But you're liking me more.. Right?"
"Right." He nods and I move my face closer to his and slowly place my lip on his, before taking in his bottom lip. Even though I wasn't so experienced with kissing, Kdrama had helped me a lot. He kissed back deepening the kiss, we stayed in our position, while the kiss got deeper and deeper until I slowly slip my tongue into his mouth, our tongue came in contact and he playfully used his to kick mine, making me smile in between the kiss.
Moving back to catch my breath, I look at him with a wide grin on my face.
"Can I celebrate Christmas with you?"
Soon, I'll shove Taehyung inside this story lol. Sorry the story is slow pace but i really don't wanna skip any part but things will surely move forward soon. See you next week again lovies.