One Shots #VariaSquad

Truth or Dare - An Intervention

Alia P.O.V.

'Pari yaar, just drop it,' I whine, tired of hearing her harp on about how I've become less of a social person lately.

'I'm just saying, you don't hardly hang out with us anymore,' she states for the fifth time since the conversation began. 'Outside of the big industry events that we can't afford to miss,' she says quickly, correctly guessing what my response would be.

'I have a busy schedule,' I lie, hoping she'll finally change the topic.

'We all have busy schedules Alia. The rest of us still manage,' she points out, dashing my hopes. 'Come on Alia, one night won't make such a big difference in your busy schedule. It might even do you some good.'

'What?'

'You've become... don't be mad but you kinda act a little uptight nowadays. Like you're too grown up or something,' she tells me, giving me a sheepish grin. I stop walking, ignoring the fact that I'm blocking half the corridor of the studio, and turn to look at her in shock.

'I do not!' I exclaim, thoroughly offended.

'You kinda do. You're distant Alia, detached.' I stare at her, unable to figure out what to say to that. I'm not detached... am I? 'I didn't mean to offend you, you know that, I just think you act too mature.'

'Mature? Me? You have met me right?' I try to joke, the attempt falling flat.

Pari opens her mouth to say something and then stops suddenly, looking over my shoulder. 'Look, there's Varun, why don't we ask him what he thinks?' she suggests, pointing behind me.

Fuck, no, I swear silently; Varun is most definitely the last person I want to see right now. But unfortunately, Pari doesn't notice my discomfort and calls him over before I could protest.

'Hey Pari,' he greets with a wide smile, determinedly not looking my way for which I'm glad.

'Hi Dhawan,' she returns, slightly less enthusiastic than him, looking between the two of us with a curious expression on her face.

'What's up?'

'Nothing, I was just hoping you could convince Alia to come hang out at Arjun's with the rest of us tonight,' she tells him, clearly hopeful. At that, he has to acknowledge my presence, turning to look at me somewhat reluctantly.

'Alia, hi,' he says with fake enthusiasm, acting as though he simply hadn't noticed I was there till now.

'Hey,' I return, a smile that is more real than I'd like to admit spreading across my face - a completely involuntary reaction.

An awkward silence settles for a minute until Pari breaks it. 'That's it?' she asks, looking at Varun expectantly.

'Come on Pari, you know how stubborn this one is,' he says, gesturing to me with a short laugh; 'if she's made her mind up not to come, nothing will change it.'

'You could at least try,' she huffs. 'It would do her some good don't you think?'

Varun looks to me quickly, just a short glance in my direction, before he looks back to Pari, something that seems awfully like guilt flickering behind his eyes. 'Not if she doesn't want to be there,' he tells her, 'though she doesn't know what she's missing out on.' His voice is full of false cheer and it's physically painful to stand here, acting like everything's normal and not react to the nuances in his voice that give away how he's feeling - the ones nobody else will pick up on.

'What she's missing out on is a night to act her age. She's become far too mature recently, hasn't she?' Pari questions. It's not a bad tactic, I have to admit; one of Varun's favourite topics to rant about used to be how I was trying to act far older than I am and that I should stop and have fun, but things between us have changed a lot in the past few months and her needling no longer has the desired effect. Instead, he shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, stealing another glance at me as he lets out another short laugh.

'Mature? Alia? You have met her right?' he asks, forcing a grin though he evidently finds no humour in his own joke. I have to bite my lip to stop the giggles escaping at the fact that he'd unwittingly made the same joke I'd attempted to not five minutes ago.

'I have actually. And she's definitely trying far too hard to act like she's in her forties nowadays,' Pari states, glaring at Varun.

'I do not!' I snap, giggles disappearing as I groan at her persistence.

'Please, at least try to talk some sense in to her,' she says to Varun, completely ignoring my protest.

He looks at her like he's wondering about her sanity but shrugs and turns to me. 'We're all hanging out at Arjun's place tonight, you're coming,' he deadpans. For a minute, I want to smile. The way he said it, a casual command accompanied by a smile that is about as genuine as his ever gets nowadays that lets me know he knows that I won't let him boss me around but he's looking out for me so please can I play along, is so reminiscent of the way he used to be, the way we used to be, that for a moment I'm fooled into thinking that maybe there's hope for the return of that Varun after all.

But I quickly snap myself out of it, reminding myself that false hopes lead to real pain, and shake my head. 'I'm not coming and nothing either of you say can change it. I'm busy and I have an early start and-'

'Bullshit. We're shooting together tomorrow,' Varun calls me out. I look at him, mouth hanging open as I stare at him, wondering what the hell has gotten into him. 'You know Arjun's address, he said to get there by eight. I'll see you there.' Without another word, he walks away, leaving me to stare after him while Pari stands beside me, giggling.

'What the hell just happened?' I ask once I manage to get my brain to cooperate with my tongue again.

'Varun made it impossible for you to skip out on us tonight,' Pari supplies helpfully – not. I look at her, both annoyed that she had played such a dirty trick with me and still confused as to why Varun had suddenly reverted to the person he used to be. 'Come on, we should get going, it's already four and it's going to take at least an hour to get home.' I nod absentmindedly and follow her towards the doors, calling out a see ya as we get into our cars.

***

It takes nearly an hour and a half for me to get home, leaving me with just over an hour before I have to leave again if I want to get to Arjun's place for eight. I'm tempted to drag my feet about it, apprehensive about seeing everyone again, nervous about how they'll react – well, really one person in particular – and confused about whether or not I'll still be able to fit in with them like I used to, but I know that it'll do me no good, that, one way or another, I'll end up at Arjun's place tonight because I know that Varun was serious when he'd told me I would be going and, despite the weird place our friendship is in at the minute, I wouldn't put it past him to show up at my place and take me there himself if I didn't show.

So, I push aside the nerves and the worry and take a quick shower before pulling on an old, comfortable pairs of jeans with a semi-fitted t-shirt, finding a plaid button up in the back of my closet and pulling it over the top, briefly wondering where it came from and then debating if I should just discard it when I check the pocket and find an old piece of paper covered in doodles from a day on set months ago when everything that could go wrong did and me and Varun had found ourselves very bored, one that I remember Varun shoving into his shirt pocket – this shirt pocket. I can't help but remember some other things too, like why and how this shirt ended up at my house, the look on his face when I'd picked it up off the floor and pulled it on when we'd both decided we needed food... and how it'd ended up back on the floor a couple of hours later.

The memories make me smile for a minute and then, as I catch up to myself, I almost decide to leave the shirt but my outfit looks so much better with it than without so I leave it on and exit my cupboard, grabbing my phone on the way out of my room and leaving the house on seeing that there's already a text from Sunil saying he's waiting outside.

***

I get to Arjun's just after eight to find that everyone else is already there. Arjun's greeting enthusiastic as ever, a bright smile and a warm hug. I smile back at him, feeling all the façades and walls begin to fade as I look around and see all my contemporaries – no, my friends - stood around, talking and laughing. The apprehension I'd felt before leaving the house is gone; it's hard to feel anything but a kind of giddy excitement now that I'm here.

'Alia, you made it!' Pari exclaims once I'm through the main entryway, practically running over from the other side of the room.

'Hi Pari,' I greet with a laugh, returning her enthusiastic hug.

'I thought you weren't gonna show,' she tells me as we break the embrace and she begins to walk further into the room, back to the group of girls she'd been chatting with before I'd shown up.

As we near them, they look round and I hear almost simultaneous exclamations of 'Alia!', 'what're you doing here?' and 'long time no see.'

I laugh and shake my head, realising just how much I've missed them. 'Hey girls.'

They don't bother to return a greeting, choosing instead to squeal and all but tackle me in a group hug. I laugh harder and attempt to hug all three of them, feeling a kind of calm happiness that I haven't felt in months.

As we all calm down and untangle ourselves, I feel someone's gaze on me and look over Shraddha's shoulder to find Varun looking at me, a satisfied smile on his face. He catches my eye and nods, lifting his can of coke in a mock salute and I bite my lip to keep back my smile. Jeez, what is wrong with me? I think, still looking over at him, noticing that he hasn't looked away either. We haven't had a proper conversation in weeks and I'm grinning like a school girl over a smile, I mentally scold myself.

It is a nice smile though. I shake my head to clear it, deciding that there's no point in entertaining my own jumbled thoughts, and force myself to look away from Varun, turning to Kriti. 'So, I take it I've probably missed a lot, right?'

'A ton!' she agrees.

'Fill me in then?' I ask and she grins, Shraddha laughs and Kat claps her hands as though she's about to tell an excellent story.

'Well,' Kat begins, 'where should we even start?'

The three begin to chatter, debating over what story to tell me first. I let out a content sigh and lean against the wall, feeling like I'm finally back where I belong.

There're no fake acts here, no cordial behaviour, no over the top politeness. There's just us: Kat, Shraddha, Kriti, Pari, me, Arjun, Sid, Adi, Ayushmann, Ranveer... Varun. Just us, being who we are and nobody to tell us to behave otherwise.

As I look out at everyone enjoying themselves, Arjun's dog, Max, running around asking for pats on the head and scratches behind the ears, Paris joins me. 'So, Little Miss Busy, glad you came.'

'Very,' I admit readily. 'Thank you. For being so stubborn and making me come. I didn't realise how much I missed this, how much I needed it, until I walked in the door. But I really did. I missed you guys, all of you, so much.'

'I don't think I'm really the one you should be thanking,' she remarks, looking over to Varun who hastily looks away from us, joining in on the conversation Sid and Adi are having, his gestures overly animated even for him, and me and Pari laugh, both fully aware that he'd been looking at us until Pari looked over. 'We missed you too, by the way. Even if some of us are extremely bad at showing it.'

'He's only bad at showing it if you don't know what to look for,' I say, my brain automatically going to Varun at her words.

'I was talking about Arjun,' Pari tells me with a giggle.

'Oh,' I mutter as my face goes red.

'Yeah, Varun's been pretty good at showing it,' Kat chimes in, making me realise that they've been listening the entire time.

'By which she means he's been insufferable,' Shraddha clarifies.

'He won't shut up about you,' Kriti adds with an eyeroll. 'No offence but it was starting to get annoying.'

'I'm sorry, are we talking about the same Varun?' I question, only half joking; given that we've been avoiding each other as best as we can for the past few months – despite the fact that we're shooting for a film together 0 I'm not ready to believe that he's been vocal about my absence from these group hangouts.

'I don't know about you, but I'm talking about Varun Dhawan, you know, the one stood over there pretending to talk to the guys even though he's not paying them any attention because he just can't seem to take his eyes off of you,' Shraddha answers, not bothering to hide the laughter that bubbles up as my face heats once again.

'You must be getting him confused with someone else,' I tell her, trying my best to sound dismissive and unbothered despite the blush colouring my cheeks.

'Nope,' she states, popping the p.

'You're sure?' I ask, still in complete denial. When she nods, I'm momentarily lost for words but I manage to recover fairly quickly. 'Right, well he must've been abducted and that's an imposter.'

'Why?' Kat asks with a laugh.

'Because there's no way in hell he'd openly express concern – or any other emotion – for me,' I deadpan, watching in confusion at the amused looks the four exchange.

'Alia, he may tease you, treat you like one of the guys and basically refuse to actually express himself in front of you but he's always been very... vocal when you're not here,' Pari informs me, mirth shining in her eyes at the clear disbelief written on my face.

'Him?' I ask, pointing in Varun's direction. 'As in Varun? Varun Dhawan? Mera Var-' (My Var-)I cut myself off mid-word, realising what I'd almost said.

'Haan, tera Varun,' (Yes, your Varun) Pari answers, teasing lilt to her voice.

'That's not what I was going to say,' I protest, getting four almost identical don't-bullshit-me looks in response. I sigh and look around, trying to find a way out of this conversation before my friends can really start with the teasing, and my eyes land on the drink in Pari's hand giving me an idea for an escape route. 'I'm gonna go grab a drink, be back in a minute.' None of them look all that surprised by my sudden thirst but that doesn't really surprise me; by now, they're all used to my lame methods of evasion and long past trying to get me to stop dodging so they simply shrug and I resist the urge to run to the kitchen, forcing myself to keep a steady pace as I cross the room to the hallway that leads there.

***

Thankfully, the kitchen is empty; as much as I'm enjoying being here, I don't think I'm up for answering questions as to why I'm hiding out in the kitchen.

I figure I may as well actually grab a drink while I'm in here so I open the fridge and grab a can of coke, leaning against the counter as I crack it and take a sip.

The cool liquid feels food, the feel of bubbles popping on my tongue a refreshing change from the seemingly endless amount of water and health drinks I've been consuming lately. My eyes close of their own accord and I sigh, feeling pretty happy with life for the first time in a long while.

It's silent in the kitchen, allowing me a moment to think, really think, about my life. I usually try not to think too much about it really; I've made a lot of messes over the past year and sometimes it seems like cleaning them up might just prove to be impossible. Tonight though, I can actually see a positive note amongst a veritable sea of negatives. Being here tonight makes me realise just how big a mistake I'd made when I'd taken advice from Karan in an anger-and-desperation-fuelled hope that it would make my life easier.

Missing out on these chances to hang out with my oldest and closest friends within the industry – and in the case of a few, closest outside the industry too – hadn't done me any good in reality, no matter how good the idea had seemed to me in that moment. Yes, doing so had helped put distance between me and Varun, which I'd been desperate to do when I'd made the decision, thinking that I needed it to be able to sort out my own head and feelings, but I'd also ended up depriving myself of one of the only places I could stop acting. And, as I'm realising now, distance from Varun was never really what I needed, especially not when it came at the cost of my mental health and made me into a person so guarded and uptight that I hardly even recognise my own reflection anymore.

Just as I come to the conclusion that I need to stop taking advice from Karan – really, it just ends up with me regretting it most times so I don't even understand why I still listen to him at this point – and start doing things like this more often, the atmosphere in the kitchen shifts slightly, the air feeling ever so slightly different, somehow both easier and more difficult to breathe. The change is one I'm familiar with, the presence I can now sense in the room one I've gotten to know quite intimately over the past eight years.

I don't say anything, waiting to see what will happen and simply enjoying the feeling of being enveloped by that presence in a way I've not allowed myself to do since we decided to really try the just friends thing and ended up awkwardly avoiding being left alone together.

Silence reigns for a moment longer and then, 'you're wearing my shirt,' Varun says. His voice is low and I can feel his eyes on me. When I open my eyes to look at him, it doesn't surprise me to see that his are darker than normal, despite his best efforts to keep himself in control I'm sure, and I know that he's thinking of what happened the last time he saw the shirt.

'Well, you left it at my place and possession is nine-tenths of the law,' I tell him with a shrug and a cheeky grin.

'So, what you're saying is that, if I want my shirt back, I'm going to have to get it off of you?' he asks, arching an eyebrow and moving towards me, our agreement to stop behaving like this with each other flying straight out the metaphorical window.

'Essentially, yes,' I agree with a coy smile, setting my drink on the counter before taking the few steps needed to cover the distance left between us, pitting my hands on his chest and leaning up to whisper in his ear, internally smirking at the look on his face. 'But to do that, you'd have to catch me first.' The words and actions clearly catch him off guard and the stunned look on his face as I run away is completely priceless; I can't help but laugh.

It takes a moment for him to get over his confusion and then I hear his feet hitting the tiled floor as he runs after me, calling for me to stop. I laugh again, shaking my head and calling a defiant no over my shoulder as I cross through to the sitting room.

'What the hell?' Adi questions, eyes following me for a second before going back to the doorway as Varun comes through it.

He stops just inside the door for a second and I stop too, waiting and watching, wondering if he's realised just how childish this is and decided not to play the game, hoping that's not the case. And then, he darts forward again and I move too, attempting to run and hide behind one of the girls, but he had a split-second head start and moves faster than I do anyway and, before I'm even halfway there, he manages to catch me.

'That was just plain evil!' he exclaims, his laugh and grin contradicting the words as he lifts me off my feet to stop me from attempting to run away again.

'Bit rich coming from you,' I return, laughing harder as he takes advantage of his hold on me and tickles me.

'Do we want to know what's going on?' Sid stage-whispers, the words just loud enough to be heard over my laughter and empty pleas to be put down.

'Probably not,' Arjun replies, failing just as spectacularly in his attempt to be subtle.

The words and subsequent laughter work to jolt both me and Varun back to reality and Varun puts me down, unwrapping his arms from around me, clearly trying his best not to smile at the playful pout I give him.

For a moment, we all go quiet, as though some sort of silencing spell has been cast over the room, and then I look over and catch Varun's eye and he begins to chuckle and start to giggle and then Sid's laughing too and Pari joins in, followed by Adi and, soon enough, we're all laughing.

If anyone were to walk through the door, they'd take one look at us and decide we're insane with the way we're all laughing but I don't think any of us could care less – I know I sure as hell couldn't. Something about the moment reminds me how young we all are, makes me realise that we all spend too much time trying to be people we aren't, shoulder responsibilities that sometimes are a little too heavy for us to be carrying alone, and this is what we need, all of us.

Truth be told, I'm not entirely sure why we're all laughing. I know that Varun had started to laugh because everything had been so reminiscent of old times, like playing a film reel of one of our earlier get-togethers, and the laughter helped to free the people we were then, to bring them back out of their hidey-holes, and I joined in because I felt some strange glee at the fact that I can still understand him like that and because, looking at him, it was hard not to; his laughter has always been contagious and it feels like life had been breathed back into my old memories, the scene filling me with the kind of hyper energetic happiness that can only come out through laughter. I can't say for sure why the rest joined in but I know that we're all still laughing because it feels good, because we don't laugh enough anymore, because we don't let ourselves be like this often enough and because there's just something about this type of laughter that makes everything seem so much lighter. 

***

Over the next few weeks, I find myself at these hangouts a lot more often. Just like before, everyone takes turns at playing host, each time at a different apartment. Eventually, as I knew would inevitably be the case, the message on the group chat saying let's hang at my place tonight comes from Varun.

A strange kind of nervousness comes over me at seeing the message, something I can't explain at first but eventually recognise at the fear of bursting the bubble we've been creating over the past few weeks, the one where it's okay to be us in the way we used to be. I'm afraid that his apartment will be full of reminders of everything that went wrong between us, completely certain for some reason that his girlfriend would had somehow left her mark on the place, in the form of pictures at the very least. The last thing I want to do is to start skipping out again but the fear doesn't seem to want to go away and, before I can talk myself out of it, I find myself messaging Varun.

I half-laugh, half-groan at how he knows me so well and put my phone away. My nerves haven't lessened at all, in fact, they seem to have gotten worse. But I can't deny that I don't' want to skip out, even if it means the possibility of facing the chance I lost.

Because if I skip out once, I'll keep doing it, make excuse after excuse. And that won't do me any good. I've made progress recently, found myself again, uncovered the person who'd been hidden under façades and masks and lies. That person only comes out in the company of my friends – to say that Varun hasn't played a big part in that would be a massive lie – and I don't want to risk losing myself again.

I know Varun will try his best to make everything normal, to make sure I don't feel uncomfortable, but I have this strange feeling that going to his place is going to change something somehow. I don't know if it will be good or bad but I know that tonight isn't going to be an ordinary night.

***

I end up getting to Varun's place early – by which I mean at least two hours before anyone else will show up. I'd spent an hour debating with myself before leaving my flat, not wanting to seem overly eager by showing up early, even though I know he won't read too much into it. In the end, I'd decided I really didn't care whether I seem too keen; if I hadn't left when I did, I would've lost my nerve and decided not to come at all.

When he opens the door to see me, Varun looks slightly bewildered but lets me in all the same, greeting me with a warm hug as always. 'Didn't expect to see you for a few more hours,' he says, closing the door as I find a space to keep my shoes and then helping me out of my jacket despite the eye roll I give him; I learnt to stop fighting these gentleman-ly acts of his a long time ago so I don't bother to actually protest.

'Yeah, sorry. It's not a bad time, right? Like I'm not interrupting anything am I?' I ask, fidgeting slightly as I realise that it's his day off and coming over unannounced on his days off has never led to anything good.

'Nah, not at all,' he dismisses with a smile that tells me he knows what I'm thinking. 'Don't know what you could possibly be interrupting. I'm just getting everything ready for tonight – and now I have help.'

'Oh. Good. Cause I really don't want to inconvenience you or anything. I was just sat at home and then I started thinking about tonight, about coming here tonight and then I started to overthink and convince myself that I shouldn't come and I figured if I didn't just come over, I woul-' he cuts me off with a finger on my lips and I look up to meet his gaze, slightly startled when I realise just how close he is – close enough that I can see the different shades of brown in his eyes.

'You're rambling,' he tells me, speaking softly, so softly, like speaking any louder would take us out of the little world he created when he decided to take that step closer and silence my babble.

I can't speak, and not just because his finger is still on my lips – though that does play a big part, it's more to do with the not-so-innocent thoughts sparked by the seemingly innocent action than because my attempts to talk would be impeded by it.

Mostly though, my lack of words is due to the fact that I can't actually find any. His soft tone, our sudden proximity and the look in his eyes make it very difficult to think beyond wandering what's going to happen next, hoping that it involves him eliminating the distance between us.

And then his eyes flick down to my lips and my tongue automatically darts out to wet them, only his finger is still in the way. But, instead of the action ruining the moment like you might expect, he lets out a low groan and his eyes darken and I know what he's thinking of, can practically see the memories going through his head because they're the same ones that are going through mine.

We teeter on the edge of a precipice for a moment, one breath from falling down off the ledge we've fought so hard to climb to, one move from tumbling back down into a place we won't be able to make it out of a second time, the one where nothing matters except the two of us, where we never bother to hold back or hide from ourselves or each other.

I can feel us falling, feel as one foot begins to slide, unable to keep relying on Varun's strength to keep us standing as I usually do because he's slipping too, just as fast as I am – if not faster. But, seconds before we spill over the edge of the quickly crumbling outcropping, the doorbell rings, the sound quickly followed by knocking at the door.

The sounds bring us both crashing back to reality, Varun blinking confusedly as he steps back while I let out a sigh, looking at the ground as I try to compose myself.

'I should probably go get that,' he mutters, his feet shuffling awkwardly. I simply nod, not trusting myself to speak just yet. Without another word, he goes to open the door and, through the haze still clouding my brain, I hear Varun's bhabhi's voice saying something about only for an hour. From the babble that's louder than Varun's response, I guess that it has something to do with his niece and I can't help but smile even though I'm still thoroughly disgruntled by the interruption; getting to see Varun interact with kids is always something amazing and, though I've only ever seen him with his niece once, it's even more of a delight to watch him with Niyaara than with anyone else.

I can't stop myself from indulging in thoughts, daydreams really, of what Varun will be like with his own kids, cursing myself when my brain conjures up the image of him holding a baby girl with a little boy clinging to his leg while he looks over at someone adoringly, his wife probably, and though I hate to admit it, in this little daydream I imagine he's looking at me.

Despite hating my own brain for giving me such an image, I allow myself a few moments to entertain the thoughts, unable to help it.

I'm startled out of my thoughts by Varun's voice as he walks into the sitting room, nappy bag in one hand, travel cot in the other, his bhabhi following behind him with Niyaara. 'You're going to have to help me out with baby duty got a bit,' he tells me, setting the stuff down before reaching over to take Niyaara from her mum.

'So this is who you meant when you said company,' Jaanvi says, shooting her devar a teasing smile.

'I was actually referring to the fact that about seven more people are coming over but take it however you please.'

'You can never answer yes-or-no questions simply can you?' I ask with an eye roll before moving to greet Jaanvi, accepting the hug she offers.

'Long time no see stranger!' she exclaims in response to my hi, holding me out at arm's length and looking me over. 'Tum bohot patli hogaye. Theek se khana kha raahe na?' (You've become very thin. You're eating properly right?) she questions, brow furrowed.

'Haan aunty, mein theek se khaati hoon,' (Yes aunty, I eat properly) I answer with a laugh. Her serious face immediately disappears and she laughs too.

After a moment though, her face goes serious again but, before she can repeat the question in all earnestness, she's interrupted by Niyaara. 'Chachu, who?' the baby asks, pointing to me with an adorable look of confusion on her face. The words shock me slightly because, though Varun has mentioned that she's talking now, I hadn't realised her words would be so well formed.

'That's Alia. Can you say Alia?' Varun asks her, bringing her towards me. 'Say Alia. Al-i-a.' She looks at her uncle, probably wondering how he expects her to manage that, and he chuckles. 'What about Alu. Can you say Alu?'

'A'u,' she says, grinning at her own attempt.

'Almost. Say Al-oo,' he prompts again.

'A'u,' she repeats.

'Close enough,' I tell her with a smile, earning myself a toothless grin.

'A'u,' she says again, laughing and clapping her hands excitedly before pointing at me.

'Alu what?' Jaanvi asks me, expanding on her question when she sees my confused face; 'Appa, didi, masi?'

'Oh. Oh, no, she doesn't need to use any of those. Just Alu is fine,' I say, both because I've never particularly liked the labels and because I don't want to become too attached to the little girl, afraid that allowing myself to do so will make it all the more difficult when me and Varun fall apart again, as we undoubtedly will.

'No, she has to call you something,' Jaanvi insists, 'aunty at the least.' My nose scrunches at the suggestion and both Varun and Jaanvi laugh.

'How about chachi?' Varun suggests, his tone innocent but, when I look round at him,' there's mischief in his eyes. I flush slightly and he chuckles. 'Has a good ring to it, doesn't it? Alu chahci?'

Though I really don't usually like the thought of being addressed in such a way, I have to admit, it doesn't sound too bad – probably because of the implications of the words.

Despite kind of liking the way it sounds, I begin to protest, say didi will be fine because I know that Jaanvi won't drop the subject otherwise, and then make sure Niyaara never actually uses the term. But, before I can get the words out, Niyaara speaks again. 'Chachi!' she exclais with a giggle, clapping her hands once more. 'A'u chachi.' I look at the baby, too stunned to correct her, until I hear a laugh behind me.

'I guess she thinks so,' Jaanvi says.

'I – I really don't think –' I begin to say, only for Varun to cut me off.

'Alu, what the baby says, goes,' he tells me, smirking. I glare at him but it comes off far more playful than I'd intended and he simply laughs.

'Well, that's settled then,' Jaanvi announces, checking her watch. 'Now, I've gotta go. I'll be back around eight, nine at the very latest. If Rohit gets back before then, he'll come get her.' Varun nods, tells his sister-in-law not to worry and, after dropping a kiss to her daughter's head, telling Varun not to get her hyped up on sugar and telling me to keep an eye on him just in case, Jaanvi leaves, seeing herself out.

For a moment, it's silent except for Niyaara's babble and then Varun speaks. 'My little Birdie's got good taste,' he says, bouncing the girl a little. 'Yes, you do.'

'What?' I ask, curious despite myself.

'Bhaiya and Natasha have been trying to get her to say chachi since she said chachu but she refuses. Won't actually call Natasha anything,' he explains with a slight chuckle.

'Oh,' is all I can say, my heart sinking at the reminder I'd been hoping to avoid.

'Yeah. I guess Birdie knows her chachu well enough to know he's, uh, I mean... never mind, it's not important.' He mutters the last few words, looking away from me and playing with his niece again.

'No, tell me.'

'It's nothing. Just, I don't want Niyaara calling her chachi. It might sound stupid but I don't like what that implies,' he says with a shrug that's far too casual.

'But she can call me chachi?' I ask, raising an eyebrow and doing my best to keep my tone light and teasing despite the fact that my curiosity is killing me at this point. He nods, face flushing. 'Why?'

'Because. I don't know. Guess it feels like at least she approves of my choice.' Any teasing comments I might've uttered get stuck in my throat and I find myself unable to speak, unable to do anything but stand as Varun talks to the baby he's holding, watch him let all his feelings out to the eight-and-a-half-month-old, the words that left – and continue to leave – his mouth not at all what I was expecting to hear. 'You do, don't you Birdie? You like your Alu chachi?' The baby grins and bounces excitedly and Varun laughs. 'Good. Chachu likes her too.'

I still can't seem to do anything other than star at him, unsure of how I'm supposed to react – I'm not even sure he means for me to be hearing any of this. I know that he's fully aware of my presence but I don't know if he entirely realises what he's saying. Despite the fact that he knows I'm here, I feel like I'm eavesdropping on something private so I stay silent, not wanting him to stop when this is something that's clearly been playing on his mind a while.

But my resolve to keep quiet is shattered with the next words out of his mouth. 'I like her a lot Birdie. But nobody really cares what or who your chachu likes. Apart from you. Though, I guess after everything I put her through, I don't deserve her anyway.'

'That's not true Vee.' He looks round at me on hearing my voice, his dear-in-the-headlights look proving that he'd not realised I was stood there while he spoke, able to hear everything he was saying.

After a moment, that look disappears and one of resignation takes its place as he lets out a sigh. 'How can you say that?' After everything I've done, every promise I've broken, how can you say that?'

'You know, you have this bad habit of seeing yourself as the bad guy but, the thing is, you're not the only one at fault. That's just not how the world works,' I tell him, reaching out a hand to rest on his arm. 'We're both at fault. You, me and a dozen other people. So stop hating on yourself for no reason.'

'I have perfectly valid reaso – '

'Yeah and so do I,' I interrupt before he can put more blame on himself. 'But I'm done putting myself down because it doesn't do me any good. Hating on myself only got me in a fuc- I mean, messed up,' I hastily correct myself on remembering the, unusually silent, baby in the room, 'situation where I kept myself away from my friends, away from you. Which only stressed me out, made me act uptight and distant. And, if I hadn't done it, we could've worked this out together a long time ago.'

'Sort what out Alu? What are we supposed to be sorting out here?' he asks. 'I'm practically engaged and you're seeing someone else. What exactly is there to fix now?'

I sigh and shake my head but I can't help but smile a little because, though he sounds utterly defeated, there's hope in his eyes that he just can't hide. 'Never know you to give up so easily,' I point out.

'I never said I'm giving up. I'm asking you what it is you want to fix.' I blink at him, surprised, because I half-expected more despondent Varun. 'Well?'

'I, uh, it's – I mean, we –' My incoherent babble is cut off as Niyaara, who's probably gotten tired of the grown-ups talking and not paying her any attention, begins to squirm, blowing rasberries and waving her arms about.

The semi-tense atmosphere disappears immediately and I can't help but laugh. 'Give her here and set up the travel cot so she can play in there,' I tell Varun, who seems to be at a complete loss for what to do. He nods and I lift Niyaara out of his hands while he pulls the cot from its carry bag and begins to put it together. She stops waving her hands about and looks at me curiously for a minute before beginning to babble again, much more rapidly, grinning and clapping her hands. 'You're a very happy baby, aren't you?' I ask her, shifting her slightly so I can hold her securely with one hand and tickling her tummy gently. She giggles loudly, squirming a little until I stop and then looking at me expectantly, her little face scrunched as though asking me why I stopped. I chuckle at her inquisitive expression and tap her nose with my finger, making a quiet beep-beep noise as though it's a horn. She exclaims excitedly an I hear a soft laugh from Varun. 'What?' I ask him, turning my gaze from the baby I'm holding to look at him, slightly confused by the soft smile on his face.

'Nothing,' he says with a shrug, 'just never really seen you interact with a baby before I guess. It's cute.'

I give him an okay-thenlook and turn my attention back to Niyaara. 'Your chachu's a bit weird, isn't he?' I stage whisper. Of course, being eight-months-old, she has no idea what I just said and nods her head because I nod mine. 'It's okay though, we still love him, right?'

Varun P.O.V.

I roll my eyes as I hear Alia ask my niece if she thinks I'm weird but the action is basically pointless because I can't stop the fond smile from spreading on my face. Watch Alia interact with Niyaara awakens dreams I thought I'd locked away, dreams of seeing her with her own kids, with our kids.

The sight of her holding a baby, bouncing her and smiling and playing with her like she doesn't need to think about it, like she's acting on instinct, stirs up feelings that I'd buried deep under a million layers of lies that I tell myself. Some of my feelings for Alia, ones I' hidden but never been able to bury completely, have already begun to make themselves known again over the past few weeks and more still have resurfaced with our intense moments earlier. And this unlocks the door, opens Pandora's box so to speak, freeing all the things I'd foolishly hoped would never be uncovered again.

I'm happy to give into the feelings, happy to stop thinking about what I'm doing and let them take over. I tell myself my heart's taken over completely when I take my phone out of my pocket to click a picture of the moment even though I know that's not entirely true; my brain has a part too, telling me I'll want the picture later to prove it isn't just a dream while my heart says to capture the moment because it's too beautiful not to.

Or maybe it's the same voice saying both. After all, hum toh Punjabi hain, pure Dilwale bande hain. (I'm Punjabi, I'm all heart.)

I smile to myself as I take the picture, opening up my messages app straight after and clicking the top message thread without checking which one it is, sure that Arjun is the last person I texted.

Is it bad I kinda wanna 'leak' this? I type, attaching the picture and hitting send.

I'm too preoccupied by the words that leave Alia's mouth next to double check who I'd sent the message to – hearing the girl you're head-over-heels for say she loves you, even in a joking way, will do that to you – and don't realise that I clicked the wrong chat until my phone starts buzzing like crazy and I check it to see Pari's name on the screen. My eyes widen as I realise Pari had been the last person I texted, asking for advice on how to make tonight go smoothly, and so I'd accidentally sent the picture to her.

Before I can open the messages and calm Pari down, Alia speaks again. 'VD, are you done setting up the cot yet? I think Birdie's getting tired of being held.'

I grin widely at hearing her use my nickname for Niyaara and pocket my phone, picking up the foldaway cot that doubles as a playpen, trying to unfold it and click everything into place like I have countless times, failing because I haven't undone the Velcro strap. 'You okay?' Alia asks, watching me with a mixture of amusement and concern.

'Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little scatter-brained I guess,' I dismiss, undoing the strap and unfolding the cot, easily putting it up. 'See, all good.'

'Only took you half an hour,' she teases, placing Niyaara down.

'It was only five minutes!' I protest, retrieving a few toys from the nappy bag and putting them in the playpen, much to Birdie's delight. 'And, in my defence, you playing with my niece isn't exactly something I get to see very often.'

'Really, that's your excuse?' she asks with a laugh.

'It's true!' I exclaim, putting my hands up in a joking gesture of defence.

'Mmmhmm.'

'It is. Seeing you like that, it's distracting.' The sarcastic retort I know is on the tip of her tongue is cut off as my phone starts buzzing again, going completely haywire in my pocket.

'Someone's trying to get a hold of you,' she remarks, frowning when a series of buzzes sound from her back pocket, indicating she's getting messages too.

Without another word, we both take out phones out to see what's so urgent and my jaw practically hits the floor when I see that I have over thirty messages from Pari and twenty on the group. 

'So, you wanna explain why and how Pari has a picture of me with Niyaara?'

'Funny story,' I say with a nervous laugh, 'I hit the wrong number when I went to share it and didn't realise it'd gone to Pari until these messages came through.'

'Right... so, I'm not gonna ask who it was you meant to send that to cause I'm kind of more interested in the message you sent with it,' she states, raising an eyebrow.

'I don't – I mean it's a beautiful picture – a beautiful moment – and you looked so – so natural and happy and it made me happy, makes me happy, and I wanted to show everyone you know?' I tell her, not entirely filtering my words in my haste to explain. 'I wouldn't actually do it but it's tempting.'

'Why not?'

'What?' I ask, bewildered.

'You said you wouldn't actually do it; why not?'

'Because that would cause problems for the both of us?' My answer comes out as more of a question than a statement but I'm confused beyond belief by her words.

'Somehow, I don't think I'd mind dealing with those problems.'

'You wouldn't?' I repeat, even more confused.

'No. Somethings are worth it,' she says with a shrug. 'Besides, we look good, don't we Birdie?' she asks, directing the words to Niyaara who laughs and claps happily on recognising the praising tone of voice, and I try my best to ignore the way my heart swells again as I watch them interact, the two most important girls in my life.

Alia's attention has shifted completely back to my niece again and I watch as she plays peekaboo with the baby – who finds it endlessly amusing – torn between throwing caution to the wind and uploading the picture or playing it safe and letting it join all the other pictures that simply stay stored on my phone because I've never been willing to face the consequences that would come with uploading them.

For a moment, I almost settle on letting this picture join the hundreds of others that nobody else will ever get to see but the thought of this picture staying hidden away forever, nobody ever getting to see the pure happiness of the moment, just doesn't sit well with me. So, I screw up the courage and open Instagram, uploading the picture, typing out a caption and hitting post before I can chicken out.

And then, I silence my phone and put it back in my pocket so that it won't provide anymore distractions and join Alia on the floor after lifting Niyaara out of the pen and placing her down in the space between us. 'Varun?'

'Yes?'

'Why did I just spend ten minutes holding her while I waited for you to put the cot up when she's perfectly okay on the floor?'

'I don't know, why?' I ask, regretting the cheeky question when Alia picks up a pillow and hits me on the arm with it, Niyaara giggling at my, obviously fake, exclamation of pain.

***

Three hours later, my brother shows up to pick Niyaara up. She's on the floor when he walks in, happily playing with a toy train and a teddy bear, knocking down the stacking cup tower Alia had just built as her father enters the room.

From the kitchen, I hear my brother ask, 'where's your chachu?' and look through the small window in the wall.

'He just went to grab something from the kitchen,' Alia answers, getting no response except a short nod. Deciding that leaving Alia alone with my brother is a bad idea – especially when she's wearing one of my t-shirts because Niyaara had spit up all over her top earlier – I put down the bottles of soda I've just taken out the fridge and head for the sitting room.

'Bhaiya, you're early,' I say, drawing his attention.

'Jaanvi called and said you'd be having some people over about eight, asked me to try and pick Niyaara up before that,' he explains, briefly letting his gaze flicker over to Alia, who is trying to make herself as inconspicuous as possible, before returning to me with a less than pleased expression. 'Looks like your company got here earlier than expected though.' The tone of his voice is much harsher than I'm used to hearing from my brother and it takes most of my self-restraint to stop myself from flinching but Alia doesn't react at all, doesn't even tense, and I realise she expects this treatment, almost like this isn't the first time she's experiencing it. I want to ask her about it but I know that doing so in front of my brother isn't going to do any good so I file it away with the rest of the things I need to talk to her about and turn to him with a smile that I hope doesn't look fake.

'Nah, I asked Alia to come round early to help me get everything set up for tonight. I mean, we all know just how great I am at playing host, right?' I joke, hoping to diffuse some of the tension. Alia gives me a grateful smile but shakes her head a little, silently telling me that it's okay, she's used to this by now. Bhaiya doesn't even bother to try for a smile, continuing to look at me with a frown on his face, clearly disapproving of the fact that I would call Alia to help me.

'In future, I'd prefer if you tell me who's going to be at your place when you're watching Niyaara,' he states as he packs Niyaara's stuff back into her bag and picks her up, his voice not quite quiet enough to keep Alia from hearing.

She still looks completely calm about it but I clench my jaw, counting to ten in my head and letting out a deep breath before addressing my brother again. 'Funny, bhabhi didn't have a problem.'

'What?'

'Bhabhi didn't seem to have any problem with Alia being here,' I state, watching confusion, realisation, shock and anger flit across my brother's face before his expression settles on something that just about passes for neutral.

'Jaanvi knew?' he asks, his voice a little too light.

'Well considering Alia was here when she dropped Birdie off, I should think so, yeah,' I tell him, feeling a little bad when I realise bhabhi had likely purposely not told him but also kind of enjoying the look of resignation on his face at realising that he had no argument if bhabhi was okay with it. 'Didn't she tell you?'

'She must've, I probably just forgot,' he says with a look that clearly says it's not the case but I don't bother to push the matter, choosing instead to simply nod. 'Well, I better get going. It's almost Niyaara's bedtime.' I nod again, feeling too awkward to talk to my brother for possibly the first time in my life. 'Say bye to chachu, Niyaara,' he tells the baby, his voice taking on a naturally light tone as he bounces her.

'ye chachu,' she calls out, giving me a toothless grin, which widens as her eyes land on Alia. 'ye A'u chachi!' My brother's eyes widen and Alia looks to me, horrified, while I stifle a laugh.

'Bye-bye Birdie, I'll see you soon,' I say to my niece, my smile so wide that I feel my face might split in two.

'Bye Niyaara,' Alia says, managing to school her features into a smile despite the fact that she still looks slightly bewildered. My brother says nothing more before he leaves, seemingly forgetting about the travel cot that's leaning against the wall, having been put away an hour ago when Alia decided to spend her time sitting on the floor, playing with the baby instead of helping me set up like she said she would. Though, she argued that watching and entertaining the child was being helpful and there wasn't much I could say to that. 

As soon as the I hear the sound of the door shutting behind my brother, I turn to Alia. 'Want to explain to me what the hell that was?' I demand, more than a little pissed that she had simply stood there while my brother spoke about her as though she's a slug with very poor hearing.

'Uh... nothing?' she said, sounding more like she was asking a question of her own than answering mine.

'That wasn't nothing!' I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. 'You just stood there silently while my brother acted like you're an invisible slug that's hard of hearing.' She bites her lip to keep her laugh back and I roll my eyes but can't help letting a chuckle out too. 'Okay, that sounded a lot better in my head,' I admit, 'but the point still stands. Why didn't you say anything? Or let me say anything?'

'He's your brother Vee,' she states, as though that explains everything.

'So?'

'So, I don't want you fighting him, it's not worth it.'

'Yes, it is!' I blurt, forcing myself to stop and take a breath to calm down before continuing. 'It is worth it, you are worth it. I don't care who it is I have to go up against Alu, my brother, my dad, the producer of my next film – hell, I'd go up against your family for you too. Nobody is allowed to treat you like that, absolutely nobody, no matter who they are or how they might be related to either of us.'

'You're sweet,' she tells me with a smile. I grin back, about to use some kind of cheesy line that would complete the moment, but she speaks again before I can. 'But I don't want you going up against anyone for me, least of all your own family. I've caused enough problems there.'

'Didn't we just agree that playing the blame game is useless like, four hours ago?' I ask, giving her a pointed look.

'You know I hate it when you use my own arguments against me,' she grumbles, shooting me a glare that is so obviously fake it makes me laugh.

'I know, but that's never gonna stop me.' It's her turn to roll her eyes but she's smiling and even her best efforts wouldn't be enough to hide it. 'Seriously though, you know I mean it when I say that I won't let anyone treat you that way right?'

'Of course I do VD. But sometimes it's just better to let it go. I mean, there's no point in you fighting your brother, it won't change anything. In fact, it'll probably make things worse,' she reasons.

'I really hate it when your logic works better than mine,' I mutter, getting a laugh and a soft look that makes me feel like someone decided to build a butterfly garden in my stomach, and I think that I'll do anything for that look, that smile.

'I know. And I know that you're going to hate it when I say that this conversation is pointless and we should finish setting everything up because it's almost half seven and you haven't even ordered the pizzas yet.' I groan, pretending to be thoroughly put out, but don't protest as she grabs my hand and walks towards the kitchen so that we can get drinks and snacks to put out, happily following along after her.

***

By half nine, my apartment is full of crazy actors and actresses letting loose and having fun. That is to say, everyone in the group showed up, music is blaring from my speakers and everyone is laughing and joking, not a care in the world.

As always, there're no pretences and no formalities, just us being who we are and not caring about anything or anyone outside the door of the flat. There's no need to be mindful here, no need to over think and analyse everything that is said and done, no need for the careful filters and restrictions that we have everywhere else.

I'm so used to it being this way that I don't think anything of it when I see Adi with his phone out, held up above his head, clearly taking a video of the scene. Nor do I see anything out of the ordinary in Kat taking pics, Ranveer clicking selfies or Pari typing away on her phone. We'd agreed long ago that the no restriction rule extended to pictures and posts, that if, in the moment, you feel like posting that picture or tweeting that video, you do it, to hell with what people will say, we can deal with it.

When my phone – which I'd put back on vibrate after ordering the pizza - starts to buzz with tag, retweet and comment alerts, I simply silence it, not bothering to check what's going on because I already know I'll only see pictures of the same scene that's in front of me, and turn to Alia, who's happily stayed stuck to my side for most of the night. 'Having fun?' I ask, purely because I want to hear her say that she is.

'My answer hasn't changed since you asked an hour ago, you know,' she tells me with a laugh.

'Well, I thought, you know, you're being kinda quiet...' I trail off, pretending to be clueless.

'Uh-huh, I'm sure,' she says with an eye roll, 'yes, VD, I'm having fun.'

'Bet you're pretty glad you decided not to spend the night curled up in bed now huh?'

'I dunno, spending the night in bed still sounds like a pretty good idea to me,' she answers with a small, teasing smile.

'Really? Spending the night in bed sounds like a better idea than being here, having fun and eating pizza?' I question, incredulous.

'Hey, nothing saying you can't have fun in bed,' she defends, not bothering to pardon her double entendre which leaves me to wonder if it wasn't on purpose.

'No, there isn't. But still, I can't believe you're honestly saying you'd prefer a night alone with a book and a hot chocolate over spending the night with me,' I say anyway, choosing to act as though we're only talking about her original plans for the night and stubbornly not thinking about the other possible meanings to her words.

'That's not what I said,' she points out, her smile turning into more of a smirk.

'Well no but given the conversation we had earlier, logic follows that's what you meant.'

'Maybe, but I never mentioned being alone, nor did I specifically mention my bed,' she says, the look she gives me telling me that the reference to our conversation in the afternoon is intentional.

'Oh really Miss Bhatt?' I question, feigning shock at her statement.

'Mhmm.'

'Well then, if you weren't talking about your own bed, who's bed were you talking about?'

'I would tell you it's none of your business but I know you're insufferably nosy so I may as well just tell you,' she sighs, the resignation in her voice very obviously fake. 'I was thinking about this guy, a friend of mine. He made me an offer earlier and I told him no but I've spent pretty much all day thinking about it. I mean, he's not bad looking – very fit actually – and I know for a fact he's... talented, realllllly talented. And I really probably shouldn't be thinking about him but I can't seem to help it, never have been able to really.'

I'm 99% sure she's talking about me – because, let's be real, the chances of her having slept with another of her guy friends who just so happens to text her and tell her she's welcome to spend the night with him on the same day I do are astronomical – and that thrills me. Without thinking, I take hold of her hand and tug gently, using the arm wrapped around her waist to help turn her so she's facing me, both hands coming to rest on her waist as I angle my head down so that she'll be able to hear the words I murmur over the music and our friends' voices, 'if it makes you feel any better, he's been thinking about you all day too,' I tell her, lips brushing her ear as I speak, sending a shiver down her spine. Her eyes close and she exhales softly, the action bringing a smirk to my face.

It wouldn't be hard for us to slip away to my room for a little while, leave the others to their own devices for a half hour or so, just long enough for the two of us to give in to our thing, perhaps reduce the tension that's been building between us for months now. I probably wouldn't go as far as to suggest actually sleeping together with so many people in the apartment – I'm not quite that far gone yet – but, right now, I'd give almost anything just to kiss her and I know that won't happen in the middle of my living area, surrounded by people.

I'm about to make the suggestion, about to ask her if she wants to sneak away to get a few quiet minutes to ourselves, when the door opens loudly and shuts with an even louder noise, the clatter causing everyone to cut the chatter and look around to see who it could possibly be. Alia jumps at the noise and I instinctively tighten my hold on her while I look around, groaning as my eyes land on the last person I want to see at that moment. 'What the hell is this?' demands a highly irate Ranbir.

'This would be a party,' I answer, enjoying the way the vein at his temple pulses with anger at the sarcastic remark. 'A get-together, hangout, whatever you call it when a group of friends chill in the same space.'

'I know what a party is Dhawan,' he snaps. 'I'm talking about that.' He gestures towards me, pointing at Alia and the way my arms are still wrapped around her.

'That's Alia, who is most definitively a person and, I don't know what you were taught but, you know, generally good manners dictate that people shouldn't be referred to as though they're items.' Alia turns her head into my neck to hide her smile at my comment and I feel it pressed against my skin, the action only serving to encourage me.

Ranbir all-but-growls with frustration and fixes me with a look that would be scary if I weren't so amused. 'You know that's not what I'm talking about so how about you stop being such a pedantic asshole and take your hands off her.'

'No, I don't think I will. See, she doesn't seem to have a problem with me holding her – at least she hasn't said anything – and, seeing as it's her body, it's up to her really.' Alia's body begins to shake slightly with her silent laughter and she squeezes my waist gently, the action neither encouraging or admonishing, just a natural reflex.

'Probably because she doesn't want to make you feel bad,' Ranbir tells me and it's my turn to laugh.

'Really Alu, were you worried about making me feel bad?' I ask, having to fight to keep my voice from betraying my amusement – a task made infinitely more difficult when I hear the highly suspicious coughs and sneezes that travel around the room and recognise them to be horrible attempts at disguising laughter.

'Seriously?' she questions, lifting her head from its place on my shoulder to look at me, eyes shining with mirth. 'Do you not know me at all Vee?'

'Oh I know you very well,' I tell her, my voice unintentionally lowering as I recall a conversation we'd had years ago about getting to know one another. 'I'm only trying to confirm it for someone here who appears to not know you at all.'

She gives an exaggerated nod, biting her lip to keep back the giggles that I know are close to bursting out. 'Good, had me worried for a second there.' I give her her favourite lopsided grin and she smiles back, the two of us lost in our own little world again, her hand tracing patterns on my back over the thin cotton of my shirt.

And the bubble is popped as Ranbir steps forward with an exclamation of 'for fucks sake!' reaching out a hand as though he intends to separate us and Alia suddenly tenses, her grip on me tightening.

'No!' she cries out, her hands bunching in the back of my shirt. The room freezes at that, a heavy silence falling for a moment before she seems to realise what just happened. Her hands unclench and she steps back a little, looking up at me with wide eyes. 'I'm sorry,' she whispers, 'shit, I'm sorry.'

I try to tell her it's okay, that there's nothing to apologise for but, before I can manage to get the words from my slightly-shock brain to my mouth, she runs off. Everyone is left shell-shocked, even me who knows how to read her better than anyone, staring after her for a moment.

It takes less than thirty seconds for me to come to my senses and I shake myself out of the stunned trance. Out the corner of my eye, I see Ranbir take a step in the direction Alia had run in and I snap my head round to him. 'Don't,' I snap, glaring at him, fully aware that he'll likely go after her only to yell at her and make everything worse.

He looks like he's about to argue, to tell me not to interfere, but I don't give him the chance, taking off towards the kitchen without sparing anyone a second glance.

'What the hell was that?' I hear Ranbir ask and I have to resist the urge to turn back around and punch him in the face, having to satisfy myself with hearing Deepika's scathing reply.

It's hard to do that when I walk into the kitchen and see Alia stood by the counter, hands braced against it, shoulders slumped. She doesn't look up when I walk in but that doesn't surprise me; she never acknowledges my presence in normal ways but I see it in the way her head falls forwards and she lets out a sigh. Silently, I cross the room, wrapping my arms around her waist. Her only response is to let out another sigh. I know she needs comfort but I don't bother with words, choosing instead to calm her with affection because that never fails, lifting a hand to move her hair aside, putting it all over one shoulder and leaning my head on her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the skin of her neck. 'Vee,' she mutters, turning her head to try and look at me.

'What?' I murmur, lips brushing against her skin.

'What're you doing?' she mumbles

'Distracting you.'

'Okay,' she whispers.

'Is it working?' She hums in response, tilting her head to the side to allow me better access. A chuckle rumbles in my chest, and she groans softly, leaning back to settle herself in my arms.

'Stop smirking,' she breathes, the scolding tone I know she intended to say it in not quite coming across, making my smirk widen. She doesn't bother to try to scold me for it again, letting out a soft chuckle and a content sigh instead, her hands coming to cover mine where they rest on her stomach.

Neither of us try for words now, letting ourselves be lost in each other for a moment, forgetting completely that there is a crowd of people in the next room.

My lips brush against the soft spot just under her ear and she lets out a moan, half-muffled as she bites her lip, a hand coming up to thread in my hair, keeping me where I am. I'm tempted to nip at the skin but I know that it's a bad idea, that I'll undoubtedly get carried away as I always do and end up leaving a mark, one that won't be hidden easily, which is something I'm not supposed to do anymore.

Despite knowing that I need to get things under control, it takes a great amount of self-restraint to pull my mouth from her skin and then to resist from simply turning her to face me and kissing her like I used to.

When I do finally manage it, we're both breathing hard and I feel like my body is on fire, my nerve ends tingling, every aspect of my being screaming at me for stopping, craving for more. And not just physical contact.

Every part of me, my brain, my heart, my very soul, wants more, needs more, to be closer, to hold her tight and never let go, to let her know how much she means to me, that I'm still crazy in love with her and that I probably always will be... to just be with her in any and every way possible.

But I know that, in this moment, it's just not possible. So, regret filling me, I force myself to take a step back, catching her eye as she turns to look at me and seeing a look of sad understanding on her face, the same want, need and conflict that I feel showing clearly in her eyes.

Still, we're silent, neither of us knowing what we should say now because the things we want to say, the things that need to be said, can't be spoken now, not when there's a party going on in my living room and we will have to go back to it eventually.

I'm both extremely grateful and ridiculously bothered when I hear Pari's voice coming closer, relieved that I won't have to find words yet not wanting anyone else to come burst our bubble yet, wanting just a few more seconds. On the whole though, relief is probably the stronger feeling when she comes through the doorway because my hold on my logic is already starting to slip and the look in her eyes, the way she's worrying her lip almost anxiously, tells me that Alia's is too and, if we were to be left alone much longer, neither of us would be able to stop ourselves from giving in to the soul-deep need to reach out and hold on.

So, when Pari walks through the doorway, saying something about Arjun suggesting a game and needing more drinks, I jump at the opportunity to divert my attention and set about gathering more drinks to take through to the sitting room, pausing only to look at Alia once to make sure she's okay before hurrying out of the kitchen, leaving the two girls alone. 'Everything okay?' I hear Pari ask as I exit; I strain my ears to catch Alia's reply but it's too faint for me to make out the words and, before I can debate the morals vs. merits of eavesdropping, Arjun spots me lingering in the entryway and comes over to help me with the drinks, beginning a mindless conversation as we go to set them down, the cheery tone a little too light to be real.

I shoot him a questioning look and he goes quiet, flicking his eyes over to the far side of the room. Following his gaze, I see that Ranbir hasn't left yet and is skulking in the corner.

It takes every last bit of willpower I possess to stop myself from marching over there, beating the shit out of him and then throwing him out of my house but I manage, turning my gaze back to Arjun. He raises his eyebrows, silently asking what we should do and I make a split-second decision to get my own back on the person who I'd called my brother once upon a time – back before he came between the already difficult relationship me and Alia shared, took her away from me. I'd almost come to the point where I might be willing to forgive that but tonight had pushed me past the point of breaking because, while I'd readily admit I was as much at fault as anyone for what had happened to me and Alia, him barging in uninvited, clearly hoping to wipe out all the work we'd put in to rebuilding things between us in the past few months and acting as though he owned her and then having the nerve to stay and likely make it worse was something I know I'll never be able to forget or forgive.

'Let him stay,' I say to Arjun with a smirk. 'If he doesn't like what he sees tonight, well, that's not my problem.'

'What d'you mean?'

'Let's just say, his delusions where a certain Bhatt are concerned might just be shattered tonight.' My friend's eyebrows crinkle in confusion for a second before realisation comes across his face and he laughs, clapping me on the shoulder.

***

Alia P.O.V.

Me and Pari stay in the kitchen for a few minutes after Varun exits, Pari asking if everything's okay as I try to steady myself and catch up with the last few minutes, taking the time to think and breathe, fight for my hold on sound logic to stop myself from crumbling the second I see the secretive smirk I already know will be on Varun's face.

After grounding myself and assuring Pari that I'm fine, we exit the kitchen, walking through the door just in time to hear Arjun announce that we're going to play truth or dare. I look to Pari, a little confused and a little worried, but she simply smiles and grabs my hand to drag me along to the middle of the room where everyone has gathered on and in between the sofas and armchairs that have been rearranged into a circle, proclaiming that it will be fun. I'm a little doubtful and I give her a dubious look that tells her so but she laughs it off and pulls me down to sit on the floor beside her in the two spaces left open for us. I look up and see that Varun is directly across from me, in the spot furthest from where I am, and have to force down the disappointment at that, wondering if it's on purpose. He sees me looking and gives me that smirk, like he knows exactly what I'm thinking, and I'm immensely glad I'm already sat down because, despite how much I tried to cling to cool logic, I know my knees would have gone weak if I'd been standing.

'Okay,' Arjun says, a little louder than probably necessary, trying to hide a smirk as he looks from Varun to me and back; I have to battle a blush when I realise that his raised tone is because me and Varun have been locked in a pretty intense staring contest for more than a minute, and I see Varun's cheeks go faintly pink too. 'It's truth or dare, everyone knows the rules, no need for me to explain them. We're not doing shots as penalties tonight because well, I don't think it's a good idea for anyone to be getting drunk.' He glances to his left quickly as he says it and I see Ranbir sat there, much to my surprise. I look to Varun who, of course, immediately knows what I'm trying to ask and gives me a reassuring smile to say he knows what he's doing. I can't do anything but hope that he really does because there's no time to protest now; Arjun's already set an empty soda bottle in the middle of the circle and spun it, everyone watching it with an almost eager anticipation to see who it'll land on.

Never mind the fact that we're all full-grown adults, we all hold our breaths like teenagers at a sleepover as the bottle begins to slow, the majority of us letting out relieved sighs as it lands on Kriti. 'Alright Miss Sanon, truth or dare?' Arjun asks, doing his best game-show-host impression.

'Wait a second Arjun,' Sushant says before she can answer, 'we're not doing shots as punishment tonight but there has to be something right?'

There's a general murmur of agreement and Arjun thinks for a moment before speaking. 'We'll decide penalty for everyone individually. There's not something that would work for everyone so, if you don't answer or flake on a dare, the person who knows you the best gets to decide what you have to do.' The shit-eating grin that comes across Varun's face then has me silently vowing not to flake out at all, not wanting to know what kind of thing his overly-active imagination can come up with. 'Right, now that's decided, truth or dare?' Arjun asks Kriti again.

'I think truth.'

'Okay, because it's the first turn, I'll go easy on you. Without looking, what was the last thing you searched on your phone?' he questions.

'The last thing I searched,' she repeats, thinking. 'Uh, song lyrics I think. Had a song stuck in my head and I couldn't figure out what it was.' Arjun looks vaguely disappointed - actually most of us do, me included – but he nods and gestures for her to spin the bottle.

***

An hour and a half later, the bottle's landed on everybody at least once, questions ranging from have you ever peed in the pool to what is your guilty pleasure and dares going from the mundane take a shot to putting ice cubes in underwear.

It's Pari's turn to spin the bottle and I find myself holding my breath again, my gut telling me it's about to land on me.

Sure enough, when the bottle slows to a stop, it's pointing to me and Pari looks at me with a huge grin on her face. At this point, I'm starting to regret asking her to fess up about her first kiss because I know that she's about to take revenge and the look on her face tells me it's not going to be nice. 'Truth or dare?' she asks me.

'Truth,' I say, hoping it will be the nicer option.

'Alright, when and where was your first time?' she questions, eyebrow raised challengingly.

I almost laugh at that, relieved that it's actually fairly simple. '2011 in a freezing cold hotel room in Kashmir,' I answer, not missing a beat.

'Hey, it wasn't that cold!' Varun exclaims, shocking everyone but me.

'You had the AC on,' I shoot back.

'As far as I remember you weren't complaining about the cold then. In fact, you were pretty glad for it afterwards,' he reminds.

'Because you're like a human space heater, yeah,' I concede, ignoring the stunned looks of the people surrounding us.

'Funny, you've never complained about that before either.'

'Never said it's a bad thing, just stating a fact,' I return with a shrug. He tilts his head slightly to concede the point and then looks around, chuckling at the way everyone's staring at us.

'Something wrong?' he asks, snapping everyone out of the daze. There are several mumbled nos and head shakes and I laugh a little before reaching out to spin the bottle, grinning as it comes to a stop on Kat.

***

The next time the bottle lands on me, it's Arjun who spins it. 'Alia, truth or dare?'

'Dare,' I tell him, deciding that after three truths it's about time for one.

'Okay, I dare you to spend the rest of the game sat on the lap of the person you find most attractive.' I consider it for a moment and then get up with a shrug, taking a step forward before realising I need to clarify.

'When you say attractive, do you mean like physically or just in general? And does person mean anyone, like guy or girl or..?' I ask, watching in amusement as he contemplates it.

'Would it really make a difference?' he asks, evidently not seeing the look Pari is giving him that clearly says he's being an idiot and ruining the plan. What plan that is, I don't know but it makes me laugh.

'Well I mean, if we're talking anybody, I'd probably have to say Kat to be honest,' I tell him, mostly because, from the way Pari is not-so-subtly glancing between me, Varun and Arjun, I've gathered what the outcome they're hoping for is and rather enjoy the way Arjun looks to Pari pleadingly for help.

'Okay, make things simple and just say sexiest guy,' she states, glaring at Arjun who look appropriately chastised.

'Fair enough,' I say with another shrug, walking straight across the circle and seating myself on Varun's lap.

'Hi,' he greets with a grin, an arm wrapping around my waist to pull me into a more secure position.

'Hey,' I return, smiling as I fidget a little under the pretence of making myself comfortable. He squeezes my waist gently in a silent warning and I give him another grin before turning back to the circle and asking Pari to spin the bottle for me.

***
Five spins later and it's Adi's turn. Having just walked around the room with Sid on his back for a minute thanks to Ranveer's dare of carrying the person to his left on his back for sixty seconds, he's a little out of breath as he reaches to spin the bottle and looks more than a little relieved that it takes its time to slow.

When it does stop, it's pointing at Varun. Given that I'm sat on his lap, it could really be either of us but, after a general consensus, it's agreed that it's not fair for me to have two turns so close together and the turn is given to Varun. 'Truth or dare?' Adi asks, finally having caught his breath.

'I think I'll go for dare.'

'Hmmm, okay, seven minutes in heaven,' Adi states with a broad grin.

'Right and who am I supposed to go with? Myself?' Varun questions.

'No, we'll spin the bottle again and see who it lands on,' Arjun cuts in, getting nods of agreement from everyone.

Arjun reaches out to set the bottle spinning again and I don't even need to be looking to guess where the bottle will be pointed when it stops; with the way things have been going tonight, I'd be very surprised if it wasn't pointing at me.

Just as I thought, the bottle is pointing at me when it stops. Varun stares at it a moment and then laughs. 'So, looks like I'm still gonna be in the cupboard by myself,' he jokes.

'Well you would be but Alia's sat on your lap so I'm gonna say it's pointing at her,' Adi says, earning himself the mother of all glares from Ranbir.

'No,' he says, reminding us all of his presence; it's been a while since the bottle landed on him and he's been sitting silently, glaring at the ground the rest of the time. 'No, that's not happening.'

'I think that's up to Alia to decide,' Kat tells him, glaring right back when he turns his angry gaze on her.

'I'm up for it,' I say with a shrug, fairly proud of how casual the words sound given the way it feels like my insides have been filled with ADHD butterflies on a sugar high.

'Alright then,' Varun says, perfect poker face in place. Nobody else says anything as we both get up, Varun leading the way to the, surprisingly large, hallway cupboard.

'Timer starts when the door shuts,' Arjun calls. We both nod before realising he can't see so Varun calls back an okay and opens the door, allowing me to step in and situate myself against one wall before stepping in, switching the torch on on his phone, setting it on the shelf above our heads and pulling the door most the way shut, yelling to Arjun to start the timer in thirty seconds before closing the door with a soft click.

For a moment, we look at each other in the phone light, neither of us entirely sure of what happens next. My heart's pounding so hard I'm sure he can hear it, nerves and anticipation warring for the primary spot among my emotions.

And then, he reaches out, brings his hands to rest on my waist, pulling me close, the action somehow both confidant and hesitant, and the nerves are gone. 'We don't have to do anything, you know that, right?' he asks. I nod, my words having fled my brain thanks to his proximity and the way his eyes have darkened considerably. Though I know he means it, I also know that he wants something to happen, needs it as much as I do and I am so tired of denying it that I just can't find it in me to keep it up anymore.

I don't bother trying to voice my thoughts, not wanting to waste a second more of the time we've got before the door will be opened again. Instead, I bring a hand up to the collar of his shirt, curling my fingers in the soft material and tugging him down till my lips meet his in a kiss that is all fire.

His response is immediate and eager, his hands moving downwards to slip under the borrowed t-shirt before moving back up again, the shirt bunching as his hands dance across the skin of my stomach and up my sides. Without breaking the kiss, he takes a couple of steps forwards, moving me back as he does, until my back is pressed against the wall, effectively trapping me in between the hard brick and his solid body.

He nips at my lip teasingly, his tongue darting out to soothe it a second later and I can't help but groan a little, the sound disappearing between us. His body presses against mine more firmly and his hands travel a little higher, brushing the underside of my bra almost tentatively, and I have to pull back from the kiss as a breathless moan pulls itself from my throat.

The sound spurs him on and he brings his hands to fully cover my breasts, massaging gently as he lets the control over the rest of his body slip, hips rocking against me as he brings his mouth to the skin of my neck in hard, open-mouthed kisses.

My hands leave his shirt to wind in his hair, hips moving upwards towards his in search of some much needed friction as my head falls back against the wall, his name leaving my lips over and over again, all other words forgotten because, for me, all that exists is him.

His teeth scrape over my pulse point, hard enough to make me gasp yet gentle enough that he won't leave a mark, and he hooks the fingers of one hand under the cup of my bra, pulling it down enough that his hand comes to rest on bare skin, fingers tugging and rolling the nipple. It takes me by surprise and I tug sharply at his hair, a loud groan leaving him at the action.

Despite there being literally no space between us, he tries to press closer, literally growling in frustration when he realises he can't really. Somewhat reluctantly, I unwind my hands from his hair, bringing them to rest on his shoulders to leverage myself as I hook a leg around his waist. He lets out a sound between a sigh and a moan, hips rolling against me causing me to let out something more like a whimper. He buries his head in the crook of my neck as his movements become a little more erratic and I clutch at his back, wishing for a few less layers between us.

I'm contemplating trying to get him out of his shirt when I hear a voice call time's up, making us both freeze, the haze clouding my thoughts rapidly clearing as I realise that we have to go back out there.

We hastily untangle ourselves, doing our best to smooth out clothes and hair but there's really no hiding what happened in here and, when Arjun opens the door, the smirk on his face makes it clear that we're thoroughly dishevelled. He says nothing, for which I'm thankful, but as soon as we're out of the cupboard and in the sitting room, I'm met with an extremely pissed Ranbir. 'What the actual fuck Alia?' he demands.

For a minute, I consider bullshitting, purely to avoid a scene, but I decide against it, seeing no reason to even try. 'You don't need an explanation,' I tell him, completely uncaring of the fact that our friends can hear every word. 'I told you at the beginning that it's nothing real, that it's a temporary deal, an act. I made it completely clear to you that nothing could come of it, that there's someone else. And you were completely fine with that when you found a girl you wanted to sleep with, every time you found a girl you wanted to sleep with. So don't bother to act like this is something real now. We all know that all you really care about is what happens to your image.' There is a completely shocked silence, even Varun is too stunned to say anything, and then, glaring at me like I'd personally murdered his cat, Ranbir turned and stormed towards the front door, yanking it open and slamming it shut behind him.

Silence reigns for a few more seconds before Varun breaks it with 'well, that was dramatic.' I look at him for a moment, trying to pretend to be exasperated and failing, before beginning to laugh.

Slowly, he begins to laugh too and then Kat joins in, clapping her hands and telling me that it was pretty kickass, standing up to Ranbir like that. Deepika exclaims her agreement with a chuckle and even Adi tells me it was pretty awesome.

Before long, it's like there had never been any kind of interruption to the evening, the group sitting in a circle to resume our game of truth or dare.

When the bottle lands on me again, I choose truth, pretty sure I'm done with dares for the evening. 'So, what exactly is going on between you two? And what about Varun and Natasha?' Pari asks.

'Me and Natasha... that's been over for ages. I just need to get my family to accept that. And then, then I'm free,' Varun answers with a sigh.

'And what about the two of you?'

I look at Varun, kind of wondering the same thing, reading the answer on his face. 'Well, it's kinda a long story so let's just say we're us and there's something, there's always been something. And it's about damn time we give it a shot.' He nods his agreement and it's met with several exclamations of finally! along with a defeated sigh from Arjun as he pulls out his wallet and hands some notes to Pari.

A/N: I know it's pretty late but belated Happy Christmas (damn it, missed by a minute) and I hope you all enjoyed this one. Honestly it's been stuck in my head for ages but didn't want to come out.

I'm all out of words now so, this is me signing off for the night. I'll see you all soon.