One Shots #VariaSquad

I hate that I love you

All she wants is to move on from him.

All he wants is to get over her.

Every night, he wakes up, heart pounding as he looks around for her only to realise she'll be at home, or, and he hates the thought, with her boyfriend. When morning comes, he's like a zombie, having stayed up most of the night, staring at the ever-so-familiar number on his phone screen and wondering if he should hit the call button.

Every night, she falls asleep thinking of him. The memories hurt a little but her dreams are pleasant, filled with images from a life she wants so bad, and that kind of makes it okay. Until morning, that is. Because, when morning comes, she wakes up thinking her dream is reality and she's happy for a minute until she realises that she has imagined it all and there are no arms wrapped around her and he is at home or, and she absolutely despises the thought, with his girlfriend.

She makes sure nobody notices the way she's falling apart inside. To the world outside, she is almost the same person she always has been, maybe her smiles aren't as real as they used to be and maybe she's not really that great at taking care of herself, but she makes sure to act like everything is normal and, because she's always been a confident actor, people pretty much believe her.

He makes sure nobody sees that his whole world has fallen apart. He's pleasant with everyone, tries to keep up the same energy level he's always had, puts on an act that people don't question. Maybe his smile seems a bit fake sometimes and maybe he looks worn but he puts it down to being tired and having such a busy schedule and people believe him.

It's not like they never see each other, with their line of work, it'd be impossible to go without seeing one another, but neither is sure how to act on the odd occasions that they do meet.

Whenever he sees her, all he wants to do is hug her and tell her he misses her. He wants to hold her tight and never let go and say he's sorry that he walked away and he won't do it again but he can never find the words to say so he doesn't.

Whenever she sees him, all she wants to do is run to him like she used to. She wants to be hugged and held tight like he always used to and tell him that she misses him and she's sorry she walked away and please come back and a million other things but she can never find the words to say so she never says anything.

He sees what the rest of the world doesn't. He can tell that she's lying when she says she's okay and he wants to be able to fix things like he had in the past but he knows he can't because he's pretty sure he's the reason this time.

She sees what he's hiding. She knows that he's not fine even if the rest of the world believes him. She wants to make it better like she used to but she knows it's not possible because she's fairly certain she's the problem.

When the rumours start is when he begins to break. He's long since gotten used to the rumours that he and Alia have broken up, even though they were never together in the first place, but when he hears that she's with Sid, something inside of him snaps, the few threads that had been holding him together completely break and he's sure that there isn't glue strong enough to put him back together. He's sure there's no feeling worse than the anguish he experiences the first time he sees an article that says Alia Bhatt is dating Sidharth Malhotra but he's proved wrong when the rumours about them breaking up start to surface. You may be thinking that's crazy, he should probably be feeling something akin to relief and he does but that's the problem because he's also disgusted with himself that the misfortune of two people that are still very close to his heart brings him happiness. And then he feels an overwhelming surge of anger because how the hell could Sid have done that to him? He feels betrayed. Not because they were together, though it hurts that the person who helped Varun realise what he feels for Alia has effectively made it impossible for those feelings to be acted upon, but because Sid never said anything. He knows he should be angry at Alia as well because she didn't say anything either but it's forgivable because they don't talk anymore and because she's Alia and he'll always forgive her.