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Pyaar bhi ek hi baar hota Hai

Shanaya P.O.V.

Watching Rohan walk away after we said goodbye felt like I was watching my whole world fall apart in front of my eyes. Belatedly, I realised that Rohan was the one I was in love with, not Abhi. I mean, Abhi's a great guy and all but it was physically painful to think that I'd never see Rohan again.

Call me selfish, heartless, idiotic; say whatever you want, I deserve it. I messed them both around and, in the end, we all ended up alone.

As if it wasn't bad enough that I'd just had to say goodbye to the one person who had been the only constant in my life for the past decade, I had to face Abhi immediately after. All I could think as I spoke to him was that I had ruined their friendship for no reason. For Abhi, it wasn't so bad, he allowed people in, he could and would make more friends, but my mind kept going to Rohan and how he hardly let anyone get close to him, how Abhi had been one of his only real friends and I had taken that away from him. I hated myself for it but there was nothing I could do to change it. There was no way I could fix things, no chance of making it better.

I decided I had to get away. In a way, it was perfect timing. I was done with St. T's, done with high school. Though I had always planned to stay at home for college, I chose to go as far away as I possibly could. When I told my mum about my decision, she was more than a little shocked but she accepted it. For most of the summer, she didn't question my choice but, on my last night at home, she cane to my room and we had the first proper conversation we'd had in a very long time. 'Why do you want to go so far away?' she asked me.

'This is all I've ever known, Ma, I need to get away. I want to explore, see the world.'

'You don't have to leave home to do that. You could go to college here and explore during the holidays. Why are you really leaving?' she queried again. 'If it's because of the way our relationship has been over the past few years, we can fix that. You going away won't help things.' she told me when I didn't answer.

'It's not anything that's happened at home. I just need to get away.' I assured.

'What are you running from?'

'Memories.' I finally admitted. 'Everywhere I go, I'm reminded of things that happened years ago, moments long gone, and I wish I could go back to those times.'

'Shanaya, you can't run from your past. Trust me, I've tried. It's a part of you.'

'I'm not trying to get rid of my past but I feel like I'm half living in it here. I can't even go out in the garden without getting lost in memories and I don't want to live my life constantly thinking about the what ifs and could have beens.' I said.

'Okay, all summer I've noticed you've been lost somewhere but I didn't think it was anything you'd tell me about so I didn't ask but now you need to tell me what happened.' It was the first in years that my mother actually seemed to be honestly concerned about me and it was enough to make me tell her everything. I sat on my bed with my mum for hours telling her everything and explaining that I couldn't stay in a place where it hurt to look out of my bedroom window because there was a perfect view of the tree where me and Rohan had had our first kiss during the summer of the year we turned fourteen.

When I was done, my mum hugged me and comforted me. In that moment, it was all I needed.

***

I

spent three years at college in Birmingham and graduated top of my class. It probably doesn't surprise anyone that I studied fashion design. After college, I managed to get a job almost immediately. The company headquarters were based in London so that's where I stayed. I could've asked to be based in India, after all it was a worldwide corporation, but I still couldn't face the memories.