A/N: for the last chapter I explained some of his clothing as being like Padmè. Well here are some pictures if there was any confusion.
Padmè:
Kylo: (the cloth he cut is circled)
Thats all. Thanks for reading my story❤️ -yoitsme108
"Ben."
I feel my arm being shook, and I open my eyes to a beautiful Sunset. The room is very dark, the only light is a slight illumination of faint gray. My lovers pale skin brings light to my heart, making the room feel a little less dark.
"Are you better now?" He has his chin resting on his folded arms, which are resting on me. It's almost as if he was watching me sleep.
"I think so." I don't feel as tired as I did earlier. I honestly feel so much better.
"Did you dream? I know how you have bad dreams."
"No. I didn't. I'm not really suppose to dream anyway. It's kind of a bad sign if I'm dreaming. I think it's okay though, it's mostly just memories."
"Do force users not dream?"
"It's rare. They are usually just tricks to make you join...." I stop. I need to stop talking. He thinks I'm a Sith. Why would a Sith say joining the dark is a trick.
"Join what?"
I hesitate before speaking. I have already said too much, I just need to be careful now. "Joining the opposite side." I think some more of how I can patch up the situation. "Like, it could trick me into going back to the light." Lies. All lies. I hate lying. I hate lying to him the most.
He stares at me for a few seconds. "Oh." He rolls over, off of me and faces the other way.
I breathe out a grateful sigh. He seems off though. I feel like he knows I'm lying. I turn over on my side and he rolls back over to face me. He looks at me for a long time with out saying anything. He squints his eyes and then slowly opens his mouth to speak.
"There's something about you." He looks to be in intense thought.
"What about me?" I ask very scared now.
"You're very mysterious, Ben. You're hiding something great and I can tell. It's been clear since day one."
"I'm not." By telling him, I will break his promise. By not telling him, I will hate myself more then I already do. I would also be lying by not telling him. The bad outweigh the good, yet I continue as I am. "What is it?" I ask trying to cover it up to the best of my ability.
His expression changes to the normal 'are you dumb?' Look. "If I knew, I wouldn't bring it up. I said you were hiding something. I don't know what it is and that's why I'm bringing it up."
"It's you. Im hiding you." I'm not completely lying. He is one of the many things I hide from Snoke. I even hid my feelings for him in the beginning. So saying it's him isn't lying. Kind of.
"No. It's not just me. You have been fairly obvious since I met you. It's almost like you're a different person. No, I take that back. It's not like, you are a different person sometimes. Sometimes, you're Ben, the person I love. Other times, you're, Well I don't really know. You're very mysterious."
"I don't know what you're talking about." I try to pretend I seriously didn't, but his stare made it harder then ever.
"That hurts. I just hope you have a good reason for not telling me."
Trust me. I do. "I'm not hiding anything. Trust me." Why do I have to do this? I just wanted Armitage. That's all I wanted. I didn't want any of this to come with it. I'll admit, most of its self caused. I wish he wasn't so smart sometimes. Maybe that's why I like Poe. Poe can't see my every thought without trying. Poe was kind of dumb sometimes... I smile at the thought. Smile at all the times I questioned my silly crush on the wanna be pilot.
"I want to trust you." Armitage looks up at me. "What are you smiling about?"
I'm surprised and I try and cover it up as fast as possible. I shouldn't be thinking about Poe at all. Poe is not a good person. I should focus on the people that actually love me. I open my mouth but nothing comes out. I just shake my head and smile nervously after failing to think of something. I'm just grateful Armitage is not a mind reader.
"Smiling some more like an idiot didn't answer my question." He seems annoyed now. It makes me feel bad. At the same time though, his harsh words hurt. I love him though, so I don't want him any other way.
"I'm just really happy you're mine." Finally, the truth... kind of. It's not what I was thinking but I love him and I still can't believe he is mine.
"Stop doing that."
"What?" I messed up. I'm sorry, I tried, I really did try for you Armitage.
"You make it hard for me to stay mad at you when you act like that. Stop it." He smiles and caresses my cheek.
"I'm sorry." I stare at his face. All over. I stare at his perfectly shaped lips. Almost like a heart shape. How could someone so perfect come to me?
"Do you think you will ever tell me?" He moves closer to me and wraps one of his arms underneath my neck while keeping the same hand on my face.
"Tell you what?"
"Ben." He raises his eyebrows.
"I'll tell you someday. I promise."
"So you are hiding something." He opens his mouth jokingly. Like he has just made some great discovery.
"Armitage Stop." I turn my eye contact away and bring him closer by wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling myself too.
"I'm only teasing. I don't see why you can't just tell me now." He comes so close our noses touch.
Why would I promise him that? I can't tell him the truth. He's never going to find out. I can't break his promise. This would all be easier if I could make a choice... if I was Kylo Ren. No. Enough of that. Luke has been nothing but nice. I can't just betray him because I'm in love. Luke has been there forever. He is the only one that has stuck around. I just wish I could talk to him now.
"Ben, I don't feel like I am as compassionate as you." He brings our foreheads together now. "Even if I don't express it all the time, I love you."
"I know." I know that he loves me. I hate myself for reading his journal, but it helped me. It helped me know that he truly does care for me. Everything is better after seeing things that he would have never revealed to me.
He lifts his head and disturbs our contact. "Really Ben?" He looks annoyed again. What am I doing wrong?
"What?" I am lost this time. Completely lost. What can I be doing wrong?
"I know? That's all you say to that? I didn't have to say it, I really thought abou-
I cut him off by kissing his perfect heart shaped lips. After pulling away he glares at me. I patch it up quickly.
"What I meant to say is I love you. The galaxy doesn't provide me enough time to tell you how much I care."
"That's what I thought." He looks into my eyes and seems to get lost in them. Like an X-Wing pilot getting lost in the stars.
"I know. 'I know' could be 'I love you'. You know, when other people are around."
"I think that's a little unneeded, Ben."
"Why?"
"I know how much you love me. We don't need to say it all the time."
"But I want to say it all the time. I love you Armitage. I want only you and nothing else. The First Order and the Resistance could burn for all I care. As long as you were still here I would be happy."
"Let's not get carried away now."
"I'm being serious though."
"I know. That's why I'm stopping you." He puts a finger to my lips and I smile. "You don't have to tell me Ben. I know how much you love me." He smiles to and we laugh together.
After laughing for a few seconds he looks up into my eyes and we both become X-Wing pilots for a few moments. I don't mind at all. I would get lost in the stars of his eyes forever and not think twice about it.
A repeating plink noise goes off and my stars pull away. As he turns over to grab his data pad, my arms stay outstretched in front of me. Like I just lost everything I ever cared for. After looking at his data pad for a few seconds he throws the covers off himself and gets out of the bed. I breathe out a large sigh of sadness and he looks back at me.
"I can't stay there with you forever." He laughs at his own comment.
"You can. You just won't." I tug on the sheets he was laying in. Just to feel the warmth he left.
"You're right, I can. You're also right about another thing, I won't."
I turn over and flop my arms down on either side of me. I let out a really long annoying sigh that causes Armitage to look over his shoulder. He rolls his eyes when he sees me smiling at him and then turns around. While I contemplate ever getting up, Millicent jumps on the bed and starts begging for attention. I pet the small animal and she rubs up against my face. I push the animal away because she starts getting fur everywhere. I don't know how he can stand this orange fur shedding thing. She is very nice and loving, but the fur is an issue. When I push her away she takes this as a sign to play.She bites my hand with claws accompanying the whole move.
I take my hand away and the kitten falls on the bed. Like some crazy creature, with out being phased, she just jumps at me playfully. I whisper the word 'ow' as she claws near my face. I push her away again, only for the orange cat to come back. I hear Armitage laugh and I look up to see him kneel down on the side of the bed and look at me.
"Having fun are you?" He finds this very amusing.
"Not really." I push away Millicent again.
"Do forgive her. She is only a kitten." He reaches up and pets her. Of course the cat stops being crazy and lets him pet her.
"What is on your data pad?" I want to know why he had to get out of bed.
"Some of the stormtroopers were informing me that our ship is well prepared for us. You're stormtrooper knows when to come right?"
"Yes. I chose FN-2003." Thinking about Slip is strange now. I probably should have chose Nines. Especially now that Slips... what ever power he had over me, is getting worse.
"Yes, Captain Phasma told me about that boy. Has he gotten any better through your training?"
"Yes." Not really. He is still the same soft boy I knew from the first time we met. I will give him his braveness though. So yes, saying he had gotten better isn't a total lie. He is the only one out of the three I can tolerate.
"He is still not as good as I hoped though I'm thinking. I felt the training would help. You only need to train them until they are fit enough for battle. Or until I approve."
"If they have to wait for your approval. I'll be training them for the rest of my life."
He looks up with his mouth slightly open and a glare to match. "I'm going to take that as a compliment."
He stands back up and walks away from where I can see him. I decide to get up and see where he went so I can tell him I'm leaving to my room to get ready. I walk around the corner to see him in the bathroom. He smiles when he notices me in the mirror and turns around.
"So happy you're finally up." He leans back on the counter.
"I'm just saying goodbye." I look away from my reflection.
"No. Please don't leave. Just dress in the same clothes. There are things packed for you on the ship, so you can change then."
"Ok." I'm happy he doesn't want me to leave.
"Why are you looking down?"
I look up at just him, avoiding the mirror. He walks towards me and hugs me.
"I like your face. I like it a lot." He smiles at me and then lets his head fall on my chest.
I am about to embrace him back when the alarm that we woke up before starts going off. He pulls away and walks out of the bathroom. I am left alone, in front of the mirror. It is just like mine, before I broke it. I hate it. I want to destroy this one too. That wouldn't be fair though. I walk out because I don't want to look anymore. I don't want to see how much I have changed. I watch him turn off the alarm and then look back down at the data pad. After a while he looks up and walks over to me.
"Supreme Leader wishes to see us before we board our ship. He says to send you a message but, you're already here so I don't know if sending you a message is necessary." He shrugs.
"You should still send a message. Just in case he breaks any walls in your mind. That way, he will see that you actually sent that message instead of seeing the truth. The truth being that I was in here. It's easy to believe something if you tell yourself something enough. It's easier to lie if it's partly true." I reply.
"Wait wait, what?" He suddenly looks terrified. "Breaking walls? I thought you said your force thing was going to work."
"It will work. You can't just use the force once and hope it works forever."
"Yes I know that. I have been using it... I think. I meant, how can he 'break down my walls' as you say if I'm using the force. You said I could trust you, Ben. You promised."
"Yes, I did promise. I promised because I have hope that it will work."
"You're basing this off of hope?" He looks more mad then scared now.
"Yes. Hope plays a key part in all our lives."
"I thought you knew what you were doing."
"I do know what I'm doing. It's you that's the problem."
He looks majorly offended and looks at me in a way like I shouldn't have ever dared to place blame on him.
I roll my eyes. "Not what I meant. Please just listen. He can break your walls if your scared. Fear gets in the way of hope and faith."
"You sound like a Jedi." He turns his back to me.
Talking to him right now makes me want to destroy another wall. "I'm not a Jedi. I may sound like that because the force connects us all. The teachings are basic principals for all users."
He doesn't answer and stays turned around. Even though I hate that I'm the one always mending things, I do. I walk over to him and turn him over by placing my hand on his shoulder. I'm very surprised when he turns around and embraces me tightly. The shock wares off and I take him in my arms. I want to see the stars in his eyes but his face is pressed against me. I feel bad for blaming it all on him and I brush through his soft ember hair.
"I'm sorry." He whispers. I see him shut his eyes tighter and and embrace me tighter too.
"Shhh. It's okay. It's not like you to be scared Armitage. I have never seen you scared until recently. I'm not scared, I have hope. Have hope that this will continue to work."
"Yes, but how do I know if it's working?"
"You just know. I called to you through the force last night, remember?"
"Yes. I can feel you more now, I believe the force is real. I'm asking how will I know if hiding the truth is working."
"You have to have hope and faith that it will work. Snoke hasn't said anything, I'm pretty sure it's working."
"What if he is calling us to see him before the mission because he found out. He will kill one of us Ben."
"I don't think that's why he's requesting us. I don't know why he needs us before the mission, but I'm sure we're fine. I'm positive. I trust that the force will protect us."
"But what if it doesn't?"
"It won't if you question it all the time. Let go of your fear. Use some of my confidence." I wish I could use my secret mission as an example. I have survived for almost a year now and Snoke has no idea that I am betraying him constantly. Telling him that though, would be the worst thing I could do. Snoke would find out about it just by looking in his mind. He wouldn't want anything to do with me if I told him that. He would abandon the force and be an open book. Snoke wouldn't find out about just me betraying him, he would know about our relationship. Armitage would surly be punished. Punished by getting his life taken away. So in a way, by lying, I'm protecting him. I feel better about all my secrets now. After all, I tell him everything else.
"Thank you so much Ben. Thanks for not giving up on me. You act like you don't ever want to leave."
"I don't ever want to leave you. Ever. You are my everything."
He pushes away and looks at me. He still seems scared, but not as scared as he was before.
"Get dressed, I will send you the fake message as you get ready." He let's go and walks away from me.
I walk to the bathroom and get ready all the way. I walk out of the bathroom after getting ready and go to where he set my clothes last night. I laugh because it's folded in a very neat pile. After dressing, I walk around the corner and see him putting on his hat. He puts on his greatcoat next and turns around to face me.
"I informed the Supreme Leader that we will be over soon. I also sent the message to the com link in your room." He walks over to me.
"I like how you say Supreme Leader." I cant help but smile big at him.
"What do you mean?" He starts straitening out my clothing and fixing anything out of place.
"I mean your accent. I have heard a lot of people with your accent. But none are as beautiful and unique as your voice. It's so different and to me, it's like a ... a, liquefied dust. Soft, but also stern and strict. Mostly a comfort though."
He shakes his head smiling and continues touching my clothes. "Thank you Ben." He won't stop smiling and I feel shivers on my arms. I can also feel my face heat up by just being around him. Seeing him smile at my love brings more happiness to my heart then it can handle. "Shall we go?" He stops touching me and puts his hands behind his back.
"Yes. I'm not scared, okay? You shouldn't be either."
He just nods and walks away. He comes back seconds later with that mask that I hate in his hands. Instead of talking it from him, I just stand there. He reaches up and touches my face with his now gloved hand. He kisses me on the cheek and takes away warmth when he pulls away again. The side of my face is burning when he looks at me and smiles. Mostly where he kissed, it feels like my skin is on fire. His face turns to red as he reaches up and puts my mask on for me. I would rather see his fair skin then a red visor distorting everything. He grabs my hand and gives it a fast squeeze. It's almost like he was trying to comfort me. I think he is mostly trying to reassure himself though.
"Don't be scared." I try and sound as caring as possible. The mask makes it a little hard though.
"I'm trying... I won't. I'm not scared." He shakes his head and smiles weakly. He looks all around my mask and it makes me want to just take it off and look into his eyes. Just one last glance before I have to keep this thing on for a long time.
"I love you." I say as I see him open the door. He looks out and then looks back at me.
"I know." He walks out and I smile at the ground.
Comment and tell me what you think. I love any opinion🙏🏻 also, vote if you liked it. I love votes. They are super nice and make me happy. Thanks for reading. 🌌🌅-yoitsme108