"Come on, trust me. I promise it will be fun." Poe makes his normal face of a cute begging animal.
"No. My dad would flip," I whisper.
"Not if he doesn't find out. Now come on." Poe moves his hands quickly asking me to come.
"Fine. But if I get caught, I'm blaming you." I start crawling out of my window.
"Whatever, blame me. I would totally take credit for this."
"You know Poe, I would never do stuff like this on my birthday."
"Well it's my birthday so you're going to have to deal with it." Poe takes my hand and starts dragging me as he runs.
"Poe, why do we always have to run? Can't we walk some where for once?" I say already out of breath.
"Stop whining Ben. We're almost there."
Poe let's go of my hand and stares up in amazement as soon as we reach my dads famous Falcon.
"I've got a bad feeling about this." I say looking up and gulping at the huge ship.
"Ben, I said stop whining."
"You're not the one that's gonna pay for it in the end."
"Come on." Poe walks up to the Falcon and takes out a survival knife his dad gave him. He starts carving things into the metal and turns around smiling at me. "Aren't you gonna join?"
I think about saying no. But of course, like always, Poe always convinced me without trying.
"Give me that, brat." I say walking over to him.
He smiles big and hands me the knife. I look at where he was just carving and see the words 'Han sucks' I have to bite my lip so I don't smile so big. I look at Poe and burst out in laughter as he does.
"Really Poe?" I nearly fall over from laughing so hard.
"What? It's true." He puts his hand on the big ship to stabilize himself and catch breath. "Here." He takes the knife out of my hands. "Just so you don't get blamed if your dad sees this." He starts carving 'from Poe' into the ships metal and I laugh even harder.
"You and carving your name into things." I shake my head, remembering my sketchbook that was harmed by him carving his name on the front a few months ago.
He turns around and smiles. "Oh be quiet. Here" he hands the knife back over.
I walk up to the metal and stick my tongue out as I start carving.
"You look like a tauntaun with your tongue out like that." Poe teases me.
"You look like a half witted, scruffy looking, nerf herder." I punch his arm.
He rubs his arm laughing at my comment. I finish carving my name and then a message saying 'Poe is twelve today -Ben' Poe gets one look at it and starts laughing again.
"Thanks for the birthday message, Ben." He feels the carvings like he's super proud.
"I only did this for you. Consider this as your present." I touch the carvings with him.
"Thanks for making this the best birthday ever, Ben." Poe comes towards me and stands on his toes. I'm surprised when I feel him press his lips to my cheek.
I look at his smiling face and feel my cheek. "What was that for?" I ask.
"What I just said. Want another?" He smiles like an evil cat.
"Grow up." I push him.
"You grow up." He pushes me to the floor and traps me underneath him. I try and push him off, but he pins my arms down.
"I wish everyday could be like this." I say, laying on the ground defeated.
"What? Me totally defeating you?" Poe smiles. I squirm under him laughing a little.
"No." I push him off and get on top of him, doing exactly to him what he did to me. The look of shock on his face is priceless. "I wish everyday we could just have fun like this... and be free."
"You say free, but I can't get up." Poe squirms just as I did.
"This is your fault. You did this to yourself." I get off of him and stand up.
He stands up quickly and grabs my hand pointing to the sky. "Ben look!"
I look where he is pointing and see X-Wings flying across the sky. I look at him and smile at how cute he looks. He looks up at the sky amazed and hypnotized. After looking at the aircrafts for a while, he looks at me staring at him and smiles embarrassed. He looks at the floor with a blush and chuckles a little.
"They're amazing." I say to entertain him.
I feel his grip on my hand get tighter and he rests his head on my shoulder. "Thanks for being my friend, Ben." He closes his eyes and breathes in.
"You're welcome, Poe."
I wake up to a familiar beeping. I'm grateful that I wake up to an alarm for once. I smile at the memory I dreamt of, but then feel sad immediately after. I smile again though when I'm face to face with the ginger I call mine. His eyes slowly open and he smiles when he sees me staring at him and then looks down blushing.
"Good morning, Dusk." He reaches out and twists some of his fingers in my curls.
"Did you dream?" I ask.
"No, I rarely remember them."
I start to move away before he grabs my arm.
"No." He scoots in to me. "Just stay a little longer."
"I'm surprised." I smirk. "If I pulled something like this, you would say that I needed to grow up and that we both had to leave for our responsibility."
He squints at me. "We have time. I always set my alarm an hour earlier then everyone else's."
"Why would you do that?"
"Just in case." He moves in closer to me. "I'm cold."
I put my arm over him and he moves even closer.
"Thank you." He smiles. "Did you dream?"
"Yeah." I smile at the memory again.
"About what?" He reaches up and softly rubs my cheek.
"About my childhood. I was destroying my dads most precious possession." I smile with satisfaction.
"Sounds like you, to destroy things that is." He continues to touch my face like I'm some kind of object or puzzle he wants to solve. "You have a very soft face." He kisses my cheek and barley misses my mouth.
I smile at him some more as he plays with my hair.
"Do you think that force thing worked?" He blinks a couple of times and I can tell that he is nervous.
"Well, you have to keep doing it for it to keep working. It wasn't just a one time thing." I reply.
"I have to do that all the time?"
"No, only when you feel Snoke's presence."
"Ok." He nods, but still looks very unsure.
"Trust in the force ok? It will guide and protect you if you just trust it."
"Ok." He smiles at me, but it's quick and doesn't reach his eyes.
"Are you scared?" I move some of his hair out of his eyes.
"Yes." He doesn't even hesitate.
"I'm not." I hope that will reassure him a little bit.
"How? We could die." He is looking down.
I grab his face and force him to look at me. "I would never let that happen to you. I would never let anyone kill you, I promise."
"Ok." He closes his eyes and moves his face closer to my hand.
"Don't be scared, it won't work with out trust. Trust the force like you trust me."
"Ok." He nods slowly. "I'll try."
"Do or do not, There is no try." I have pretty much became Luke. I have a new sympathy for my old Jedi Master. Must have been annoying to have someone questioning your ways all the time.
He looks up and smiles. "You asked me how I know everything, how is it that you know everything?"
"I don't. I don't want to know everything."
"I suppose that's true."
I never replied. We sat there for at least thirty minutes, just staring at each other and touching each others faces and hair. I don't think we always need words. It's nice to be able to stare at something so perfect and say in your head, 'this is real'
"I'm just waiting to wake up." He whispers after a very long time with out words. "Because I'm dreaming."
"I hope you never wake up." I say very serious.
"I want more then anything for this to last forever. I want more then anything for you to stay here, but."
"I know." I finish for him because I feel bad.
I get out of the bed and he grabs my hand. He holds it for as long as he can before I move too far away for contact. I dress in what I did yesterday and head for the door. Before I open it, I feel Sunsets hand grab my shoulder and I turn around. He hands me my mask and then hugs me.
"We leave tomorrow. It will be when you usually train your stormtroopers."
"Ok." I hug him back.
"Also, I would like you to select the weakest one, I would like to bring him with us and see if that hopefully helps."
"You must really care about your stormtroopers." I look down at him and comb through his hair with my free hand.
"Everyone deserves a chance until they prove otherwise. You can't have a strong army unless you treat them like so."
"I never really thought about that."
"Well, now you know."
We let go and I step out of the door.
"I love you, Ben." He says before walking away and then the door sliding closed behind him.
"I love you." I put my hand on the door and keep it there for a few seconds before walking away.
I reach my room and start getting ready and doing things that I can only do in this room. I walk to my bathroom after throwing my mask on the bed. I lose breath upon seeing my mirror that I had forgotten about. I only see my eyes multiplying into many through all the cracks. I push the mirror in a little bit and tiny glass pieces and specs fall down as a brittle cracking is heard. I push it until so many cracks in the mirror show up, it doesn't even look like a reflective surface anymore. I don't want to see my face. I don't want to see a failure in the mirror. I push it even harder and huge shards of glass fall down into the sink. All that lies there now is a black surface in the middle, with a dark aqua blue lines running through the remaining glass surrounding it.
"I'm sorry Luke." I say it, wishing he could hear me. What I wouldn't give to talk to him right now. "I'm sorry I'm weak like this."
I don't want to join the dark, but I must for Sunset. I can't do that though. I promised Luke I would come back. I promised him I would come back as Ben. I also made another promise. I promised Armitage I wouldn't make him regret me. If I leave, leave as Ben especially. Not only will he regret me, he will hate me. He would never look at me the same. I can't do that. I made a promise to both and I must choose which one I keep. I must choose a path. I must choose. I will choose. Sometime.
I walk out and put my mask back on so I can go see the stormtroopers I train. I walk out into the cold and black hallway that screams pain and darkness. The black walls tell me that there is no happiness here and it's not the place you want you mess with. I don't like it. I never have. It reminds me of my room. So empty and black. The walls so black you can see yourself everywhere you go. See your reflection in the walls and floor. See my reflection in the table at my bedside. See my reflection everywhere. I hate it. I don't want to see myself. I'm becoming something else and it hurts to look. I'm glad that mirror is broken. It tormented and teased me. Told me I was something I never planned on being. I have these thoughts so often, I aught to do something about it. Just to hear someone talk because I'm sick of just sitting in silence. Sometimes the quiet is violent.
I finally reach the door of the training room and breathe in a couple of times before I make it open. I walk in to see Slip sitting on the box I was last time, slumped over chin in hands. Twenty is kneeled down in front of him laughing at whatever he just said. There faces are really close and they seem to really be into each other. It's strange to look at. Nobody will ever know the truth about Armitage and I. Watching them though, still makes me self couscous about how people see me and Sunset together. Because our relationship definitely isn't normal. The resistance would see me as the traitor that fell in love with an enemy leader. The First Order would see me as a weak fool that fell in love with there General. They would see Armitage as a fool too.
I feel for Slip and Twenty. Because if people found out about my relationship, it would be a known story that some would cherish and others despise. It would no doubt make it past my death and be passed on to others that come after me with any relation to my family or the things I'm aquatinted with. Even if people hated us, we would be legends. If people were to find out about Slip and Twenty, nobody would care. It might be an important story to some. The chance of those people knowing there names is very slim. They would just be known as the two stormtroopers that were in love. Nothing special. It's sad honestly. How unfair life is. When it comes down to it though, I guess it really doesn't matter if they just love each other. Who cares how people see them? Who cares about how people see me?
I don't care anymore about what Poe would think of my love for Sunset. I don't really care if my dad thinks he knows me. I don't care what people will think of me anymore. If they think I turned dark because of the General of the First Order, let them think that. It is for him. I am Kylo Ren because I love Armitage Hux. I am Kylo Ren.
No! Stop saying that! You're Ben damn it! You can still love and be with Armitage if you're Ben. I promised Luke... but I also promised Armitage. I have to choose one. Don't let the dark take you. Do not let the dark take me! I can't become part of the dark. I must stand out from the walls on Starkiller. I must stand out from the dark robes I wear. I must stand out. I can't become the darkness. I have to fight it. I have to fight it.
"Master Ren?" Slip stands up, along with Twenty.
I look at them and my eyes skid across Nines that is giving me a very confused look. I feel embarrassed that Slip snapped me out of my thought. They are probably wondering why I came in and just stood here.
"Are you Okay?" Slip breaks the silence again.
"I'm fine." I say, not so convincingly.
I look over them and Nines goes to stand in line. The others watch him go over and then look at me. I nod and they walk over to stand next to Nines. I walk up to them in a line.
"General Hux's personal stormtrooper squad made a mission to Gaff in search of clues to find my old master, Skywalker. They found a singular message that needs work so we can get the full extent of it. General Hux and I will be going down ourselves on request of the supreme leader, so we can inspect the message ourselves. I must select one of you three to attend this with me. It will be my choice." I look at them and see nervous looks on both Twenty and Slips faces. Nines looks very confident and is practically begging with his eyes to be chosen.
I feel bad because I would want to take Nines. He just wants to prove himself and get out of here. Armitage told me I must take the weakest one though. It's very obvious who that is. I look over at Slip and Twenty moves slightly in front of him.
"I'll go." Twenty tries to be brave but ultimately fails.
"No." I say back. I feel very bad for all of them. Nines wants to prove himself and go. Slip obviously doesn't want to go. Twenty only wants to protect Slip by going. Just by taking Slip, they will all be disappointed. I could just take Nines, but he definitely isn't weak. Armitage told me I had to take the weakest one and I don't want to lie to him by taking Nines. I don't want to bring Twenty because I don't want to give him a false hope that he is able to protect Slip. He needs to learn.
"Permission to speak?" Nines asks.
"Granted." I simply reply back. It's rare he has this respect so I'll be nice back. Even though he doesn't deserve it.
"I'm willing to go." Nines raises his eyebrows slightly and gulps.
"No." I say again. "I'm going to bring Slip."
Nines face turns to disappointment. Slip holds down his fear and Twenty looks at Slip as if to apologize for his failure. Twenty snaps his attention back to me.
"No. Why are you doing this? You're neglecting two very willing people to take Slip. He doesn't even want to go." Twenty has anger in his eyes and his little stature tries to get to me.
"It's fine. I'll be okay." Slip rests his hand on Twenty's shoulder. He looks very scared but he is doing very well at hiding it. I hate taking him, but I also hate lying. It's hard, and I do it all the time.
"You will meet me at the docking bay at this time tomorrow. Well," I suddenly realize I was late today. "Meet me at the time you should arrive here tomorrow."
"Ok." Slip nods and looks very unsure.
"You can handle this right?" I step up to Slip.
"Yes." He still looks very unsure and I feel bad.
Twenty shoots me a death glare and I get a new respect for him. I didn't think he was that brave.
"This is ridiculous." Twenty suddenly says. His voice is raised and he is fuming, looking at me. "You're only taking Slip because you knew it would hurt me. You knew it would get to me."
Even though that wasn't the plan, I decide to play along. "You caught me." I raise a hand in the air to tease him. I still make myself serious because I don't want him to think I'm joking. I want him to think I'm above him and he can't treat me like this. "I planned this the whole time. Just to make you mad."
He breathes out flames. "Shut up." He seems scared to say it, but he's too mad to be scared.
"Twenty." Slip looks at his lover in desperation. "I said it was fine. Just stop."
"Slip, I made you a promise." Twenty holds up a finger when Slip opens his mouth to speak again. "I made. You. A. Promise."
Slip just stares with pleading desperation in his eyes. Twenty needs to learn that he can't keep that promise. He needs to learn now before his chances of getting hurt worsen.
"Twenty." I say.
He looks at me.
"Get out. Get out now." I point to the door behind me.
He looks at the door and then grabs Slip's hand, thinking he's going to just leave with him. I grab Slip's wrist that isn't occupied by Twenty's hand and drag him back.
"I said Twenty. Not Twenty and Slip. Just Twenty." I pull Slip the rest of the way behind me and he stumbles a little, but not enough to fall.
Twenty glares at me. "I know what you're doing."
"Congratulations on being so smart. Now leave."
"No."
I step up to Twenty before Slip's desperate voice stops me.
"Kylo please!"
I snap around and make Slip jump. "I told you not to call me that." I try and sound as menacing as possible.
"I'm sorry Master Ren." He holds up his hands in fear. "Don't hurt Twenty. He doesn't understand."
I look over at Twenty that tilts his head with huge eyes at Slip. He drops his entire expression when he catches me looking at him.
"I will do what I want." I snap at both of them. "What I want is for Twenty to leave. So get out now." I walk over to Twenty and he doesn't even move an inch.
"Slip, meet me after. Right after." Twenty looks past me at Slip and then nods when Slip says yes.
Twenty looks back up at me from Slip and just stands there. If he wants to say something, he better say it now.
"Get out." This is the last time I say it, I swear.
He walks out quickly and I can hear him cause damage to the wall outside the room. I roll my eyes and turn back around. Slip looks at the door longingly and Nines stays in the same place he has been in for the last few minutes.
"2199, leave." I say to him.
Without hesitation or eye contact, he leaves swiftly. Slip drops his head and bites his lip. This is probably the last thing he ever wanted, to be alone with me. He looks up and seems different.
"I'm sorry about Twenty, he doesn't know when to stop. He's not very smart sometimes." Slip comes closer.
I step back and he stops in his tracks. "Why aren't you scared of me?" I ask. Nines is obviously now frightened. I destroyed any bravery he had. Slip is never scared though. After treating him the way I do all the time, I would expect him to hate me. Yet he always shows me care.
"I'm not scared of you because I can tell you're scared yourself."
"You don't know me." Slip acts as if he had the capability of seeing another's thoughts. Which would be impossible.
"I don't, but I wish I did. You're not at all who you act to be."
"What do you know?" Slip is only a stormtrooper. I don't care what Armitage said. Slip is weak and he doesn't know me.
"I can tell that you're trying to be someone else. Someone that you're not."
"Slip, What makes you think you know that? You don't even know what you're talking about."
"Who are you? Because it's not Kylo Ren."
"Stop it." So much for the mask. He can see right through it.
"I don't want to upset you."
"I'm not upset. Just stop."
"I'm sorry."
"Slip just stop."
"Please don't be mad. I'm sorry."
"I said stop!"
He just stares at me. Unafraid and concern tinting his eyes. He slowly walks to me again but doesn't stop this time when I move back. He lifts up his hands slowly and bites his tongue. The moment I know what he's doing, I smack away one of his hands. He holds his hurt hand and looks at me mad almost.
"Who are you?" He half whispers.
"Slip, you will regret your actions if you go any farther."
"You're not Kylo Ren. No matter how hard you try."
I stare at him trying to predict my next actions.
"What do you expect from this?" I look at him through the red my mask causes. I have never actually seen his face with out the red. I mostly see his face in my mind with a glowing red light saber held to him.
"I expect you to be honest with yourself." He says it pleadingly. I'm not sure if he wants this for me or him.
I reach up and take off my mask. There is a hissing sound and I shake my head slightly so that my hair wouldn't be plastered in the position of the head piece. Slip stares at my face for a long time before smiling.
"Prince." He says simple.
"What?" How did he come to that word?
"You look like a prince."
A sting of pain hits my heart. My mother used to always call me a prince. So did Poe. Before I was forced to leave of course. I decide not to answer him.
"You have so much compassion, I can tell. You try and hide it." He nods like he's some all seeing god. "You have compassion because you have been hurt."
It's almost like he is reading my mind, but that's impossible because Slip is not a force user. I would have felt it.
"How do you know?" I look at him with much question. I'm very concerned on how he is doing this.
"It's your eyes."
Visions of my eyes becoming numerous in the broken mirror flash through my head. "My eyes?"
"After a while, you see the same eyes in different people."
"What do my eyes tell you?"
"Other then what I already said, I can see that you're in love." Slip smiles very young like at the word 'love'.
Slip looks different when I'm not looking at him through the mask. I have seen pictures of him without the red visor, but never in person. His skin is very angelic and his lips are pink, almost like a holy being. He tells me I look like a prince, but his blond curly hair tells me his mother was beautiful. He looks like a price. I bet his mother loved him before he was taken away. I feel bad that none of the stormtroopers know there parents. Slips presence made me question who his parents were. Every time I leave this room or Slip leaves, I feel exhausted. Almost like I was holding my breath the whole time and he gave it back as soon as he left eye contact. Slip is obviously human, but he doesn't feel that way. I have more power then him, yet it doesn't feel that way. It almost scares me, the amount of power that Slip's presence gives me. He feels like my guardian.
"How do you know that?" I gulp.
"I told you. It's your eyes." Slip stares into my eyes. "Who is it? Are they here?"
"Slip, who are you?"
He tilts his head at my question. "I don't know what you mean by that."
"How can you do this? Who taught you?"
"Nobody. I don't know who could have taught me here." He laughs at his own comment. "I have always been able to do this. I can't explain it."
"Where did you come from?"
"I don't know. The only thing I have ever known is the First Order. And of course Twenty."
"That's a shame." I say honestly.
"Why is that?"
"Because, you're a truly significant person. You're very special and Twenty is very fortunate to have you."
Slip looks down smiling. "It's funny you say that. He does too. I feel so loved."
"You deserve it. You're not weak, you're just different. People assume peace is weak. Peace is of course a lie, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist."
"See? That wasn't Kylo Ren. That was you speaking. I don't know what's happening in your head, but just remember you should never become something you're not."
I nod. I feel like I can trust Slip. I can't trust Nines at all. Only an idiot would trust Nines. Twenty is just very hateful and protective, and people like that are not to be trusted. However, Slip on the other hand, is very caring. He treats me with the same care as the day he first met me. Maybe even better now. He believes that Ben is still there and worth saving. I trust him and I should probably listen to him. I am not Kylo Ren. I can be Kylo sometimes for Snoke. I am not him though. Because I promised Luke, and someone I trust is telling me I'm not him. I am Ben. I can be Ben and love Armitage and please Luke and still finish my mission. Why did I say yes to this? There is going to be no easy way out of this. There is absolutely no easy way out of this.
"Are you Okay?" Slip snaps me out of the intense fluxing thought I was experiencing.
"Yes. Meet at the docking bay tomorrow at the time I told you." I reply.
"Okay. Am I the only one?"
"There will be more stormtroopers when we arrive at the planet. As for going down, it will just be you, me, and the General."
"Hux."
Yes, who else? "Yes, is there a problem?"
"No." He smiles. "I meant, is Hux the one you love?"
I'm shocked and my eyes slightly widen. "What? No." I shake my head quickly.
"Your eyes changed when you said General. Then they changed even more when I got specific and said Hux."
"Slip." I stare at him wondering what he even is. He could catch that by my eyes. I thought I was good at hiding it.
"I promise I won't tell. Not Twenty, nobody."
"How did you know that?" All these promises. Promises shouldn't be a thing.
Slip smiles at me admitting the truth of my love. "Your eyes say so much about you. Maybe that's why you wear the mask, because your eyes are like words that I can just read."
"That scares me." I confess.
"I can tell."
"Slip, Stop." I smile so he will know I'm joking with him.
"Sorry." He looks down and smiles again. "Tomorrow, at the docking bay, you, me and Hux." He looks up with a grin on his face.
"Go away." I shake my head.
He laughs and walks out the door. Him leaving takes away all my breath again. What is he? Why is he so intimidating, but also not. My connection to him is strange, it's like what Luke and I had, protection.
A/N: since Kylo is only twenty years old at this point. Do note that Twenty, Slip, and Nines are all teenagers. This is just in case you didn't know. Thanks for reading, whoever is. Vote if you liked it. -yoitsme108