"Come now, sweet Ben. Wake up." I hear Armitage's voice enter my half awake state.
I open my eyes to see a Sunset kneeled down on the side of the bed caressing my cheek. He smiles as I open my eyes and his travel all over my face. I can feel his love for me and it only makes me want him more. It also tears me apart farther than I already am.
"I missed you." I try not to cry as I say it.
"Did you really miss me that much? It's only been a few hours." He puts his arms on the bed and rests his chin on them.
"You have no idea. I missed you more then you can ever comprehend."
A big smile forms on his face. "You're so sweet."
His use of the word 'sweet' turn my stomach over. I'm flattered, but I read it in his journal. He actually means it, and he thinks he's the one that's dreaming? I'm mad at myself again. I'm a monster for even reading his journal.
"I love you Armitage. I seriously love you and nothing will ever compare or measure up to how I feel about you. The day I lose you is the day I lose myself. You make everyday worth living for me and my strong love for you will never change." I grab his arm.
He looks at me in shock for a long time with his mouth agape. He blinks several times before even answering. "Ben... I love you. I don't think I could ever tell you how much I do love you. Words are too limitless to describe the infinite love I have for you."
"Sunset." I sit up and he stands as I get out of the bed.
I embrace him and he does the same. I feel him stand on his tip toes so he can be more apart of me. We are hugging so tight that his hat falls off and he just buries his face deeper into my neck.
"Who am I kidding." I hear him say. I can almost hear a hint of sadness in his tone. I have never seen Sunset cry before. I don't want to either. He's not crying, I can't tell, but he is close. "I can't ever lose you." He pushes me away but keeps a tight grip on me. "I'm sorry I ever tried ending what we have."
"You were scared." I put some of his loose hair back.
"That doesn't excuse it. I feel immensely guilty for even thinking of putting you through that. I feel guilty about leaving you here alone."
"It was fine being alone. It wasn't that long." I lie. I look over at the clock and see that it had been five hours since I fell asleep. He truly was gone for a long time.
"Are you sure? You seemed so out of place. I feel bad for making you miss me that much."
"Sunset." I pull his head to me and his hands run over my bare chest and he smiles with his eyes closed. "I always miss you whenever we're not together. Don't feel bad because you can't exactly spend every waking minute with me."
"I know." He keeps his eyes closed. "I wish I could."
I kiss the top of his head and he smiles even bigger. I feel his head move from underneath my kiss to look at me. He looks at me all over and stands up a little higher to meet my gaze. He kisses me softly. I keep him there for a few seconds before he pulls away himself. I kiss his forehead and I can hear a breathy laugh escape his closed lips.
"I'm going to change Okay?" Sunset backs away and I smile. He looks very attractive in his uniform and the hat only makes it better.
He bends over and picks his hat off the ground that fell because of us embracing each other. He walks over to his closet and bends down. My stomach churns and I hope to the maker he never finds out I read some of his journal. It was only a little bit, but I still feel like an emotionless machine for doing it. It was unforgivable and it was yet again, another impulse act on my end.
I watch as he undresses. He puts on a pair of gray sleeping pants before taking off his shirt. His bare back sends bumps up my arm like a fast moving river. I have no top cover either, but he's seen me like this before. I have never studied his perfect pale form as intently as I am now. Before he can put on a shirt, I walk over to him. I wrap my arms around him from behind and I can feel him jump at my touch. I bite the side of his neck and travel farther down.
"Ben." He says completely out of breath.
I feel him relax into me and press my arms wrapped around him more against his chest. He drops his head back and I feel his soft like water hair touch my shoulder rather roughly and abruptly. I love seeing him like this. His head titled asking for more. Eyes closed in a pure state of mind. I keep staring at all his expressions and try and memorize them before he speaks again.
"No." He whispers. "Don't stop."
I kiss his neck again and make my way to the front of him. He lets out a gasp as soon as I bite down delicately on what I can of his collar bone. I feel his hand reach up and grasp some of my hair. He is careful not to hurt me, but he pulls me closer to him. I do as he asks and place sloppy and slow wet kisses down his shoulder. He breathes in sharply at least twice and I can't help but smile against the skin I am kissing. I think I'm happier then he is. I'm just happy that he enjoys me and I can actually make someone feel this way.
He turns around and gives me a look of want. He slightly lunges towards me and wraps his arms around my neck. I pull him closer by his waist and he licks his lips while looking at mine. I lean down and kiss his cheek, just like he did to me in the discussion room where we finally shared our first kiss. I do just as he did and travel down. I want him to feel the same way I felt, he deserves it. I travel down his jaw with only my breath because I'm not as good as he is. I want to kiss him too bad. I need it too much.
"Ben..." he takes big breaths as he attempts to speak. "Ben just Kiss-
I cut him off by kissing him and tilting my head immediately. He presses himself against me and opens my mouth with his. The familiar mint taste is known and I want more... I want all of it. I need every bit of it. I feel him tug at my hair and pull me even closer then I thought possible. He bites my bottom lip multiple times to deepen the kiss and get farther in with me. I let him and I try and do the same. I feel like a child learning almost because he obviously has more experience then I do. I know not where, nor do I care. With every tug of my hair or feeling of his tongue against mine, he surpasses Poe in every way possible. He is what I need right now. He is who is there for me.
Still managing to hold every bit of my interest and attention with his kiss, Sunset slowly starts walking forward. I move backwards so I don't fall over. The only breaths I'm actually getting are very short and it's when our lips aren't connected for less then a second. After walking just a few feet, our lips part and I stumble backwards on the bed. I smile at him as he moves closer. I scoot more on the bed and my heart beat picks up when Sunset crawls on top of me. I help him up and pull his legs on the bed so that they are on either side of me. I lay down and breathe for a few seconds. He leans down and I feel his wet kiss come in contact with my collar bone. I feel my toes scrunch up at his touch and I scoot up more on the bed so my legs aren't dangling over the side.
Sunset only moves with me but uses my moving upward to his advantage. I see him smile as he travels down my chest and I feel the shell lips leave wetness all over my torso.
"Armitage." I say with my eyes closing.
I gasp and open my eyes as soon as I feel his lips get lower. I feel so weak and I can barley lift my head to look at him. Shivers run all the way through my body as his mouth inches closer to where I want him most. I feel his fingers curl under my waistband and it takes everything I have to sit up and stop him.
"No." I say so out of breath I'm surprised anything actually came out. "We can't do that yet."
Armitage looks up at me very hurt. "Why not?"
"Because. I want it too much. I know for a fact we can't hide that from Snoke. We have to hide our thoughts with the force first." I lay back down and feel more tired then I did before falling asleep earlier.
"You want it too much?" He moves away from where he is and lays next to me. He rests his head on my chest and wraps on of his arms around me. I bring him closer to me and smell his hair.
"Yes. I know I'll remember what I enjoy most. Do you know how hard that would be to hide from Snoke?"
"I suppose you're right." I can feel him trace circles over my skin and even that has me on edge. Just his touch sends me into another galaxy.
"I'm sorry." I feel bad for rejecting him. I feel like I seriously hurt him.
"For what?"
"For refusing you just now."
"Ben, I don't care about that. I know you're only trying to protect me."
I move his face to face mine and shake my head with a smile. "How is it that you know everything?"
"I read a lot of books as a child."
I laugh because I never know if he's actually being serious. I think he tried to just make the truth a joke just now and failed.
"I'm being serious." He says with a smile.
"I know. That's why I'm laughing."
"Oh shut it." He shakes his head smiling. "It's very late and now is the best time to start with your plan."
I get up and he slowly slides off of me like some liquid substance. He looks at me through the corner of his visible eye not covered by the sheets. A small grin is on his face and he moves way closer to me. He shuts his eyes and wraps his arms around my torso. I feel his cheek press against me and I feel his words as he speaks.
"I'm never moving." He hugs tighter.
I try and pry him off, but it's no use. He only grips tighter and breathes me in deeper.
"Come here." I smile as I slowly pull him up to me.
I pull him onto my lap and puts his legs on either side of me again. I pull him closer and hold him as tight as possible with out harming him. He holds me just as tight and whispers 'I love you' in my ear.
"I love you and I need you." I whisper back into his ear.
We sit like this for a few minutes and I swear Sunset almost falls asleep in this position. He is now completely relaxed and his arms are stiff and his head relies completely on me for a cushion.
"Right now." I start. "I am holding The General of the First Order in my arms."
His arms hug me again and he moves his head up to rest near my neck. "And I." He takes the tone I just used. "Am in the arms of a Knight Of Ren."
"It must be a dream." I joke.
He pulls away and gives me a slight glare or the look of someone trying to figure a person out. I suddenly remember where I heard the dream thing from and I gulp. He's going to know I read his journal now.
"What?" I try and sound as innocent as possible.
"Nothing... it's just funny you say that." He bites his bottom lip and squints at me.
"Why? Funny?"
"You're acting weird, stop."
"Ok."
He smiles at rubs my cheek. "Ben, you're too perfect and you deserve better then me." He takes some hair out of my eyes.
"If I don't deserve you, who can I possibly have then? Nobody else can ever surpass you."
"You're so caring and loving. You deserve someone that can give you the stars."
"I don't want the Stars. I want you."
He smiles and hugs me again. "See what I mean? I don't deserve someone as good as you."
"I want you. I need you. I don't think I can even function with out you."
"That's very nice of you to say." I feel his grip around me tighten again. He rests his head back on my shoulder.
"Do you want to start now?" I sit and hold him on me just waiting for him to reply.
"Yes. I think now is reasonable." He gets off of me and sits cross legged in front of me.
I do the same and scoot in closer to him.
"Ok. We must start from the beginning. Every padawan has a bond with there Master through the force." I start.
"How?" He's already asking questions.
"Because, the master teaches them and guides them. Let's just pretend I'm your master and you're my padawan."
"No."
"What?" Of course he has a problem with this.
"I'm not doing that. I want no part in the Jedi." He shakes his head and presses his lips together.
I ask him what his problem is with my eyes before I speak again. "Fine. We won't use Jedi talk."
He just looks at me with no reaction and I take that as a sign I can continue.
"I am your teacher. Look at in a a sense that I am making you an equal right now." I grab one of his hands.
"That's better." He scoots closer to me.
"Something very important that Luke always said-
"No. I want to know nothing of the teachings from Skywalker."
I look at him with widened eyes and wonder if he really does want me. "Armitage." I say really annoyed.
"Ben." He mocks me back by using my tone.
"Do you want me or not? This is the only way."
"I agreed to this so I'll finish through. I don't want anything those rebels taught you though."
I wish I could just tell him I'm on a secret mission and those rebel teachings as he calls it, have kept me safe for almost a year now. But I won't. He will only see me as a rebel and I'm not going to put him through that.
"Well, those are the only teachings I know, Okay? The force is in every living thing so it doesn't matter where you learned it. All that matters is how you use it. Think of Vader. He was once a great Jedi and an even more powerful Sith. Where do you think he learned all that? His Jedi master."
He doesn't answer and it honestly annoys me. It's like he can't admit he's wrong or he doesn't want to give in.
"Armitage."
"What?"
"Say something."
"I will admit, you have provided a good point." He nods slowly and looks at an unknown object behind me.
"So?"
"Can we get this over with?"
I raise my eyebrows at him. I don't know why he randomly acts like this at times. "Yes."
"Ok. Go then."
"Close your eyes."
"Are you serious?"
"Just do it."
He shuts his eyes and breathes out slowly.
"Clear out everything you're thinking of and focus on one thing." I make sure his eyes are actually closed by looking closer.
"What do I focus on?"
"Anything. This will be the thought you use to hide your others. Make it strong. It can be a painful memory, that works best."
"You're asking me to use a painful memory to hide my thoughts of you?"
"Yes."
"What if I want to think about you? I think about you without noticing. What do I do then?"
"You can think of me still. The only time you need to hide your thoughts is when Snoke is in your head. You would be able to feel it."
"How?"
"It's a dark frightening feeling."
"I have felt that before."
"What's your memory?"
"I can't think of any." He opens his eyes.
"So you're telling me you have never experienced any pain?"
"Of course I have. I just look at them as strength. I don't see it as pain. I see it as helpers towards who I am now."
"Why are you so perfect? Why?"
"Come on. Let's continue."
"What makes you weak?"
"You."
I smile. "Well you can't exactly think of me to hide your thoughts of me."
"I don't know then."
"What about your mother."
He glares at me. "What about her?"
"You never talk about her. You only speak of your father."
"And?"
"What happened?"
"She's dead."
"Well aren't you sad?"
"No. She's safer dead."
"Safer?"
"Her only strength was her drive. Other than that, she was physically weak. She tried so hard to stay strong for me, but she couldn't. I should have made her feel more accomplished. I should have told her how much she actually inspired me. She died feeling like she failed. It's all my fault." He wipes his eyes before I can even see his tears.
"Sunset."
"I'm glad she's dead."
"I don't know what you mean."
"My fathers wife is not my mother. She never will be. I love her though because she raised me. Something my real mother could never do."
"You're confusing me."
"I am the son of a kitchen assistant. My father betrayed his wife and I was created through his mistakes. I didn't know my mother for very long before I was taken away with only my father. As for my real mother and my fathers wife. I have never seen them since the day I met Ray Sloane. They called it rescuing." He scoffs.
"Who's they? What do you mean by 'rescue'?"
"Gallius and Ray. They only took me and my father from Arkanis. They called it saving but I certainly felt dead afterward. I felt like there was no more reason to live. They were told not to worry about my two mother figures.... they just left them behind."
I immediately regonized the name Arkanis. It was under siege by the New Republic. I can see why the people he is talking about called it saving. I'm glad they saved him. I never would have met him. His father having an affair is terrible, but if he didn't. Perfect Sunset wouldn't be here.
"What's your mothers name?" I run my fingers through his hair and comb it.
"I don't know my mothers real name, but the woman who raised me is called Maratelle. I used to call her mother before I found out the truth."
"I'm sorry." He takes my hand that is still combing through his hair and gives it a tight squeeze.
"I have never told anyone that before Ben. No one."
"I can see why. But listen, if none of that happened, you wouldn't be here as General Hux. We never would have met." I'm actually curious now on which mother actually gave Armitage that journal. It didn't say a name, just mother. "You wouldn't have this amazing ginger hair if Brendols wife gave birth to you."
"That's what I was saying to you Ben. I have no pain. My mother figures dying was a stepping stone. Having a constant reminder from Gallius that I'm a red headed bastard child only made me want to be better. I was sick of being seen as the red head from the unknown kitchen worker harlot." He scrunches up his nose in disgust.
"I don't think you're a bastard. I love your red hair and I could never tell you how much I love you. Even if we could live forever and had all the time in the galaxy, I could never cover how much you mean to me."
"I know how you feel about me Ben. I look at you as my reward in the journey. After everything, after not even being raised by my biological parents, meaning Gallius and Maratelle when she could. After going through..... never mind, the other things, there not worth mentioning."
I squint my eyes at him. What other things? He claims I'm hiding something. I'm almost sure there is another person before me. He was hesitant to believe when I said I loved him. He also seemed to have a lot of experience and now he's hiding certain details from me. There was definitely someone before me and he didn't tell the full truth.
"What things? What doesn't matter?" I ask
"What matters is that you were the reward. You were the treasure my map lead to." He caresses my cheek.
"No. I have told you everything about Poe. Who was the one before me?"
"Does it matter?"
"No. But I just want to know. I care about you and..."
"He's not worth mentioning."
"Didn't you say your pain was your strength? Tell me of him, how did he strengthen you?"
"He didn't." Armitage snaps at me. "He only made me learn from my mistakes. He doesn't matter. I regret everything and I only need you. Don't ever make me regret you."
I look at him wide eyed. He just told me I can't ever make him regret me. He will regret me if I leave him. I have to leave eventually, unless he just comes with me. That would never happen. I can't leave now. I have to be Kylo Ren for Sunset. No! I can't. I promised Luke I would go, stay, and come back as Ben.
"I would never." I shake my head still a bit shocked.
"Promise?"
No. I can't promise him that. I would have to break my promise to Luke. I'm so pathetic that I'm already having temptations of turning to the dark. I can't not promise him this. I open my mouth and a hesitated noise comes out.
"Promise me Ben. Promise me I won't ever regret you." He acts very desperate.
I take a deep breath.
"Now." He glares at me.
I give him a look of concern and question.
"Sunset, how much did he hurt you?" I caress his face some more.
"Ben, just shut up and promise me." He roughly takes my hands away from his face and holds them tight to the bed.
"I promise." I say quietly from how scared and shocked I am.
He leans in and kisses me aggressively and then pulls away before I can actually react. "Thank you." He whispers.
"Of course." I am sure to show a lot of concern in my eyes. This unknown male obviously has a major impact on him. He calls me the mysterious son of Solo and he says I'm obviously hiding something. He's pretty mysterious himself. He's the one hiding things. "Are you Okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm fine because of you." He hugs me. "I love you Ben."
"I love you Armitage." I slowly hug him back. I am concerned for him as my fingers brush across his overly warm skin. His temperature has definitely risen. I pull away from him and let my hands slowly travel down his soft skin while I pull them away.
"Let's finish this. If this will keep me from losing you, I don't even care if it's teachings of the Jedi. Teach me. Teach me so that you will never leave."
"Ok. Shut your eyes."
He closes his eyes and a single tear cascades down his cheek.
"Sunset." I wipe it away.
"I'm fine." He pushes my hand away. "Let's do this please. It's late and we can't waste time."
"You're right. Now clear your mind and only focus on the force. You will know the feeling when it comes."
He grabs one of my hands with both of his. "Ok."
"The force moves through everything, keeps the universe in balance. It's alive in everyone of us and anyone can use it."
"Ok." He says softly.
"Tell me when you feel something."
"Ok." We sit there for a few seconds before he squeezes my hand. "I feel something."
"Ok. Now think of me. Think of how much you love me and how much I love you. Think of us."
"Ok." He smiles and his fair face turns the dark red shade that makes me smile every time I see it.
"Good, now think of your pain. Think of your mother and how she died. Think of your father leaving all the raising to Gallius. Think of how much you regret everyone before me."
His face changes and his smile falls.
"Hide me with your pain and hate. Hide it." I grab the back of his neck and bring our foreheads together rather rough. I move even closer. "Hide it. Try more than what's possible." He grabs my neck to and he seems to be in pain.
"B-Ben." He squints his eyes tightly and grimaces.
He opens his eyes and I let go of him. He breathes heavy and looks down to his lap.
"Are you Okay?" I reach out to touch him.
"Yes." He lunges forward and hugs me. He kisses my cheek and then snuggles his face into my neck.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Because of you."
"It's late. Aren't you tired?" I push him away and try and look into those moss colored eyes.
He looks down and nods. "I am very tired. Is this normal?"
"Yes. It's very tiring."
He crawls past me and gets under his covers. "Come on Ben." He pats the spot next to him with his eyes closed.
I crawl under the covers with him and pull him close. He softly presses his lips to my chest. I kiss the top of his head.
"Hey Sunset?" I mess up his hair and toss it's thickness very which way.
"Yes?" He moves even closer to me.
"I want to say something to you, but you have to remember."
"Hold on." He gets up and walks over to his closet. He comes back and gets in bed with his familiar journal. I swallow a a huge lump in my throat. "Here." He hands me a pen and the journal. "Write it down. If you want me to remember it." He moves it over to me and then shuts his eyes.
I take it nervously and open it to the next blank page available. He is falling asleep and I don't think he realizes what he just did. Either he's very tired or he trusts me a lot. Before I write down what I want to say, I look at the written on page next to the blank one. Just scanning over it, I see my name multiple times all over the page and it's underlined, making it even easier to see. I go back to looking at the blank page and I put the date at the top and then title the entry, 'Hidden Truth'
Use the force to hide your thoughts from Snoke. Trust in the force and it will guide and protect. You are one with the force, the force is one with you.
-Ben
I shut the journal and reach over him to set it on the nightstand.
"Hey Sunset?" I nudge him.
"Yes?" He says very faintly, still not opening his eyes.
"Do you know what this means? Me teaching you the force?"
"What?" He replies externally dull.
"We have a connection. I can speak to you and you can feel my presence. I'll be able to tell if something bad is happening to you."
"Really?" He barley opens his eyes to look at me. I guess he was listening.
"Yes."
"That sounds nice." He scoots closer to me and hugs me close again. "Thanks for making that promise, I'm sorry I acted the way I did."
"I understand. You're just scared as all."
"We're both scared. I'm mostly scared for you. I don't ever want you to go."
"I promise I won't." Why am I saying this? I'm lying.
"I love you."
"I love you." I bring him closer and smell his hair some more.
Picture above is Gallius and Armitage. -vote if you liked it. Thanks for reading. yoitsme108 🌌🌅