Since Seijūrõs death had passed two years and I was still living in the past. Neither was I able to move forward nor did I wanted it.
With Masaomis agreement both Kojirou and I were still living in the Akashi mansion in Tokyo which allowed me to visited Seijūrõs grave at least once a day.
Kojirou started with school while I have started to work in a small bakery. I have always loved to make sweets and so I thought this would fit me the most. Back then when Seijūrõ was alive I never has thought about going to work because he insisted that it would be enough for me to raise our son. Now the situation was different and I didn't wanted to be a burden for my father-in-law.
My days were always grey, the only colorful moments were when I spent time with my son. My life has become monotone and the people around me just faceless creatures, beside my family I recognised no one.
But one certain day a customer came to our bakery that was standing out from the crowd. It was a tall man with emerald green eyes and light brown hair.
The moment our eyes met for the first time after years I knew immediately who had stepped inside this small bakery and by the expression on his face I could see that he was still remembering me.
For just a moment he paused, uncertain what to say or just to leave again without ordering anything. In the end he was just ordering a coffee and left the bakery without wasting another word but before he stepped out of the door he glanced over his shoulder, his eyes resting on me for a few seconds before he was gone.
'Should I have said something?' I questioned myself but I pushed the thought beside fast.
Days passed without seeing him again. One evening when I just have left the bakery I saw him again when he was passing me in a very fast pace, in the last second grabbing my wrist and dragging me with him.
"Come with me" Were his only words to me.
Without any protest I let him take me with him. Far away from the lively streets we reached an empty playground.
We were sitting on one of the benches surrounded by an awkward silence. He eyes fixed on one spot at the ground.
"..."
"You have gone through a lot since the last time I saw you" He finally broke the silence.
"Hmmm..."
"Shirou told me what happened"
"Did he?"
"I am sorry that you have lost him" His voice was a mere whisper.
Silently I bit my lips, fighting back the upcoming sorrow. While before I was watching him the moment he said those words I directed my eyes away from him but now he was the one who was watching me.
"It's okay to cry... to mourn his death..." he paused a moment in which he gently rested his big and on my head. "But one day you have to move forward. I am sure that's what he would wish for you."
"... I can't. I can't forget him... and I don't want to...."
"I never said you have to forget him. Moving forward and forgetting are two different things" he said in a calm and steady voice.
Silence filled the room between us once again.
"Why are you here?" I asked straightforward.
Quietly he took a letter out of his pocket. Its years clearly visible with all the wrinkles and its grey coloyr. Hesitantly I took it in my hands and slowly unfolded it.
My breath stopped just by seeing the handwriting, without reading the signature I knew it was HIS. His elegant handwriting with all its embellishments. Confused I looked at the male beside me, clearly searching for an answer.
"He sent me the letter eleven years ago. You can have it" He stood up from the bench and left without a single word.
I watched him leaving before I finally started reading the letter in my hands.
To Toma
I know that me writing a letter to you must be unexpected and I am full aware that you loathe me for what I have done to you and more for what I have done to the person that captured your heart as well as mine. I am not about to ask for forgiveness because that's not what someone like me deserve. If I hadn't stepped in her life I am sure you would be the one who would give her the happiness she deserves.
The reason why I am writing this letter is to ask for a favor. Not for my sake. I am asking for Sorano's sake. There will be coming a day when she needs a friend by her side who will give her another kind of strength or understanding that I never can give her. Although a lot of time had passed I am sure she is still considering you as one of her friends. Something invisible connects you two that I will never be able to understand.
So I ask you to get in contact with her again.
Akashi Seijūrõ
My fingertips brushed slightly above his name.
"...Seijūrõ..." I pressed the letter against my chest, holding it save close to my heart.
"...why are you doing this to me?" I leaned forward until my upper body leaned on my thighs. My body was trembling and tears strained my cheeks again, leaving this wet warm feeling on them that was so familiar to me.
When I finally calmed down after a felt eternity I made my way home where my son greeted me with a bright smile.
"You were having a good day, isn't it?" I embraced him tighlty.
"Yep. I met uncle Shuzo and uncle Shirou today" Kojirou looked up to me with sparkling crimson eyes.
"Did you?" I loosened the embrace to have a better look at him.
"But with them was another man" Hearing this let me be a bit skeptically and I rised one of my eyebrows.
"Would you tell me more about him in the living room. It's a bit more comfortable talking there than here in the entrance hall." I suggested. Both of us were walking to the living room hand in hand.
Walking along the large corridor it happens that my glance wandered out of the window, resting on the small hill behind the garden. In the next second it was out of my view as I reached the end of the large window, the cold wall concealing where my hearts belong to.
In the living room told me Kojirou that he had spend an hour with Shuzo, Shirou and the man he mentioned before. Somehow I knew exactly who it was and that this was probably not a coincidence. Kojirou was mostly talking about this 'stranger' and it was clear how much he admired him.
Later in the evening when Kojirou was already sleeping in his bed I walked up the small hill, the moon has lit the garden so that the flashlight in my hand was unnecessary. In my other hand I was holding the folded letter that I got from Toma.
I reached Seijūrõs grave after a few minutes and I kneeled down beside it.
It became like a ritual that the tips of my fingers slowly brushed above the crimson letters of his name.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked once again, but I never got an answer.
A few days passed until Toma stepped back into my life one more time as he visited the bakery in which I was working. I pulled him in a quieter corner of the room and handed him the letter which was originally his.
"I don't need this" I said shortly.
"I don't need it either" He answered back and pressed the letter back to me.
"Okay I'll formulate it differntly: I don't want it!" Forcefully I pressed the letter against his chest. Maybe a bit to forceful because his breath remained stuck for a second and in the other second he started coughing.
"Oh god, Toma! Are you alright?" I asked worried.
"I... m... fine" He managed to say between his coughs but still a grimaced expression on his face.
"Sorry. That wasn't my intention" I couldn't suppress a chuckle.
"What's so funny" His cough has finally settled and he could ask distinctly.
"Nothing" I answered but my chuckled turned into a laugh.
"You haven't changed at all in those years" A warm smile rested on his lips.
"That's not true" I protested, pressing my hands against my hips.
"It is" He replied as he crossed his arms before his chest.
"It's not" we bickered back and forth just as we did in the past.
"Then show me that the girl that I loved back then is really gone" Startled I looked up at him as my mind was working on the meaning behind his words. My arms slowly loosened the tension to be pressed against my waist and hung down. A light blush crept up my cheeks when it finally hit me.
"I..." I stepped back a bit, distanced myself from him.
"Just for a coffee. I am not here to take anyone's place... unless you want it!" He smiled gently, fully aware of my troubles.
"I..." I stopped myself as I was about to reject.
... for Sorano's sake!
I saw his words in my inner eye but the next moment I was hearing Kojirou speaking with so much joy about him.
Toma reached out his hands and I snapped out of my thoughts.
"What is it what you really want?" I confronted him, the only person around me that was painted in colors. But he didn't show any signs of hesitation, his eyes were never as unclouded as yet.
"I want you to move forward...
With me" He was still holding out his hand to me. My own hand was unconsciously moving, taking this chance to shove a way the monotone grey days that would be awaiting me without him.
And just as my hand joined his, I felt a familiar warm hand on my back that couldn't be there because he didn't exist in this world anymore but then his hand was pushing me forward...
Forward to a bright future...
'Thank you, Seijūrõ!'
H A P P Y E N D