Justins POV
Weeks go by and my girlfriend and I distance ourselves more and more from each other. For weeks, she sleeps downstairs in the living room on the couch.
During the day she is in the office at Scooters and works like an animal. She is usually 12 hours in the office, I barely get to set an eye on her lately. Not to start from the fact that I'm no longer allowed to touch her since the accident.
She has hardly eaten and has become thinner and thinner, I really was worried.
I spent a lot of time in the studio and working on new music with Drake and other artists. I always try to keep as much time as possible for free, but mostly in vain, since (Y/N) has no interest to do anything with me.
Honestly, I'm desperate. I'm lost. Every day I tell her that I love her, because it's the truth, but she doesn't answer. Mostly she is looking at the ground, trying to escape.
I'm at one's with end so I decided to go to a psychologist. I parked the car straight into the garage and made my way to his office. Scooter has recommended the doctor.
“Good morning Mr. Bieber. Sit down please. Would you like something to drink?”, greeted me Dr. Morrie, an old man with gray hair and many laugh lines on the face. He was a good eater, which could immediately be seen because of his big belly.
He was right away likeable. I took a view at his office, while he brought me a water. He had a lot of records and certificates. He really seems to be a specialist. He sat down, after he gave me the water, I also sat down on the comfortable armchair in front of him.
“So Mr. Bieber. What leads you to me?”, he asked as he placed his note buck on his lap. I began to tell him what happened, he listened to me attentively. It was good to talk everything away.
“And now she pushes you away from her.”, he said, looking up at me. I nodded sadly.
“I'm afraid that she no longer loves me and that it will never work with us again.”, I have added.
“She wouldn't be with you if she wouldn't love you.”, Dr. Morrie assured me.
“She spends a lot of time on Twitter with her Belieber account and writes with other fans of mine. She behaves as if we had never met during that time, as if we didn't know each other. She have fallen back to the time before we met each other in Sicily.”, I told him.
“This is normal. Apparently your girlfriend is in a bad trauma. She runs away from reality.”, he told me and made more notes.
“And how can I help her, what can I do?”
“First of all you must not harass your girlfriend. You need to give her time. I know this is hard, but every several physical proximity which (Y/N) doesn't want to, but is still exposed, makes the situation worse.”, he said and looked at me.
My face must have betrayed me, as he makes new notes immediately.
“You have already beset her, right?”, he asked. I looked ashamed on the floor and fumbled with my fingers on my shirt.
“I miss her so much.”, I started and tears filled my eyes.
~Flashback~
Three weeks had passed since the tragic accident, to my surprise (Y/N) was already home when I came back from the studio.
She sat on the couch in the living room, the TV is turned on but her attention was one and only on her phone. I sat down beside her as she suddenly looked over at me with a gentle smile.
“Hello.”, she said gently, puts her phone out of her hand and hugged her legs.
“Hello, sweetheart.”
“How was it in the studio?”, she asked and turned slowly to me. I told her that we have recorded a new song and tomorrow we need to make a few minor changes.
“Can I hear it?”, she asked shyly. I took my phone out of my pocket and showed her the song.
Tears filled her eyes as she heard the lyrics. She knew it was about her and how I feel since she pushes me away from her.
“The song has become good.”, she said, wiping her tears from her cheeks. After a longer break, where we have just watched TV, she looked back over at me. There was plenty of space between us, although I would have liked to held her in my arms, I knew that she doesn't want it.
“Justin, I'm sorry.”, she whispered.
“I know, baby. We will make it together.”, I assured her. She looked at me sadly and broke eye contact again. To my surprise, she slid closer to me and hesitantly put her head on my shoulder.
This was the first physical contact for three weeks. My heart jumped of joy as I slowly raised my arm and pressed her torso closer to me. Her head glid down on my chest, she listened to my heart beat when I stroked her lovingly through her hair.
The feeling which propagate in me was indescribable.
“Baby, can't you sleep with me upstairs tonight?”, I asked her desperately. I felt her head nod against my chest. Hand in hand we went into the bedroom.
Hesitantly she sat on her side of the bed and pulled off her sweatpants. I sat next to her in my boxers and looked at her warmly.
“Are you okay?”, I asked her when I laid my hand on hers. Briefly she stiffened but relaxed quickly. She nodded and blushed.
I leaned slowly toward her. She jerked back briefly, but then came slowly toward me too. Our lips touched gently. The first time after three long weeks. Finally, to feel her lips on mine, was the best feeling ever.
It was a little gentle loving kiss. And I would have to leave it at that, but unfortunately my male hormones caused me to go further.
My hands moved from her thigh up under her shirt towards her breasts. She pushed my hand away but I leaned with my full weight on her and placed many wet kisses on her neck.
“Baby, I missed you so much.”, I whispered against her cold skin. Her entire body stiffened, but I just ignored it and kept going.
“Justin, please stop.”, she murmured, trying to push me away from her. But I didn't stop. I wanted more. So I just carried on without noticing that she sat on defense more and more against my touch and kisses.
“Justin stop.”, she cried desperately and hit me against the shoulders. My hands wandered between her legs, I finally wanted to feel her again.
After a few minutes I heard her weeping, she lay under me and cried. What have I done?
I woke up from my horniness and looked up at her shocked.
Then I was really aware of what I have just done. I immediately jumped up, disgusted with myself.
She just layed there trembling, her eyes closed as she slowly curled up.
“Oh my God, baby. I'm so sorry.”, I sat down next to her and stroked her back.
“Don't.”, she said with a shaky voice. I quit as soon as she got up from the bed.
“What were you doing... you wanted to rape me?”, she asked me shaking all over, with tears in her eyes. She made her way over to the door.
“I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was doing.”, I apologized and she looked desperately at me. I fell on my knees and pressed my head against her legs as I hugged them.
“Please don't go.”, I begged her, but she freed herself from my embrace and went over to the door.
“I love you. I'll never leave you.”, I whispered. (Y/N) suddenly stood motionless at the door.
“Those were the last words, the Jason said to me before he died.”, she murmured, looking down at me with pain in her eyes.
~End Flashback~
“Since this situation I had no chance.”, I said and looked ashamed to Dr. Morrie again.
“You must forgive yourself. Even if it's hard. She has forgiven you, otherwise she wouldn't still be with you.”, Dr. Morrie said and gave me a better feeling again. I nodded, hoping that he was right.
“The meeting is finished now, but maybe you can convince your girlfriend to make a therapy. That would help her.”, he suggested, standing up. I thank him, and assured him that I'm going to suggest this to her.
END POV
*********
Your POV
Scooter has sent me home from the office earlier today, because he thinks that I work too much.
Honestly it annoys me, since I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not working.
Only at work I can forget what happened and do what I'm good at. Unfortunately, he has no choice left and kicked me out. I should also not come back to the office until next week, he said.
That means I now have four days off. Shit!
I strolled through the city without knowing where I should go. Of course, I could go home, but there's Justin. To see him hurts me, the paradox is that I'm to blame. He suffers and this he does because of me. Every time I see his sad, suffering eyes as they meet mine, my heart shatters into a thousand pieces.
After I walked a few hours through the streets of LA, the paparazzi have surrounded me, so I had no choice and had to get into my car. They kept asking me why they haven't see me with Justin lately, whether we broke up and much more.
It's still early afternoon when I drove aimlessly through the city. At the moment I prefer the night, I liked the darkness, but unfortunately the sun is shining into my face and the warmth made me tired.
After I've bought alcohol in a liquids store I sat down at the Santa Monica Pier and smoked a cigarette. I stared at the sea and waiting for the sunset. The alcohol tastes good better than usual, even though I know that this isn't good for me but I just wanted to stun myself.
A sip after another slid down my throat, as I slowly realized how the alcohol effect on my body and head.
Jason haunts me in my dreams, the only way for me not to dream is to go to sleep drunk or stoned. I know how that sounds, but I don't know what else I should do.
I feel alone in this big world even if Justin does his best to strengthen me and to get me out of the hole where I'm right now. He is the reason why I'm still alive. Whether I've been thinking about killing myself?
Yes I have, almost every day. I don't know who I am. With the knowledge that I don't deserve a man like Justin I'm running through my life and try to survive.
It is finally dark. The sun said goodbye, the beach is always empty until I sit alone in the dark. Oh man, I'm drunk. How do I get to go home now?
“Sis, how are you?”, Giovanni cheered in the speaker of the phone.
“Yo bro, how are you? Long time no talk.”, I stammered into the phone drunk. I hope he doesn't notice.
“I'm doing great. I just got home.”, he answered, I could hear in his voice that he knew immediately what's going on. He asked me where I'm, to which I replied honestly.
“Bro, I need a ride.”, I droned into the phone and fell into the soft sand. He assured me that he is in a few minutes with me. It wasn't the first time that he had to pick me up. Fortunately, I'm not so stupid and drive myself.
I woke up when someone picked me up and carried me on his shoulder away from the beach. I hear Giovanni sighed and incomprehensible muttering to himself.
“You love me. Don't forget that.”, I droned, and laughed.
“I don't know what's so funny.”, he replied as he placed me in the passenger seat of my car and shut my seat belt.
“You have to stop it, (Y/N).”, he said as he sat down in the driver's seat and turned the key in the ignition.
“You can't go on like that forever.”, he added.
I looked over at him with a blurred view.
“Do you hate me?”
“No, (Y/N).”
“You do...you hate me. Everybody hates me. I hate myself, Gio. I really do.”, I murmured and began to cry. Giovanni suddenly stopped the car and turned to me. He grabbed me firmly on my shoulder and shook me tight.
“Wake up.”, he cried in despair. “Please.”, he muttered with tears in his eyes.
Great, now I also hurt him. I'm a monster, a soulless monster.
“Listen to me. I love you. I will always love you. But I can't sit here and watch how you destroy yourself and your life. You have to stop it. I can't pick you up every other day on the beach and hope that when I see you lying there, that you're still alive. I'm afraid. I'm afraid for you.”, he shouted, staring intently into my eyes.
I thought previously that my heart has stopped beating, but now It has for sure. I broke eye contact and stared at his chest which pumped irregularly air into his lungs.
The tears rolled down his cheeks. At that moment I realized that I've never seen my brother cry. I cried with him and throw myself into his arms. This was the first body contact with another human being for weeks.
And I have to admit that it felt good. He hugged me tightly and gave me a kiss on the head. We stayed in this position for a while and I enjoyed the warmth of another human body.
“I'll take you home to Justin now.”, he whispered and let go of me. I nodded and sat back in my seat I dried my tears and watched Giovanni while driving.
“I'm sorry.”, I whispered, he glanced over at me and nodded with an insightful view.
“I didn't wanted to destroy your life.”, I muttered as he stopped in front of Justin's house. Our house. I hate that house.
“You didn't, Sis. I'm always there for you.”, Gio whispered and hugged me again.
END POV
To your surprise, Justin wasn't home. No one was there. To be alone in this house, has made you nervous.
You ran anxiously through the house as you suddenly remained standing in front of the bar. Hesitantly, you've made yourself another drink.
You have not turned on the light, you sat at the piano and looked into the nothingness. Without sense of time you thought again and again about what you have done and become even more drunk.
“Baby, are you okay?”, asked a soft, raspy voice from the darkness, coming toward you.
“Justin?”, you asked droning. He walked slowly toward you and stopped between your legs.
“Yes, it's me.”, he whispers and looks at you worried. He knows this sight unfortunately very well.
You looked each other straight in the eyes, the tears running down your cheeks.
“I'm sorry.”, you mumble and look at your almost empty glass.
“I know, sweetheart, I know.”, he says, stroking hesitant over your thighs. His touch lets your body stiffen briefly. Silence surrounded you.
“Do you wanna have sex with me, Justin?”
He looked at you confused, his eyes quickly changed to disappointment. He sighed and dropped his head as he shook his head barely visible. Your hands began to caress his shoulder.
You tried to pull him closer to you, but he remained standing firmly.
“Please.”, you beg. You've tried again to pull him closer to you. Your hands wandering around his torso up to his soft hair. You caress him through his silky hair down to his perfect face as he closed his eyes kind of enjoying your touch but feel so bad inside and disappointed at the same time.
“Boo, you're drunk, you don't really want that.”, he whispered desperately.
“You hate me, Justin.”, your voice cracks. A tear rolled down Justins cheek, he licks his lips and looks up at you.
“No, I love you...That's why I can't take advantage of you and your condition, even if I would love to feel you again. Hold you in my arms until you fell into sleep. I miss you so much.”, Justin sobs and looks you in the eye.
Your heart shatters into a thousand pieces again.
“We should break up.”, you drone jumping down from the piano. Justin watched you carefully.
“Then you will be happy again.”, you added, holding your index finger in the air like a teacher. You stumble over your own feet when Justin comes to help you, and shall you preserve against falling.
“Why do you love me?”, you ask him hanging in his strong arms. His body trembles, his eyes red from crying.
“Because we belong to each other. You're the reason for me to breath, you're all I have ever wanted in a woman...you used to be actually. ”, he answered as he lifts you and carries you over to the sofa.
“Don't give up on my...on us, okay?”, you drone, looking into his hazel, warm eyes.
Justins POV
She became unconscious and fell into a deep sleep. My tears dry slowly, as I stroking her over her still beautiful face. I went to the piano and began to play and sing. It was clear that she thereof won't wake up.
I don't understand
You look just like the woman
In the picture by our bed
The suspence is pounding and clouding up my head
I'm checkin' your clothes
And you wear the same size shoe You sleep in her spot
And you're driving her car
But I don't know just who you are There's a stranger in my house
It took a while to figure out
There's no way you could be who you say you are
You gotta be someone else
Cuz she wouldn't touch me like that And she wouldn't treat me like you do
She would adore me, she wouldn't ignore me
So I'm convinced there's a stranger in my house
I'm not sure who you are
Don't see your shadow around when you walk
Ain't leavin' no kisses
Goodbye with no words
If these walls could talk
They would have nothing to tell...
----------------------------------------
It's getting hard and dramatic between you and Justin. Will you guys make it? Or is the end coming?
How strong is the love?