SATURDAY:
It's been hard. I admit that. I didn't think it would be like this. I love Rafael. I really do, but we can't do this.
It's only been a week. One week and I don't think I've ever cried more, not even when Dylan died.
I need him, but we aren't good for each other. He's no good for me, and I drag him down. I haven't seen him, and I've been trying to avoid him. I am staying at a hotel. I haven't told anyone.
It's funny, I thought my nightmares would get better, when I left. They haven't. They are worse.
Rafael's POV
Nicole, hasn't reached out to me. I should be angry but I know this can't be easy on her. I am suffering. I cant breathe. I want to curl up and cry. She says I'm my father, and that scares me. It breaks my heart.
Court has not been going well. I have been a mess. I mean I have been doing my job, but I have been a mess.
I don't care. Everyone can tell something is wrong. I won't talk about it because how the hell do I get it together? I don't is the thing. Not unless Nicole is back in my arms, but she is scared of me. How did I let this happen?
SUNDAY:
Nicole's POV
I got up and went to work. I felt lifeless. I wish I could let myself work it out with him, but I can't.
He hasn't tried to reach out to me. I can't blame him. I hurt him when I said he was like his father, but what else could I do. It did hurt, but he needed to hear it. I said it and I know he'll never forgive me for that. I will never forgive myself for that. We went through everything together and I said the one thing that would kill him. I needed to. We did go through everything together, and I couldn't handle it.
*
I got back to the hotel when I actually got a text from Rafael. It made my heart leap.
Rafael Barba: Hey I think we should have dinner to talk about the apartment and everything. If you want, if not, it's okay.
Me: Yeah, that sounds good. I can come by tomorrow night for dinner, if that's okay?
Rafael Barba: Sounds good
I smiled to myself. I can't wait to see him.
Rafael's POV
She agreed to meet me. I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing. I hope it's good. I hope I can convince her to at least think about us.
I need her back. I would do anything to get her back. I would go through hoops for her. I would put it in a headline if that's what she needed from me.
MONDAY:
Nicole's POV
I got ready for dinner in a button down and slacks. I tied my hair back and got going. I'm going to arrange for a day to get my stuff and I'm going to be done with him.
I opened the door and took a deep breath. It's only been a week and I miss this place. I miss it all.
I walked over to the photo he had framed of us. It was from our Miami trip. It was a good trip.
"I didn't even hear you come in," Rafael spoke right behind me.
"You can't do that." I shut my eyes.
"I'm sorry. Really I didn't mean-"
"It's okay. Do you want to order dinner?"
"No, I made dinner. I thought you could use good cooking. God knows what you've made yourself," he laughed.
"I haven't burned down a kitchen in a while." I rolled my eyes.
"Sure," he smirked.
I blushed down to my core. I missed his smirks.
We sat down at the table for dinner. It was good. We shared laughs and I couldn't look at him. He draws me in.
"So I think we should talk about everything. The townhouse, you can keep it. I don't want it. You can have everything. I just want my things. What ever we bought together, you can keep," I got up to put my plate in the sink.
"You don't want to remember any of this huh?" He came closer to me.
"It's not you. It's me," I whispered.
"How is it not me?" He stroked my cheek.
"Because it's about me, and my problems," I leaned into his touch.
"We all are a little broken and that's okay," he leaned in.
"Rafael," I whispered.
"Yes," he shut his eyes.
"We can't do this. We-"
"We are good together. We belong together. Please believe me on that. We can work through anything. Not in another life, now. We can do this now," he pressed our lips together.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. He held my body close to him.
"Raf no. We broke up for a reason. This isn't working. This can't work."
"I wasn't good enough to you. I'm sorry for that." He pressed his forehead to mine.
"You were good to me most of the time, and then you just weren't. I don't know why," I shut my eyes.
"I honestly don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have done that to you," he rubbed my arms.
"Let's just eat. I don't want to get into this."
"Are you sure don't want to argue over this beautiful place? We both love it. I remember you fell in love with it before I did," he rubbed my leg.
"No, keep it," I couldn't look at him.
"Come on, I think you should at least fight for it."
"Please stop. I don't want it. I don't want a place that reminds me of you."
"Because I remind you of my dad," he couldn't meet my eyes.
"No, because I would miss you too much. I do love you. I don't want it because we had good memories here. I am sorry I said that to you. I should've just said that you have become more aggressive with your anger." I wanted to throw up.
"No, you had a right to say that. It scared you. I said I would never be him but I betrayed that." We finished dinner silently.
"We should finish up talking about everything," I looked at my ring.
"Do we have to right now?" He took my plate.
"I would like to," I looked at my phone making sure everything was okay at work.
"Come on Colie. Let's see if there's a Rangers game on."
"There isn't," I bit my lip.
"So I can do this?" He kissed me.
"No you can't," I shut my eyes.
"Do you want me to stop?" He kissed my neck.
"No," I pulled him close.
"Can I take you into our bedroom?"
"No."
"Give me a good reason why not," he chuckled.
"Because every time we used to have sex, I used to picture someone else was with me over you." I whispered.
"Including Marie?"
"Yes," I nodded.
"That's actually hot," he groaned.
"You used to reject me when I asked for sex like three weeks ago." I sighed.
"That was then," his hands wandered my body.
"I'm going to go," I pulled away. I grabbed my thing. "I'll see you soon."
"Okay," he walked me to the door.
I walked out and closed the door. I stood there for a moment, realizing I need to get my suit for tomorrow. I opened the door to find him standing there crying.
"Raf, what's wrong?" I went up to him.
"How did I let you slip from my fingers? How?" he pulled me close.
"Because bad things happen to good people. I'm sorry I just have to get some clothes, and I'll be out of your way," I went to our room.
I went into closet to search for a few things. He was standing there. I dropped what I was holding, and went up to him.
I pressed our lips together. He held me close.
"Make love to me," I whispered. I missed him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," I nodded. He picked me up placing me on the bed.
He kissed me down my neck, undoing my shirt, before he undid my pants. He pulled them off. He took off his t-shirt. I wonder how long he's been home, waiting for me to come.
He undid his belt, taking off his pants.
"Are you sure?" He looked into my eyes.
"Yes. I mean I'm not thinking about anyone else. I'm not shaking because you're on top," I didn't know what this meant.
He continued, before giving me the best sex I think we've ever had.
"Wow," I laid there panting.
"That was good," he kissed me softly.
"I'm going to get going," I got up and got dressed.
"We will meet up later." He winked.
"We will because we aren't finished having this conversation. I want to get my stuff out of here within two weeks," I grabbed my things.
"Will you please just think about us getting back together?" He got up.
"Can I have sometime to think about it? Like a week?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
"Okay. I'll see you," I got my stuff and left.
I walked out, not sure if I would regret my choices.
TUESDAY:
Rafael's POV
She slept with me, but I don't know what it means. She said she would think about us, and I hope she does.
I was in court, when I decided to send her a text.
Me: You know, I'm still thinking about last night ;)
I put it in my pocket, grinning when it buzzed.
Cola🦈: Oh yeah? Better than your hand? Because I think my hand is better😉
Me: You are just better especially your mouth... god when you suck me I don't even know my name
Cola🦈: Imagine me on my knees for you, while you're in court, under the table...
Me: Don't tease me like that...
Cola🦈: Maybe I'm not, maybe I want to suck you dry while you're trying to focus on your case
I got up, having to defend, with a really hard boner. I tried to stay behind the table, but then I felt phone buzz, and regretted my choice to text her during court.
I finished up, quickly going to my office after court was dismissed.
Cola🦈: After I suck you dry, maybe you can bend me over that table, and fuck me... or on the floor, I bet you like an audience 😉
Me: God I'm so hard
WEDNESDAY
Nicole's POV
I was on my way to Rafael's office, because we just have to finish this talk. I want to get everything straightened out. I mean I know I said I would wait a week, but I don't think that we can last if we try again. I mean we have valid reasons for breaking up.
I walked in, pressing the button for the elevator. While I was waiting, someone came up next to me.
"Hey Niki, long time no see," it was Liv.
"Just a bit. How are you?" I chuckled.
"Good, and yourself?"
"Good. So you came here to see Barba?" I asked. It still made me angry that she likes him.
"Yeah I jut have a few things to go over with him. What about you? How's the wedding planning coming?"
"It's good. I'm actually meeting up with him for that, so it's exciting," my heart broke. There might not be a wedding, and I'm lying to her face.
"Oh that's amazing, can I see what you have planned?" She smiled.
"Yeah sure!" I opened the door to his office.
"Hey Colie," he smiled. "Olivia, hey." he nodded. I kissed him softly. I miss doing that.
"Hi," I whispered.
"How was your day Bonita?" He kissed my head.
"It was good. How was yours?"
"A lot better now." He smiled.
"So Liv wanted to see our wedding plans, do you mind if we show her for a quick second?Then I'll let you guys talk," I looked into his eyes.
"Okay," he rubbed my back. I found the site that we started planning everything on.
"And this is where we want to hold it," I clicked on the venue. Rafael rested his hand on my thigh. My thigh was tingling. His hand moved up as I talked.
He moved my skirt a bit before getting his hand to my panties. My heart rate spiked. He rubbed me a little before, sticking his finger in. I had to hold back a moan.
He kept going. I rubbed up against him.
I pushed his hand out. He went back. I pushed it away. He stopped.
He kissed the back of my neck. I leaned into him. He rubbed my back. I miss him.
"And that's what we have for now. So I'll let you two talk," I adjusted my skirt before standing up.
"It'll be quick, I promise," he winked.
I blushed, and stepped out side, shutting the door.
"You must be Nicole," a woman with dark, dark brown hair, and bright green eyes looked at me.
"Yes, I am, you're?" I stuck out my hand.
"I'm Katherine," she smiled.
"Nice to meet you. How long have you been working here?"
"A few weeks, but long enough to know that, that detective has come in here every day for the past two weeks. I think she has a crush on Mr. Barba, if I'm being perfectly honest." She gave me a look.
"Well, let's hope that's not the case," I nodded.
Liv came out of the office, and I went in right after. I locked the door, out of habit.
"So what brings you by?" He smiled.
"We never finished talking the other night," I went over to his computer and shut down the website. I can't look at it while I'm talking to him.
"About what? Everything is settled," he rolled his eyes.
"It's not. You know it," I gave him a look.
"You're right, it's not," he grabbed my face and kissed me.
"Raf," I whispered pulling away.
"What?" He pressed his forehead to mine.
"We really should talk," I shut my eyes.
"I know," he kissed me again. I pulled him closer, undoing his tie.
"I want you to bend me over this desk." I started undoing the buttons on his shirt.
"Oh yeah?" He his hands went up my skirt. I nodded. "I want you to beg for it," he whispered in my ear.
"Please Papi, I need you. I want you to bend me over the desk," I begged. His hand found the waistline of my panties, and pulled them off.
"I like that better," he turned me around. He nudged me until I was all the way bent over. He got a condom, and got started.
I bit the inside of my cheek from letting out the loudest moan possible.
Rafael's POV
This will sound wrong, but I forgot how much I love seeing Nicole from behind. She looks so good, and god I just miss her.
I miss everything about her, and I need her back.
Nicole's POV
I laid there panting, as he got off me. I turned around, fixing my skirt.
"Where are my panties?" I looked around for them.
"Here," he held them up. "I see you went with the pink instead of the light blue. I like them," he kissed me.
"I do too," I put them on. "I heard Liv stops by every day. Did you tell her?" I looked up at him.
"No, I haven't told anyone." He sighed.
"Then why is she here all the time."
"Why are you asking me? Why would I know?" He rolled his eyes. "Are you jealous?" He hinted at a smirk.
"No," I mumbled.
"You broke up with me, why are you jealous?"
"I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"I'm not!"
"Colie you are."
"Okay, fine I am. I am jealous, just because I broke up with you, doesn't mean I stopped loving you," I sighed.
"Oh," he looked down.
"But we are broken up. I mean you could do what you want," I smoothed out my hair.
"You know the only person I want is you." He pushed me against the desk.
"I know."
"Have you told anyone about us?"
"No," I shook my head.
"Is that why you're still wearing your ring?" He played with it.
"No," I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat.
"Then why are you wearing it?"
"Because I wasn't ready to tell people about us, and I kind of like it," I mumbled.
"Or you were hoping we still might get back together."
"Not true. I also didn't know what to do with it," I checked the time. "Well now that we have wasted all that time fucking, I don't have anymore time. I have to get back to work. I'll text you."
"I'll be waiting to do some more 'talking'," he smirked.
"We will talk," I gave him a look.
THURSDAY:
I was in my office, staring at my ring. My phone started buzzing, and I checked to see who was calling. It was Claire.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hi stranger, how are you?" She laughed.
"I'm good. How are you? How is everyone else?" I leaned back in my chair.
"They are good, I'm good. So Saturday I want to have Rafael and you over for dinner. If you guys are free?" She asked.
"Of course we'd love to," I spoke too quickly. There isn't an us, and I don't know how to tell anyone.
"Alright, I'll text you the details, see you then."
"See you, bye," I hung up.
I started crying because how the hell do I tell people Rafael and I broke up?
All of a sudden my door opened and Marie walked through.
"Hi," she smiled. It dropped when she met my eyes. "What's wrong?" She came over to me. I shook my head. She held me close.
And oh I missed her like this.
"Rafael and I broke up because I couldn't take it anymore. It just hit me and I don't know what to do," I laid my head on her.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't see that coming."
"Me and you both."
"It's going to be okay." She wiped the tears from my eyes.
I looked up at her, and she leaned in. I shut my eyes, and let what ever was about to happen, happen. She pressed her lips to mine softly. I pulled her closer, wanting this. I wanted it for so long.
I pulled away suddenly.
"You shouldn't do that." I jumped up. I walked away.
She laughed. "I thought you would've figured out by now, I have a very strong sexual attraction to you. Kind of a crush, but not really. I just want to get in your pants, and be done with it. Don't worry, that's not why we became friends, but I do want to remain friends," she smiled.
"So you just want to have sex with me?" I wanted her so badly. I kind of know what she's saying about the sexual attraction thing. I thought that's what it was in high school.
"Only if you want," she came closer.
I pulled her close, and kissed her. She started undoing the buttons on my shirt, before getting her hands under my skirt. She pulled off my panties.
"Have you ever done this with a woman before?" She looked into my eyes.
"N-no," I stuttered.
"Are you sure you want this?" She rubbed my thigh.
"Yes," I nodded. She got started and it was so hard for me not to scream her name for everyone to hear.
She finished a lot slower than expected. I stood there trembling a bit.
"Hey are you okay?" She grabbed my hand.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I chuckled. "Lay on the floor, you're turn." I winked. "But I am going to need some guidance."
"Always." She kissed me. God I can't believe I'm doing this. I mean I want to, but it's kind of weird to me.
I kissed her, pulling off her shirt, she was wearing a see-through bra. She moaned softly, as I kissed her down her chest. I undid her pants, pulling them off. She was going comando.
I groaned resting my head against her stomach.
I looked up and touched her tattoo. I smiled at little.
"Stalling a little?" She laughed.
"You know me so well," I laughed too.
"Hey take your time, it's okay," she rubbed my arm.
I took a deep breath and got started. I needed her help a little, but overall, it was good.
"Whoa," she whispered.
"Like whoa bad?" I blushed.
"No, like whoa, I see why you got your nickname in high school," she laughed. I blushed way harder.
"Well I'm glad to see it works with women too," I got up. I straightened out my skirt. I buttoned up my shirt, and tucked it into my skirt.
"It does. We should do it again some time," she winked. My eyes went wide. "I'm kidding, one time thing. But it was good."
"Good I'm glad. Listen I don't mean to sound like an ass, but if you could not mention this to anyone, I would appreciate it. I mean Rafael and I are talking. We are thinking about us, I don't think it will happen, but I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. But still, I mean he is kind of jealous of you already." I chuckled.
"Oh is he? Maybe if I sleep with him he won't be," she laughed.
"Maybe," I smiled.
"I'm kidding you know that right?" She came closer to me.
"Yes I do. Um do you want to get dinner? I know it's later, but if you have time, it would be nice," I couldn't find my underwear.
"Yeah sure. What are you looking for?"
"My underwear. Have you seen it?"
"No," she shook her head. I looked around, and I didn't see them any where.
"Alright, let's go to dinner."
FRIDAY:
I was in my office, still wondering where the hell my underwear went. I got my things together before I went to court.
I was in court, when my phone buzzed. I picked it up.
Rafael: Hey, I am free tonight, do you want to meet up to talk?😉
Me: We are TALKING tonight, I'll be over around 8?
Rafael: Sounds good
Rafael: Look you shouldn't be staying in a hotel, if anything I should be, but come home, stay until you decide, and I'll stay in the guest room. Stay until we decide what to do... please?
Me: Fine, I'll see you tonight
Rafael's POV
I got her to come home. Maybe I can get her to be with me. But I can't change the fact I remind her of my father. I hope she picks me.
Nicole's POV
I got home before Rafael did. I started my laundry. I went back to the room to change. I walked out when Rafael walked in.
"Oh, hi," he smiled.
"Hi," I smiled. He came up and hugged me.
"How was your day?" He looked at my lips.
"Good, how was yours?" I felt a bit guilty for sleeping Marie. But we are broken up, I can do that.
"Good, so I'll order food, and we'll talk?" He bit his lip.
"Yeah, sounds good," I nodded. I started walking out.
"Hey Colie?" he called to me.
"Yeah?" I turned around.
"What kind of food do you want?" He had a playful smirk on his face.
"You know that answer but you'll say no, and then you'll give me some sad story about your childhood and I'll feel bad, then I'll say okay Chinese is fine," I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, that happens," he chuckled stepping closer.
"Yeah, so let's get burgers because I'm really craving that," I couldn't look at him.
"Sounds good," he pulled me close and kissed me.
"You can't do that," I pulled away.
"Why not? You still love me."
"It doesn't mean we should be together. I'm going to go order food," I walked out.
"Okay, Colie we have to talk about us sometime because I need to know," he came out in sweat pants.
"And that will be tomorrow," truth is I haven't even decided what I want.
"Okay fine. So what did you want to talk about?" He asked.
"Well I want to give you the ring back," I started.
"No, keep it. I don't want it. I won't ever use it again." He broke my heart.
"Rafael you can't just not love other people because you're upset. You just can't. It's stupid. If I didn't love anyone after Dylan, or Marie, or any of my ex boyfriends, I wouldn't be here with you. I wouldn't have loved you, or love you. I wouldn't have loved you. I would have hated you. But I don't. You can't just not love people." I rolled my eyes.
"I won't not love anyone, I just won't love anyone the way I love you. I will never stop loving you." He came closer to me.
"Okay, fine, I'll keep the ring. But our bank accounts, do you want to clear it out 50/50, and then shut it down, when we are done."
"Yeah, that's fine," he wouldn't meet my gaze.
"Alright," I was just getting started. We talked for over an hour about everything, and I think I broke his heart by doing this.
"So there's a Ranger's game on, do you want to watch it?" I smiled.
"Yeah, I would love to," he finally cracked a smile.
We sat on the couch, after I made popcorn.
"Can I have some?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah, open your mouth," I smiled.
"Why?"
"Because I am going to toss it in your mouth," I picked up a piece. He rolled his eyes, opening his mouth.
I tossed it, and it landed on his tongue. He chewed it giving me this smile no one else sees. I giggled a bit. I tossed another one and he caught it.
I kept tossing it, and pretty soon the couch and floor were both covered in popcorn.
"Sorry, I got it every where," I giggled.
"It's fine," he chuckled. All of a sudden his lips were on mine. He was on top of me. I moaned softly and he squeezed my butt. He picked me up and took me to the bedroom.
"I need you," I whispered.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," I nodded.
SATURDAY:
I made dinner. Rafael was working and I still don't know. I don't think it's good for us to be together.
"Dinner ready?" He came in the kitchen.
"Yes."
We sat down to eat. I could feel him staring at me the whole time.
"So," he started.
"So what?"
"So have you decided on us?" He asked.
"I have. I don't think we should be together, no matter how good the sex is," I blushed a little.
"Colie-"
"I'm not finished. We tried okay? We really tried but we just didn't work. I tried, okay? I tried to be okay, with everything, with everything Rafael. I tried for you, but I can't do it. I wish I could, but we don't work. We tried, but this is not for us." I tried not to cry.
"Nicole, please hear me out. We did try, yes but you kept things from me. You didn't talk to me. You kept it to yourself."
"What was I supposed to do when you couldn't see how much of an ass you were being to me. You became the one person you promised not to be. You became the person who everyone else saw. When you're with me, you're not that person, but you started to be."
"I am sorry. I don't know what came over me, but you shouldn't give up. We did try, but maybe we needed this break up. Maybe it was what we needed all along. Please let's just try one more time, if it doesn't work after a month, then we are done. Please we just have to give it one more try," he held my hand.
"Forget the month. Forget it. I don't want that. I want you. I want you, and I want want you until the end of time. I don't want a month, I want there rest of your lives," I pulled him close to kiss him.
"So we are back together?"
"Yes we are. I don't want to be apart. I know I should've been better, but I wasn't," I leaned against him.
"Thank you. Thank you for giving me another chance," he kissed me.