The Realisation
It is after he watches Highway that Varun Dhawan realises he is screwed. Why? Because he is utterly, completely, madly in love with Alia Bhatt who, he thinks, would never feel the same for him. It's not the movie or her acting in it or even her dedication to her work that makes him realise it. The realisation comes later that night when he is trying to fall asleep but all he can think of is how Alia completely poured her life into playing Veera and how he could've lost her because of it. He knows how much the movie means to her and how invested she is in the character but it has never occurred to him before that he could have lost Alia completely.
The thought of living the rest of his life without her in it absolutely terrifies him and he has a sudden, desperate urge to speak to her, know that she's still Alu, still his best friend, still the person he knows so well. Despite the fact that it is two in the morning, he calls her, expecting to be sent to voicemail. Little does he know that she's laying awake, unable to sleep and longing for a distraction. When her phone rings, she answers it almost immediately, smile lighting up her face as soon as he begins to speak. 'Alia Bhatt, you've made it impossible for me to get any sleep.' he states as soon as the line connects.
'Why? What've I done?' she asks though she already has a good idea of what it is.
'Don't act all innocent. I can't stop thinking about you.'
'You saw me a few hours ago and you're missing me already?' she teases. Though she can't see him, he rolls his eyes at the teasing.
'So what if I do? Is that not allowed?' he returns. She laughs and he feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest.
'Seriously though, did you like the movie?' she questions.
'I already told you, it's amazing.' he repeats his words from hours ago but she isn't quite convinced.
'Why do I get the feeling you're hiding something?'
'Me and hide from you? Like that's possible.' he scoffs, trying his hardest not to let on that he's lying through his teeth. In spite of his efforts, she can still tell that he's lying.
'We both know that you're lying but I'll let it go for now. You aren't going to tell me the truth no matter what I say.' she sighs. He feels slightly guilty that he's being untruthful to her but there's no way he's going to admit to what he's feeling. 'Stop feeling bad.' she instructs, somehow catching onto his feelings. 'You don't have to tell me everything, you know.'
'See, you say that but you don't really mean it.'
'Of course I don't. But I have to say it otherwise you'll just keep feeling bad and then you won't be in the mood to joke and depressed Varun is, well, depressing.' she explains, making him laugh.
'That has got to be the weirdest sentence I have ever heard you say.' he tells her, still laughing.
'Really? I'm pretty sure I've said weirder things. Haven't you noticed I have no filter when I'm talking to you?' she enquires. The words aren't entirely true because there is one thing she's never told him and that is that she's kind of in love with him. Either Alia is better at hiding her feelings or Varun is just not paying as much attention because he doesn't pick up on the lie.
'That is true but still, depressed Varun is depressing?' he mocks, chuckling at her way of phrasing things.
'It's true.' she defends and he can almost see the pout on her face, the way she would have crossed her arms over her chest as she fake sulks.
'Oh don't go all mardy on me Alu. You know I'm just messing with you.' he tells her. Though he can't see her, he knows the pout has dropped from her face and a smile will have started to form, despite her attempts to fight it. 'I heard this joke today, thought you might like it. Wanna hear it?'
'Go on then.'
'Why do cemeteries have walls?' he asks.
'I don't know. Why?'
'Because people are dying to get in!' She can't hold back the laughter despite the fact that it's a lame joke.
'You're terrible!' she tells him between giggles.
'You're the one laughing.' he points out. 'Wanna hear a joke about a cat?'
'Um, okay.'
'Just kitten.' The giggles that had just subsided start again and he grins, proud of himself for making her laugh. She's laughing so loud that her sister hears it from across the hall and comes into her room, thoroughly annoyed at the disturbance because she had been so close to falling asleep.
Varun hears some muffled words as Alia takes the phone away from her ear to talk to Shaheen. 'I'm gonna have to call you later. Apparently I laugh too loud.' she tells him when she comes back on the line.
'Did you wake Shaheen up?' he asks knowingly.
'Not entirely but apparently she was just about to fall asleep.' she sighs.
'It's pretty late anyway Alu. We should probably both get some sleep now.'
'Okay fine. Talk to you later.' she says.
'Good night.'
'Night.' Neither hangs up nor do they say anything else until Alia eventually breaks the silence with a quiet giggle. 'You gonna hang up?' she questions, feeling like a typical high school girl who's on the phone to her boyfriend.
'Maybe. Maybe not.'
'Why not?'
'Don't feel like it. Why don't you hang up?' There's no way she's going to get into one of these you hang up first arguments with Varun because that's just not something you do with your best friend.
'Alright. Bye.' She doesn't cut the call immediately, waiting for his response first because otherwise she'd feel weird all night and end up calling him again at something like 5 a.m.
'Bye.' She hangs up the phone and puts it on charge. Just as she's about to fall asleep, her phone buzzes, screen lighting up and Varun's name appearing. She unlocks the phone and sees his message is one last joke. What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?
Canabananalism. She has to hold back the laughter, literally covering her mouth with her hand to stop the noise from escaping.
'Pagal.' she murmurs, even though he's not there to hear it, shaking her head slightly and smiling widely. Deciding it would be better not to answer because that'll just start a text conversation, she puts the phone on silent before settling down to go to sleep.
The Confession.
Somehow, though they spend so much time together that it seems the two are joined at the hip, both Varun and Alia manage to keep their feelings hidden from the other. Astonishingly, it's not a difficult feat to accomplish; the thought is not there, constantly burning in their minds, itching to get out whenever they are in each other's company. It is a feeling they both are aware of in their own selves but there is no conscious effort that goes into keeping it secret, neither ever even thinks that they should voice their feelings.
Maybe it's because there's not really a need for them to say anything that they don't, actions speak louder than words after all. Whatever the reason, those words aren't exchanged between them for months.
And then, 2 States start and everywhere he looks, Varun sees Alia's name paired with Arjun's and something burns in the pit of his stomach. Everytime he sees anything that presents the two of them as the next it-jodi, he feels like punching something, possibly Arjun's face. His entire being screams that it shouldn't be allowed, that Alia cannot be that close to anyone else, that Arjun has no right to take her from him.
Still, he keeps quiet until one night when he's talking to Arjun and the Ishaqzaade actor mentions something about a date with Alia. Varun is not entirely paying attention to the conversation so he doesn't realise that Arjun is not talking about taking the actress on a date but about release dates and he stops listening after he hears the word. All that's going through Varun's head is that he needs to go tell Alia how he feels because otherwise someone else, someone who actually has the guts to admit he's in love, will before he gets the chance and then he'll regret keeping it a secret when she's with someone else. Without really caring what Arjun will think, Varun hangs up, thankful that he's already in the car. He tells the driver to take it to Alia's place instead of his, typing out a message to ask her if she's home. Her response is immediate and affirmative and he feels an immense amount of relief.
***
When he gets to Alia's house, Varun realises that her parents will be at home which means he is probably going to be roped into a lengthy conversation about matters that would usually interest him but have taken backseat at the minute before he actually gets to speak to Alia alone. He's right; when he walks into the sitting room, he sees that his best friend is sat with her parents and sister. Words of greeting begin to form in his mind but before he can speak a single one there is an exclamation of 'Varun!' and then his arms are full of Alia.
'Well, okay, somebody missed me huh?' he asks, smiling like crazy as he hugs her.
'Maybe a little.' It's slightly crazy because it's not even been two weeks since they last saw each other and they speak almost everyday but they did miss each other and neither has a problem with admitting it.
'Me too.' he says, his arms still wrapped around her. Both are happily oblivious to the rest of the room for a moment until Shaheen decides to burst their little bubble.
'You saw each other ten days ago and you're acting like it's been ten years. I get you're actors but no need to be so dramatic.' The comment earns her a glare from three out of the four other people in the room. 'What? You've got to admit they're being a little over dramatic.'
'That has nothing to do with them being actors. That's just Alia and Varun.' her mum tells her. Everyone except the two who are being teased find it hilarious, laughing at the annoyed looks.
'Fine. If you find our so called dramatics so annoying, we'll just take our dramatics and go upstairs.' Alia huffs, taking a hold of Varun's hand and leading the way out of the room, pulling him along with her as he begins to laugh.
'Why so eager to be alone today Alu?' he questions teasingly, following along behind her as she continues on the way to her room. She doesn't answer until they are in her room with the door closed.
'Maybe I just wanted you all to myself.' she finally tells him, letting go of his hand and standing in front of him, a small smirk on her face.
'You know I'm all yours jaan, even if there are other people around.' he says, making her go red. He's not sure if it's the term of endearment or the statement that makes her blush but he does know that she's absolutely adorable when she goes all shy. 'Not that I'm complaining of course,' he continues, reaching out to pull her to him. 'can't do this with other people around.' he murmurs, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his forehead against hers with a smile as she brings one hand up to rest on his chest, absentmindedly playing with the collar of his shirt, while the other reaches up to card through his hair, purposely messing up the careful styling, resulting in the unkempt, bedraggled look that she prefers on him. The gesture is more intimate than they would allow themselves to be in front of others but it's certainly not anything new. This is how they are with each other when it is just the two of them; they know no boundaries, have no limits. There are no rules as to what is allowed to happen between them, no restriction on how close they can be. They are willing to see what fate has in store for them, happy to let things happen so long as nobody else finds out. Not because there's anything wrong in it but because neither can stand the constant speculation and rumours that already surround them both, they don't want to deal with the ones that would come with actually openly admitting they are together.
Despite the fact that none of them is opposed to allowing their relationship to progress, they've never taken it further than this, nor has there really been the temptation till now but today Varun has decided that he's not going to just keep waiting for something to happen by itself because then he'll be waiting forever. 'Alia, there's something I need to tell you.' He's slightly nervous and he's sure she can tell but still tries his best to hide it.
'Okay, go ahead. No need to be formal.'
'I love you.' he states, momentarily shocking himself because it was so much easier than he had expected it to be. The shock passes quickly though, only to be replaced by trepidation because she doesn't speak for a minute. Her hand stops running through his hair but she doesn't move away and he's not sure if that's a good sign or not.
Thankfully, Alia doesn't let him stay in his state of panic for long. 'Tell me something I don't know.' she says, grinning cheekily at him. Surprise renders him speechless and he stares at her, wondering if he heard her right. 'Stop looking at me like I've grown an extra head. It's not like it's news to anyone, Varun, in fact, I've been wondering how long you'd take to say something.' He still has no answer; this is not what he expected. He's not sure what he had thought her reaction would be but it certainly wasn't this. 'Are you planning on saying anything else today or..?' she asks.
'Sorry, I just, that's not what I was expecting.'
'Right. Let me guess, you were expecting me to be shocked, maybe give you some speech about how we've just started our careers and it's not the right time?' she questions, moving ever so slightly closer, arms winding around his neck. His arms automatically tighten around her waist, pulling her closer still. Without thinking about it, she leans into him, head tilting upwards as she does. Her heart is hammering against her ribcage as she closes the gap between them, pushing herself on her tiptoes so she can kiss him.
The kiss is soft and short but it's also the most perfect few seconds either of them has ever experienced. 'By the way, I guess I should probably tell you that I love you too.' she breathes as she pulls away.
The Secret
There was no discussion as to whether they would stay friends or not, neither sees a reason to talk about it when it's obvious that they aren't able to be just friends. They do have a conversation about whether they should tell anyone about their relationship and decide to keep it between the two of them because relationships in the film industry usually don't last long unless kept quiet.
Unfortunately, keeping their relationship hidden from the industry means keeping it hidden from both of their families as well. The Bhatt and the Dhawan families are both huge parts of the film industry and are thoroughly tangled with everyone else in their line of work so for Varun and Alia to tell their families would essentially mean telling practically everyone even remotely involved with film making.
It's not an easy thing to hide but they manage it. They disguise their dates as friendly hangouts, make sure to behave the same way they always have with each other, come up with hundreds of lies and excuses and reasons to spend time with each other so that nobody will ever think twice about it.
Despite all of their precautions, people still talk and rumours fly anytime the two are spotted together, whether it be just the two of them alone or with a group of friends. The media draw attention to their closeness, calling it more than friendly, everyone notices the way Alia sticks to Varun at any event and nobody can deny that they have a weird ability to understand each other in a way that people who are just friends can't.
It gets to the point that even Alia's family, who are all used to rumours and usually ignore them, begin to doubt that the rumours are baseless. Though most of her family know Varun and have seen the way they behave with each other, have always behaved with each other, they question her about her relationship with him more often than she would have believed possible; surely they have other things to gossip about.
Alia repeats the same lies to her family time and again, somehow getting away with it. For six months, everyone believes the stories she makes up but then her Nana and Nani begin to ask her about the boy she spends so much time with and they don't believe the tales like everyone else does. They insist on meeting the boy she claims is just her best friend and she can't tell them no so she agrees to call him over for dinner.
The plans are made and, from the second she tells Varun about the dinner, Alia is nervous. As it draws closer, the nerves mount because her grandparents aren't like the rest of her family, they already doubt that she's telling the truth and this dinner is just going to make things worse.
When the day actually rolls around, she is a nervous wreck. All day she's fidgety, unable to settle on one thing to do. To avoid making her family suspicious, she retreats to her room early in the afternoon and doesn't come down again until Varun texts her to let her know he's on his way. She waits in the sitting room with everyone else, trying to make conversation but having a hard time focusing on it.
After half an hour, the doorbell rings and she's out of her seat like a shot, heading for the door before anyone can say anything. She opens the door to see Varun and she feels herself relaxing, nerves dissipating as she lets him into the house. He looks around to make sure they're alone once the door is closed before moving closer to her, coming to stand in front of her as she leans against the door. 'We've got about five minutes until someone comes to see what's taking so long.' she tells him.
'It'd probably be a bad idea to get too close then right?' he queries, moving closer anyway.
'Probably,' she agrees, her actions defying her words as she reaches out for him. 'But this is the only time we'll have alone tonight and we've got to be on best behaviour so...' she leaves him to fill in the blank and he smirks at her.
'A little eager aren't we?' he questions, not allowing her to pull him in.
'Stop wasting time Dhawan.' she instructs, using her hold on his jacket to tug him closer. This time, he lets her, happily doing as told and not wasting more time. He kisses her and they both forget where they are for a few seconds.
She's the one to pull away, remembering that her family is sat in the living room and, chances are, somebody will come to find them pretty soon. Her heart rate is faster than it should be, like it always is when she allows herself to get lost in Varun, no matter how briefly, and she gives herself a moment to get it back to normal, resting against the door and keeping her eyes closed because she knows the second she sees that devilish little smirk of his, her heart will refuse to calm down.
When she opens her eyes, Varun is looking at her with the most adoring, loving expression on his face and she has no idea what that look is for but it makes her feel amazing yet shy at the same time. Varun is completely spellbound by her for reasons even he can't explain and he can't make himself look away even as she goes red and stares at her feet, shy smile on her face. The fact that he could still make her blush just by looking at her in a certain way only adds to his state on enchantment, making him smile like a lovestruck teenager - which he is, lovestruck that is, even if he's not a teen.
The spell is broken by the sound of footsteps and they move apart, ensuring that they are being what is considered 'socially acceptable' or, more accurately, how people expect them to be. The footsteps are followed by the voice of the person they belong to before just before she comes into the entryway. 'Surely it doesn't take this long to open the door Alia.' Shaheen jokes.
'Not to open it but I also had to shut it and make sure it was locked properly.' Alia quips, not missing a beat.
'Well if you're done with the security checks, can you two hurry up and get inside? We do actually want to eat today.'
'I swear, the two of you are complete opposites but also so alike it's scary.' Varun comments, the conversation between the two sisters having made him realise that his girlfriend is more like her sister than he thought.
'That's how siblings work, Varun. Now come on, I didn't call you over just to stand in the hallway all night.' Alia tells him. She begins to lead the way but he hesitates to follow. Realising that he's nervous, Alia gestures for Shaheen to go ahead and lags behind, waiting for Varun to catch up. When he does, she takes a hold of his hand and gives him a small, reassuring smile. 'Stop worrying.' she whispers. 'You're acting like I'm introducing you to them as my boyfriend.'
'They may not know it, but that's exactly what you're doing.' he mutters.
'No. I'm introducing them to my best friend.' There is no time for him to argue further because they walk into the sitting room not a minute later.
'Must you two always take so long? We know you're eager to be alone but that's no reason to keep people waiting.' Alia's mum teases, mock glaring at them - well, more Varun than Alia.
By now, Varun is used to it though and doesn't shrink under the stare like he used to. 'Soni Aunty, it's not my fault. Alia just doesn't take no for an answer.' he tells her, chuckling until Alia elbows him in the stomach. 'Ouch. Chill Alu, joke tha ji.'
'Not funny.' she grumbles. 'Anyway, everyone knows you're the over eager one.' she returns, completely forgetting that the purpose of the evening is to prove to her grandparents that they are not together and, though the rest of her family is used to their behaviour and teasing banter, her Nana and Nani are not so to them this is not normal behaviour. She is forcefully reminded of the fact when she sees the way her Nana is looking at them, his expression somewhere between amused and confused. Deciding it would be a good idea to change the subject, Alia steers the conversation away from the jokes. 'I think introductions are needed.' she states as the laughter calms down. 'Nana, Nani, this is Varun Dhawan, my best friend and occasionally my personal therapist.' He rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything because the statement is true. 'And Varun, this is my Nana and Nani.' Being the respectful, traditional person he is, Varun moves forwards to greet them, leaning down to take their blessings. They are slightly shocked by the action, from the casual way he has been behaving in the past few minutes they hadn't expected him to be so orthodox, but they are glad to see that the boy their granddaughter spends so much time with is one who is well-mannered.
'Looks like Varun's trying to impress.' Shaheen whispers to Alia. 'Wonder why.'
'You know he's not. That's just how Varun is. Don't you remember when he met mum and dad the first time?' Alia replies in the same quiet tone as they watch Varun converse with their grandparents. The elder of the two girls laughs as she recalls the day the Dhawan lad met their parents.
'I don't think I've ever seen Papa as impressed as he was that day.'
'I don't think I've ever seen Varun as nervous as he was that day. With the way he was acting, you'd have thought I was introducing my boyfriend to my brothers, not my best friend to my parents.' Shaheen and Alia both laugh at that, drawing everyone's attention.
'Share the joke with the rest of us, girls. We'd all like to hear it.' Varun tells them. The two Bhatt sisters exchange a look and begin to laugh again.
'Actually, I'm not sure you would.' Alia says through her giggles. 'Joke's on you.'
'Of course it is.' he sighs. 'Why is it always me?'
'Because it's fun to make fun of you.' Shaheen states with a shrug. 'And also quite easy.' Varun looks slightly offended and Alia takes pity on him.
'Okay, I think teasing Varun time's over. Can we eat yet? I'm hungry.'
'Food's been ready for about ten minutes.' Alia's dad answers.
'Then why are we still stood about here talking? Let's eat!' Shaheen exclaims. Their father rolls his eyes at their antics but leads the way to the dining room all the same.
***
D
inner is not a quiet affair. It's filled with conversation and laughter. Stories are told, mostly embarrassing ones, questions are asked and answered and, overall, it's a good night.
By the time Varun leaves, Alia's grandparents believe the lies she's been telling just like the rest of the family do leaving the young couple with one less thing to worry about.
The Ring
On their one year anniversary, they are filming in Chandigarh. He briefly contemplates taking her out to dinner but ultimately decides against it because he definitely does not want to be spotted. They eat in his hotel room, both of them in their pyjamas, sat on the sofa with music playing off her laptop as they talk. It may not be the most romantic evening but neither has any complaints, preferring the casual setting to the somewhat intimidating nature of fancy restaurants.
Once the food has been finished, Varun gets up from the couch and goes to his bag, reaching into one of the smaller pockets that you wouldn't notice if you didn't know it was there. 'What're you doing?' Alia asks as she watches him.
'I got you something.' he tells her, carefully keeping the small box hidden as he sits beside her again.
'I thought we said we aren't gonna make a big deal out of anniversaries?'
'We did.' he affirms with a nod.
'That means no presents.'
'I know but I couldn't help it.'
'Now I feel bad. I didn't get you anything.' she says, pouting.
'You didn't need to. Anyway, it's not exactly a present.' Curiosity makes the guilt disappear and she waits for him to continue. He doesn't say anything but stops concealing the box, holding it out to her. She takes it, looking at it slightly warily. 'Don't worry, nothings going to jump out of there.' he assures, chuckling at her cautious behaviour.
'That's what you said the last time you gave me a box.' she reminds.
'And nothing did. They sprang out.' he corrects.
'Same thing.' she replies, still eyeing the box suspiciously.
'Alia, just open it. I promise there is nothing in there that can move by itself.' Her desire to know what is inside the box is stronger than her wariness so she flips the lid.
A gasp of surprise escapes as she looks at what's inside, her eyes not quite believing what she's seeing. He doesn't wait for her to say anything, knowing what she's thinking and not wanting her to panic. 'It's not what you're thinking. I'm not about to ask you to marry me.'
'Really?' she questions incredulously 'Because that looks suspiciously like an engagement ring.'
'I wouldn't call it an engagement ring exactly. It's a promise ring.'
'A promise ring?' she repeats.
'Yeah. I mean, we're not ready to get engaged and I don't think I'd propose unless our families know about us, but I want you to know that I'm always going to be there for you, no matter what. And I know that there's always rumours and there's always going to be rumours and you don't believe them but still, I wanted to do something to tell you that I'm committed.' She's lost for words, in fact, she can't think of anyway to respond. 'Was that too much?' he asks, a little worried that he's gone slightly overboard.
'No I just... I... I'm finding it kinda hard to think.'
'Is that good or bad?'
'Good. Definitely good.' He breathes a sigh of relief and smiles at her.
'So, you're gonna wear that ring then yeah?'
'Depends. Do I have to put it on myself or are you doing it?' His smile turns into a lopsided smirk as he takes the box from her and removes the ring.
He reaches for her hand but stops halfway. 'I know I said it's not an engagement ring but could we maybe pretend it is for a bit, while its just the two of us?' In answer to his question, she holds out her left hand. Taking that as a yes, he slips the ring onto her finger.
She admires the ring for a moment before looking at him. 'You've got really good taste Varun.'
'I know.' He's not talking about his jewellery picking skills.
The Proposal (kind of)
Even after the ring, they don't tell anyone about them. At this point, it is more out of habit that they keep it quiet than because they genuinely don't want people to know.
Neither brings up the subject until they are promoting for their third movie together. Varun is the one to bring it up, one night in the middle of February and they're in Gujarat for promotions which means they're able to spend the night together without having to think up a cover.
Despite the fact that it's way past midnight, neither of them is close to sleeping but Alia still thinks she must be dreaming when he speaks. 'Alu, I've been thinking maybe we should tell our families about us.'
'What's brought this on?' she asks, shocked.
'I've just been thinking about the future a lot recently. Our future.'
'Right. You wanna expand on that?'
'Well, we're both planning on getting married at some point and starting a family. I would hope that we're gonna do those things together so we kinda have to tell them.'
'Yeah but why now?' she questions, not understanding his sudden desire to be open about them.
'Alia, I want to talk to our parents about us getting married.'
'Oh.'
'Only if it's okay with you. If it's not, we can forget about it and think of it in a couple of years or so.' he offers.
'No.'
'Alright. We'll wait until we're both ready to say anything.'
'No, I meant I think we should tell them.'
'Yeah?'
'Yeah. I think we've been hiding long enough. We're ready for this.'
'Okay. So, I'll talk to my parents when we get back, tell them I'm thinking of settling down.' She just nods, not needing to add anything to his plan.
The End?
Varun speaks to his parents about his marriage and, though they are more than a little surprised by it, they are happy to speak to Alia's parents and arrange things.
For a few days, he's on cloud nine. He's getting married to the girl of his dreams, why wouldn't he be?
The first time he meets Alia after their parents have spoken, his bubble is burst and he is brought crashing down to earth with a harshness that shatters him. She doesn't smile at him, doesn't hug him, barely even looks at him. When he asks her what's wrong, the answer makes him feel as though his heart has been torn from his chest and stamped on. 'It's not our wedding that they're planning, it's yours.'
'What?'
'I don't know what happened or how but apparently you're getting married to Shaheen.'
'I'm sorry, what?'
'You know she got out of a relationship recently and it ended horribly so she told mummy papa that she wants an arranged marriage. I guess when your parents came to talk to mine, they only said you were thinking of getting married and well, this is the result.'
'Alia, I'll go talk to them, tell them they got it wrong-'
'No.' she cuts him off. 'You won't do anything of the sort. I need you to go through with the wedding.'
'Why the hell-?'
'Varun, you and Shaheen are the two most important people in my life. More than anything else, I want you both to be happy. I know you'll keep Shaheen happy and she better keep you happy else she's had it.'
'Alia, that's not true and you know it.'
'It is. If anyone can make her happy, it's you. I know you think me and Shaheen aren't alike but we're more similar than you think. You'll keep her happy.' she argues.
'Maybe but it won't work the other way round.'
'Like I said, she's more like me than you think.'
'But she's not you, jaan. You two maybe similar but she's not you.'
'Varun, I need you to do this for me.'
'Why?' Unable to explain, she takes hold of his hand and begins to walk through the house to the doors of the garden where her parents and sisters are sat, discussing something for the wedding. She stops before the door, watching them.
'I haven't seen Shaheen smile like that in a very long time. Ever since they've started the plans, she's become her old self again. Just the thought of the wedding makes her happy and I can't take that happiness away from her.' He stares at her, wondering how someone can be so selfless. She turns to him, trying so hard not to let the tears spill from her eyes. 'As much as I love you, I can't be the person who takes away that happiness. I don't ever want to see my sister be as depressed as she was before and if that means giving you up, I'm not gonna pretend it's easy but...' she shrugs and wipes at the few tears that have managed to fall. 'Please Varun, just don't call it off.'
'Okay. I'll go through with it. For you, only for you.'
'Thank you.' He doesn't give her a reply but pulls her into a hug, holding on so tightly like he's never planning on letting go.
***
A week later, Alia finally finds time alone with her sister. Funnily, it's Shaheen that comes looking for Alia, not the other way round. The youngest Bhatt has resolved to stay in her room as much as possible to avoid talk of the wedding and to reduce the risk of running into Varun because she knows what will happen if she does.
Alia is not surprised when her sister enters her room, she's been expecting it. For a few minutes, the girls sit in silence before Shaheen asks what she needs to. 'Are you sure you're okay with this?'
'Why wouldn't I be, Shaheen? It's not like you're marrying my ex or something.' You're just marrying the guy I'm in love with, she adds in her head.
'I know, but he's your best friend and you two are so close. Isn't this weird for you?'
'You're right, he's my best friend which is why I know he'll keep you happy. And, sister or not Shaheen, I'm warning you now, you do anything to hurt him, you're a gonner.' The way Alia says it makes something click in Shaheen's brain.
'Do you love him?'
'Funny word that. So many different meanings.' Alia contemplates. 'Of course I love him, he's... I don't know what I'd do without him in my life. When I say he's my best friend, I really mean it. Not like he's someone I sometimes hang out with.'
'Alia, I don't mean that type of love.'
'Which type of love did you mean then?' Alia questions, making Shaheen more confused than she already is. 'Love is love. Pyaar, Ishq, mohabbat, je kewuhoi. Naam toh gani badhu che pun love is love.'(whatever you want to call it. There's a lot of names for it but...)
'When did you get so knowledgeable about these things?' Alia just shrugs and Shaheen takes that as a sign to leave.
***
As much as Alia tries to avoid her soon-to-be-brother-in-law, who is, as messed up as it may be, also still her kind-of-fiance because he refuses to take the ring back, it's impossible. The wedding planning and events force her to face him and, as if that wasn't bad enough, he seems as determined to talk to her as she is to stay away from him. She tries to get out of the house, makes excuses in the form of filming and photoshoots but those don't work for long. Her traitor of a best friend rats her out one day when they're hanging out; as far as Alia's family know, she's on set, but Shaheen calls and Alia's whole plan goes down the drain. It's not entirely Akansha's fault, Alia never informed her of the plan, but her glare clearly said not to tell her sister where she was.
There are no more excuses she can use so Alia can no longer escape. She's stuck at home most of the time and she's no longer allowed to lock herself in her room. She's constantly being called to help with plans and decisions, even though she's very clearly said she has no interest in any of it. They tell her she's the one who knows Varun the best and, because he really must hate her, the idiot is refusing to actually make any decisions so she has to give her input.
The wedding draws nearer and it becomes harder for Alia to keep up the pretence that she's okay. She loses track of the days, all of them blending together, a whirlwind of preparations, shopping and emotions. It all keeps her busy but she is definitely not glad of it. The hectic schedule does nothing to distract her from the fact that everything's gone wrong because everything about the wedding screams it at her; the wedding itself is the reason her world's been turned upside down, how is she supposed to escape the constant reminders? Everything from the invitations to the decorations to the clothes makes her heart hurt because it's wrong, all of it is so, so wrong, yet perfect at the same time. The invites are beautiful, something simple but bright, the decor is on point and the clothes are so amazing they leave her without words for a few moments, though, when it comes to choosing Varun's clothes, she's pretty sure it isn't just the outfits that renders her speechless. She's always loved seeing him in traditional clothing.
Alia is so glad that there wasn't anyone else around at that moment. For a few seconds when she sees him, she forgets that it's not their wedding that is being prepared for and that she is supposed to be distancing herself from him. He is tugging at his clothes, trying to figure out why they don't sit right and she lets out a small laugh, moving towards him and untucking his collar, smoothing it down gently. 'Better?'
'Yeah. Thanks.'
'You're how old and you still can't remember to fix your collar?' she laughs, shaking her head slightly.
'You know what they say about bad habits.' he tells her, grinning sheepishly.
'It's old habits that die hard, not bad ones.' she corrects. He chuckles, finding it amusing that she still insists on correcting him on things like that. The laugh fades quickly but his smile stays in place. Without thinking about it, he leans down, arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her to him. She doesn't protest, caught up in the moment, and he leans closer still. They are barely an inch apart when the sound of footsteps reaches them, shattering the illusion that had surrounded them. They pull away from each other hastily, going to opposite sides of the room, as the footsteps draw closer. Seconds later, both of their mothers and Alia's sisters walk into the room. They all four immediately start complementing Varun on how he looks and Alia for picking out the outfit but neither is really paying attention, their focus completely on each other.
The Truth
F
ive days before the wedding, Shaheen gets a phone call to go and view a filming location. She'd put all work on hold for the wedding but she's been trying to get an appointment to view this spot for months and, if she doesn't accept this one, she won't get another for half a year. After a lengthy conversation, her parents are persuaded, provided that they can go with her. Her only choice is to agree so she does and they book three plane tickets to Rajkot, Gujarat. With her parents and Shaheen gone, Alia has the house to herself; her and Shaheen had both been staying at their parents' house because of the wedding but now she can finally go back home and get away from all of it for a few days. No more annoying wedding guests, no more aunties who constantly question her about her wedding plans, no more in-your-face decor, just a few days to rest, maybe binge watch all the TV she's missed recently.
The first two and a half days are spent relaxing by herself but, by afternoon on the third day, she's starting to feel lonely. The TV is starting to bore her and she's too restless to read so she decides to do something she hasn't done in a while and get out her photo albums. She spends hours looking through them, slightly in awe that the people she knows were ever that young.
Eventually, her trip down memory lane leads to her last year of school and the beginning of her career. Unsurprisingly, most of them are of her, Varun and Sid, occassionaly she comes across ones that include the entire ensemble cast or ones that included Karan, but mostly they are pictures of the three 'students' by themselves. The memories make her smile, make her forget her worries for the first time in weeks. She allows herself to get lost in them, happy to live in the past for a little while, to escape the horrible realities of the present. Barely noticing what she's doing, Alia turns page after page, the photographs bringing to life moments long since past. It's almost like watching a movie of that chapter of her life, watching herself and others learn and grow and change, watching their friendhsips develop, their relationships develop.
Alia is too caught up in remembering what was to realise what is. She forgets that this chapter has ended, that a new one has begun, one which she hasn't documented, one which she has no desire to be part of.
Reality catches up to her when she turns a page and sees there are no more pictures, just a blank page. Thinking maybe it's a page that's been skipped, she turns the next few. Those are all blank as well. It hits her that there will be no more pictures to fill these pages, that they will forever remain empty. The thought is agonising, more painful than any other realisation she has had in the past few weeks, because there is a sense of finality accompanying this thought.
She doesn't want to acknowledge it, doesn't want to let herself feel the pain because she knows that is a pit she will never climb out of, so she does something she hasn't done since the day she found out about the wedding. She texts Varun.
It takes her a long time to figure out what to say. She types out long messages and deletes them, tries truthful ones and lies, before eventually settling on a simple Hey.
His response doesn't come immediately but, though it's unusual for Varun to take his time in replying to her, she's not surprised. She is sure he would be shocked by the text, wondering why she's contacting him out of the blue after so many months of avoiding it.
When his answer does come, it is as simple as hers. Hi.
What're you upto? she asks him, trying to keep the conversation casual.
Nothing. The breavity of his answer makes her think maybe this wasn't the best idea in the world but she needs to talk to him so she perseveres.
You at home?
Yes. There is a sort of severity about the way he is answering. She can tell that he is angry even if she is just looking at letters on a screen.
Any plans tonight?
No. He's not told her to leave him alone yet and he's answering her so that's a good sign but he doesn't usually do one word answers, especially not ones that include full-stops. The tiny little dot seems to be mocking her - yes, she knows that's ridiculous, punctuation does not mock people - but it adds to the sense of finality she is feeling.
Are you mad at me?
No. It's a blatant lie, a stupid answer to a stupid question.
I'm sorry.
For what? For everything, she thinks, for not being open about us, for telling you to go through with the wedding, for being an idiot and letting you go, for not fighting for us, for hurting you.
For avoiding you. It is a simpler answer than saying what she's thinking, one that won't bring up as many bad thoughts.
It's cool. I get it. She knows he's hurt but also that he really does understand.
Can you come over?
Is that a good idea? Not that I really care, he says to himself.
Please?
Why?
I need to talk to you.
About? The fact that I don't really want you to go through with this wedding.
Nothing really. I just want to spend some time with you while you're still my best friend and not my brother-in-law.
That's why you've been avoiding me for months?
Please Varun. There's something in those two words that make it impossible to say no.
I'll be there in twenty.
***
He lets himself in when he gets to her house, toeing off his shoes and hanging his jacket before going through to the living room. She's not in there so he continues through the house, heading to her room. As soon as he sees the albums surrounding her, he understands the reason behind her sudden need to talk. Without saying a word, he crosses the room and sits himself on the bed beside her. 'Do you enjoy torturing yourself or something?' he asks after a minute.
'I didn't realise it'd hurt so much.'
'How could you not?'
'Didn't think I'd get through to these ones. Thought the older ones would take more time.'
'You could've stopped looking.'
'That's the problem. I had to stop looking, there's no more pictures.'
'Why is that a problem?'
'There's not going to be anymore pictures. I've got half an album that's empty and it's always going to be empty.'
'Alu,' he's not sure how to finish the sentence, not sure what to tell her.
'Can we not? I don't want to think about all of this, I just want to hang out, forget this stuff for a while.'
'Okay, yeah, we can do that. Movie?'
'Alright. Which one?' He gets up and looks at her DVD collection for a while before deciding on Bedtime Stories, thinking they could use some lighthearted comedy.
***
They are more than halfway through the movie and Varun has long since given up on actually watching it, preferring to watch Alia as she does. Despite having seen the movie more than fifty times, she still watches with immense concentration, her expressions those of someone watching it for the first time. As the film nears the end, she seems to notice that he's looking at her and turns to him, confused. 'Why are you looking at me like that?'
'No reason.'
'There's got to be a reason.' He looks at her for a second, wondering what to say. Unconciously he moves closer to her, smiling softly.
'You're beautiful.' he murmurs, lifting a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear before bringing it to rest on the side of her face. She leans into his touch, forgetting that this is not allowed anymore. Neither of them realise that they are not supposed to do this, they are in familiar teritory and they fall back into their familiar pattern. She doesn't stop him as he leans in, not thinking twice as she leans upwards.
Neither could tell you who finally closed the gap nor do they really care about the details. All that matters is the two of them, the way he feels like he's burning but also like he's taken his first breath of air in so long, the way her brain has stopped functioning but her heart feels like it's finally started beating again.
It's wrong, so wrong, for them to be doing this but it feels right. Somewhere in the back of her mind Alia knows that this is the worst idea she's had in a while but she honestly doesn't care. She doesn't have the willpower to stop, can't tell him no and can't deny herself when she wants this so badly.
Her brain tells her not to let it go any further but it is a faint whisper compared to her heart telling her to stop thinking about everyone else for a little while. She ignores her brain, listening to her heart and happily complying as Varun gently pushes her to lay back on her bed. She pulls his shirt up as he begins to trail a path of gentle kisses over her skin. He pulls back, sitting up to make it easier for her before resuming his activities.
They aren't paying attention to anything but each other; neither hears the sound of the door opening and closing or the footsteps coming in their direction. It is the slight creak of the door hinges that draws Alia's attention though she doesn't fully register it. She looks over to see Shaheen stood in the doorway and immediately pushes a very confused Varun away, guilt filling her as she sits up. 'What the hell is going on here?' Shaheen demands.
'It's not what you're thinking, I swear, didi.' The term slips out without Alia noticing, it had once been a habit to use the term when her sister caught her doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. It shocks the older girl, she hasn't been addressed as 'didi' in years. It is also confrimation that the situation is exactly what she's thinking. Seeing her sister's upset, Alia begins to speak. 'Shaheen, I-'
'Don't. Do not tell me that it's not what it looks like.'
'Listen, I'll explain everything just promise me you won't tell anyone.'
'Why shouldn't I?'
'Please. Just hear me out.'
'Hear you out? I'm not interested in some made up tale.'
'Shaheen, don't take it out on Alia,' Varun begins to intercede only to be cut off by Alia.
'No. You are not going to take the blame for this. It's my fault. You just go home.'
'Alia-'
'Just go.' He looks at her, shocked and slightly hurt. To his surprise, she's looking right back at him, silently pleading with him to leave. Though he doesn't understand why she wants him to, he does as told, leaving without any further protest. Alia waits until she hears the sound of the door closing before turning to her sister. 'Before I tell you anything, promise you'll listen to the whole story before you judge me. No interruptions.' Shaheen nods her agreement. 'You might want to sit down. This is a long story.' Shaheen seats herself opposite her sister on the bed and Alia begins to tell the tale.
When the story is done, Shaheen is more angry than she was before. She's not angry at the fact that her sister kept a secret from her, she is angry because Alia is sometimes selfless to the point of stupidity. 'I asked you if you were okay with it!'
'I know and I was, I still am. I didn't mean for anyhting to happen tonight.'
'You're not okay, Alia! Whether you meant for anything to happen or not is beside the point, this is not okay.'
'Yes it is. I know I made a mistake, I shouldn't have called him over-'
'This is not about tonight. This is about the fact that you are being stupid. How could you tell me you're okay with me getting married to the guy you're practically engaged to?'
'Well, when you put it that way it does sound ridiculous but-'
'No buts. Alia, you should've said something.'
'Said what? You were so happy, I couldn't be the one to ruin that. You'd been depressed for months, I just wanted you to be happy again.'
'So you decided you would give up your happiness?'
'I wanted you to be happy.' Alia repeats.
'Arre gandi, you're my little sister, if you're miserable, how do you expect me to be happy?'
'You were happy, before you knew any of this.'
'But now I know, I'm not going through with it.'
'Shaheen-'
'Alia, don't try to convince me otherwise. For one thing, I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with someone who's in love with my little sister.' That gets a watery chuckle out of her. 'I'm going to go talk to papa. Are you coming?'
'I don't know. What if he gets mad?'
'Don't worry, I'll sort it.'
The Beginning.
Their parents aren't exactly happy about having to change all the arrangements for the wedding at the last second but they aren't as angry as they probably should be. On the day that was supposed to be Varun and Shaheen's wedding day, Varun gets married to Alia instead.
When all's said and done and the two of them are in a plane on the way to Rome, Varun finally says what he's been dying to say all day. 'I can't believe we went through all that drama for nothing.'
'Oi! What do you mean for nothing?'
'We did exactly what I said we should do from the beginning, go tell our parents and fix things.'
'So are you saying you would rather be married to my sister?'
'No, I'm saying you should have just let me call the wedding off in the first place. All the drama and tears could've been avoided and we wouldn't have spent the past few months staying away from each other.'
'Look at it this way, we've got some lost time to make up for.'
'You have a very good point.'
'I know.'
'Alu, you know I love you right?'
'Really? I thought you were in love with chicken.'
'Very funny. So funny I forgot to laugh.'
'Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer.'
'Alia, I'm being serious.'
'Yes, I know. And I love you too.'
The Perfect Life
Two cats chase after a dog as a very amused Alia looks on. The sound of the door opening and closing is followed by a very confused sounding 'What the..?' and footsteps in the direction of the sitting room. 'Alu, our pets have gone crazy.' Varun states as he walks through the door, crossing the room in a few steps and flopping dramatically onto the sofa next to her.
'Yep. How was your day?' His only response is a groan. 'That bad?'
'The camera lense broke and the technician insisted he could fix it. He couldn't fix it and now the whole camera is broken. The lighting was constantly wrong and the sounboard had a minor malfunction.'He scrubs a hand over his face tiredly and she gestures for him to lay down. He does so happily, resting his head in her lap, relaxing as her fingers run through his hair.
'Did anything go right?'
'Remind me why I decided to go into directing? I should've stuck to acting.'
'You love it though. And you're a brilliant director.'
'Wait till you've seen the movie before saying that.'
'I don't need to. I know you're brilliant.'
'Whatever. Anyway, enough about my day. What did my two favourite girls get upto today?'
'Why do you insist on saying the baby's a girl?'
'Because, I'm 100% sure she is.'
'Well, boy or girl, Baby Dhawan is very active, kicking all day.'
Varun props himself up slightly, turning his head, to face the barely visible baby bump. 'Hey, chill out in there. Give mummy a break, it's not easy carrying you, you know.'
'Pagal.' Alia laughs.
'Biggest compliment you could give me.'
'You really are crazy.'
'Crazy about you.'
'Chi yaar, so filmi.' she exclaims.
'Says you. Have you forgotten the whole mess before-'
'Do you have to bring it up? It's done now.'
'Done now but seriously all that drama.'
'Shut up Dhawan.'
'Make me.' he challenges, sitting himself up. Alia, not one to back down from a challenge, kisses him.
She pulls away quickly though, hand going to her stomach. 'Baby Dhawan doesn't like that.'
'Spoilsport.'
'You were so eager to have kids. Now deal with the consequences.'
'Well, you know, making the kid was fun.'
'Get your mind out of the gutter. You're gonna be a father in four months.'
'Okay, and how did the baby come about? Magic?'
'You're terrible.'
'You married me.'
'You say that like I'm supposed to regret it.'
'Do you?'
'Of course not.'
'Good.'
'Varun?'
'Hmm.'
'I love you.'
'I love you too.'
A/N: so, that was waaaaay longer than I thought it would be. Hopefully the length makes up for the long wait. I don't know when I'm gonna update next to be honest. Uni comes first so it'll be whenever I get time.
There were a lot of people who gave me help with this one so a big thank you to all of you.
I'm honestly out of words so hope you enjoyed and see you next time.