River's P.O.V.
Okay so lets get this clear for once and for all, I am not playing Cassidy. I repeat I am NOT playing Cassidy. Like I told her before, I stopped trying to manipulate her after she slapped me silly. I really do love her. And she doesn't know it yet (neither does my wife) but I've already filed for a divorce. I did it the day before we left for the camping trip. I plan on telling Allison tonight since she's really not in the mood to talk to me right now. The fact that she's been wanting another kid for two years yet I ran off and got another girl pregnant isn't sitting very well with her. I bet you're wondering why I said those things to Maracel back at my house. Truth is, I'm not really "in love" with Maracel like I said I was. I used to have feelings for her but they've faded completely since I met Cassidy. I just don't have the heart to tell her that considering she's so hooked on me. I know you have more questions and I'll try to answer a few.
Did you really have sex with Allison last night?
Yes I did. But it wasn't because I still have feelings for her. At all. I did it out of frustration... because Cassidy was avoiding me and I needed to take my mind off of it.
Do you still have feelings for your wife?
Yes. I do. Very much so. She is my wife afterall, and I married her for a reason. Even though we've fallen on hard times I still love her. I just don't think that being with her is the right thing for me.
Are you dating anyone else besides Cassidy (with the exception of Allison)?
No. I'm not. I promised her that I was gonna change and I'm keeping that promise.
Do you plan on walking out on her?
Never in a million years.
What if the baby isn't yours?
I don't care if its mine or not. I mean, I'd prefer it to be mine but if its Max's then I still want to help Cassidy raise it. Even if the baby knows that I'm not its father.
Do you want it to be a boy or girl?
As much as I'd love a babygirl, I'd prefer a boy. I'm extremely overprotective of my mom and sister and I've gotten into at least 4 fights with my sister's boyfriends because I've never liked any of them so I know for a fact that if I have a daughter she's gonna hate me because if she ever comes to me with boy problems I'm gonna be tempted to fight because as you've probably noticed, I'm not a very reasonable person. Also, I'm not gonna let her date until she graduates college and I'm gonna force her to wear turtlenecks and mom jeans until she's 18. And plus, girls are harder to raise than boys. In general they complain about everything, are more expensive, and more emotionally unstable. Don't argue with me on this, I'm a doctor.
And finally...
Do you actually plan on marrying Cassidy?
Yes. I do. I'm a man of my word. I still don't think she believes me even though I say it all the time. Its okay though, when all of this mess gets sorted out and settled down I'll catch her off guard and propose. Just wait...
Now, as for what happened after my little confession to Cassidy, things didnt go as I thought they would.
For one, I honestly expected Allison to try to kill me. A year ago, when she found out I was cheating on her with her boss she chased me around the house with her flat irons trying to burn me.
This time though she just kinda shrugged it off and went back to our campsite without saying a word. We all followed her soon after and there was this really awkward silence between us all. When we got back to the tents Max pulled me aside and asked to talk to me. I agreed so we walked over to the beginning of a trail and went for a little walk.
"Max I already know what you're gonna say and I don't care. I'm serious about her."
"No River I don't think you are. In fact I think you're still just messing with her heart."
"I'm not!" I shouted. "Why don't you understand that I'm not the same the man I was 4 years ago?!"
"Because you are River! You're the EXACT same man! You're currently cheating on your wife and you're screwing around with Maracel while claiming to have feelings for Cassidy!"
"I'm not messing around with Maracel! And if I'm playing anyone its her!"
"Oh really? When's the last time you and her had sex?"
I thought about it and immediately felt ashamed.
"That doesn't matter! I don't have feelings for her!"
"Answer my question." Max said.
"I don't have to answer anything." I stated.
"Oh so it was recently wasnt it?" He asked. "How long ago? Last week? A few days ago?"
"Max why are you doing this? We're family. Why don't you trust me?"
"Because I know what you're capable of. It's not just the fact that you're manipulative as hell but also because you're dangerous and you know it Jonah. You shouldn't be with Cassidy because you're gonna end up hurting her whether its physically or emotionally. You shouldn't be with anyone until you can fully control what's happening to you."
"What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." He said. "Your anger is only getting worse and you're losing your ability to control it. You're more aggressive now than you've ever been and you don't even realize it. River you need help! I know you don't like me telling you this but its true. You need help."
"I don't need help!" I yelled. "I'm sick and tired of people telling me that! You of all people should understand why I'm like this. You went through the same thing I did Maxwell!"
"Yea but the difference is that I let that go. You're still holding on to it. You have to forget about it and move on."
"No the difference is that you refuse to accept the fact that it happened! It messed us up! The ONLY reason why you're not as messed up in the head as I am is because you didn't lose a daughter! When I lost my babygirl, all of the anger that I'd been holding back for years was finally triggered. I know that anger is still inside of you somewhere and trust me when I say that one day you'll snap like I did."
"Really River? I refuse to accept that it happened?! That's BS and you know it! I'm still dealing with the same scarred memories that you're dealing with. I just refuse to let my past affect my current life."
"Every word that just came out of your mind made me wanna throw up. I can't believe you just said that. You're not gonna let your past affect your life now? How could you even say something like that? We made a promise that we'd get revenge for what those assholes did to us when we were kids. No kid should ever have to experience what we went through. And I'm gonna make sure those fuckers pay."
"Oh yea and how are you gonna do that? You have no evidence."
"I have PTSD, impulse control disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, and a fucking brain injury... Oh and asthma which I didnt have until I got there. I'm pretty sure I have all the evidence I need."
"You've gotta let it go. Its too dangerous. Dwelling in the past isn't good for you. Imagine what it'll do to your future. It'll get you killed! You can't let that happen. You're the father of a 4 year old kid and you need to start acting like it!"
I froze. Did he really just say that?
"Listen Max, I might be a fucked up individual but I'll be damned if I let someone insult me as a father. I've raised Rome the way I'm supposed to and I've not brought any of my problems into his life. I make sure that he's always taken care of and that he doesn't ever feel afraid. I've been the father that I'm supposed to be and will continue to be. Don't you ever question my ability as a father because I've always been there for my son."
"Look I just want you to get rid of all the baggage in your life because I'd hate to be a witness to your downfall. And I want you to be honest with Cassidy. You've hurt her enough. The least you could do is tell her about Blairwood."
"That's none of her business. I've told her all she needs to know."
"Oh yea? Have you told her that you're suicidal?"
"I'm not anymore." I mumbled.
"Don't lie to yourself, River... If you don't tell her, I will."
"Fine then. Tell her. Tell her everything. Afterall, I'm just a psychopathic lunatic."
I took one last look at him then turned and walked away, not saying another word to him.