Alia P.O.V.
Sometimes, all it takes is one touch, one smile or even just one look from the right person to make your day a million times brighter. No matter how crappy you're feeling, you instantly start feeling happy. Even if you've had a week from hell and you're exhausted, and feel like curling up under a blanket or hiding in a cave for the next year, being around that one person can make everything better, they make all your worries disappear.
You might not believe me but I speak from experience, a recent experience actually.
It's probably not news to anyone that I've not been having the greatest time as of late, it seems that everything that could possibly go wrong did. Everyone knows about the whole mess that happened with Udta Punjab but that's only the beginning. Somehow, even though I was now only filming for one movie, my schedule was more packed than it had been in ages. On top of that I'm moving and things are going spectacularly wrong there as well. A box of photo frames was dropped so I now have shattered glass all over my room, boxes have gone missing or been put in the wrong places, the TV wasn't put properly so that fell as well and I'm lucky I got out of the way in time otherwise it would've fallen on my foot, and, as if that wasn't bad enough, we have cats running about, playing in the boxes, making a mess and tripping us up constantly. To make matters worse I'm still having to deal with so many stupid rumours and I got in a fight with two of my friends because I made the mistake of saying something against their favourite film even though, two weeks before the conversation, they hadn't even seen the movie.
I'd had a pretty hectic couple of months and I really wasn't looking forward to the next few either. Between the US tour, filming and promotions I was pretty sure I'd be completely burnt out by the end of the year. You can imagine I wasn't exactly looking forward to meeting to discuss the next schedule of Badrinath ki Dulhunia. It's not that I'm not excited about the film because I am beyond happy that I'm getting the chance to work with this team again, it's just that I don't even want to think about how packed my schedule already is, let alone add more things to it.
I was stressed and tired and I really didn't want to go for the meeting but I dragged myself there anyway. The stress didn't go down once I was there. As always, Varun was late and that meant waiting around for him to show up which just made me more antsy. When he finally showed up, almost running into the room and apologising repeatedly, I surprisingly did not feel the urge to scold him for being late. It was the weirdest sensation in the world; one look at Varun and I felt myself relax, tension leaving me as I watched him explain his tardiness to Shashank, smiling for no apparent reason.
Eventually, they realised that I hadn't said a word about Varun's lateness when I was usually the first to comment about his lack of time keeping skills. 'Alia, are you feeling okay?' Shashank asked, startling me slightly. I'm not sure if it was at all related to the conversation they had been having because I hadn't entirely been paying attention to it.
'Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?' I queried
'Because this is the point where you'd usually start complaining that I always keep everyone waiting.' Varun answered, looking at me like I was behaving more weirdly than usual.
'Maybe I can't be bothered with it today.' I said with a shrug. They both stated at me like I'd grown an extra head or something. 'What?'
'You're turning down an opportunity to argue with Varun. You love telling him off.' Shashank pointed out.
'Yeah, but I'm not in the mood today. I don't have the energy for an argument.'
'I'm not sure if I should be offended right now.' Varun told me, looking kinda confused. 'You're always up for an argument with me. I thought you found them fun.' He legitimately sounded upset and I almost laughed at the sad expression on his face.
'Varun, don't get upset about it. I'm just happy to see you today so I don't want to argue.' I explained. He instantly brightened up, smiling widely.
'Oh, I guess that's okay then.' He paused for a second and then his smile changed to a teasing smirk. 'But why are you so happy to see me?' Even though it was a joke and my happiness had nothing to do with what he was referring to, I felt my face heat up a little. 'Why are you blushing? I didn't say anything bad Alia.'
'Yeah but you were thinking it.' I mumbled
'See you'd only know that because you were thinking the same thing.' he teased.
'Was not.' I refuted.
'Don't lie. You were thinking of something bad and assumed I was as well when, really, all I was thinking was that you're happy to see me because it's been a while since we've met up.' He was still grinning and now we were falling back into our normal pattern. We both knew that his teasing me would end up in me denying whatever he was saying and he'd keep up on the same path and we'd end up in an argument but it'd also be over quickly and would most likely end with laughter.
I could have broken the pattern and just let the subject drop but I really do enjoy our banter. It's fun and it's the way we've always been and I'm so glad it's not changed. 'Puh-lease, like I would ever think that way about you. Anyway, we both know you're the one with the dirty mind.' I returned.
'Yeah right. Admit it, you've definitely thought about it.' Shashank was watching us, clearly amused by our playful conversation.
'Nope. Not once. Honestly, I don't understand what girls see in you. You're not that impressive.' I could see the shock on his face and I couldn't help but laugh. His mouth had dropped open and he stared at me, it was too comical.
I was so busy laughing that I didn't notice that he had overcome his shock and was moving towards me until it was too late. By the time I realised, he was already in front of me, hands reaching out to tickle my sides. 'Not that impressive?' he demanded as I laughed harder due to the sudden tickle attack. I couldn't talk because of the laughter so I just shook my head. He continued his merciless attack until, finally, Shashank told him to stop.
'Varun, enough. If she laughs much harder, she'll have an asthma attack.' Our director told him, chuckling at our behaviour. He finally stopped the enslaught and stepped away from me, allowing me to catch my breath. 'So, if you two are done being five year olds, can we get to the conversation we're supposed to be having?' We both nodded and took a seat at the table.
***
A
fter we'd finished with the discussion, I was starting to feel stressed again. The dates for our next schedule had been added to my calendar and now I was wondering how I was going to manage to sleep.
As we left from the office, I was internally panicking and, try as I might not to show it, Varun noticed. 'What's wrong?' he asked, falling into step beside me as we headed for the car park.
'Nothing. Just wondering about what I'm gonna eat tonight.' I lied. Despite my excellent lying skills, Varun knew I wasn't telling the truth. He knows me well enough to see when I'm being untruthful.
'Don't believe you. Try again.' he told me.
'It's nothing, Varun. Seriously.' I repeated.
'Still don't believe you.' he stated. I didn't answer him, choosing to walk in silence instead. 'You can ignore me all you want, I'll still get an answer from you.' I kept quiet, continuing to walk towards my car. He didn't say anything either and I thought he had given up but then, just as I was about to open the door to my car, he reached out a hand and took a hold of mine, stopping me. I turned to him, eyebrows raised in question. 'You've taken on too much again haven't you?'
'I don't know what you're talking about.' I lied again.
'You've already had two movies release this year, you've got Dear Zindagi releasing in a few months, then there's the tour and we'll be filming for BKD, not to mention you're still moving into your new place. You've got a packed schedule.'
'It's not that bad. I'll manage.' I said
'No you won't. You'll burn out. You need to slow down, Alu, take a break.' he told me.
'I'll be fine. I don't have time to take a break right now.'
'Alia, you need to learn to take care of yourself. This isn't good for you. Please, just slow down a bit.' he urged, his eyes showing just how worried he was.
'I don't need to. Trust me, I'll be fine.' I assured him.
'Not if you keep going like this. You'll end up in hospital or something.' I smiled at his concern. Despite the fact that I had had the same worries over the past few weeks, they had been dismissed today. Seeing Varun had made all my worries disappear and knowing he still cared so much made the little stress that had returned disappear as well.
'No I won't, Varun.' I told him.
'How can you be so sure?'
'Because, most of the time, I'm going to be with you. Working with you isn't like working at all, it's easy and comfortable and that means I'll be a lot less stressed. And anyway, you'll make sure I'm not overworking myself. If I'm doing too much, you'll tell me.' I explained.
'Like you ever actually listen to me.'
'You're one of the only people I listen to.'
'Yeah, yeah, we'll see.' he grumbled but he looked a little more at ease.
'Okay Mr. Moody, now I have to get going. Do I get a hug or are you in too much of a bad mood?' He glared slightly but pulled me into a hug anyway.
'You better look after yourself while I'm not around. I'm kinda fond of you, I don't want to hear that something bad has happened.' he told me as he pulled out of the hug.
'Don't worry so much. I'll see you soon.' He nodded and I stepped away from him, opening the door of my car. I watched him get into his car as we began to drive off and I felt light, like I had no worries.
***
The stress began to set in again the next day as me and my sister tried to sort out the mess that was our apartment. We had turned down everyone's offers to help because, so far, everyone that had helped had just made things worse. The bathroom boxes had ended up in the kitchen, my stuff had ended up in Shaheen's room and her stuff had somehow made its way to the sitting room. The dining room had boxes of DVDs and books and we honestly had no idea where the stuff for the kitchen was. Possibly the only things that were in the right place were the cats' things.
We gave up trying to figure things out at about nine that night. We had made an even bigger mess over the course of the day so we had decided to spend the rest of the night laying on the floor in my room, because it was one of the few places where you could actually see the floor, talking.
At some point, the conversation turned to my hectic schedule and I ended up telling Shaheen about the conversation I had had with Varun. 'He's right, you're working too hard.' she told me.
'Shaheen, you are entirely missing the point here.' I whined.
'Okay, what exactly was the point?'
'That I somehow no longer feel stressed about the fact that I'm barely going to have any time that isn't taken by work.' I explained.
'You almost had a panic attack about it three days ago, what's changed?' she queried.
'Nothing. If anything, my schedule has become more packed and I should be more worried but I'm not.'
She was silent for a while before she suddenly spoke. 'You're wrong. Something has changed.'
'What?'
'You saw Varun yesterday.'
'I'm aware of that.'
'Well, you said yourself, he makes sure you're not overworking yourself. He's put your mind at rest.' It was my turn to go silent.
I was thinking for so long that I thought my sister might have fallen asleep by the time I spoke again. 'Shaheen?'
'Yeah?'
'There's something I kinda left out.'
'What?'
'When I saw him yesterday, I felt so happy. All the worries went away. I didn't even tell him off for being late.'
'You willingly gave up an opportunity to tell him off?'
'Yep.'
'Is there something going on?'
'Like what?'
'I mean have things changed between you two?'
'Not at all. We still got into an argument and we're still just as childish and playful with each other. We're exactly the same.'
'Are you though? You may behave the same way but have your feelings for him changed?' This time, I understood what she was asking. My first thought was she was being ridiculous but then I realised she wasn't.
'How could they have changed? I've barely spent any time with him recently.' I said, trying to deny it.
'But absence makes the heart grow fonder.'
'Shit.' I muttered. 'Am I falling for him?'
'Are you?' Shaheen asked.
'I think so.'
***
For the next few months, I tried my best to forget about the realisation I had come to. It was pretty much impossible because, every time I saw Varun, I thought about it. Whenever I saw him, I immediately relaxed. No matter how stressed or worried or upset I had been, I would start feeling happy.
We still fought as much as we used to and there were still times when I wanted to hurt him but being around him made me happy.
I decided I didn't want to tell him though. We were good the way we were, as friends. Telling him would just complicate things, maybe even break our friendship, and I didn't want that.
Things were great until one day in the beginning of November. Promotions for Dear Zindagi were in full swing and they were starting to really stress me out. It's not that they were different from any other promotions but it's like I was waiting for something bad to happen and the paranoia was only increased by interviewers that insisted on asking about the censor board and piracy issues that Udta Punjab had faced and the ongoing issues of movie leaks. Every interview I did, I was asked about it and I was on edge now, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
In the midst of promoting, I was still filming for BKD. It was odd days here and there when I didn't have some kind of event to be at or interview to do but it still just added to the already dangerous amount of stress that I had. Everybody could see that I was tense, I was slightly jumpy and way more snappy than usual. They were careful not to do something that might make it worse but that just made me angry because it felt like they all thought I was fragile.
There was one particular day where I was in such a terrible mood that everyone mostly left me alone. All morning, people avoided me and I was completely fine with it.
Except I really wasn't.
It was upsetting that nobody would talk to me even though it was my own fault. To make matters worse, Varun wasn't there. He had a late start so he wasn't going to come to set until after lunch so I just sat by myself between takes.
When it got to lunch, I didn't feel like eating so I decided to wonder around for a bit. I was out back, behind the studio, just standing there and staring up at the clouds, when I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I relaxed slightly but, for once, even Varun couldn't make all the stress disappear.
He must have realised I was still tense because he pulled me in as close as possible and rested his head on my shoulder. I felt the tension drain a little more. 'Tune su chayruche aaje?'(what's gotten into you today?) I asked.
'Nothing. Why?' I tried to ignore the way I could feel the vibrations of his voice in his chest and his warm breath on my skin.
'You're being more affectionate than usual.' I told him.
'That's because you're more stressed than usual.' he replied. I couldn't ignore the fact that he had turned his head ever so slightly or that I could feel his lips brushing against my skin as he spoke. 'Your heart's racing.' he murmured, still speaking against my skin. That made my pulse speed up even more. 'Am I making you uncomfortable?'
'No.' I whispered, surprised that I could even manage to respond.
'Good.' he said before pressing a soft kiss to the side of my neck.
'W-what are you doing?' I asked him, stuttering slightly.
'You need to relax, Alu. I'm just trying to help.' he breathed. My reply was lost as he continued to trail those soft kisses over my skin. 'I'm not doing a good job though am I?'
'Huh?'
'It's not really helping you relax. I can feel how fast your heart is beating; I'm surprised it's not exploded yet.' I could feel his grin and then I felt it fading as well. He stopped what he was doing and stepped away abruptly. It took a second for my brain to start working again but, when it did, I turned to see Varun standing five feet away, leaning against the wall and looking like he was about to beat himself up.
'Varun, what's wrong?'
'I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have done that.' he apologised.
'You don't need to apologise. It's not like I was complaining.'
'I still shouldn't have done it. I don't know what came over me. I'm really sorry.' he said again
'What are you apologising for?' I asked.
'I got too carried away. I had only meant to come find you and see if I could maybe get you to be a little less stressed.'
'So are you apologising to me or to you?' I questioned.
'Why would I be saying sorry to myself?'
'Because you think you've screwed up.'
'I don't think I have, I know I have.' he said.
'Really? Cause I don't think so.'
'How have I not? I know we're close Alia, but that's over the line even for us.'
'So what? We pushed the boundaries a little, what's the big deal?' I questioned.
'I didn't just push the boundaries, I broke them.' he argued.
'No you didn't.' I denied. 'You just blurred the lines a little.'
'If that's blurring the line, what exactly would be erasing it?' he queried. I looked at him for a minute before deciding to give him the answer to his question.
He looked at me curiously as I took the few steps required to cross the space between us, coming to a stop in front of him. 'This.' was all I said before leaning up and kissing him. It was over in less than thirty seconds. As soon as I realised what I had just done, I stepped away, panicking a little as I waited for his reaction. He was frozen in place, more than a little shocked. 'Oh God, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. That was stupid, really stupid. I'm really sorry. Seriously, I'm really sorry.' I babbled.
'Are you apologising to me or to you?' he enquired, asking me the same question I had asked him.
'Both.'
'What are you apologising to me for?'
'I didn't mean for that to happen.'
'Don't lie, you wouldn't have done it if you didn't want to.'
'Of course I wanted to but I wasn't planning on it actually happening.'
'Okay but still doesn't explain what you're apologising for. Kissing me or ending it so quickly?'
'What?'
'Well, you didn't even give me the chance to react. Not very fair.' he said, pushing off from the wall and coming towards me. I didn't move at all as he came closer, didn't protest as his hands came to rest on my waist or as he pulled me against him. He leaned down and kissed me, his hold tightening as he pulled me even closer. My hands reached up to thread through his hair as the intensity of the kiss increased.
When the lack of air became a problem, he pulled away, leaning his forehead against mine.'You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.' he murmured. Yet again, I had lost the ability to form words. 'The only problem is that I want to be allowed to do it more than once. I don't want to just leave it here. You understand?' I shook my head. 'I want to be able to stop saying we're just friends, Alia.' My brain went into overdrive trying to process what he had just said. 'Stop thinking so hard. It's not as complicated as you're going to make it.'
'Simplify it then.'
'I love you and I think you love me too. If I'm right, then I want to be with you. If I'm wrong, well, I guess I just made things really awkward.'
'You're not wrong.' I told him.
'So it doesn't need to be complicated then right?'
'It's not exactly going to be easy, but I'm not going to make it more complex than it needs to be.'
'What do you mean it's not going to be easy?'
'We're actors, Varun. Our lives are always on display. It's hard to have a relationship when you can't go out of your house without someone seeing.'
'Yeah, if you're trying to hide your relationship. I don't want to hide.'
'You don't?' I asked, surprised.
'No. For once in my life, I want to tell the whole world that I'm in a relationship. If you don't want people to know, I guess that's fine but I don't want to hide.'
'Then we don't have to.'
'Good.'
'But we probably do have to go back inside. Lunch ends in ten minutes.'
'Yeah, probably.' he agreed. His hand slipped into mine as we walked back to the studio, talking and smiling.
Sometimes, one person makes all your worries disappear.
A/N: so sorry it took so long to update guys. I've been babysitting so I don't really have time to write except on the weekends.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed and see you soon.