Everyone knows that Varun is scarily possessive when it comes to Alia. Usually, he's not but, when it comes to his best friend, he's overly protective. His friends know it, his family know it, everyone in the industry knows it, the whole damn world knows it...
...except for Alia.
Either she doesn't realise it or she really likes seeing just how far she can push him before he snaps.
Similarly, everyone is aware that Alia is head over heels in love with Varun. You'd have to be blind not to see it, almost every action of hers tells it. The way she looks at him, the smile that's almost permanent when they're in the same room, the way she talks about him and the way she is utterly miserable without him. There isn't a single person who knows Alia that can't see she's in love...
...except, of course, Varun.
No girl flirts with Varun in any way that isn't a joke. They acknowledge that he's good looking, they're aware of his many good qualities, but they also know that his heart has already been given to someone, even if he refuses to admit it.
No guy is willing to try his luck with Alia, despite the fact that she's definitely beautiful, because they don't want to risk incurring Varun's wrath.
Still, there's no harm in having a little fun. After all, everybody apart from the two themselves know that when Alia flirts it's just for laughs and Varun's sole reason for flirting is to make Alia jealous.
Which is why, when Alia starts openly "flirting" with Sid in front of his girlfriend after the Dream Team concert in New York, Varun is the only one who's shocked that Pari says nothing, just stands with them, smiling at Alia's suddenly playful behaviour.
To seven out of the eight people that were stood there, it's perfectly normal behaviour; the eighth is more than a little shocked. He's even more surprised that everyone else is more or less ignoring it.
After about ten minutes of Varun staring at Pari, Sid and Alia - mainly Alia - Adi notices. He barely manages to stop himself from bursting into laughter as he watches Varun watch Alia, jealousy becoming more clear with each passing second.
As much as he is amused by Varun's behaviour, Adi decides to be a good friend. However, instead of going and setting the poor boy straight himself, he texts Pari and lets her know because he doesn't think Varun will believe him.
Adi stops observing Varun and watches Pari frown at her phone in confusion for a second before laughing. She quickly types something and Adi's phone buzzes.
Pari: this boy is cuckin frazy if he thinks Alia is actually trying it with Sid. I'm going to sort him out.
Adi agrees with her, chuckling slightly as Pari excuses herself from the conversation with Sid and Alia and makes her way over to Varun. He stops paying attention after that, tuning back into the conversation he had been having with Karan and Katrina, only to find both of them looking at him curiously. 'Kya?' he asks, wondering if he's done something wrong.
'Why were you staring at Varun?' Katrina asks.
'I wasn't staring at him.' Adi protests.
'You were. And now you're protesting which makes me think that something is going on.' Karan jokes. 'Has Shraddha got some competition?'
'It's nothing like what you're thinking.' he tells them, not bothering to deny the implication of a relationship between him and Shraddha. 'I was just trying to see how long it would take for Varun to explode from excess of jealousy.' His words confuse Katrina more but Karan laughs.
'I've been waiting for him to reach his limit for almost six years. It's not going to happen.' Karan says.
'He can't keep it in forever; one day soon, he's going to end up admitting it. I just hope Alia is there to hear when he does.' Adi replies. 'Anyway, we were talking about songs weren't we?' The conversation transitions back to the previous topic for a while.
They are in the middle of discussing the song writing process, how difficult it can be and the similarities between song writing and story writing, when Karan stops paying attention. Adi is halfway through an explanation about how he uses his own emotions and experiences to come up with lyrics when he notices that Karan is no longer paying attention to the conversation.
Karan is looking over Adi's shoulder, a stormy look on his face. Adi turns to see what he's looking at and a sense of foreboding sets in. 'He's making things worse.' Karan mutters as he watches the scene in front of him.
Alia has stopped speaking and is now watching on as Varun and Pari talk, the conversation far from a friendly chat. Though Alia herself had been flirting with Sid, she hadn't been so into it. The small part of her brain that is still being rational tells her that it's nothing more than a joke, that Pari wouldn't do that, but it's hard to believe herself as she watches Varun turn up the charm, going in to full on flirt mode.
Knowing she's either going to get into a fight with Varun or start crying, Alia walks out of the hall, going to stand outside in the cool night air.
Varun notices but doesn't follow her, unwilling to admit that he's in the wrong here. He knows that Alia was only having a bit of fun, understood that as soon as Pari explained it to him, but he still wanted to make her jealous so he'd started flirting with Pari.
But he's gone too far, left behind the joking flirtations and he's aware of it. He freezes as she walks out of the door, feeling the cold gust of wind and noting that she's not wearing a jacket. Worry overtakes him momentarily, she's always cold as it is and the cold air isn't going to help and she'll get sick and he doesn't want her to get sick because she never looks after herself properly and never lets him look after her either, but he pushes it down and storms off in the other direction.
It's irrational for him to be angry but since when are emotions rational?
He shouldn't feel so possessive about someone that he insists on saying is just his best friend but she's more than that, so much more than that, and, however much he tries to deny it, he knows it.
He's in the wrong, he knows that too, but, even though he feels like shit because of it, he doesn't want to admit it.
Varun didn't see how pissed Karan was as he stalked off, doesn't realise that there are now two people who are angry at him.
By the time the director finds the young actor, the former is absolutely fuming and the latter is beating himself up over hurting his best friend and on the verge of frustrated tears.
Karan's anger lessens slightly as he sees that Varun is about an inch from breaking down but he still slaps the boy up the back of the head because, honestly, what was the need to pull a stunt like that in the first place? And he could have gone after Alia, calmed her down, at least taken her a jacket.
Varun doesn't even make a sound of protest at his mentor's action, he can't deny that he deserved it. 'Why do I always screw up?' he asks, going from frustrated to defeated in less than three seconds.
'You don't.' the older man tries to assure him. It doesn't work.
'I do. I just keep screwing up! Over and over again, and she's going to stop forgiving me. I don't know why she's kept forgiving me till now but what am I going to do when she decides I don't deserve another chance? It's going to happen. One of these days, she's going to tell me to take a hike and I don't know what I'll do when she does.' Karan has never heard Varun sound so hopeless. For a minute he wonders if maybe his student has been replaced by a doppelganger; Varun is confident, optimistic, energetic, enthusiastic. The boy stood in front of him is the polar opposite.
'She's never going to tell you to leave, Varun. Alia loves you and, apparently, nothing you do will change that. When it comes to you, she is always willing to forgive.' For once, Varun doubts the words of his teacher.
'She doesn't love me. All I've done recently is push her away. What reason could she possibly have to love me?' he questions.
'Pyaar ka koi reason todi hota hai.' The reply doesn't come from Karan, it comes from Alia. Neither Varun nor Karan had noticed she was there, but it's definitely her voice that gives the answer to his question. Karan smiles for a second but then he realises that Varun is certainly not happy about it. The poor boy had frozen for a second and now he is literally shaking.
'No. You don't. You can't.' The man feels an overwhelming surge of sadness that the boy refuses to believe Alia is able to love him. Though he has written love stories, Karan doesn't know how to deal with this situation. He turns to Alia who gives him a look that asks if he could give them a minute alone. Karan complies and leaves, allowing them the time they need to sort this out.
'Varun, calm down.' Alia says as she approaches him.
'You can't. Please, tell me you didn't mean it.' he begs.
'Will it make a difference? If I say I didn't mean it, does that change anything? Or does it mean that we go back to avoiding each other?' she queries, not sure what answer she wants.
'Just take it back, Alia. Say you don't.'
'Fine. I didn't mean it. I- I don't-' she pauses in the middle of the sentence because she can't make herself say those words to him. He wants to hear it, or maybe he doesn't, she can't tell, but she feels sick just thinking the words, there's no way she'll be able to say them.
The words won't come, she can't force them out. Alia looks at Varun, sees that he's crying, and her heart shatters into millions of tiny pieces. For some reason, he desperately needs her to lie to him, to deny that she loves him. She can't say that to him but she can't stand there a second longer because she will fall apart.
So she walks away. She leaves him there and walks away.
***
One thing Varun had been right about was that Alia can't give him another chance. She forgave him minutes after she walked out the door, but she can't give him another chance.
Despite the fact that they're filming together for Badrinath ki Dulhunia, it's almost a month before they have a proper conversation again.
He manages to persuade her to give him five minutes to talk. 'Alu, can we go back to how things were?'
'Really Varun? You're unbelievable.' she states, beyond angry at him.
'Please, Alia. I miss you.'
'You've had too many chances. I'm done with this.' she tells him.
'I know I've had too many chances and I probably don't deserve another one but just give me one last chance.' he pleads, panic starting to set in as he realises that he's actually going to have to figure out what to do without her in his life.
'No.' she refuses, turning away from him and beginning to walk off.
'Alu, I love you.' he calls after her.
She freezes.
'No. You don't. You can't.' she gives his own words back to him as she feels herself falling to pieces, again.
'Alia, I mean it.'
'You can't. Please, tell me you didn't mean it.' she begs, copying his exact words from a month ago.
'Will it make a difference? If I say I didn't mean it, does that change anything? Or does it mean that we just keep avoiding each other?' he queries, unconsciously asking her the same questions she had asked him.
'Just take it back, Varun. Say you don't.'
'I can't.' That's when Alia reaches her limit.
'Then why did you make me?' she demands. 'Tune lagache ke je vastu tare tin nat tatu, mare tin tyche?'
'Alu, I'm sorry.' he tells her because he doesn't know what else to say.
'I don't care! I don't give a shit if you're sorry, it doesn't change a damn thing!' she yells at him, unable to contain herself anymore. All the pain, sadness and anger that she's been feeling lately comes pouring out. 'This is all you do, you say something or do something that leads to an argument and then you don't want to talk it out. You leave, you walk away and then you come back later, say sorry and, like an idiot, I let you back in. I tell you it's okay and give you another chance just for me to end up getting hurt again! It's not happening this time, Varun! I am not going to let you do this to me again.' He wants to tell her it'll be different this time, wants to say he won't repeat his mistakes, but he can't. Even if he really means it, how can she believe him?
'Okay.' It's all he can manage because he has to admit defeat which means losing her and he really wishes he knew how to cope with that.
Alia's heart breaks even more with that one word. Isn't he supposed to fight for her? Tell her he's not going to give up, that it won't happen again. That's what the hero does isn't it? He fights for his love, always, against anyone and anything. So then why is her hero not going to fight for her?
She won't let him see her tears though, won't let him know exactly how much this hurts.
Again, she walks away, both of their hearts shattering as she does.
***
Varun doesn't let anyone see that he's falling apart. He keeps up a front, pretends he's happy. Sometimes, he really is; he's never been someone to let himself stay down for long. This is real life, you can't sit and cry all the time, you pick yourself up and keep living.
The thing is, he can't be happy when it's so obvious that Alia is miserable. He knows she's trying not to let it show but it's not working. Varun wonders if maybe he shouldn't be able to feel as happy as he does at times. When he looks at Alia and sees that she isn't happy at all, he wonders why this has effected her so much more than him.
Alia looks at Varun and sees that he's laughing and smiling and she simultaneously feels happy and sad. All she wants is for him to be happy but it's not fair that she can't move on when he evidently has.
***
For three months, they don't talk to each other more than is required. Surprisingly they manage to film the scenes they have together considering they can barely look each other in the eye when they aren't on set.
Just as they wrap the final schedule, they manage to actually talk to each other and they both start to think maybe things will be okay.
Everything goes for a toss a week later.
He's at Arjun's place when he gets the call. They're having a boys' night, him, Arjun, Adi and Sid, just chilling, taking a break.
What's supposed to be a stress free night turns into the night Varun thinks he might just die.
His phone rings and he picks up without checking who's calling. 'Hello.' he answers rather joyfully.
'Am I speaking to Mr. Varun Dhawan?' asks the person on the other end of the line.
'Yes. Who's this?' he asks, gesturing to his friends to shut up so he can hear better.
'I'm calling from Bombay Hospital, we've got you listed as an emergency contact for Miss Alia Bhatt.' they tell him. He's sure she would have changed it by now but evidently not.
'Uh, yeah. Is something wrong?' His heart is pounding as he asks the question, knowing that something has to be wrong or he wouldn't have been called.
'Mr. Dhawan, Miss Bhatt has been in a car accident. She's in critical condition,' the phone slips from Varun's hand, falling to the floor. He doesn't notice.
The person on the other end of the line is still talking, unaware that she has just sent Varun into a state of panic so intense that he can't remember how to move. He doesn't hear as his friends ask him what's wrong, barely even registers that they're there.
Arjun picks the phone up from the floor and finishes the conversation for Varun because it doesn't seem like the Dilwale actor is going to be capable of speech anytime soon. As soon as he hangs up the phone, Arjun tells Adi and Sid to go get coats and shoes on and then turns to Varun. 'Get over your shock and get up. You going into a shock coma isn't going to help Alia any.' That gets the gears working in Varun's brain again. He shoots of the sofa and pulls on his shoes and jacket before grabbing his keys and heading for the door. 'Where do you think you're going?' Arjun asks before he can leave.
'Hospital.'
'You aren't driving in that state. Leave your keys, I'll drive you.' Arjun states. Varun doesn't bother to argue, knows that Arjun is right, he's in no fit state to drive.
***
Varun can't sit still in the car. He's anxious, keeps thinking she might not make it and he hasn't had a proper conversation with her in months.
As soon as Arjun stops the car at the hospital, he gets out and runs for the doors. He gives Alia's name at the desk and they give him directions to a room along with a sympathetic look that he really doesn't like. He knows what that look means and he refuses to think that it's a possibility; he is not going to lose his Alia.
Varun repeats those words to himself as he races through corridor after corridor towards the room they told him Alia would be in. By the time he gets to the room, he's out of breath but he ignores his exhaustion as he pushes open the door to the room and goes in.
She looks so tiny in the hospital bed with so many wires attached to her. Alia has always been tiny but her presence was such that it seemed she was anything but small; now she seems so very titchy and he hates it because she's lifeless.
Varun sinks down onto the chair by her bed, taking a hold of her hand - the one that isn't in a cast - as he does. 'I'm sorry, Alu, I'm so sorry.' he whispers, tears falling as he looks at her still form. 'Just wake up, please Alia, wake up. You've got so much left to do still. Just wake up.' She doesn't wake up, doesn't move at all.
***
For almost three months, he barely leaves her side. He goes home to shower and change and he occasionally goes to get food but only when forced and only if someone else agrees to stay with her while he's gone.
Shaheen and Pooja are with her when she wakes up. They'd forced Varun to go get food and some fresh air because apparently they were worried he'd turn to stone if he kept sitting in that chair.
He's just got back to the hospital when Shaheen calls. 'Alia's awake.' she tells him before he can even say hello.
'What?' he asks, not sure if he heard right.
'Alia is awake and she's asking for you.'
'I'll be there in two minutes.' he says, already beginning to run.
He's barely able to breathe by the time he gets to Alia's room. The door is open and there's a bunch of nurses and a doctor all crowding around the bed. Shaheen and Pooja are stood by the door watching in slight amusement as the doctor tries to get their stubborn sister to relax while he checks her over. 'I'm fine! Seriously, I'm not in any kind of pain, I just want someone to call my best friend already!' Alia exclaims, pushing away the doctor's hands. Varun laughs a little, his face feeling suspiciously wet as he hears her voice for the first time in so long.
'Alia, I've called him. He's on his way.' Shaheen tells her sister, not having noticed that Varun was already there. Alia finally allows the doctor to check her after that, though she seems none too happy about it.
Ten minutes later, the room empties out. The doctor says Alia will have to go for some x-rays but that it can wait and he leaves Varun and the three Bhatt sisters by themselves. Alia doesn't notice Varun at first, turning to her sisters with a frown. 'I thought you said you called him?' she queries.
'I did. Maybe if you look over by the door, you'll realise I wasn't lying.' Shaheen replies. Alia's gaze moves from her sister to the boy stood awkwardly next to the door and her whole face lights up.
'Varun!' she exclaims happily before her expression changes to one of confusion. 'Why are you stood over there?'
'I uh, I didn't think you'd want to see me.' he admits, nervously running a hand through his hair.
'Why on earth not?' she questions. Varun looks to Shaheen and Pooja, wondering if they're as confused as he is. They both look slightly worried that she doesn't realise that they've barely spoken in months.
'Alia, are you sure you're okay?' Pooja asks concernedly.
'Yep. Perfectly fine. Why?'
'Alu, what's the last thing you remember?' Varun queries, worry building.
'I was in the car and then all of a sudden the driver slammed on the brakes and everything went black.' she describes.
'And before that?' he asks.
'I was at Karan's office. He called me and told me there was a movie he wanted to discuss so I went to his office, he told me about the movie and then I left. What's with all the questions?'
'We haven't been talking recently, Alu. You do remember that right?' Varun asks, confused as hell.
'Of course I do, I'm just fed up of fighting with you. Plus, I know you've barely left this room in a month and a half.' she explains, smiling again.
'How the hell did you know that?'
'I was unconscious, not dead. I could still hear what you were saying.' she tells him exasperatedly.
'You heard all of that?' She nods. He goes bright red and scratches the back of his neck.
'Okay, I get the feeling this isn't something we need to be here for. Come on Shaheen, let's go call Papa and tell him Alia's awake.' Shaheen looks like she might protest but Pooja gives her a look to tell her it's not up for discussion and they leave the room.
Alia and Varun stare at each other in silence from opposite sides of the room. He's feeling awkward now and is tempted to leave despite the fact that all he's wanted for months is for her to wake up so he can talk to her again. She's waiting for Varun to speak, unsure of how to break this silence.
Ten minutes pass and still neither has said a word. Just as she gets the courage to say something, the door opens and a nurse walks in, telling her she has to go for her x-rays now. 'You best be here when I get back.' she tells Varun. He nods and she gives him a small half smile as she leaves the room.
***
It takes almost two hours for her to get back. In that time, her sisters have come back and left again, telling Varun they'll come back again during visiting hours with her parents. He just nods, it seems to be all he can do today.
When Alia finally comes back to the room, she is free of her casts and grinning like an idiot because of it. Then she spots Varun and sees that he's barely moved while she's been gone and is still staring across the room.
He's no longer standing, he slid down to the floor a while ago, he doesn't know when, but he's in the same spot with the same sad look on his face. 'Varun, why do you look like someone died?' Alia asks him once the nurse leaves.
'What?' he questions, snapping out of his daze and looking around, seeming very lost.
'You know, it seems like you've barely moved but I'm fairly sure you went on a very long trip while I was gone.' It's a weak attempt at a joke and it doesn't even make him smile a little. 'Okay, I guess you're planning on sitting there like a statue forever then.' He still doesn't respond and she's starting to worry. 'Yaar, I would have thought you'd at least be a little happy that I'm awake. After everything you said while I was unconscious...'
'I can't believe you actually heard all that.' he mutters.
'If I wasn't supposed to hear it, why'd you say any of it?'
'Dunno.' he says with a shrug. 'I heard somewhere that talking to a person in a coma helps them wake up. Nobody said anything about them actually knowing what you're saying.'
'You could have talked about anything, Varun. It was your choice.' she points out.
'Do you really think that I made the conscious decision to tell you any of that? I sat down and I started talking and that's what came out. There was no decision to tell you any of it, the truth just has an annoying habit of coming out when I get too emotional.' he snaps, feeling like a cornered animal for some strange reason.
'So what now? I just forget it all? We ignore it and go back to being awkward?' she questions.
'What other choice is there?' He hates himself more in that moment than he ever has before. There's been plenty of occasions where he's hated himself - everytime he's hurt her, everytime he's been the reason for her tears - but he absolutely despises himself in that moment because she's giving him another chance and he's not going to take it.
'There are plenty of other options! You just don't want to see them. Like always, you're going to walk away.'
'Don't worry, this time I won't come back.' And with that, he gets up and walks out.
***
Four days later, Alia is discharged from hospital. She calls Varun and texts him but gets no answer. After a week of him completely ignoring her attempts to contact him, she realises that he was serious about not coming back.
If it hadn't been for the accident, they would be going for promotions for Badrinath ki Dulhunia by now which would mean they'd have to talk to each other and at least act like friends. But the accident happened and the movies been pushed back by three months to make up for lost time so she can't rely on the promotions for their movie to help fix things.
Still, she keeps thinking that Varun will have to stop ignoring her at some point so she keeps calling him and keeps getting no answer.
Eventually, after two weeks, she gets tired of it. She gets fed up of the way her family awkwardly cut themselves off when Varun is about to be brought up in conversation and the way everyone seems to think she can't even stand to see his face so they change the channel when he comes on screen.
She snaps when it happens while she's watching Dilwale. She doesn't know who changes the channel, doesn't see who picks up the remote, she's too engrossed in the movie. 'Oi! What was that for? I was watching that!' she exclaims. They all look at her in shock; apparently she's not allowed to want to watch something just because it has Varun in it. Nobody answers her so she gets up from the sofa and storms off upstairs.
***
When she comes back down over an hour later, fully dressed, she gets some weird looks from her family. 'I'm going out. I don't know what time I'll be back.' is all she tells them before leaving.
She drives herself to Varun's house, still not quite comfortable with someone else driving her. When she gets there, she realises he might not be in but she goes to the door and rings the bell anyway. The door opens to reveal an exhausted looking Varun. He blinks at her twice before screwing his eyes shut and shaking his head. His eyes open again to see Alia looking at him with an expression that is partly amused and partly concerned on her face. 'Okay, either I'm dreaming or I'm hallucinating.' he states.
'Nope. But you have been ignoring me.' she tells him.
'See, even if I were dreaming, you'd say I'm not so how do I know that you aren't a figment of my imagination?' he queries. In answer, she steps forward, reaches a hand out and pinches his side. 'Ow!'
'Proof enough?' she asks. He nods his head, hand rubbing his side. 'You gonna let me in now?' Again he nods and steps aside to let her in.
They are silent as he leads the way to the sitting room and as they sit down. She knows he isn't going to speak so she starts talking. 'I can't understand you. When I tell you I love you, you say it's not possible. When we stop talking, you tell me you love me. You ask for another chance and then don't take it when I gave you one and now you're ignoring me. Can you please explain because I am beyond confused.'
'I don't want another chance anymore.' he says, not looking at her because he doesn't want her to see that he's lying nor does he want to see the hurt she's feeling.
'Okay. But I do.' It's not the reply he was expecting and it surprises him so much that he actually turns to look at her. 'I'm fed up of this, Varun. I am sick and tired of not being able to talk to you, I'm done with the way my family think you're a taboo subject and I'm pretty sure I'll hurt someone if they change the channel just because you're face comes on the screen one more time.' He can't help the chuckle that escapes him at that. 'Honestly, Varun, I miss you. I know that we've both done our fair share of walking away, we've both made a whole bunch of mistakes and we both were reluctant to admit that we aren't just friends but could we just try maybe?'
'Alu, I dunno. This might not be a great idea. I, well you know I have a habit of walking away.' he sighs.
'Except two out of the last three times, I've been the one to walk away. If you don't want to, it's fine, just don't give me an excuse. Say you don't want to, I'll be fine with it.' she says, accepting that it's not going to happen.
'That's not what it is. I'm not giving you an excuse, I honestly just don't want to hurt you.'
'I still know you well enough to know what that really means.' she tells him.
'Alia-'
'No. Don't tell me that I'm wrong. You just don't want to say it outright. It's okay yaar, just maybe can we try to still be friends at least?' she questions, suddenly feeling childlike.
'We both know you don't want that.'
'No, I don't! But you don't want to give us a shot. What else do I do?' she demands, genuinely hoping he has some kind of other answer.
'It's not that I don't want to, Alia! I said I love you and I mean it but what happens when one of us walks away again? Do you think we'll be able to even be around each other after that?'
'Because that's so different from how we are now! It's been months since we've spoken to each other properly so stop giving me this damn excuse! I don't want it.' she snaps, feeling tears forming behind her eyes but refusing to let them fall.
'Fine, I won't give you any excuse. What exactly do you want me to say?'
'I want you to tell me do you want to try? Yes or no?' The question is simple, she wants a simple answer. Why does he need to make things so much more complicated?
'Yes. Of course I do.'
'Then what's the problem? We can try, na? There's no harm in trying.' He can't tell her no, not when she's looking at him with hope written all over her face.
'Yeah, we can try.' The words are barely out of his mouth before she's hugging him, arms wrapping around him so tightly it's like she's not planning on letting go. He returns the hug, pulling her as close as he possibly can. 'I mean it you know, I love you.' he murmurs. She moves, pulling out of the hug and looking up at him.
'I know and I really do love you.' A grin spreads across his face and an identical one forms on hers. She leans up at the same time he leans down. This time, instead of walking away from each other, they meet in the middle and neither is at all tempted to run.
A/N: because exams are finally over so what better way to celebrate?
There are now words left in my brain currently so nothing to say.
Till next time ✌