~Los Angeles,
•06/16 {Friday, 10:10 A.M}
~*~ Dorian ~*~
"So...? "
I looked at Lani and shrugged, "So what ? "
She quickly rolled her eyes, "We both fucked up completely with our partners...Do you want to talk about your situation ? " I was about to answer, but she interrupted me before I do so, "Because I know that I want to talk about mine. What should I do ? I didn't mean to mess everything up like this, it wasn't meant to happen, I shouldn't have forced it, I should've left him alone, I should've be more cautious with my words, maybe I lost the love of my life, I ruined everything and he won't forgive me, but did he really have to forgive me ? It's true, I did nothing wrong except asking questions, but it was a ton of questions. Why did I not shut up ? I s--"
"Lani ! " I cut her off before to let her choke on her own saliva. She would be rambling on for hours if I didn't stop her right here.
"Sorry, I'm just stressed right now. He didn't answer any of my calls since then."
I sighed not knowing what to tell her because I sucked at relationship myself. And I honestly didn't know what she could do now, except giving some space and time to RJ, who was still pissed off with her. They'd been my goals for awhile now, but with this new situation, I was re-considering it. Maybe. Of course, I knew that they weren't perfect, but damn they crushed my dreams last week.
Exactly four days after my big argument with Docia and while I was trying to get my shit together, RJ and Laylani got into a huge argument about their future. Lani was saying that she couldn't wait on him forever to decide what he wanted to do with their relationship from now on. Yes, she was tired to wait on her wedding ring and she wanted some kids.
What with those women and kids ?
Anyways, she kept annoying RJ to the point where she started to threaten him to leave and find another man --a real man as she said-- that will give her what she wants. My little cousin wasn't liking it at all and began to ask her questions and more he was asking, more he was getting suspicious about her cheating on him. Of course, she never cheated on him, she just loved him way too much for that, but RJ was hearing none of that. They continued to argue and suddenly RJ exploded, ran to his room, came back to the living room and placed the ring on the coffee table before to leave the crib, mad as hell. Lani felt so bad and tried to make amends with her love, but the Willkingstons are known for their stubbornness and so he's been avoiding her since then. It'd been a week already and it was slowly killing her as you could see.
See ! Don't rush people and don't push them to their limits because most of the time it won't end too well. Now, we were all in this predicament, completely lost with love.
"He'll come around, don't worry." I reassured, not sure if what I was saying was actually going to come true. But I knew that he was crazy and drug in love with this girl, so she just had to wait for him to calm down and he'll come around.
Hopefully...
It's true, sometimes love isn't enough.
"I shouldn't have pressured him like that. He was preparing everything, he had a plan already, but I--"
"Lani, stop doing that, ma. What's done is done and now you just have to be patient and wait to see what's coming next. You tried to call him and apologize, but he doesn't want to talk to you for now, so let him have some alone time and when he'll be ready, he'll back come to you."
"Dorian, why do you think the argument you witnessed was so huge ? I've been pressuring him for awhile now. I think that uh...maybe he got the ring because...I made him feel like he had to do it."
"It didn't look like it when we went ring shopping. He seemed so happy to finally do it and he wanted to organize a big thing to make the proposal very special for the both of y'all, but mainly for you, because that's how much your happiness counts for him. Like, I think that you're not aware of it, but this guy would do anything for you. He loves you."
But like I said previously, love is sometimes not enough. RJ looked so pissed off, I'd never seen him like this before. He even left and went only God knows where to relax by himself. He called me once to let me know that he was okay. but except that I didn't speak much to him. This fool posted a picture on Instagram though. It seemed like he was somewhere like Hawaii. I wasn't sure, but the beach from his photo looked so nice.
"I don't want to lose him, Dorian." She started crying, while we were in Target. We were supposed to be looking for furniture for my new home, but it seemed like we weren't going to do this anymore.
I took her in my arms and patted her back, "C'mon ! Stop crying. Everything's gonna be alright. He won't just end things like that."
"Why not ? I'm the worst girlfriend in the world."
"No ! No, no, no, don't say that."
"Everyday I was asking him about kids, marriage and moving in together and I could tell that it was getting on his nerves, but still I kept asking about all those things."
I was at a lost of words.
All she was saying was making me think about Docia and how she surprised me with her adoption thing. I felt pressured and rushed, and also trapped. We're simply talking one day --we're not even official just yet-- and then boom she wants to talk about kids the next day. That's how it felt and I didn't like it. It was just one time and RJ was living this kind of feeling for awhile now, so I understood a bit his reaction.
No, I got it a lot.
Totally.
Nobody likes to be pressured.
"Are you coming to the twins' graduation today ? " I asked after a moment of silence. I didn't know if RJ was going to be there too, but if he was, it was going to be a very awkward day.
"Yes, it's their big day. Plus, I already told Tinashe that I'll help at the party."
"What are you gonna do if..." I trailed off as she looked up at me, pouted and then cried again. I sighed and hugged her tightly, trying to comfort as much as I could.
We'll need your help today, Lord.
~*~ Docia ~*~
"Well, Mrs. Khimona, it seems like you'll be able to get pregnant naturally without complications and to carry the baby throughout the whole pregnancy perfectly. You're healthy and your body is still young. It's up to the task. If you planned to have a baby now and you follow the rules, you won't have a problem to be a mother." My doctor told me smiling.
It was good to know that, but the main reason why I was more opted for the adoption was because I couldn't really see myself carrying another child. I thought about an insemination for a second, but I was glad that I didn't go through with it. I preferred to adopt a kid.
"Thank you. But that's only for right now. What is happening if I decide to get pregnant in a few years ? "
She nodded her head, "I understand your worry. Well, before everything, do a checkup to see your body's condition and if it'll be able to carry a baby without risks. By then and if you can't get pregnant naturally, there are different methods to still have your baby. But before everything you have to talk to a fertility specialist, to balance your options. Or you can take precautions and freeze your eggs, early 30's is the right time to do it; but it doesn't necessary guarantee a baby at the end of the process, plus it's expensive. The cost for medication and treatment for one cycle is between $10,000 and 12,000. But instead of your eggs, you can also freeze your embryons. You can mix your partner's sperm with your eggs, and then freeze the embryons. Then we already talked about it a little, but there is donor insemination too. Or you can find a surrogate mother, it's accepted in California. We have multiple of prospectus in the waiting room and I can find more for you."
"Uh..." I scratched the back of my head, "I'm going to think about this first."
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•06/20 {Tuesday, 12:36 P.M}
~*~ Dorian ~*~
Two weeks !
She hadn't called me since the argument. Why ? When she was tripping about Herica and I, I made the first step and did my best to make things work between everybody; because I cared. But now it seemed like I was the only one to care and that since the beginning. Or maybe I was in the wrong ?
No !
She was the one who was pressuring people, not me. She was the one who was rushing things when we said that we're taking it slow, not me. She was the one who acted like she was reading an adoption book, but actually was trying to send me a message and it was very clear.
Well, not really.
What was she thinking though ?
You can't just adopt a kid like that, mainly when you're going to be serious with someone. And what if I wanted to have children with her ? What if I wanted to have my own kids ? I won't be able to do this because Madame wants to adopt ?
"What is this shit ? " I puffed, then drank more of my Vodka. I laughed and finished my glass of beer, "What are you doing, buddy ? " Wouldn't be able to explain how I ended in this state, but now I was drunk and sad. I was missing her and I didn't know what to do with this whole situation. I was going crazy. On one hand, I wanted to apologize, but on the other one, I wanted her to prove me that she really cared and I wanted her to run after me.
I wanted to be wanted.
"You're an idiot, buddy." I rolled my eyes and brought the blunt to my mouth. Honestly, it felt great to finally be allowed to get a little fucked up from time to time. Really great.
I sighed heavily and licked my last piece of lemon. Suddenly, my doorbell rang, letting me know that someone was here to see me. I smiled and struggled to stand on my feet. I laughed as I fell on my butt, "Oh shit ! "
I sat there for a few seconds and the doorbell went off again, "I'm coming ! " I paused and chuckled, "Home ! " After about three minutes, I finally got to open the front door. I grinned at Herica, who looked at me with a funny face. I tried to hold myself from laughing, but it didn't last for too long before I burst out laughing.
"What's going on, Dorian ? "
"Welcome to my casa, amigaso ! It's empty, but I'll get it together very very very very soon. Very, very ! " I hugged her and then led her inside.
"Why did you do to yourself ? " She asked as she closed the door behind us, "You called, telling me that you were about to make a mistake and I got scared. I thought that you were about to..."
"Attempt suicide ? Hell no ! "
"Well, with the tone of your voice, it sounded like it. But actually, you're drinking and smoking." She folded her arms, "Are you proud of yourself ? "
"Oh shut up ! It's been eight years, let me have some fun ! " I raised my hands, "Fun, fun, FUN ! We love to have FUN ! Fun, fun, FUN ! I have pandas in Atlanta ! You heard that song before ? I love that song. Panda, panda, panda, panda ! PANDAAAAAAAA ! "
~*~ Docia ~*~
I caught my breath as I stopped at his door and knocked, hoping that it wasn't too late already. I was chilling at my home, watching a movie when I suddenly received a call from Dorian. At first, I didn't want to answer, but I did it anyways. Something was telling me that it was important.
Next thing I know, he's telling me that he's about to make one of the biggest mistakes of his life and of course I immediately thought of the worst, being the suicide. He'd already been there and I didn't need him to go through this again. Even if we weren't talking those pas two weeks, I still cared about him. Even if I didn't really like how he reacted to my desire of adoption, I still cared about him.
He could be more understanding and be more opened to the idea. We could've sat down and talked like matured adults, but no, he had to get angry and to leave during the conversation, like a little child. We could've compromised about our future already, but it didn't happen this way.
"Oh, thanks God ! Thank you so much to be here ! He's out of control and I'm very pregnant, I can't take care of him in this state."
"Don't worry, I got this from there. Be careful on the road, send a message when you're home."
"Okay, good luck." We smiled to each other before she left. I entered in Dorian's new condo and closed the front door behind me. It was empty, except for the mess on the floor and the table in the dinning room that was directly connected with the living room.
"Oh, Docia ! You came ! Hello, how are you ? "
"Dorian, I though that you were going--"
"To commit suicide. I know, I know. Sorry." He pouted and sat on the floor, then laid on his back; "I didn't want to lose you, that's the mistake."
Why did his words warm up my heart so fast ?
I looked at him for a minute before to join him on the floor. I sat next to him, "Why are you saying that ? " I asked, even if maybe I knew the answer. Not really.
"Because you hate me." He responded with a little child's voice.
"I don't."
"Why you didn't try to contact me then ? "
"I could ask you the same question."
He chuckled, "We're both stupid then ? " I beamed and shook my head, "I didn't mean for things to get like that between us. It's just that...I wasn't expecting all of this." A little silence settled in the room before he started to talk again, "So...you want to adopt a kid ? "
I finger combed my hair, "We don't have to talk about this now. Plus, you're drunk."
"A-a dr-drunk p-per-person is a ho-honest pe-per-person or something like that." He slurred and took my hand, "We can a-adopt together."
"Stop."
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A couple of hours later, I was cooking breakfast for Dorian and myself as he was still sleeping on the floor, in his room. He didn't even have a bed yet, but he was already spending a night here. I made sure that he was okay and went to my house to get some rest. No way that I was going to sleep on the floor too. No, no. Dorian was too heavy for me to carry him, so I kind of had to let him there.
"Hopefully, his back won't hurt too much." I said to myself as I was finishing the pancakes. I checked on the eggs and bacon and then heard some noise.
"Damn..."
I turned around, "Good morning or should I say good afternoon. Did you sleep good ? "
He frowned, "What...What are you doing here ? How did you get here ? " He questioned whispering and holding his head, "Ow..." He groaned.
"Here an aspirin and glass of water." I handed it to him and got back to the food.
"Thanks." He took it, "I still don't know why you're here though...cooking for me...Were we not mad at each other ? "
"So, you don't remember ? "
"Remember what ? "
"Last night. You got drunk, smoked a blunt or two and you called Herica and I, we were here at almost one in the morning. You really called a pregnant woman, in this state, this late at night." I shook my head, "You better apologize to her and Iman."
He stayed silent and just stood there, staring at me.
"I wonder if you told her the same thing than me." I talked again as I turned everything off. I pulled out the plates that I brought from my house and served us.
"What I said ? "
"That you were about to make one of the biggest mistakes of your life. I thought that you were talking about suicide, so I came as fast as possible. Then you said that the mistake was to lose me. It was cute if you ask me. Very cute."
Once again, he didn't add much to the discussion. It almost felt like I was having a conversation with myself, but I understood that he was a little off with the rough night he had, so it was normal.
I gave him his plate, "And you said that we can adopt a kid together."
He chuckled, "I said that ? Really ? "
"To me, it didn't seem like you have something against kids."
"I don't. I love them. And I would like to have one or two one day, but now..." He sighed, "I'm not ready yet."
"Me either."
"So, why were you reading this book ? You...You knew that it was going to get my attention and that it was going to bring the subject up, you knew."
I nodded, "True. But I didn't know that you were going to react like that. Trapped, Dorian ? I'd never planned to do that to you. Rushed ? It wasn't my attention and if you chilled out and heard what I had to say, you would know that. You would know that I'm not totally ready and can wait a couple more years actually. If you knew how many times I had this sudden and strong desire to have a child right now, but I never started the processus because..." I shrugged, "I don't know. I think that I'm scared. I'm afraid to do this all by myself." We got another moment of silence before he broke it this time.
"It's because you're missing your son, huh ? "
"Yeah...but I also really do want another child. I have a lot of love to give." I could feel my eyes watering just thinking about it. All I wanted was to have a second chance at being a mom and I was going to be the best at it. I'd always wanted more than one child anyways and Elijah was so little, but was already asking for siblings.
And another moment of silence.
He scratched the back of his neck, "We have time to plan this all out, right ? I mean, everything is or was --I don't know-- going well." We chuckled, "We can't let this come between us. We just have to talk and comprehend each other more. Let's communicate more."
"Yes, we can also compromise."
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Feel free to comment and/or to vote =)
A/N: Like I said, it was a baby drama --who just got into the world-- so it wasn't going to last more than one chapter 😂🙂 Anyways ! What are your thoughts ?
Oh ! And there are three chapters left + the epilogue.
THANKS FOR READING ! 💗
CissyItsMe 💋✌🏾❤️