~Los Angeles,
•07/06 {Sunday, 04:57 P.M}
~*~ Docia ~*~
* ''I refuse to lose this battle
Let whatever come my way
I am stronger than my rival
No I will no fail today
I refuse to lose this battle
Let whatever come my way
I am stronger than my rival
No I will no fail today'' *
I nodded my head to the song as I was mumbling the lyrics, trying to relax my myself, while sipping some Ciroc from the bottle. I let the tears fall as I felt my heart getting heavier every minute. My view was blurry and I was a bit dizzy, but I didn't care that much about the state I was in right now. My only worry was to get the pain away, far far away, so I could stop feeling like a piece of shit. I had remorses and regrets that were playing with my consciousness and it was starting to get on my last nerves. I kept telling myself again and over again that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't have prevent the accident to happen even if I wanted to. It was beyond me.
I groaned and threw the bottle on the carpet angrily.
"I'm tired of this." I said to myself as I finger combed my hair and sniffed. I closed my eyes and attempted to think about positive things, but nothing came. Instead, the worst day of my life replayed once again in my mind. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged myself as tight as I was able to. I took a deep breath to regulate it or else I was about to have a heart attack or something. I rocked back and forth on the floor as I began to cry my eyes out for the hundredth time this night.
I couldn't go to sleep, because every time I was thrown right into a terrible nightmare. I thought that listening to some music was going to help me to relax, but oh boy how mistaken was I ! No, it actually did all the contrary. Instead of easing my nerves, it only woke some more unwanted strong and melancholic emotions.
I opened my eyes and decided to do something productive before to go completely crazy. So I stood up and went in the kitchen to do some pastry. But when I arrived there, I changed my mind and instead I went upstairs and then in the room.
I looked at the white walls at first and then my eyes landed on the furniture, one in particular. I walked towards it and looked in. I caressed the pillow thinking about the past and the future. I wiped my tears with my other hand and grabbed the pillow. After that, I sat on the rocking chair sighing.
I wanted to move on from the past, but I didn't want to forget it. Not all of this. But the memories I wanted to keep were beautiful on one hand, but also linked to an horrible event also on the other hand. And this, I wanted to forget totally.
It was so complicated and giving me a headache.
I wanted to focus on the future, but I was beyond scared. And mainly, I didn't want to advance by myself. Maybe it was sad, but I did need someone in my life. Someone strong who could be there for me and be by my side as much in the hardest and saddest as the best and happiest moment of my life. Going to bed and waking up next to someone. I wanted tenderness, someone to whisper sweet talk in my ears, someone I could be myself with. I wanted to share my next experiences with somebody.
Somebody, who loves me.
∫
∫
∫
"I didn't want to bother you, but..." She paused looking at me with narrowed eyes like she was trying to read me, "Are you alright ? " Yemi asked as she placed a cup of tea in front of me and then sat across from me. It was almost ten in the morning and we were eating the breakfast she made, what consisted of eggs with bacon, sausages and french toasts decorated by whipped cream and strawberries.
I still hadn't find a way to fall back asleep and I must look like a zombie.
I shrugged, "It's almost if..." I trailed off getting into another trance. I could still hear her voice though. After a minute, I was back in real life with her again.
She sighed looking at me with sympathy, "I don't like to see you going through this phase every year. Ryver and I are going to stay here to keep you company, okay ? "
I dryly chuckled, "More like to keep close eyes on me. I'll be fine, Ye."
"No, you won't. And we both know it. Please..." She placed her hand on mine, "I just want to be there for you. You're my best friend. No ! Screw that ! You're my sister and means so much to me, and I don't want to...see you and I mostly won't let you hurt yourself. We're going to do like last year. You'll see, everything is going to be alright." She squeezed my hand reassuringly.
I stared at her for a few seconds and broke down again, "Why ? Why, Yemi ? " She stood up and came towards me, then took me in a tight hug.
I heard her sniff, "Everything is going to be alright, D."
•07/07 {Monday, 8: 39 P.M}
~*~ Dorian ~*~
Today was the day.
I was nervous and hoping that nothing bad was about to happen. This day had to be all about positivity. Everything had to be perfect for Aria. It couldn't go any other way. She was going to get that transplant and she'll feel better. And soon, she'll finally be able to get out of the hospital. She didn't want to stay in there forever and this wish was about to get real.
That's what I told myself when I was on my way to the hospital this morning.
I went in there, I saw Aria before the transplant and encouraged her along with her parents. Her father was shooting me dead glares all the time, but he stared nothing with me. Anyways, it's not like we had time to go back and forth with the pettiness. We were all there to support my little hero.
We talked and entertained her until it was time. Then, the doctor came in and soon they took her with them so she could get the transplant. Herica and her husband went with them, they couldn't see themselves leaving their daughter going through this by herself, they had to be there. Of course, I understood it. After all, it was their daughter.
I stayed in the room for hours, I stopped counting after one. I was so nervous, I couldn't even stay on a chair. I waited, waited and waited making sure to have positive thoughts stuck in my head. There was no place for negativity.
I even prayed.
Yes.
Me.
It'd been awhile since I last prayed and had a real talk with the Man above. At first though, I was scared to actually do it because I wasn't sure how He was going to react to me praying again. For a hot minute I thought that He was about to throw a thunderbolt on my black ass for turning my back to him.
But it didn't happen.
And I didn't really turn my back to him, to be honest. To me, God was that close friend you weren't hanging with or talking to every day, but seeing each other once in awhile. But no matter what, you were always here for each other. You could go years without getting in contact, but it wouldn't change anything to your relationship, because...you know what it it.
Yes, He was that kind of friend to me.
I wasn't going to Church every Sunday, I wasn't praying all the time, I couldn't really recite verses from the Bible; but it didn't change the fact that I was still believing in God.
Even after what happened with my family.
I wanted to be mad firstly, but I hadn't that energy inside me. I couldn't be mad at him. But I wasn't his biggest fan back then either. I didn't know how to really feel about Him after what occurred at home, so I stopped talking to Him. I didn't want to risk to say something that I'll regret.
Seven years ago, I was very confused.
And it seemed like it wasn't better now.
Because today, on July 7th turned to be one of the most painful days of my life. I felt like everything was happening all over again. Nǎinai left, Mama Peach too, then Yani and now my little hero. And I killed my own father.
Were everybody I knew supposed to leave so dramatically ?
I couldn't understand. I wasn't getting it. I felt frustrated, lost, dreary and a lot more emotions at the same time. It wasn't normal. How ? It was like Life loved to slap me right in the face. It was like Life wanted to knock me down. It was like Life didn't want me to be happy and enjoy some times of happiness. The universe was against me and I felt like I could do absolutely nothing to change it and it was pissing me off. Really pissing me off. I was feeling rage about this. No matter what, I was going to lost.
"Fuck ! " I screamed and punched the mirror I was looking myself into for thirty minutes. The glass broke and the pieces fell in the sink, making the noise my heart was doing since Herica came back in the room with tears running on both of her cheeks and told me what happened.
I took a piece of glass in my left hand, glanced at my right one and without hesitation I shoved it in my right palm.
I loved the sensation immediately, but then it reminded me of the pain of my heart, so I took it out. Blood instantly began to run out and I just observed it contemplating if I should actually do it again or even if I should shove it elsewhere, like in my chest.
I frowned as the idea was settling in my head.
Maybe I should do it...
"Oh my God, what are you doing ?! "
I startled and dropped the piece of glass. I hadn't time to turn around to see who it was or stopped the person as Lani rushed towards me and grabbed my wrist, she then made cold water flow from the tap and placed my injured hand under it.
I wasn't glad she came in and interrupted me.
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A/N: Hello guys ! Did you miss me ? Lol ! But seriously guys, I had to go through hell with this chapter. Not really though haha ! I was supposed to update it this weekend, but something happened and everything got deleted. I'm still upset about it 😒😞😠😖😭😭 But here I am now ! If you think it's short (compared to the two last chapters) don't worry, longer chapters are coming next. Just know that I have a plan for this story and hopefully nobody will be disappointed 😉😊
So, what are your thoughts about the characters ? Are you excited for the upcoming chapters ? Are you enjoying the book so far ? Don't be scared to share your opinion, that by the way can actually help me with the plot. I won't bite you, promise 🙃
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CissyItsMe 💋✌🏾❤️