Coralie,
I've written you ninety three times. Every time is harder. I feel old. I feel sad. I feel like you'll never love me again. And it hurts so bad sometimes. I wish I would have died with my mom. I could never wish I never met you. But sometimes I think about wishing I never met you. I don't know how you pushed me away so easy when I can't forget about you if I tried. I miss you every day more than the last. My dreams never change. I'm doing bad in school, and my dad is threatening to take karate away from me, and if I lose that I have nothing. All I really want is to be with you. It hurts knowing you won't even write me. But I know you will someday. I'll see you some day. And so I'll keep writing. I love you. As always.
-Danny
I cried for the first time in weeks reading his letter. It took me nearly an hour to leave my room after that. I was already 'ready', but it took me a long while to feel ready. I put Danny's letter in the box with the near hundred he'd already sent. I grabbed my car keys, my phone, and my purse.
"Hey Coralie, Frea's coming to watch a new movie I bought... If you want to stay..." Owen said as I picked through the fridge for a soda I liked. I found one and shrugged as I closed the fridge.
"No thanks, I'm gonna meet some friends..." I said as I watched him pour himself a bowl of cereal, a mixing bowl of cereal, damn wolf metabolisms, I do miss being able to eat like crazy.
"Later." I said as I left through the kitchen door.
"Later!" He called after me. He was being nicer, ever since my dad told him the news, he seemed to feel guilty in some ways. At least for me not wanting to turn anymore, but he had also mentioned he was glad I was making the right decision. My old friends still didn't really talk to me, but none of them ignored me when I waved quietly anymore.
I was invited to attend gatherings, bonfires, birthdays- by the council themselves- but I didn't want to go. I never went to them, not since my birthday, not since I knew Danny would be there too. They say I'll completely stop missing him some day, that the spark of being mates will disappear, but it hasn't. I tried to lie that it did... But I still hurt knowing he's right there. It hurts knowing I couldn't go to family gatherings. But it would hurt more if I took back my promise of giving Danny a normal life.
I needed to escape.
I needed my friends.
I drove quickly to Winny and Freddy's house. Wyatt and Greg were meeting us there, or I would meet them, depending on who got there first. And apparently, as I pulled up, I realized I was last to show up. Amidst the wrecked and abandoned cars in their yard, Wyatt's car and Greg's dirt bike were parked. The music coming from Winny and Fred's was loud when I opened my car door, loud enough to hear from the outside. I heard a loud "OH!" from the kitchen window as everyone inside cheered. I walked into the house, it was a small house, that they only shared with their mom. She worked double and graveyards at the hospital, nursing, so was never there anyway. The houses door was always left unlocked, because in the words of Freddy: there's nothing but junk and liquor to steal anyway. Their house was messy, but inviting and warm. And every time I came over their cat Odie always came up to greet me.
I pet Odie, picked him up, and walked to the kitchen as I snuggled and kissed the cat.
"Hey!" They all cheered as I entered.
"Babe!" Wyatt came up and kissed me. "We were just taking shots, you want one?" He asked in my ear, over the music. I shook my head as I snuggled the cat again. "You sure?!"
I shook my head with a smile.
"Come on!!" Winny offered as she poured more drinks.
"I'm okay, really!" I said. They all shrugged and the four of them took another shot.
"Wyatt you got to get her to have a little fun!" Freddie teased. "You always drink the least!" He said to me. I blushed, I wasn't much of a drinker. It always got me buzzed a lot quicker than my new friends, who seemed to always be partying. I loved them for it though, they were fun loving and playful, free.
Wyatt took his shot, and then went back to me, lifted me up onto the counter to sit. "Awa lay off it Freddy, she's just too sweet that's all." Wyatt laughed as I leaned my head on his shoulder, snuggling me and the kitten against his back as he stood between my legs and against the counter, his arms crossed.
"I guess I won't even bother..." Greg said as he pulled a jar from his pocket. I looked nervously at the green flowers inside.
Greg was probably stoned at least eighty percent of the time I've known him, but he never once had offered me any in the last three months. Wyatt had yet to smoke in front of me, but I did notice he was stoned a few times.
I hid behind Wyatt more as Greg looked expectantly at me.
"Would it hurt?" I asked. Everyone laughed.
"No babe, of course not." Wyatt chuckled as he leaned his head back so I could kiss his cheek. I did, my eyes still on the jar.
"Will I feel... I don't know... Scared?"
"Are you saying you'll try!" Winny cheered as she clapped. I swallowed hard.
What am I doing?
What am I thinking?
Why not?
That's what I'm thinking.
"Yeah, I'll try." I nodded. Everyone cheered loudly.