"the day you left me was the day that I died..."
- Excerpt from Elaine Parks from The Love Witch
It's Christmas.
I find it ironic that everyone is downstairs having the time of their lives except me.
I just don't feel like it... I feel like nothing.
I don't want anything anymore except Brielle back. I want my love back. My angel.
I'm just covered in darkness without her.
I open my drawer and take out the box. I open it, like I have been doing on a daily basis, and everything is still the same. I don't know if I was expecting her to pop out of it or something... maybe notice a clue about her location... I have no idea.
The picture is still inside, untouched. I feel a tear slip down my cheek.
I lost everything over absolutely nothing.
I lost my whole world over something that wasn't needed.
I sniffle, trying to compose myself and I pick up the broken necklace I had given her last Christmas. Obviously it's broken because she ripped it up. I thought of fixing it but what's the point?
I look at the letter, stained so horribly with tears. Today isn't going to be any different. I remember the letter and what it contains... Brielle telling me to never find her and assuming I'll be happy with Natalie.
I put my arms down on my desk, resting my head on them and continuing crying until my head hurts. Everything fucking hurts at this point and nothing will change.
Natalie did in fact tell Mama about what I did to her and I received a slap across my face but I'm still persistent about me divorcing her and so she hasn't intervened... yet.
Except calling me a disappointment.
I finally stop crying, no more tears coming out for today and lay my head back, letting out a long sigh.
Nothing is worth it anymore. What's the point of living without something to live for... without someone to live for... without her to live for.
I glance at the sleeping pills I should be taking and what I have been taking for years now to help with some sleep.
Permanent sleep sounds really nice right now.
I open the cap and pour about 9+ pills. I personally don't like taking so many pills but it's eventually going to be worth it because it won't hurt anymore.
I won't be in unnecessary pain anymore and everyone can be happy without me.
"Let's die, Lorenzo," I mumble to myself as I throw the pills into my mouth.
- транс -
BRIELLE WILLIAMS
"Fuck!" I scream out, not controlling my mouth in any way shape or form.
Everything fucking hurts.
"You'll be fine, Brielle, it'll be over soon," Chloe says, trying to reassure me but it doesn't help. In response, I only grunt and squeeze her hand tighter. I might actually hurt her.
I give another push just like the nurse recommends me to do.
I fucking need this baby to come out right now. I hate being pregnant, it sucks, and I have been in labor for nearly 10 hours. It's around 3 am in the morning.
Labor is 10x worse.
I just want to relax and go to sleep and hopefully cuddle with my new baby boy.
"I want this little shit out of me!" I shout out again and I hear Chloe next to me stifle a giggle.
"I see his head, just continue what you're doing, you got this," the doctor reassures and I continue doing what I'm doing, tears falling down my face as I'm in terrible fucking pain.
Cramps are better than this.
Not like I expected anything better. I'm in goddamn labor.
Finally, everything is done. You don't understand how pissed I was after delivering my son, I realized I had to push out the damn placenta. Now, it's all done and Chloe cut the umbilical cord for me since, obviously, no one else could.
I want to go to sleep so bad because this all happened in the night and I haven't even had a chance to go and at least sleep... Last night was my last night of a "good night's rest".
In around 15 minutes, my baby comes back and I'm finally able to have some skin-to-skin contact with my son.
My son.
They tell me that he is around six pounds and five ounces... average weight for a newborn baby. Once the nurse lays him on my chest, I begin crying again.
I finally gave birth to him.
I rub his back gently and begin breast feeding him, which is the method of feeding I decided to do. I'm glad I'm able to do that, plus it's cheaper for me instead of buying baby formula.
He has straight black hair, obviously from me, and he's just so small and adorable that both Chloe and I coo over him.
"So what are you fully naming him?" Chloe asks, holding his birth certificate.
"Ashton Enzo Williams," I reply, not even giving her a second glance and just looking at my sleeping baby boy.
"Enzo... hm..." she mumbles but I don't care about her judgment at this point.
I suffered in Los Angeles... I suffered in America entirely. I needed a new life and he couldn't grant me that no matter how hard he tried.
So I decided to leave him and end up having a son and staying with my sister in England.
This is giving me a new life and I'm happy... I had to leave to do that.
I know that now.
He was like a drug to me, a drug I needed to have to feel happy and on cloud nine.
Drugs, as everyone knows, are never healthy for a person's well-being.
He made me feel like I was on... Ecstasy... you know?
- ECSTASY EPILOGUE FINALE -
Thank you again for being with me in my journey with my first book and following the lives of Brielle & Lorenzo...
Well, I don't know about Enzo...