Y/N woke up feeling a soft touch on her back. She lay hugging Armin. Her head was on his chest, he put his arms around her, stroking her back. He was already awake and just lay there, waiting for her to wake up.
- Good morning, Armin.
- Good morning, Y/N. Did you get enough sleep?
- Yeah, you?
- Me too. I feel rested. Looks like the bath did the trick. Thank you.
- I'm always happy to help. And... I enjoyed taking baths with you, honey.
She stretched lightly, kissing him briefly on the cheek, and pulled herself out of his embrace. She looked at her watch - it was almost 8 am. Usually she came to work early, but the working day began at 9 am. They didn't have much time to get ready.
- If we still want to have time to have breakfast somewhere, then we need to get up and get ready.
- Yes, I know. I've been waiting for you to wake up.
Armin sat down next to her, hugging her and kissing her neck.
- You smell good, love.
- You too. We both smell like roses.
- I like it.
They started getting ready for work. Armin left one of his work suits in Y/Ns place in advance for such occasions.
Having gathered, they headed towards the headquarters. On their way to work, they stopped at a bakery where they had breakfast together, discussing plans for the next weekend. The coming week wasn't easy, because everything began to change. Already today, the Marleyans were supposed to leave Paradis, and their lives will begin to change. Armin added new responsibilities - it was necessary to organize a new line of activity for the Survey corps, to select people who would cope with this work, and the graduation of new cadets was approaching every day. Y/N finally had a stone fall from her shoulders - she didn't like that the Marleyans often tried to interact with her, interfering with her work. Now, she could safely do her research. The graduation of the cadets also worried her, but her main looming "problem" was the armaments review. Previously, engineers did something within their divisions, but when it was decided to separate the engineering corps into a separate division, this event was regulated. During the armaments review, the engineering corps demonstrated new inventions, improvements to other military units. As part of this review, the commanders of other units could make orders for one or another weapon, which, in their opinion, their unit needed, as well as form certain requests for solving certain problems that required the participation of engineers. Y/N was periodically stressed out by this event, as she didn't like the prospect of performing and telling something to a large number of people.
All this complicated their relationship a little. Previously, they used to see each other on Saturdays, but now they increasingly spent the night together, trying to spend every free minute together. Only they two. When they were together, it helped them get distracted from work worries and reboot. They often just sat by the fireplace, reading books to each other or playing chess, or just talking to each other. Even if they talked about work, they were calm - they discussed work, asking each other for advice, but at the same time, both remained professional, without mixing personal life and work. Their work was important to both of them and significant to the whole island, and they couldn't just follow their inner impulses.
They walked down the street drinking coffee.
- Armin, I should probably have said earlier...
- What exactly, Y/N?
- Annie... she wanted to try therapy. We have a meeting on Wednesday. I don't know what specifically pushed her to this, but... I cant refuse her if she needs it. I want you to know.
- Well... Maybe she really needs it. She... had a difficult childhood, and... you yourself understand what they all had to go through at a fairly young age, but you talked with Reiner.
- Yes, and you know, I always thought that Annie didn't care, that even the influence of the powers of the titans was something trifling for her, because she hadn't changed when it was all over. At least that's how it always seemed to me.
- I can't answer that for you, Y/N. Annie said that she had a difficult childhood, but didn't like to dive into the details, and I never insisted, because I understood that perhaps these were really painful memories. But I always thought that she coped with them... apparently, it wasn't quite like that.
- I hope this meeting will not be in vain for her.
- Will you talk to her about me?
- If she wants, yes, but... I don't want to focus on you, I don't think my opinion in this case will be... correct in this situation. You and I have our own difficult past, which few people know about. And I certainly don't consider Annie my close friend to... let her know anything.
- She's actually very kind and caring. She... keeps a lot in herself, not allowing anyone to invade her soul.
- I'm not saying she's bad or good... I just don't know her at all. Perhaps these meetings will help us get to know each other. If she, of course, decides to continue our meetings. She must be having a hard time here. Reiner and Pieck will leave, and... shell have only us. You know, it was our meetings with Reiner that made us friends, I began to really understand him, because it's our past that shapes us as individuals. Maybe I recognize Annie too.
Together they went to the headquarters and, smiling at each other for forgiveness, each dispersed in different directions.
***
- HITCH, COME TO ME!
Y/N sat and sorted through the mail and new documents, as she did every Monday. Hitch went into her office.
- Are you done with the mail? Do you want me to take something?
- Not quite yet. Are you aware of this?
Y/N waved the paper, inviting Hitch to come over to her. Hitch glanced at the paper.
- Yes, there really was something like that...
- Why don't I know?
- Because you don't go to cadet graduation meetings. It's probably what they suggested. When was it decided?
Y/N took another piece of paper, which was in the same envelope.
- Last week... Well, of course, I had no time. Why didn't you know?
- Yeah, I don't go there.
- But you're my assistant.
- And what? Stubbs always there, he won't let me sit in these meetings.
- Okay, fine, today Ill solve this issue. And about this...
- I don't like this idea either. I wonder who came up with this?
- Agree. Demonstration competitions between units to raise morale and strengthen friendly ties. And where are we at all? The engineering unit doesn't fight with anyone.
- Probably, they thought, since people from the Survey corps will get to us one way or another, then...
- But they won't be doing any of that. Now, we have more civilian scientists on our staff than people who have passed through the cadet corps. I don't understand anything... As if I had few worries...
- Y/N, how can I help now?
- Just wait. Wait a couple more minutes, I'll finish quickly.
- Fine. By the way, Y/N... what kind of perfume do you wear?
Y/N just looked at her nervously, thinking she was mocking her. Realizing that she wouldn't get an answer, Hitch left, and Y/N, in annoyance, began to write answers. A couple of minutes later, as promised, Hitch returned.
- Finished?
- Yes, here you need to send a couple of letters to the construction sites and the northern mines, two letters to the palace, and take another one to Armin. He definitely goes to all these meetings, unlike me, he probably knows the details.
- Oh, okay, I get it. Priority?
- First, to the post office, so that they can send it today, then the rest.
- Understood. Shall we go to lunch together?
- Yes, just please, let's not go to our mess hall.
***
Monday for Hitch passed quite calmly and smoothly. After receiving a task from Y/N, she went to the post office, as she did every Monday. She was on duty that evening, but she hoped that Y/N could finally get her out of Stubbs and the military police. She enjoyed working with Y/N - it was a calm and interesting job, and the investigations and duties in the military police made her bored. And in the military police she was a simple officer, and in the engineering corps she was an assistant to the commander. She liked it.
The trip to the post office and the palace took her all the time before lunch. Returning to headquarters, she and Y/N almost immediately went to lunch at a cafe, where they periodically went instead of a mess hall.
After lunch, Hitch walked with Y/N to the Military Police, where she was to have a meeting with the commander. Hitch hoped that everything would work out and she would officially become a member of the engineering unit, forgetting about the military police.
Returning to her workplace, she was devoured by curiosity and impatience. It was difficult to prepare documents. Suddenly, she remembered that she forgot to take the letter.
She went to the building of the Survey corps.
In the Survey corps, everyone was absorbed in work. The new agreement affected them more than others, and active work was already underway, judging by the tension of all Survey officers. Hitch was walking through the Survey Corps, and everyone was so busy that no one noticed her. Approaching Armin's office, she wanted to give the letter to his assistant, as she always did, but... she wasn't there, which was also quite understandable - everyone was busy. She didn't want to return to her workplace, and therefore... decided to visit Armin. She knocked on the door.
- Come in!
She cautiously entered his office, fearing that there was someone else there and she was at the wrong time. But Armin was alone.
- Oh, Hitch, what do you want?
- And hello to you... It's just that Ana isn't there, and...
- Yes, I sent her to the palace with papers and letters. So, did you want something or...?
- I brought letters.
- Oh, come here. Y/N answered my questions about the cadets, I hope.
- Yeah, we've been trying to figure this out since morning. Write down the details for her, because she doesn't go to these meetings.
- I know, Sasha and Connie always say that no one from the engineering units comes to these meetings. I understand that Y/N has no time, I myself have no time to go there.
- It's stressful for you right now...
- You know why. It's not easy for everyone right now. Hitch, come here, please. Y/N here again instructed these abbreviations on the equipment... you probably know what this means... I ask her again almost every time later, it's time to start a notebook for this...
Hitch moved closer to him, bending over the letter. She had a strange feeling of deja vu.
- She was in a hurry today when she wrote, so there are so many abbreviations. Can you give me a pencil? I will translate her doodles for you. Sometimes her handwriting is too chaotic.
- You know, when people write like that, they say that the brain thinks faster than it has time to send signals to the hands.
- Did Y/N tell you this?
- Yeah...
An awkward smile appeared on Armin's face.
- This is Y/N, damn know-it-all, but for this we all love her.
When she helped Armin decipher the letters from Y/N, Hitch said goodbye to Armin and slowly walked back. Leaving his office, she couldn't understand what exactly was familiar today in Armin, what made her feel a sense of deja vu... What exactly she cant tie in her head... what exactly she remembered in those moments...
***
- And... how does it usually start? I need... I don't even know where to start.
- Let's start with why you're here. I think this is the right start.
Wednesday. Evening. The working day was almost over, and about five o'clock Annie came to Y/N. Annie sat on the couch that was in Y/N's office, and Y/N sat across from her in a chair with a notebook in hand.
- I don't know. The moment I asked Hitch about it, I thought I needed it, and now..... and now I'm not sure.....
- Why?
- All my life I have always dealt with everything by myself. And it seems to me that... as in this case, I can handle it, one way or another. But... there are times when I feel like I can't handle it.
Annie paused, looking down at her knees. Y/N understood that they didn't know each other well and probably Annie didn't trust Y/N. With Reiner it was different, because they talked a lot back in the cadet corps, and it was easier for Reiner to trust Y/N. But even for him it took a long time to really open up and start talking.
- Annie, listen... I understand that it's not easy for you to be here, and... I understand the reason. You and I don't really know each other, and you don't trust me. It's not simple. I mean... that I won't discuss what you tell me with anyone if you tell me anything. I take my job seriously and I wouldn't agree to this if I felt I couldn't help you. But... if you want... I'm ready to talk to you, give us a chance to get to know each other a little, if it helps you.
- I... I would like to get to know you better, Y/N, but... I just never talked about this with anyone...
- Just... give yourself permission to speak. Talk like I'm not here. Sometimes, just talking to yourself also helps to understand yourself. I personally like to talk when I visit my father's grave. There I give myself the freedom to talk about everything that worries me, what I'm afraid to admit to myself. It helps me figure out which direction to go next.
Annie just listened to her. Until she decided to ask a question.
- Y/N, can I ask you a question?
- Yes, sure.
- Then, in Marley, when I came to you, you said that you had difficult moments in your life, that... you...
- Do you want me to tell you about it?
- If... if it's possible... you said it wasn't easy for you, but... now you look happy...
- You know, I'm not ashamed of my past, no matter how sad it may be. You probably already know that the former commander of the Survey corps was very close to me, he was practically my family, he became my family after the death of my father. And, of course, his death hit me very hard. When my father died, I was completely unable to accept the truth that I was alone. I switched to the goal Uncle Erwin had given me. And I lived by this goal until his death. And then... I didn't have anyone left. It was very difficult for me, and... the fact that my close friend stopped talking to me didn't make me feel better either. I was lonely, I was in pain, and I didn't even know what hurt more - physical or emotional pain. I tried to kill myself several times because I couldn't handle it alone. But... you know, sometimes help comes from where you don't expect it. One person helped me cope. His methods weren't the best, a little rough, but... I think it was right then. Then, he told me one thing - that we're all by nature alone. We come into this world alone and we die alone. And that you need to live first of all - for yourself, to live the way you want. Don't try to live up to the expectations of others. It helped me, I started to live on. Live for myself. And slowly, sometimes painfully... I began to live on. I read a lot, I wanted to understand myself, to understand how to let go of the pain of the past. But I understood one thing - if you try to hide this pain somewhere inside yourself, someday it'll return with renewed vigor.
Annie just looked at Y/N, saying nothing. She really didn't know Y/N very well. She was even a little afraid of her. Y/N has always been independent, strong and influential in her own way. And Annie didn't seem to be able to understand her. But she also thought about everyone else. That no one can understand her. But Y/N might be able to understand her, might be able to... help her. Her friends trusted her, everyone talked about how conscientious, smart, understanding, and fair she was. And Annie often noticed how, in normal conversation, Y/N said something that made her think.
- I realized that I have problems when Armin left me... All my life I fought for life, I really didn't live, but only was other people's tool to fulfill their goals. And, even when we were in the cadet corps, Armin was kind to me, he was always not indifferent to others. I was always aloof, closed in on myself, but he asked me about how I feel, what I think about, he was interested in my opinion... But then... there was Stohess. Those were the hardest years of my life. That feeling that you're not sleeping, but not awake either. This is a state between the conscious and the unconscious... And when no one was around, it was terrible. I didn't see the dreams where I had often escaped before from the frightening reality. And... I remember being surprised when I first heard his voice. I thought he would never speak to me after what I did. I killed people... I betrayed the people who trusted me...Then, for the first time, I realized what I was doing. Bad, cruel things to people like me... And listening to Armin talking to me, telling me what's going on, gave me hope. When I was freed from the crystal, I didn't even think that what was between us would be... I was happy with him, and when our relationship ended, I again faced my past, because there was no one else to distract me from this. I realized that... that I have nothing but this...
- Thanks for telling me, Annie. It's some kind of loss that makes us realize what our life really is. It's hard, but it helps determine which direction you want to go next.
- I understand it. I want to... know myself. I want... to feel happy not because some person makes me happy. I just want to feel it. Y/N, can I have one more question?
- Of course, ask.
- Were you able to build a relationship with Armin after so many years? I often asked him about you, about why you didn't communicate, but he never answered me. I didn't know what it was at the time that I was locked in a crystal, and he... he never talked about it.
- We became friends again, but everything is different than it was once upon a time. We've both been through a lot, and... we've grown up, we're not kids anymore. Everything is different, but I'm pleased that he again became a part of my life. Back then... it was very hard for both of us, and... Armin thought I would blame him for Uncle Erwin's death because of Levi's decision, but I didn't blame him, but he didn't know it either. And my grief haunted me. And we disappeared from each other's lives. Like I said, I don't think there was anyone to blame in this situation. Each of us made the decision that we considered the right one, and in the end we both made a mistake. And we're still trying to accept that past, but so far... so far so good. But to be honest, we don't see each other very often because of work, so... something like that.
- Thanks for sharing this, Y/N. You know, I started thinking about what I want. I would like to become more open so that I can be comfortable in the company of other people. And... I understand that for now trying to return the relationship with Armin is wrong, I need to understand myself. I want to try to be his friend. He's an understanding person, it's interesting to talk with him. I think it'll be right. In the end, he left me to understanding himself. Perhaps I need the same.
- I don't know if you would like to continue these meetings, so I have prepared for you a list of books that I think will be useful to you. At least I think they're pretty good, and Reiner liked them.
- I... would like to continue... today I...
- Look, usually my sessions with Reiner lasted from half an hour to an hour, sometimes less. Remember that I'm not holding you here, if you feel that enough is enough for today, then enough is enough. Therapy doesn't have to be uncomfortable. So as soon as you're ready, you can make an appointment with Hitch. She now officially works for me, a nice bonus.
- I understand you, thank you, Y/N. I also want to ask you something.
- Yes, sure.
- You're a doctor, what could you advise for insomnia?
- Do you have trouble sleeping? Do you wake up often or can't sleep?
- I cant sleep, I often start to think about something and worry.
- I have a lot of experience in the treatment of insomnia, I can recommend some remedies. It's better to try something non-drug, maybe that will be enough...
Y/N handed Annie the list of books she had written down for her and headed off to her "lab", which was a private room in her office. There she pursued her studies for work and pleasure. Among her hoards, she found several herbal tinctures that she used to treat Levi.
- Annie, here, try these tinctures - you need to drink two tablespoons before going to bed. Also, I advise you to buy herbal teas containing lavender, lemon balm or mint. This helps a lot too. Reading before bed, or a hot shower or bath, also helps. If this bothers you a lot, come, Ill offer a few more options.
- Thanks, Y/N. I'm really grateful to you.
- There is nothing to thank me for yet, Annie. I just hope that I can be of some help to you.
They exchanged brief smiles and Annie left, leaving Y/N alone.
Hitch had already left for her shift in the military police, her last shift in the ranks of this unit. Y/N discussed her transfer to the engineering unit very well. One less problem. She began to slowly make her way home.
Y/N left the headquarters, slowly heading towards her house. She thought about the past day. The conversation with Annie wasn't easy, but for some reason it seemed to her that this conversation wouldn't be the last. She definitely began to understand Annie better, even though she knew very little about her. They were different, and each had it's own painful past. Y/N thought she could help Annie cope, but it was a long way.
- HEY, Y/N, WAIT!
She turned around. Jean ran up to her, stopping her.
- Jean? Hello, is something wrong? Something urgent?
- I just don't know where else to find you, except for work.
- And that's right... So, do you want something? At work or...
- No, no, if so I would come during the working day. I want to ask for advice.
- Advice?
- About Mikasa.
Y/N smiled. She liked that Jean took care of Mikasa, even asking for advice from her friends.
- Well, what do you want to know, clarify or something else?
- Do you know about the five date rule?
- Um... So, on these issues, it's better to go to Hitch, she counts her dates there. But... I know you don't think... that's a bit too much, don't you?
Jean blushed deeply, realizing what he had said.
- God, so it's... about moving to a new level, it's...
- Yes, dear Jean, it's about sex, if you didn't know.
- I interpreted this rule a little differently...
- This is a stupid thing that rich young people came up with to go on only five dates to sleep with someone. This, it seems, creates some kind of framework for the decency and consciousness of choosing partners. But that's just stupidity, in my opinion.
- And you...
- You know, it's not polite to ask such a thing. But no, I don't follow this rule and I sleep with everyone on the first date.
Jean chuckled nervously.
- Are you joking?
Y/N hit him on the arm, laughing.
- Of course, God. It's like you don't know me.
- Well, you're secretive and...
- So, closed this topic. So, I realized that all this talk about the rule came by accident... So, what were you thinking to ask?
Jean threw off his frivolity and became serious again.
- I thought about moving to another level. I... want to ask to Mikasa to be my girlfriend. I really like her, I always have. I enjoy spending time with her and I think she enjoys it too, I hope so. And... I want it to be something special. To remember this moment.
- Listen Jean, I'll tell you something - you can offer it to Mikasa, but... don't expect a quick answer.
Jean sharply saddened, hearing the serious tone of Y/N. He lowered his eyes, examining his boots.
- She... she doesn't want anything more than friendship?
- No, you misunderstood. It's just... it's a first for her, you know? And... her grief for Eren is still with her. Don't tell anyone I told you this, but... Mikasa enjoys spending time with you. She said she want more, but she didn't want to be in a hurry. I'm not trying to dissuade you from asking her to be your girlfriend, but... Give her time to think. And shell answer you the way you want. I think she will. It's still difficult for her to continue to live on after everything that has happened, but... she's already taking steps into a new life.
- I understand you, Y/N. Thank you for saying this. I understand how Mikasa feels. It must be really difficult to let go of a loved one who is gone... And... she has always been quite withdrawn in herself... I like to get to know her...
- I'm happy for you, really. I hope everything works out for you. So... like, you never asked for advice...
- Yes, about that
- Oh, Jean, you haven't left yet...
Suddenly, Armin approached them, turning to Jean.
- You forgot to pick up your letters from the messenger.
Armin gave Jean several letters, which he promptly put into his work bag.
- Thank you, Armin, I was in a hurry.
- «Yeah, I see», Armin turned to her. «Good evening, Y/N»
- Hello
- «I just wanted to consult with Y/N about Mikasa», Jean began to tell. «In general, I want her to remember this date, you know? And... I don't know where to take her to make it interesting...»
- «Well, think about what she likes», Y/N said, thinking about the question.
- «She likes nature, but every time we somehow walk around the city or in the park», Jean said, clearly worried. «Everyone offers me restaurants and these artsy bars»
- «What's wrong with the restaurant? Delicious food and good conversation», Armin broke into the conversation.
- «I've already received your advice, Armin, but it seems to me that there will be something better options», Jean said. «So, I came to Y/N. She knows the city better and she's a girl»
- «I've known Mikasa since I was 9, you think I'll give you bad advice», said Armin. «Restaurant is a good option, or...»
- I also remember about the trip out of town. But it's too long...
- «No, the restaurant is sooo boring, I agree. It's a long trip, especially if you're not planning a date for the whole day», Y/N began to think. «What other options were?»
- «Connie suggested a bar, which, in principle, is expected. Sasha, by the way, suggested a good option - a trip on a river boat, it's quite interesting and...», said Jean.
- «I don't think it's a good idea. I remember that it was on the boats that the refugees from Shiganshina were taken away...», said Y/N. «For Mikasa, this might not be the best option»
- «Yeah, I already talked about that», said Armin.
- «That's why I'm here, I don't know what to do», said Jean, sighing noisily. «What do you think, Y/N?»
- «You know... if you want her to see your care, your intentions, think about what she likes. How she would like to spend her time even if you weren't around», Y/N began to reason. «For example, I like to have fun, I love excitement, all kinds of games and gambles... And once, I had a date at the races. It was wonderful, I remember that day with trepidation. Is that what attracts Mikasa? You've been talking to her a lot lately, think about it!»
As Jean thought, Y/N noticed Armin turning away a bit, hiding the blush on his cheeks at Y/N's words. He was surprised that she was so open about their first date. She wasn't lying, but she wasn't telling the truth either. She deftly balanced on this edge, as she always knew how.
- «She likes to talk about nature, about flowers. She even showed me a book about plants once. She showed which ones she wants to plant in her house...», Jean began to speak. «When she talks about it... she talks for a long time...»
- «I brought her this book from Marley», said Armin. «She was very inspired by the idea of a home flower garden»
- «IDEA!» Y/N screamed. «I know the perfect place! There is a royal greenhouse in the north of the city! I was there as a child, it's very beautiful. Many different wild plants, flowers... Previously, they were there under the pretext of "dying species", but we all know that they grow on other continents. I find out from Historia that now with this greenhouse, only courtiers were allowed in there before, now I don't know. But it shouldn't have been abandoned - this is a wonderful place. A large glass dome with various plants... If Historia can arrange for you to have dinner there as well... that would be just perfect»
- «You act like you're going there on a date, Y/N», Armin said smiling. He admired her devotion to friends.
- I just want to see Mika happy. And shell definitely love it!
- «That's... a great idea, Y/N!» Jean said, smiling. «I knew that you would help. I, too, will ask Historia about this place, and it's probably worth going there in advance. See what's what. It's good that you came up with this. And then all these restaurants and boats...»
- «And I wouldn't refuse a date on a boat. It can be fun», Y/N said, smiling as she watched the sunset.
Armin looked at her, taking the hint. How wonderful she was. He couldn't stop thinking about how lucky he was.
***
A/N: hello, my lovely readers ❤️ I just want to say thank you so much for 10k readings and 500 votes, it's means a lot for me.
And some kinda bad news - I want to take a little break from updating GFM next week as I want to devote time to another story that I recently started writing. I think it'll be ok, there are a timeskip in the next chapter and... it will be a chapter from Armin's point of view, chapters like this always feel like a breath of fresh air. Now we see the development of other character's stories, so... it's time to add some drama.
As for whole story development... I don't really know where I can end this story. What do you think? I personally want to write some chapters about Armin and Y/N living together, maybe having a family. And I have a weird concept in my head about all guys having families and their kids been friends and so on... It can be just a couple of chapter but I think it's nice. And this story will probably hit 100 chapters...