A week has passed since the engagement party for Sasha and Niccolo. After the weekend, Y/N went back to work, but the thought of meeting at the graveyard didn't leave her. Her days were so busy that she didn't know where to start. She didn't want Armin to feel like she was avoiding him or... didn't want to see him. She wanted to see him, she wanted to talk to him. But Armin had a difficult time too - according to Sasha, everything wasn't easy in the Survey corps and now Armin was in the process of becoming a commander.
Hitch helped Y/N at work, which made her life much easier. Her talent was to cover Y/N, saving her from «unnecessary» encounters. Although Hitch knew nothing about science, she was well aware of which meetings would be interesting and important for Y/N, and which would simply waste her time. Hitch knew Y/N well, understanding her periodic asociality, which sometimes manifested in her after a hard day or under the influence of emotions. Y/N was happy to have a assistant like Hitch. They understood each other perfectly when it came to working organizational issues.
It was Friday. End of the work week, but Y/N thought she still had to come to work tomorrow. The Marleyans wanted to visit one of the mines already in operation, and Y/N was in the process of organizing this trip at Historia's request. She herself didn't plan to go to north, but prepared all sorts of papers for Historia and the royal council, who were engaged in «entertaining» the Marley delegation.
-Knock Knock-
- Come in!
- Y/N, hello. Did I interfere?
- Hey, Reiner. No, I don't have meetings before lunch, it's good that you came. Come in.
During the week, Y/N and Reiner agreed to talk again, as they did in Marley. Y/N was glad to talk to him, she liked helping him.
Reiner went to her office. The office was spacious enough. By the window stood her desk, papers and books neatly arranged. There were a couple of chairs in front of the table. In the center of the office there was a sofa, a coffee table and a couple of armchairs - a place for negotiations and meetings. There were a couple of bookcases in the office and a couple more cupboards with miscellaneous accessories. Also, inside the office there was another door that led to a small personal laboratory where Y/N worked on her research.
Y/N sat down in one of the armchairs, while Reiner sat down on the sofa.
- Thanks for agreeing to meet. I didn't expect you to have the time.
- Were friends, I always have time for friends. How are you?
- Well, surprisingly good. After you left, at first it wasn't easy, I missed our conversations, but then it became easier. I remembered those books that you recommended to read. They must have helped me in some way. I still write things down when I have troubled thoughts.
- How about panic attacks? Does it still happen or not?
- Happened, but much less frequently. The last one was before our sailing to Paradis. I thought again about what I was doing and began to worry. And now everything is changing so much, and the guys are staying here...
- You don't want to leave your friends?
- Yeah. During this time, we all became friends again. Before, only other warriors were my friends, true friends. And then many of them died in this war. I was glad to find friends in the guys again, and now I understand that it was stupid to think that they would return to Marley, because Paradis is their home, but...
- But you would like things to stay the same. You know, I just talked to Annie recently, and you, like her, need to understand that we can't influence other people's decisions. We can only decide for ourselves. We cant control other people. We can only understand their decisions and accept our own.
- Have you talked to Annie? Do you know that she decided to stay?
- She mentioned that she was thinking about staying. I told her that this decision was a little weird on my part - her father remains in Marley. I don't know, I wouldn't do that.
- She wants Armin back even though Armin didn't promise her anything.
- How do you know the details?
- Since they broke up, I began to communicate with Armin, we share our feelings after the loss of the powers of the titans. We both took it hard, unlike the girls. I think talking to him helped me in some way. I felt that I wasn't alone in my problem.
- It's good that you helped each other. That's what friends are for.
- Yeah, he's a good guy. I don't know what happened between them, but I don't think they should be together. Annie isn't a simple girl, she has always been so tough and closed. Armin was the first person to openly care for her, and she just clung to him, thinking that no one else would treat her like that. This is wrong, I'm worried about her. And now she wants to stay, although even Armin dissuades her from this decision. And Annie... you know she doesn't listen to anyone. I don't want her to regret this decision later...
- Listen, I understand that you are worried about a friend, but this is her decision. If she makes a mistake, then it will be her mistake, she will understand something and this will be an important experience for her. If you support her decision, she will be grateful to you. Think about how hard it must be for her to make that decision.
- I just thought I'd at least have her and Pieck, but Annie decided to stay here too.
- But you will come to Paradis, and the guys will certainly participate in diplomatic trips. Don't be upset, build your life in a new way. This is a good opportunity to meet new people.
- Its still sad...
They talked like that for about an hour. Y/N decided to escort Reiner to the Survey corps unit. He was going to lunch with the guys after meeting with Y/N. And Y/N was waiting for a meeting with industrialists involved in work on the sewer systems of the city.
- Thank you for the meeting, Y/N. I was glad to talk to you, as before.
- While you're still here, you can come if I have time, I'll be happy to talk to you.
They hugged, and Reiner walked towards his friends. Y/N smiled and headed back. Looking at her watch, she thought she would still have time to have tea with Hitch before her «guests» arrived.
- Y/N!
She froze in place. She recognized his voice. Slowly turning around, she saw Armin walking towards her. He was wearing a military uniform - black suited him, accentuating his fair skin and blue eyes. His uniform was the same rank as hers - three stripes and five stars.
- Armin? Do you want something?
Y/N tried to remain calm, addressing him kindly. She saw the embarrassment and worry on his face. It was clearly not easy for him to approach her again.
- I... wanted to talk to you and...
- I have a meeting at work right now, so...
- No, no, of course not right now. I myself have plans now, the guys and I are going to have lunch all together. I thought that tomorrow is a day off, and we could meet and... chat. As friends, of course, I don't insist on anything, and if you don't want or you're not ready to talk to me, I will understand and...
- Armin, calm down, don't be so nervous. I understood you. Do you know there is a bakery in the main square near the palace? This is how good coffee is served.
- Yes, I know this place.
- Let's meet there at noon tomorrow, okay? Will it suit you?
- Oh sure. I'm sorry I... disturbed you.
- Stop it, it's all right. I promised to talk to you and listen.
- Thanks, Y/N. I really appreciate it.
- See you tomorrow then? I'll run, I have to work.
- See you tomorrow, Y/N.
She smiled at him and turned around to go about her business.
Armin looked after her. It was really hard for him to approach her. Seeing her talking to Reiner, he made up his mind, thinking that it was already impossible to wait. He understood that she needed time, but it was difficult for him to be inactive.
Every day he thought about her, he dreamed of her every night, but he stopped crying, because she was there. He could see her every day, and every time he saw her, a fire of hope lit up in his chest.
Within a week his life had changed. Armin had hope. He again became part of the Survey corps. Became a commander. It wasn't easy for him to get used to the team, but he wasn't alone - he was glad that Jean and Connie also faced incredulous looks. On the first day they faced condemnation, but all this quickly stopped after the reprimand that all the «gossipers» received from Captain Levi, who has rebuilt his «intimidating» reputation over the past year, earning the respect of all his subordinates, the military and the public. Everything was slowly coming into balance so far, they were all in the process of changing their lives.
Shaking off his worries, Armin went to lunch with friends.
***
Waking up the next morning, Armin was impatient, but at the same time, he was scared. He was afraid to make a mistake, to do something wrong, to say something wrong that would push Y/N away. He couldn't afford to be wrong with her again. Everything must be right.
In the morning, Armin took a shower, never ceasing to think about the day ahead. After drying his hair with a towel, he styled his slightly grown hair into his now familiar hairstyle. «I should probably cut my hair» He shook his head, pushing strands of hair out of his eyes.
He took out a sky-blue shirt and beige trousers from the closet. It was summer outside. Leaving his room in the palace, Armin looked in the mirror before leaving, encouraging himself, and then he headed to the city.
He arrived ten minutes early. He would like to buy flowers or some kind of gift for Y/N, but he understood that this wasn't a date, and this gesture could be repulsive, intrusive for her. He entered the bakery and took a vacant table by the window.
Armin was nervous. He looked at the people passing by without even thinking. He considered the upcoming conversation - where should he start? What to tell? Or let Y/N talk? «What's wrong with me... worried like a teenager...»
Ten minutes passed, and then another half an hour, and Y/N still didn't appear. Pushing away the worrying thought that she wasn't coming, he got up and ordered two cups of coffee and food. He wanted to occupy his thoughts. Sitting back at the table, he felt like he was on the verge of a breakdown. He was hurt by the thought that Y/N had actually deceived him and didn't want to see him, but he couldn't blame her, he himself was to blame and fully understood her decision. However, he was hurt because he wanted to see her so much.
The order was brought to him, but he kept looking at one point somewhere outside the window, immersed in anxiety. He sat like that for another ten minutes, until...
- Armin! Hello, please forgive me! I hate being late! All those damn Marleyans with their show-and-tell...
Armin turned and saw Y/N in front of him. Her hair was a little disheveled, she was breathing a little hard from fast walking or running... She was wearing white high-waist loose trousers and a beautiful off-the-shoulder milk-colored blouse, as well as a dark blue jacket from a work uniform. She sat down across from him, smiling sweetly.
- You probably already thought that I wouldn't come, I'm sorry...
- Y/N, I'm glad to see you. I didn't know you worked on weekends.
- I don't work, usually. Historia asked me to prepare papers on the mines where she would take the Marleyans on Monday, and I didn't have time to do everything yesterday. In the evening, more work appeared, and in general... I don't have time for a bit. But it looks like I did everything. Sorry for keeping you waiting.
- You're worth waiting, Y/N...
Hearing this, Y/N's eyes widened and a blush appeared on her cheeks.
- Oh, I'm sorry. It didn't sound right...
- Its okay, Armin. Did you order me coffee and tartlets? Thank you.
- I remember you said that you love them more than other desserts.
- Yes, I still love them.
Y/N began to drink coffee, it was no longer very hot, but the temperature was acceptable. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Armin studying her. She was sorry she was late. She saw the relief in his eyes when she first arrived. In fact, she could have made it to him on time, but in the morning only this meeting occupied her thoughts, and it was incredibly difficult to concentrate on work.
- So, how's your job? Are you going to north too?
- Oh, no. Historia asked only to prepare all sorts of documents for this trip. There the production manager will show them everything. I think everyone is already tired of this, but Historia wants everything to go well so that we still make contact with the Marleyans. But here, of course, there are many pitfalls, everything is not simple, you yourself probably understand.
- Oh sure. I was one of those who prepared this trip. The Marleyans still fear us, even without the power of the titans. That we developed the ODM, cut off from the rest of the world - they are afraid that Paradis will become a military power, and will wage wars, but on a different scale.
- They're interested in military projects, that's for sure. But how can we give it up when the rest of the world is still technically against us. We cant simply become defenseless and hope for mercy. It's kind of stupid. Even I admit it. Although I want to live in peace, forgetting about war and conflicts, its foolish to just hope for the kindness of the whole world. Although the population of the whole world has decreased significantly, this doesn't mean that all self-serving and dishonest people will suddenly become kinder and become peacemakers, you know?
- Yes, unfortunately that's human nature. Its almost impossible to change radically...
They were silent for a moment, the topic of conversation wasn't an easy one.
- And how is your job? Have you all settled in the Survey corps?
Armin smiled.
- Yes, we try to join the team. It's still not all smooth sailing, but having Sasha and Captain Levi with us helps a lot.
- And how are you? As a commander, it must not be easy, especially in this situation.
- Yes, it's not easy... Everyone periodically looks at me like I'm a traitor, thinking what I'm doing here. On the first day, some even started talking openly about it and...
- I know. Levi told me what's going on there. But trust me, give it time, it will get better. In the end, people understand when you start to show that you deserve to be here.
- But I don't know if I deserve...
- You know, I also thought that I couldn't cope, that this work wasn't for me. I always wanted to be an engineer, to invent something, to study... I wanted to be a simple engineer, maybe a simple doctor... I don't like giving orders, giving tasks... but in the end... it gets easier every day, you just find some the necessary rhythm of work, and... you build relationships with colleagues. Or... you can get an assistant, like I have Hitch. She loves to be in charge.
Armin listened to her, seeing her smile, with which she spoke about her work, he himself wanted to smile.
- So, don't think that you're unworthy of this position. Hange entrusted you with this position, and Erwin has always seen potential in you. Not everyone can be a leader. Believe in yourself a little more, and everything will work out.
- You know, when Hange... made this decision, I couldn't believe it. I thought that... in my place should have been you... After all, you and Hange...
- Hange and I were close, as I were with Erwin, but... they both knew that I wasn't a person who could a good commander of the Survey corps. No matter how smart I am, this is far from the point. Here you need to be able to make the right decisions, sometimes - to make them quickly, thinking about everyone. The ability to come to a compromise. I can't do it. I love to argue, and when people start arguing with me, I... sometimes get angry. Its hard for me to make contacts, and you know, its important to be able to admit that you're not strong in something. It makes life easier.
- Its also important to be able to ask for help, it also makes life easier.
They looked at each other and smiled softly.
- Are you hinting at something?
- Everyone knows that you like to do everything alone.
- Its just... you know, I often think that my ideas are so stupid that I don't even want to involve others, and... if a person doesn't understand... its all a little weird... I'm used to doing everything myself.
- But you're not alone... I always liked your ideas... when you told about them, your eyes burned so much with joy and excitement...
- Armin...
- I miss those times... when we were in the cadet corps and spent our free days together. How we walked, how we discussed everything in the world... You know, on the day when I decided to show you my book about the outside world, and you ran away - I was so scared then. I thought that you, as a Capital girl, would definitely betray me, and you... were a true friend to me, sharing my dreams... I'm sorry that I ruined everything between us. Our friendship meant a lot to me, and it wasn't until many years later that I realized just how much.
- Don't blame yourself, Armin. I... I understand. We all make mistakes and...
- But I held on to this mistake too long. I got so deep into it that I still can't come back. I still can't stop thinking about what I've missed over the years. What would these years be like if I...
- No need to think about it. Your past has rewarded you with these life lessons, you must accept them, without thinking about what would happen if something changed. It won't happen anymore. Don't waste time on regrets, live on, learning from your mistakes, because regretting, you're only wasting your time, regrets will not help fix something. Look forward, don't look back. We went through this whole nightmare not to dream of returning there. Not for that Eren did everything he did. All the people who gave their lives in this war couldn't give it up in vain. Leave regrets there - in a past life, and live now.
Armin looked into her eyes and smiled softly.
- You always found the right words.
- Simply, I myself understood this truth. Our personal «tragedies» are simply insignificant compared to what the whole world has endured. And we just have to live on and be happy by any means available to us. These losses, this war can't be in vain. We «won» this world, and now everyone is only fighting for their own personal happiness.
- But if this fight is not win? If..... you're fighting for nothing? How... how to be?
- Do you think that you're doing something in vain? What is it that you are fighting for that is not available to you?
- I'm not talking about myself...
Y/N looked at him and saw some sadness in his eyes.
- Will you tell?
- I don't think that's something you would enjoy hearing about, Y/N.
- We want to become friends again, and friends trust each other.
- I understand, but... this... I think this topic... will be painful for you...
- Annie? Are you talking about her? If so, then... it's nothing. I don't care what happened between you anymore. A lot has changed over the past year.
- Yes, she decided to stay here. But... she did it for me. She... hopes that when I feel better, we will be together again...
- Okay...
- Sorry. I didn't mean to... upset you. But I didn't promise Annie anything. When we broke up, she asked if we could return everything... I remember that I didn't tell her anything. I knew that... she had no place in my heart... never had...
- Armin... don't...
- I know, but you asked me to tell you. I won't do it again, sorry. And there's nothing special to tell there. No matter how long we were together, everything was... ordinary. Yes, you yourself know how we all lived - work took all the main time.
- Yes, it wasn't easy...
- Sorry, I messed it up again... Damn idiot...
Armin lowered his head, kicking himself for daring to talk about Annie with Y/N. But to his surprise, Y/N was calm and reserved. As if she didn't care. As if what he said didn't surprise her.
- It's all right, Armin. You haven't ruined anything... Shall we go for a walk? It's stuffy to sit here when it's summer outside.
He looked up at her. She sincerely smiled at him warmly, in her eyes there was peace and a kind of tenderness that he missed so much.
- Okay, I'll pay and let's go.
***
Armin and Y/N continued to talk as they walked around the summer Capital. Y/N showed him the city, introduced him to her favorite places, shared memories of her childhood with him. Armin admired her, her smile when she talked about her childhood, about her father. She wasn't like Annie. Her smile didn't appear on her face by chance, involuntarily, she didn't try to hide it. She showed herself for who she was.
- I hope you enjoy living here. Mitras is a very beautiful and vibrant city, but not without its flaws. After all, everything in this world is not perfect. I'm glad that the headquarters was moved to the Capital, I can finally be at home. The constant travel tired me, to be honest.
- I started looking for an apartment so as not to live in the palace, this can't go on forever.
- Ask Historia for help, she helped Levi find an apartment very quickly, and close to the palace and headquarters. It might be expensive, but it's close. I think with your commander's salary you can afford a nice apartment. Sasha and Niccolo are still looking for an apartment closer and cheaper, it's not easy, but in the end, they will find something perfect.
- You're so happy for them, it's cute.
Y/N blushed slightly at his words.
- Yes, I got to know Niccolo well this year - we cook with him every Sunday. And Sasha... she still loves to eat as before, but she becomes more conscious and mature, although her mischievous fire doesn't subside.
- I remember you said that you would like to learn how to cook if there was no war in the world.
- Yes, I'm living my best life. Fulfilling my dreams. Were young, we need to live the way we want, do what we want. Give yourself joy.
Armin didn't answer her. He just looked at her, not believing that she was talking to him again like before. Seeing the sincere smile on her face, the fire in her eyes, he fell in love with her every moment. Again and again.
Y/N looked at him without hearing an answer. The way he looked at her - a look full of adoration and tenderness. The look she missed. She was confused.
- Listen, let's get something for lunch to go and go to the park? Or do you have plans?
Armin returned to reality.
- Oh, yeah. Come on, I like the idea.
Y/N took him to one of her favorite street food stalls. Armin has never tried street food. He never really bought himself anything out of the ordinary. He tasted delicious dishes at various evenings in the Marley embassy, during their trip to other continents. But he purposefully didn't buy anything like that. He grew up in poverty, he didn't have the opportunity to buy delicious food for himself, because there were other things that needed money.
Y/N took a box of noodles with vegetables for herself, and ordered rice with vegetables for Armin, one of the classic and popular dishes. As she understood, he had never tasted such food, it was a good start. Also, she took a couple of vegetable rolls with spicy sauce, which she loved. Having collected a whole package of warm delicious food, they headed to the park.
They settled down in a park next to a small pond. Y/N remembered how she came here a long time ago with her father. She told Armin about it. They sat together on a bench, ate and chatted.
- You know, I treated Eren to this dish when I went to see him in prison.
- Coaxed him with food?
- He also thought like that, by the way. But no, prison food is terrible, I just wanted to please him with a warm meal. No matter how idiotic and asshole he was, he was still my friend at that moment.
- At that moment?
- Yes... He «spoke» to you all just before the end, explained to you. Mikasa and Jean talked about it. But... he didn't talk to me, didn't talk about his motives, about his dreams and desires...
- I thought he talked to everyone...
- I think he had enough of those conversations that were between us...
- Will you tell?
- He was trying to prove that what he was doing was an act of selflessness. But this isn't so... I have seen and still see only selfishness in this. Yes, he said that he wanted happiness and peace for his loved ones, but... if you think about it, what kind of world did he want to leave after that... destroyed, burned... a world in which it is impossible to live... When he said that sometimes he doesn't understand himself... the consciousness of other people lived in his mind... and given the influence of the Founding titan... I cant imagine what was going on in his head... He was a good friend for me once... but that Eren who returned after the escape... no, it was already a completely different person... The moment he found out that he made a mistake by dragging me to Shiganshina... I saw him again as my friend, with whom I shared the hope for a world without war, the hope for a free world for everyone... but it was only a moment... then, I said goodbye to him. However, at that moment I said goodbye to a lot of things...
- He spoke to each of us before we arrived in Odiha. And then he made us forget about it until it was all over. You know, I think if we all remembered, things could be different. But even Eren knew there was no time to find a better solution. He decided to make himself an enemy of humanity and us - heroes. In that conversation with him, he told how our dream - to see the outside world - led him all his life. Dream to be free in this world. But it seems to me that we will all never be truly free. We are all slaves of our feelings, emotions, desires, which build some kind of boundaries in our minds, limiting our will. Each of our fears holds our hand, preventing us from moving on. We deprive ourselves of full-fledged freedom... And you know, I don't think it's bad. I guess that just makes us humans.
- Good words. And what did Eren say to you?
- I didn't tell him that. I understood that at that moment - he needed his loved ones to approve his decision. Nothing would have stopped him, but... it seemed to me that if I supported him, then he would be calmer. That... he will pass away... humbly. And I don't regret that. He was my best friend. First friend. I was a lonely outcast until Eren once saved me from bullies who constantly teased and beat me for being small and defenseless, all the time sitting with a book in my hands...
Y/N saw tears in Armin's eyes.
- And I'm grateful to him for everything he did for me, that he was my friend. A true friend who always told me even the painful truth. I think if it weren't for him... my life would have been completely different, just like me... I would have been a completely different person.
Y/N took Armin's hand, gently squeezing his hand. She felt that it wasn't easy for him now, that the loss of a friend still bothered him. She didn't dare to look him in the eyes, so she just squeezed his hand.
Armin blushed as he felt her touch. Looking up at her, he saw the embarrassment on her face, she didn't look at him, but her palm gave him a feeling of calm and support. He squeezed her hand in return and continued to speak.
- I still miss him. He has been by my side for almost my entire life, for as long as I can remember. He and Mikasa became my family after we lost our home. But... I was always weak... couldn't... make decisions... I followed them, I was afraid to be alone, afraid... to decide for myself. But I don't want that anymore. When I returned home, I decided that I would live as I wanted. That I will do something for myself. Stop being a coward. How much have I messed up just being afraid to speak, afraid to... make a mistake... Y/N?
She looked at him.
- Mm?
- I understand that you don't want to talk about... feelings now, but... this is not about that. I... I'm sorry we lost each other because of me. That our friendship collapsed because of my fears, doubts. I wish I was there for you when you needed a friend. Forgive me for leaving you alone. I won't make this mistake again.
- Armin... you don't have to say this, I understand that you're sorry. But don't blame yourself for everything that's happened to me over the years. I myself made not the best decisions in my life... When... Erwin died, and you left me, I only blamed myself. I thought the reason that people leave me is in myself. And I closed. I could also communicate with everyone, I could... work in Trost, where all of you were, but I sat in the Capital, hiding behind the desire to be close to home. Of course, I had Damian, but... he isn't like all of you. It's fun, easy with him, but... he hasn't seen all this horror, he will never understand me the way I would like to. I closed in myself and did... terrible things...
- Don't talk if it's hard. Mikasa... she told me a few words about what happened to you. You don't have to tell, everything is fine.
- But I want to... when... I was wounded in Shiganshina, I felt bad. My whole body ached, and then... when Hange and Levi told me what had happened... The pain got worse. And then... Hange, out of the best of intentions, let me read what you learned in Shiganshina. About titans. And... I didn't realize then that you and I... wouldn't talk anymore... I... it hurt me to think that Erwin was gone, and... that I would lose you... that... I would have to say goodbye to you and live with the knowledge that soon... you won't be around. It was so painful, so... unbearable... I couldn't even... cry normally, because my ribs were broken, it was hard to breathe... and this pain... brought me to the edge... I wanted to commit suicide so as not to feel all this... I stood on the edge of the roof, looking down, as in one of my dreams... But Levi found me and took me back by force, and then he set up guards so that I would no longer walk around the headquarters alone...
- Y/N...
She turned away from Armin, and Armin tightened his grip on her hand, trying to support her. Although, rather he did it for himself. His heart was breaking from the pain he felt from her words. The pain of how she suffered alone...
- Then, I stopped trying to commit suicide. At least not intentionally. I just stopped doing anything. Life has lost all attraction for me. I lay for days, staring at the ceiling. Only Hange and Levi came to me, brought food and made me eat. Hange told me everything, and I didn't really listen. I didn't care. It wasn't until years later that I realized what happened to me. I was depressed and everything I did... unconsciously tried to starve myself... just to fall asleep and not wake up... That year... was the hardest for me...
- But... you did it, survived it and...
- No. I sank to the bottom. Almost literally. When... we came to the ocean... for the first time... late at night I went to the beach... and just walked into the cold water... until...
- Y/N...?
- Levi found my body rocking in the waves. No breath. But he managed to save me. Then, for the first time in a year, I was able to cry normally... All the pain escaped from my chest... I don't know what would have happened if it hadn't been for him... probably, we wouldn't be sitting here...
- I'm sorry...
- That's my fault. Then I realized that I can no longer live like this. I started working on myself, even though I was closed. I closed myself off from others in the hope that I would no longer feel this pain. But... after our quarrel a year ago... I left because... I started to feel again... something similar... I left not because of you, but for myself. There I continued to live, closing myself off from others. And... my feelings... didn't make it any easier...
- Y/N... can I hug you?
She looked into his eyes and nodded slightly. Armin slowly let go of her hand and pulled her into his arms, hugging her over his arms. He immersed himself in the scent of lavender. Her head was on his shoulder. Armin closed his eyes, feeling a rush of tears.
- «I won't let you go again, Y/N», he whispered softly.
After saying that, Y/N slowly hugged him back, wrapping her arms around his waist, pressing against him. He was so warm and open. Embracing him, her soul became lighter, as if these hugs helped her let go of all those doubts and assumptions that she built about him all these years. Everything suddenly became easy. There is he and there is she. Two people with a sick soul and a wounded heart.
They sat for so long, unable to let go of each other. They were together again, like six years ago. Both of them were already different people, these years changed them, both of them fighting, dying, battling the world and themselves, seeking happiness somewhere... but, in the end, they were again in each other's arms.
Embracing her, Armin knew that this was the only option for him. He can't love anyone else. No matter how hard he tries, only she will live in his heart. Even if she doesn't decide to become more than a friend to him, he will still love her. He will be left alone with his love for her. No one can replace her, which means he will not try to replace her. Even if she will be with someone else, he will not be hurt, he will be happy, because she will be happy. She will be in his life one way or another. He will be able to see her smile, share her joys and anxieties with her. That's all he ever wanted - to see her happy, carefree.
After a while, they gently pulled away from each other. Many people appeared in the park - the time was approaching evening, people went out for a walk. They sat in silence, watching the others.
- Armin... thank you for this day. I was glad to talk to you again, as before.
- Thank you for not pushing me away even though I think I deserved it.
- Nobody is perfect, Armin. Stop doubting yourself, everyone makes mistakes and that doesn't make anyone better than others. Let go of your mistakes, you're just wasting time thinking about them. You can't fix the past. Thinking about it only makes things worse, not easier.
- Have you let go of the past?
- Yes. I still remember it, but... I no longer think about what would have happened if I had made a different decision. It doesn't make sense. And... you and I can no longer become those Armin and Y/N who were friends once upon a time. We can only... build something new.
She looked at him warmly, smiling. Armin smiled back at her.
- Are you busy tomorrow?
- Oh... yeah, Sunday is usually... busy for me. Tomorrow I'm going to Sasha and Niccolo - we're cooking fish tomorrow, or rather, I'll learn how to cook fish. And in the evening... there is also something...
- Sorry, I wanted to see you.
They stood up and began clearing away the empty food boxes.
- We'll still have time.
- Yes...
After collecting their belongings, they slowly walked back to the city. Armin walked Y/N to her apartment block. They both stood looking at each other, unable to say «see you tomorrow».
- Y/N... can I hug you? Again?
- You can...
They embraced again. Y/N smelled the scent of sandalwood and something fresh... «It must be the smell of the ocean...» Armin was associated with the ocean in her mind... She smiled broadly, hugging him, feeling his silky hair on her cheek. They were no longer as long as before, but still... this feeling brought her back to a happy time.
- Thank you for getting back to me...
A/N
awww... some fluff for you... ❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕