Connie agreed to Y/N's adventure. To tell the truth, he didn't really care why she did it or what she wanted to do. He knew that Y/N was studying the titans. That she was always interested in all this. And now in his head was only hope that she could return his mother to him. Bring her back the way he remembered her. He was ready to do anything to get her back to him. She was the only family he had left. On the days they had days-off, he went to Ragako. He still didn't understand why he was torturing himself. Looking at his mother in titan form, for some reason he no longer blamed the Marleyans. He blamed himself. He blamed himself for not being able to do anything, and still can't do anything about it. He was often infuriated that for some reason other people weren't worried about such minor problems on the one hand, such as the return of his mother to a human appearance. Everyone was worried about the war. How to win it and all that. Nobody wanted change. More precisely, for some reason everyone wanted the world to change, not change themself.
Although they had plans for the evening, Connie decided that a trip to Ragako was more important. He returned to the guys in the room where they were all sitting together, and Y/N went to prepare for departure. They agreed to meet in an hour at the stables.
- «What did she want?» Jean asked him.
- «She needs help with something, so... I can't go to the restaurant with you today, sorry», Connie replied.
- «Well, why... Is it really so urgent... This is Y/N, transfer all this for later and...», Sasha began to protest.
- «Unfortunately, my rank doesn't allow me to initiate such a thing», Connie said, sitting next to Jean.
- «What are you talking about? And...», began Armin.
- Hange promoted her. She's executive officer now, which means she can tell us what to do. She's even higher in ranks than you, Armin. So... I actually can't refuse...
- «Apparently, for Hange, brains are the priority... First, they promoted Armin to a senior officer, and then... But wait, Y/N was a simple officer all this time... And immediately became executive? How is it?», Jean was skeptical. «Maybe you messed up something?»
- Don't take me for a fool. Officer Berner approached us and told Y/N that they were now in the same positions. And he is executive officer.
- «But Moblit seems to be helping Hange with their affairs, handling all this paperwork and organizing all the meetings... Why does they need another executive?» asked Armin.
- «Like she said, Hange only officially assigned her all the affairs in the field of research, and in general... Come on, you should ask her about this, not me», Connie flared up. «And yes, I came by to say that I'm not going with you tonight. That's all. I have to go», he stood up and went back out into the corridor.
- What's wrong with him?
***
Y/N and Connie left Trost. Connie still hesitated to ask what Y/N was planning to do. He saw her burning eyes, as if she was on the verge of something incredible. She was so occupied with her thoughts that she herself didn't start a conversation with him. But it was still necessary to ask.
- Y/N, what do you want to know in Ragako?
She was distracted from her thoughts. Y/N was in a stream of thought: she built logical chains in her head, stood up for the course of action that she would take. Connie pulled her back into reality. She looked at him. He was clearly worried. Y/N asked him to go with her for a reason.
- I... I don't want to lie to you, Connie, really. But... please, promise not to tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. It's important. I... I'm not sure...
- Y/N, if there is a chance that my mother will come back to me, I'll do everything in my power to help you. No one is interested in how to return the titan back to human form... More concerned about international problems... Nobody cares and...
Y/N looked at him and felt sorry for Connie. He was a good person. He didn't deserve all this. Nobody deserved this. She felt sorry for him, because he was right. She was the only one who was interested in the origin of the titans, the connection between titans and people, and how this whole system works with transformation. There were no funds allocated for this research, no one in the Survey corps needed it anymore since they went beyond the walls. Now everyone was interested in military power, technology, strategic decisions and diplomatic alliances. It was the development of military technologies that Y/N was engaged in for Hange, along with other engineers from the Survey corps. And this... this was just her crazy idea that she dreamed of... The idea that consumed her nights spent in the Underground City.
- Connie... I'm sorry... I know you don't want to hear this, but... I'm really sorry you feel this way.
- It's not your fault, Y/N, it's just that the world has changed...
- I want to tell you what I'm doing, but I don't want to give you hope. What I'm doing... It may not work, because... I'm the only one who is interested in this, as far as I know, and the Marleyans... They don't provide us with information about the titans, except for some strategic things... But I'm not interested in it...
- Y/N... No matter what you tell me, I will not stop hoping that one day I'll see my mother again...
She sighed.
- I... it all started with Eren's blood...
She told him almost everything. Everything she had learned about the nature of the titans over the years. Connie just listened without asking questions. Y/N wasn't used to seeing him so focused and collected, usually he was a bit flighty and frivolous. She was pleased to see how he had changed since the time of the cadet corps. How he grew up. Now, seeing him like this, she didn't think that perhaps, after the «loss» of his family, he hid behind all these jokes, trying to cope with pain and longing for loved ones and his helplessness. He calmly listened to her.
- And... what do you still want to achieve in Ragako? You never answered...
- Eren... he left. He trusted me. He... he gave me spinal fluid for my research, like I said, but... It's over. And... I need more.
- And...
- I need your approval. And permission. I want to take the spinal fluid from the titan that your mom has become. As far as I remember, she's immobilized. It... it won't be easy, but...
- But since Eren was able to give you the spinal fluid, then you can just...
- I won't contact Armin, I know you want to suggest it.
- You have always been close, I don't think that he would have refused you.
- We were close, but no anymore.
- I'm sorry... We've all drifted apart. But we still value each other... I believe that everything will work out between us, in the end...
- It's good to know that you're quite optimistic, given the way we live.
They rode in silence for a while, each thinking their own... Y/N thought that maybe asking Armin was actually easier, and also that it would probably be more correct. People who had the ability to form into titans were certainly different from people who were forcibly turned into titans and stuck in that state. She thought about the risks, about her mistakes.
Connie thought about what Y/N had said. About how she was ready to try and use the titan instead of contact Armin. He remembered that Armin and Y/N were very close friends. And then everything changed. They all stopped talking to Y/N at some point, but then... Everything more or less returned to normal, except... Armin and Y/N still didn't talk. At least Connie didn't see it. He thought about what could have happened between them, because Armin had always been very caring towards all of them. But something wasn't right between them. And then he realized that he didn't say Y/N something important.
- Y/N... Whatever you do, I don't mind. I'll help you get... samples. It won't hurt...
- No, I won't hurt the back of head badly.
- But how do you think to implement it?
- With ODM. I have new cables. With its help, you can fix in space. And I have a special syringe with an elongated needle. Everything should work out, Connie. I won't hurt your mom, I promise.
***
In Ragako they spent the rest of the day. Everything went as Y/N had planned. They thought for a long time about how best to recreate Y/N's idea, but in the end everything was successful. Y/N collected enough spinal fluid, and it looked no different from what Eren gave her. She hoped that the composition would be the same.
They decided not to drive back to Trost at night and stayed at Ragako. Most of the houses in the village were destroyed, but there were some buildings that were more or less intact. They lit a fire and talked for a long time. Connie told Y/N about his childhood, about his family. About himself. Y/N listened to him with genuine interest. They never talked one on one, and she was really pleased to get to know him. She had always considered him superficial, but now she saw him from a new angle. He was a very dedicated person. He loved his family, his friends. He was dedicated to his goals, his work. He talked about how, although he was unhappy that no one was doing anything to help his mother, he was still willing to do a lot to help his comrades. He told Y/N that he went to the cadet corps to make his parents proud of him. So that he can help his family by serving the good of society. And, even after losing almost his entire family, he still did everything required of him to be a good soldier.
Y/N told him about her childhood. About her father. About friendship with Damian, which Connie was very interested in. After learning some things, he realized that he was wrong about Y/N and him. They were different, even too different. And they were good friends. Y/N even compared Connie and Damian - they were people of the heart, not the mind. They did everything they did, guided primarily by their hearts. Y/N was a person of mind, who drove all her actions through hard introspection.
They talked almost until dawn, when they began to yawn. After a little rest, Connie went to Trost, and Y/N decided to go straight to the Capital. She didn't want to waste time.
***
She returned to her apartment. Once inside, she dropped all her bags at the door and headed straight for the bathroom. The summer sun made her sweat a lot in the saddle. After cleaning herself up, she was about to head to the Underground city...
There was a knock on her door.
It was already evening, and she didn't expect anyone. «Today is Tuesday, which means... It's not from Historia, I meet her on Fridays and Saturdays... Messages from Hange aren't brought to me directly to the apartment, but left downstairs...» She breathed out, not knowing what to expect, but went to open the door.
Damian was waiting for her at the door.
- What are you doing here? And who let you in anyway?
- «Good evening to you too, Y/N», he replied to the girl with a smile on his face, still remaining in the stairwell.
Y/N leaned on the door frame and looked at him questioningly.
- You didn't answer my question.
- «Y/N, be simpler», he approached her. «I still serve in the royal guard, I know where you live. I just said that I was from the queen and... voila! I'm here!»
- Well, you're a liar, Dam.
- Don't call me like that.
- «But you're really a liar», Y/N said laughing. «So, how did you get here, I understand, but... why are you here if you didn't come on behalf of Historia?»
- I want to invite you to a bar, we haven't hung out together for a long time...
- Damian, I don't think now is the right time. I have a lot of work and...
- But it's evening now. Stop working! Life shouldn't consist only of work, you understand...
- I love my job, what's the problem...
- «In general, what I want to say...», he approached her, leaning with both hands on the door frame. «I won't let you outside. If only you'll come with me» He smiled slyly at her.
- Don't annoy me. Damian. You're not going to...
- I'm still going to. At least someone has to make you rest. Let it be me today.
Y/N rolled her eyes and, exhaling noisily, turned away from him and walked back deeper into the apartment. Damian followed her, closing the door behind him. She put her things on the kitchen table.
- «Well, what did you think?» she sat down at the table, and resting her head in her hands, stared at him.
- «Yeah, no such thing», he landed in front of her. «Our usual evening. And... I want to introduce you to my friends»
- Oh, well, you would say so right away...
- And would you agree?
- Well... yes, I thought that you were planning your usual stuff again, well, you understand.
Damian rolled his eyes.
- So you agree?
- «If only for a little while», Y/N answered him, «I still have a lot of work, Dam»
***
They walked slowly through the city in the rays of the setting sun, chatting about the changes that had taken place in the Capital in recent years. Since the «volunteers» from Marley began to cooperate with the inhabitants of Paradis, all sorts of outlandish things from the mainland began to appear on the island. Every now and then they stumbled upon street shops selling «curiosities» from the mainland. Restaurants began to prepare dishes according to Marley's recipes, and bars served drinks brought from the mainland. Their lives changed with the opening of the walls.
Y/N and Damian entered the bar they used to go to. Damian took Y/N deeper, holding her by the elbow. They approached one of the tables, where two people were already seated - a tall red-haired guy, covered in freckles, and a green-eyed girl with wild curls.
- «Damian, finally», the red-haired boy stood up to greet his friend. They hugged, and the guy turned his attention to Y/N. «You must be Y/N»
- «Um... we don't seem to know each other», she looked at Damian with a question.
- «Ah, yes. Y/N, this is Oscar», Damian pointed to his friend, who nodded slightly to the girl, smiling broadly, «we studied together. And this is Selina», he pointed to the girl, to which she actively waved in response.
- «We're happy to finally meet in person, Y/N», Selina said. «Damian talked a lot about you, including the fact that you work hard and are constantly on the road»
- «That's right», they all sat down at the table. «You must have heard a lot about me, but I don't know anything about you»
- Let's be honest, Y/N, we haven't seen each other in recent months, and before that...
Damian paused, remembering the state Y/N had been in until she was immersed in work. Now he realized that now, living with work, Y/N looked more lively and happy than after her return to the Capital a few months. He wanted to believe that he, too, had done his part to make her feel better. He wanted to be in her life, if only as a friend, though he always wanted more. For some reason unknown to him, he felt that something more had happened in Shiganshina than he knew and what Y/N was telling him. And he didn't know what it was. But he knew for sure that one man knew everything. Sometimes he regretted that he was tied to work in the Capital. That he couldn't spend more time with her. She was so lonely. And at the same time - he didn't know anyone more amazing. He didn't understand why she wouldn't let other people near her. He thought that perhaps someone had offended her, and didn't understand why. When he was with her, he sometimes noticed such dull sadness in her eyes, as if she was remembering something for a second. Or someone. At times like this, he wondered who that person was. And how he would like to be also dear to her.
- «Yes, we don't see each other much, but it's not my fault that I'm constantly on the road. That's my job», Y/N said with a noisy sigh and stared at the menu on the table. She didn't plan on drinking much today because she had work to do, but she admitted that she wanted to relax a little.
They all ordered drinks and began to get to know each other.
As it turns out, Oscar and Damian became friends in their first year at the academy when they were eight years old. Since then, they have been practically inseparable - Oscar, like Damian, joined the renewed royal guard. Oscar, in Y/N's opinion, was a little frivolous and superficial, but nevertheless he was a pleasant conversationalist. He joked a lot and made fun of Damian, telling funny stories from their joint training. He was a sincere and open person.
Selina was somewhat reminiscent of Hitch to Y/N. She was open and sociable. She infected with her positivity. Selina's mother owned one of the fashionable hairdressing salons in the Сapital, and Selina, having learned everything from her mother, got a job at the palace - dressing and combing noble ladies. It was there that they met. As far as Y/N could judge, even though Oscar and Selina weren't a couple, nevertheless, everything was going to that. Selina was one of those girls who intuitively flirted with guys. Any communication with men was something natural for her, for Y/N it seemed that everything in her life was also easy for her. At the same time, she didn't get close to anyone.
It was a pleasant and easy evening. Y/N hasn't felt such lightness in her soul for a long time. She forgot about her work for one evening, forgot about what happened to her in recent years, forgot worries and sorrows. For the evening she became just a girl from the crowd, who has a simple life, who can afford to drink with friends in the evenings, laugh and gossip. She wondered what her life would be like if she left the Survey Corps. Perhaps she would live in the Capital on a permanent basis. Maybe she would start dating someone. Maybe even Damian. Maybe she wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night in tears seeing Armin in her dreams. Perhaps she would sleep every night. But, she didn't leave. Her life was full of mysteries, and every day reminded her of what she had lost. She was already calmly going through everything, knowing that tears and sadness wouldn't help her. She knew that only time would help her. Therefore, she worked, she did everything to help the Survey corps. She wanted to believe that someday she would sincerely laugh and enjoy life, while remaining herself, but... She didn't want to reassure herself.
They sat at the bar until midnight. It was a fun evening. Oscar went to escort Selina to home, as it was past midnight, and Damian was escorting Y/N. They were both slightly drunk, so there was no awkwardness between them that had been there since Damian had confessed his feelings to her. They slowly walked hand in hand through the night city, still laughing and chatting. He walked her to the apartment.
- Thank you for agreeing to come with me, Y/N. It was great, really...
- «Your friends are funny, I'm even glad that I agreed», Y/N answered him, opening the door to the apartment. «Will you come for tea?»
- «I thought you wouldn't invite», Damian said, mentally glad to be able to spend more time with the girl. «You always have the most delicious tea, to be honest»
- «My friend taught me to understand the varieties of tea», Y/N answered him, closing the door behind them. «Although, he would probably look at me skeptically now, knowing that I called him a friend»
Y/N poured them large mugs of black tea, adding currant leaves, which nicely complemented the rich taste of tea. It was dark in the apartment - Y/N only lit the lamps in the kitchen. They went to one of the balconies, where there were a couple of wicker chairs and a coffee table. They sat in silence, drinking hot tea and looking at the night Mitras.
Damian took something out of his pocket. Match flash. Smoke.
- Damian, what is this? Cigarettes?
- Are you against it?
- It's unhealthy, you know!
- «No more harmful than those herbs and chemicals that you inhale while you work», he smiled at her. «Yes, and I'm not smoking permanently, just indulge periodically»
Y/N looked back, smiling.
- «Want to try?» Damian offered to her, holding out the pack.
- «I would try, but whole... No, thank you», she slowly reached out to his hand, where was a cigarette and brought it to her lips. She breathed.
- Is it from Marley? The smell is reminiscent of what the locals smoked.
- «Yes, that's why I just bought it. A wonder from the mainland, you understand», Damian told her. «How do you feel?»
- I still don't understand, to be honest. Damian, tell me, what did you tell Oscar and Selina about me? More specifically, what did you tell them about us?
- Nothing, why are you asking?
- I don't know, for some reason I got the impression that they think that we're, sort of, together...
- Maybe I talked too much about you with them...
There was an awkward pause between them.
- Y/N, can I ask a personal question?
She looked at him dubiously, but nodded slightly.
- Just be honest, please. I'm serious.
- «Yes, ask already, God», she turned away from him, looking into the distance.
- Tell me who he is. The person who broke your heart.
She didn't answer him for a long time. She kept looking into the distance, trying to at least see something in the distance.
- It doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to talk about it.
- «But it's important. I can see that you're still sad about this. It makes me sad, because I want to help, but I don't know how», he looked at his hands, trying to hide his awkwardness.
- «Damian...», she looked at him. «You couldn't help me... This man... He... He cut me out of his life... It hurts... It still hurts... But still... The past is in the past. He lives on, and I... I try to live on»
- What happened?
- If I knew...
- Did you love him? For real?
- You know, I didn't realize it until I lost him. And now... it doesn't matter anymore.
- And he... He loves you? Did he know about your feelings?
- We have been friends since the days of the cadet corps. He understood me like no one else. I want to believe that maybe if I told him about my feelings, now everything would be different. But... I don't know what would have happened if I told him.
- «I'm sorry Y/N...», Damian took her hand. «I just... can't understand... you've always been so kind to me, sincere... You're a wonderful person, Y/N. And you deserve to be loved. You deserve to be happy. And I don't understand how your loved one could just abandon you... I hope that someday you'll be happy. That you'll find someone to give you this», he smiled. «Although, I confess, I'm sorry that I won't be such a person. Now I understand it»
- «Damian, thank you for those words», she tightly grabbed his arm in return, looking into his eyes. «I really appreciate you for being in my life. And... I'm sorry that I...»
- «Don't worry, Y/N. I'm fine», he smiled at her. «I will not promise that I'll stop hoping that someday you'll look me not like at your friend, but... I'll try to be your friend as long as you need it»
- I believe you, because we haven't seen each other for ten years, but, having met again, we still remained friends. You'll always be dear to me, Dam.
- Don't call me that.
They sat like that until dawn. After their conversation, all the awkwardness between them disappeared.
***
Y/N felt refreshed after her time with Damian. She slept all day after seeing him off in the morning. In the evening, she, as planned earlier, returned to work.
Having descended into the Underground city, she worked without rest for two days. Periodically, she went out to eat and drink coffee. In the course of her work, she found that the information she obtained by examining the spinal fluid of Connie's mother didn't differ from the information she had previously received. She was glad she hadn't made a mistake.
She experimented for several days, trying to create... She couldn't even figure out what exactly she wanted to create. She wanted to find some solution. But what... She kept wondering how she could solve the problem... How could she «bring back» Connie's mom? What if she's wrong? She remembered that she promised herself... She promised to do everything in her power. She promised that she wouldn't interfere with anyone... And now... She saw one solution that could either work or...
She tried many options until she found the best combination. She had to change something. And the only chance to know if it'll work or not...
***
It was night. From the street, as it usually was in the Underground city, screams were heard. Y/N sat in her office, trying to adjust her breathing. Prior to this, she had written several letters for Hange, leaving them in her apartment. «If it doesn't work, they'll find them. They'll understand» She was confident in what she was doing. Now she understood Eren. She wanted to do something. She vowed to give her life to save her people. And, if her life ends in this room, but she will not live in vain. Her research will continue and, eventually, someone will find a way to save them.
She took off her work shirt, leaving only a t-shirt. She wiped her hand with alcohol, feeling for a vein.
Y/N took a syringe with a silver liquid in her hand. Swallowing nervously, she began injecting the liquid into her vein.
The eyes began to darken...
***
A/N
A little cliffhanger as I like... Hope you enjoy this chapter, I really glad to write something about Connie and about his point of view. Also Y/N's and Damian friendship goes to another level.