***
Breaking the Wall Maria changed everything. Fear appeared in the eyes of the people, the palace became restless. Now, the officers from the royal guard and the military police were constantly walking everywhere. There were constant meetings.
Wall Maria has fallen. All those, who could escape, moved behind the Wall Rose. This created a shortage of food, unrest began among the inhabitants of the Wall Rose. Refugees were sent to work in the fields and on farms so that food supplies could be replenished faster, but this couldn't fully compensate the lack.
Y/N began to move around the palace more carefully. What happened scared her. She couldn't help but think about the possibility of breaching other walls. The breach of the Wall Maria had little effect on the lives of the people within the Wall Sina, but, nevertheless, the mood among the nobles didn't change for the better. One day, while she was doing one of her research in the library, she overheared a conversation between two nobles talking about the growing appeal of the idea of closing the Wall Sina to the inhabitants of the Wall Maria. «The rich only try to protect their wealth», Y/N thought. She grew up in prosperity, but her father always said that he got all this with great difficulty, because he himself once came to the Capital as an ordinary rural doctor from behind the Wall Maria, and therefore Y/N was always indifferent to wealth. She didn't ask for new toys, beautiful clothes - as long as she had everything she needed, she was content. The only thing - she periodically begged for was books.
Today she found a secluded place in the palace garden under a large tree next to rose bushes. The sun no longer warmed as in summer. Today she wore a dark green jumpsuit with a black turtleneck sweater and black chunky boots. Her unruly hair was gathered into a messy bun at the top of her head. Today, instead of another book, she read a fresh newspaper, which her father bought for her on the way to the palace. On the front page was the headline «Large-scale operation to retake Wall Maria» This headline attracted Y/N's attention.
The article was about the preparation of the operation: there were even small interviews with the Commander-in-chief and some advisers to the King. There were a lot of words. Nothing specific. All this reminded Y/N of Uncle Erwin.
After the fall of Wall Maria, Erwin Smith became commander of the Survey corps, which came as a surprise to many, since usually the commander was changed only when the previous one died, but Commander Sadies apparently couldn't stand it and resigned. Erwin now had more responsibilities and didn't visit Joseph and Y/N at all. Their last meeting took place a couple of days after the fall of the Wall Maria. Then he became a commander. That day, Y/N managed to overhear part of their conversation with her father. She wanted to know what was happening with the refugees. But she heard only a strange conversation about the death of the family of Lord Reiss and about his illegitimate daughter, which wasn't interesting for her, so she decided not to continue listening.
Six months had passed since then, and now Y/N wondered what was going on outside her little world. She sometimes saw Commander Erwin when the scouts arrived at the next royal council. However, he didn't visit them for tea.
Father began to get tired more and more often, he and Y/N almost never went out into the city for walks, didn't go to the river for a picnic on a day off. Joseph increasingly spent his weekends in bed. Y/N knew that her father was no longer young, and he had heart problems due to the fact, that he worked hard. But now, everything was more serious, she felt, but didn't dare to ask her father about it.
***
Several days have passed since the beginning of the operation to return the Wall Maria. All life in the palace seemed to freeze in anticipation of news. And so, one morning, a delegation of scouts arrived at the palace. Y/N was sitting in her father's office in her favorite chair and saw them through the window.
- Dad, Uncle Erwin has arrived! There is a delegation of scouts!
Joseph slowly got up from the table and went to the window. Y/N also got out of her chair and stood looking out the window. Father put his arm around Y/N 's head, pressed her to him with one hand. For a minute, they froze in that position. Joseph knew that today he had to talk to Erwin. He was afraid to not to be in time .
- Honey, will you sit in the office? I need to deliver some documents.
- Okay...
Y/N knew that he wasn't going to deliver the documents. She saw that he was upset. She couldn't read his emotions, so she climbed back into her chair and immersed herself in yet another medical book.
Joseph returned half an hour later and went back to work. Y/N looked up from her book.
- Dad, are you all right? What did Uncle Erwin say?
Her father looked at her and smiled.
- Nothing can hide from you, right?
However, the smile disappeared from his face.
- The operation failed. Almost everyone died. Out of 250,000 soldiers, less than 200 returned.
- But how... All these people, how...
- You're not stupid. You know what they talk about in the palace. You must understand the true purpose of this operation.
Y/N knew everything, but she didn't understand why no one had found a better solution. After the fall of the Wall Maria, people began to starve, and the life of people from the Wall Rose also changed a lot, because of all the refugees of the Wall Maria came there. Only the wealthiest inhabitants of the Wall Maria, who could afford it, were allowed inside the Wall Sina. Even with the increase in acreage, there wasn't enough food, there was talk in the palace that if nothing was done, riots would begin in a couple of months. «But was the mass murder of all these people the only solution? » Y/N thought. «How many of them left their families?» She shook her head sharply, driving away the terrible thoughts. She knew that if she continued to think, she would definitely cry. Y/N didn't like to cry, «You're just upsetting yourself, you look terrible, but it won't make you feel any better» She simply went back to reading without answering her father.
***
In the evening Commander Erwin came to them. Today Y/N met him with her father.
- Uncle Erwin! You haven't been here in such a long time!
The commander went to their apartment and immediately fell into Y/N's arms. This girl warmed his soul, he regretted that he had not visited her for so long. He secretly met with her father in the city when the scouts came to the Capital, but these were very short meetings. When Joseph came to see him today, Erwin saw that he wasn't well - he had little time left. He couldn't refuse him when he invited him to come in in the evening. Erwin knew what today's conversation would be about. About his promise to Joseph.
- Y/N, you have grown since our last meeting. And I'm sure you're gotten smarter.
Y/N was embarrassed and blushed.
- Dear, commander and I will talk a little, and then, I hope, we will drink tea, as usual. Erwin, do you have enough time?
- Of course, Joseph.
Erwin and Joseph went to the office, and Y/N returned to her room, where she took up the sketches that she had been working on for the last few days, reading another book. This time it was a book about biology: Y/N liked to draw the structures of the leaves, it calmed her.
- Sorry to take up your time, Erwin. I understand that in the current situation every minute counts.
- I know why you wanted to talk in a calm atmosphere. You're looking really bad, Joseph. How do you feel?
- I don't have long time, Erwin. Every day I feel like I'm fading away. Medicines no longer help as they used to. I think I'll gave up a long time ago if it wasn't for Y/N.
- We have already discussed this: I will take care of her, you can be sure, I promised you.
- Now, everything has changed: the government actually sent 250 thousand people to their deaths. There are talks in the palace about closing the Wall Sina, the royal council doesn't think about other people, they are ready for any sacrifice in order to maintain their well-being. I'm afraid to leave her. She understands, what's going on. She hears what they say. I think she wants to go to the cadet corps.
- Perhaps that would be even better. Now I can influence her when she becomes a scout. I can keep her out of the fight.
- I will leave her everything I have. This apartment will remain for her - when she grows up, she will have a place to live. Just keep her alive while she needs to be looked after. Maybe with her knowledge, she will be useful in Survey Corps. I told her about my research. About titans. She will continue my work after my death. She can find a solution.
- All these years I have brought you various specimens from our outings, you visited us once when we kept a couple there. The only option is murder. We are no closer to unraveling the mystery of the titans. With the loss of the Wall Maria, finding a way to exterminate them completely is one of the key tasks. People no longer feel safe. The attack on Shiganshina six months ago changed a lot, I told you. And after this operation, the attitude in the Survey corps will also change. I can't promise you that everything will be fine. I can only promise that I will do everything in my power to keep her safe. I will take care of her like she is my own daughter.
- That worries me. Scouts rarely start families, we both know why. Who will take care of her if something happens to you?
- I don't know, Joseph. You know, that's all I can promise you... I have a few loyal co-workers. If she goes into Survey Corps, there will be people who will take care of her, as they take care of each other.
- She's not the type to make friends easily. Sometimes it seems to me that she doesn't need them, but this is wrong. Loneliness kills people like her. Smart people. Y/N sometimes thinks too much.
- All in her father, I suppose.
- I'll tell her soon how things will be when I'm gone. It will be hard for her to cope with my death, I think it will change her. Be with her, Erwin, don't let her break.
***
It has been a month since Joseph took a leave and stopped working. For a week now, he hardly got out of bed. He hired an assistant to help him arrange his affairs before his death. Y/N didn't leave her father. She read her favorite parts to him from books on medicine, engineering, biology, and a couple of adventure stories. When she wasn't with her father, she tried to occupy herself so as not to think. Don't think about the possibility that today is his last day. That her every word could be her last. Don't think about what will happen when he's gone. That she will be alone in this world. In this terrible cruel world. She didn't cry. She couldn't. She wanted to, but it didn't work. She was scared, and at times she just froze from this fear. She hated this feeling. She didn't want to be afraid. «Why can't I be as brave as Uncle Erwin?» Y/N thought. After the fall of Wall Maria, she increasingly thought about joining the cadet corps, since everything that happened after showed her that no one was safe. And that until all this is over, there will be no truly peaceful life. There will be only life in endless fear of tomorrow.
Today she decided to read to her father one of the weird old books she stole from the royal library. One day, a librarian accidentally left open the door to the forever-closed section, where ancient fragile specimens of the royal collection were kept. And it was very stupid of him, because Y/N always went through open doors where she hadn't been before. It was a small, dark room, with small shelves of books that were covered in dust, as if they were trying hard to forget about them. Y/N wasted no time and took one book from the shelf - it was a book with a beautiful green cover with golden lines. She didn't really care what this book was about, she was attracted by the very idea of reading something that was inaccessible to anyone except the king. It turned out to be a strange book: as far as Y/N could judge, it told about the world before people went behind the Walls. About plants that grow outside walls, about natural phenomena that can happen. It was interesting, but it didn't excite her as much as the human mutation theories she'd recently started reading about. But, she thought her father would like these strange stories.
- Today I will read to you about the world beyond the walls, dad. I found this book in the library.
Y/N didn't specify where exactly she found it.
- Dear, today we will not read. I need to talk to you.
- But this is an interesting book, I think you will like it very much, you always like to give theories about what is behind the walls. Let's talk and then I'll read to you.
Joseph smiled. «Never stops learning, my miracle», he thought. There was a difficult conversation ahead.
- Y/N, you probably understand that I will soon be gone... I don't want to leave you, but each person has his own time, and mine is already coming to an end. I've lived a wonderful life. I was born in a poor family, and now I live in the Capital, I can even afford to hire workers. I have helped many people in my life, especially the noble ones. I have been good to them, and they have been good to me, and will be good to you when I am gone. I know that many will help you if you need it. I spoke to some of them - you will always be welcome in the palace if you want to live in the Capital, if you become a doctor like me - maybe even take my place someday.
- I will never be like you, dad. You are kind and responsive. It's so easy for you to communicate with other people, I can't. I'm so scared. Don't leave me, I'll do everything, just tell me, please...
Finally, after a few days of trying, Y/N started crying. Tears just ran down her face, refusing to stop. She couldn't control it.
- Honey, yes, you will not be like me. After all, you are different. You are smarter, an amazing future awaits you, I am sure of it. When you grow up, you will find an occupation that will become your life's work, and you will succeed in it like no one else. You will be happy, you will make friends, you will find love...
- I don't think it's for me, father. I often don't understand people, and why all this, when the world is crumbling day by day. How can we know that tomorrow we will not suffer the fate of the inhabitants of the Wall Maria?
- We can't know that. But I can tell you, living alone is no better than dying. Your mother showed me that when she came into my life. Before her, I thought I was happy, after her, I realized that I was truly happy only when she was around. I'm sorry that she couldn't raise you with me. Everyone has their time. When you meet your person, you will understand. And you will be happy.
- Without you, dad, I will not be happy. I will be alone. Always alone.
- Erwin will take care of you. He will do everything in his power. I said that you would go to your relatives within the Wall Rose when I was gone, in order to keep my friendship with the commander secret. However, our apartment and everything in it will remain with you. And it will always be yours. I earned this apartment with my own labor, every book was bought with my money, no one will take it from you. This is a place where you can always return. I will leave you all my savings so that you can live in peace, without needing anything. Although I think with your head, you could find a way to provide for yourself. Whether you stay here or not is up to you. Erwin will support any decision you make and will help you, no matter what you ask. I raised you the best I could, and you grew up to become a beautiful smart girl. I can't be more proud of you than I already am. You are my greatest achievement in life. And you still prove my words. My miracle...
Y/N couldn't stop. She cried. She couldn't say a word, she was out of breath. It's for real. «Soon dad will be gone, I'll be alone. All alone. Without him, I can't. No way I can. Does it always hurt like this..?»
***
Several days have passed since the funeral of Joseph L/N. The funeral was attended by all the nobles, the highest military governance, some from the medical field, as well as several former patients from the Capital, who were also grateful to the doctor for his help. The King himself was present and delivered a speech in memory of a dear friend. Y/N stood in the front row, but everything that happened around her didn't exist. There was nothing more important in her world. The only precious thing she had was already gone.
In the last days of her father's life, she did nothing but cry. Now when he was dead, there wasn't a tear on her face. She felt only emptiness. At the funeral, everyone tried their best to support the girl, who had lost her only loved one. Everyone said that they would help, that this wasn't the end. But she just stood with an emotionless face and looked somewhere into the distance. Now she was sitting in the living room of their apartment, looking at the high shelves of books, but she didn't want to read. She wanted to disappear. Like her father disappeared. Maybe then she could see him again?
Only the father's assistant was in the apartment, who prepared papers for him before his death. He also agreed to look after the girl until a «relative» took her away. As promised by the father, everything that he had passed to Y/N. She could stay in her apartment and live here, but she didn't want to. Every thing reminded her of him. Everything was screaming «He is not here anymore» So it was impossible to handle, or she can just disappear?
There was a knock on the door. A couple of minutes later Commander Erwin entered the living room.
- Y/N, how are you? Forgive me, the news of your father's death reached me too late, I missed the funeral.
Y/N didn't react at all to his words. She sat and looked at the books.
- I understand how hard it is to lose the dearest person in your life.
Erwin sat down on the couch next to her and also stared at the bookcase.
- I also lost my father when I was even younger than you. He was a teacher. He told me stories about our world. He was the one, who inspired me to become a scout. He spoke of the world beyond the walls. That we live in only a very small part of a vast world, locked inside walls. I want to know the truth: what's behind the walls? The titans block our path to this knowledge, but I hope that someday they will solve this mystery. In memory of my father.
They sat in silence for a while.
- I also want to know what's in there. Behind the Walls. Maybe then, I'll find peace. And, I will be happy, as my father wanted.... I'll join the Survey Corps, Uncle Erwin. I want to help you, my father taught me a lot, I can be useful, I will be useful. I will give all my strength to finally free the world from fear. Let me be a soldier.
- Y/N, only you have the right to decide. You can stay in the Capital...
- I don't want. I don't have anyone here. Maybe someday I will be able to sit quietly in our home, not remembering what I have lost. It would be better to leave now.
- Good. I will not always be able to be there, you must understand this, but I promise that you will not need anything. My people will take care of you as much as I do. I think they'll like you.