Title: Angel Of The Star
Author: Lyric ( )
Genre: Young Adult, General Fiction, Novel
Chapters Reviewed: Chapter 1 - Chapter 3
𝖗 𝖊 𝖛 𝖎 𝖊 𝖜 𝖊 𝖗 : thecloudedpages
Blurb Below:
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I. Title: Angel Of The Star
A lovely and stellar title! Though I will say, the genre that you have this with doesn't seem to fit it properly (I did take a quick look at your blurb to connect the ideas). I will say, I can see it now with the blurb connection but overall if you only looked at the title and then the genre, it would be hard to see the link.
II. Cover
Very calm, but at the same time, it is chilling. What I like is that it is simple and such an aesthetic.
It is simple though, but I feel like it works? I am a bit eh with it, to be honest. I don't have anything crazy to say. Just if you want me to give you some opinions, just reach out!
III. Blurb
The blurb, to be honest, is quite short. And also, this is just a comment to make. With your blurbs, don't make them have a "or" with it or like a "second blurb type." It confuses the readers since a blurb is supposed to be a single teaser for your story. Other than that, the blurb looks nice. I like the "space-themed" wordplay you are using and I feel it works out really nicely. Though I will say, connecting this to the cover, try to carry the content of the blurb into the cover to bring cohesiveness.
IV. First Sentences
Okay, so with the first sentences, no going to lie, it wasn't what I was expecting hahahaha. I think it could come off intriguing to some audiences and I think that it leaves a bit of a questioning feeling. Though, I do feel that it would need to be brought forward with a bit more of a stronger punch. I am not a huge fan of first sentences of even the first chapter being a "recalling" or "flashback" because that is meant for a prologue, not the first chapter.
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Shall we begin? SO. You just requested for pretty much a general look at your story so here you go! I am going to go for a bit more like a notes style since it has been working best for me.
Firstly, this is just a preference of mine but (I understand this is a Contemporary or just a General Fiction but hear me out) I hate the passive tone. Words like "might be," "basically," "actually" within a story were never my fav. I know it is okay to use it from time to time, but not in a constant use since it creates a sort of "informality" with the writing. Again, I know this is for a more contemporary feeling so informality is okay; but all-in-all, it is important to keep a slight foundation when it comes to the way you come off.
I will say this, I actually love when Contemporary or just General Fiction stories have the main character as just being "normal / ordinary." I feel like it allows for readers to connect with them and instead of making them like this crazy different person that no one can relate to. Great work!
I did a couple comments of spelling errors which I did notice throughout the chapters. I did notice a couple overall grammar errors.
I will make this comment, after reading Chapter 1, I feel this feels more like a prologue rather than a chapter. Additionally, I feel that the story is falling into a "telling" of a story rather than "showing" the story. This can make the story boring and not worth the time if the story doesn't follow a proper way of storytelling. I will be honest, I strongly dislike the format that the narrator in chapter 1 was as it feels like they are just listing out events and not allowing for readers to feel like they are within the story.
The dialogue tags feel a bit too much. The main purpose to utilize dialogue tags is to either show a new character speaking, or just to simply reveal an emotion evoked. However, my personal opinion is for the writer to evoke that emotion within their dialogues. I feel that dialogue tags make a pause in the dialogue / scene, hindering a fluid reader to be within that scene if they constantly are getting "cut off" by the dialogue tag.
Okay so after all my reading, here is my little thought. I felt that a good chunk of what I read was just all a recollection or recalling. It felt too "telling" not really showing me each action taken as much as I would like.
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Now for my takeaway. I like to keep these short and sweet for you to be able to come back to and just quickly see what you might want to take from this review.
1. Improvements to help:
a. Create a stronger link with the Title to the Genre & Cover. As well as the Cover to the Blurb & Title & Genre.
b. Packing a bigger punch with the first sentences. My opinion was that I didn't really like first sentences or first chapters to be a "flashback" or "recalling."
c. Couple of overall grammatical errors
d. "Showing, not telling" needs to be a strong focus in the chapters as the current state could suffer from making the audience bored or not interested
e. Minimize the dialogue tags
2. My personal opinions of the work:
a. I am on the edge with this one. On one hand, I was super intrigued to see how the story could play out; but on the other hand, I felt there were too many mishaps that took me away from the plot and storytelling.
And that is all I have to say. If anything, you can message me through PM or through here (you will have to tag me for me to get the notification) for any additional coverage that you would like me to discuss. That is all from me for now!
Have a great day and hope you enjoy this little review of mine!