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But what about these feelings I've got?
I couldn't be more in love
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Chapter 54
Renny's Pov.
I shaded the dice on his rib as Mick rambled to him about some shit I didn't know anything about.
It's Wednesday now and i'm doing the tattoo for Mick and Shi's friend. His name is James and he's actually a really nice guy.
Audie and Shi are on the couch watching tv but chiming into our conversations.
It's been nice to hang around them the past few days. I've missed them. However, i've missed Harry a fuck ton. I started back my job at the bar yesterday. I saw Harry briefly yesterday morning but I haven't seen him since.
I miss him.
"No I think what happened was that she fucked uh, shit what's the guys name? Bald head and huge ass nose?" Mick said to James and James hummed for a second.
"Ramen!" "Yes! Ramen. Yeah, think she fucked Ramen man. How the fuck is she gonna choose a 40 year old bald headed man over me? I get it, I didn't want her long term anyways but see that wasn't the point."
Mick is so stupid. I love him more than life but he's so stupid.
"Mick you didn't even like her." I stated.
"Okay? Your point? I liked sleeping with her and I thought we were each others fuck buddy."
I chuckled with a head shake.
"You weren't good enough to keep around, cry about it." Audie chimed in and he flipped her off.
"Yeah? Where's your boyfriend? Doesn't seem like your too great to keep around either." He shot back at her and she rolled her eyes.
"She had a girl over last night actually." Shi smirked and Mick and I's faces went up and to Audie.
"Who? You never bring people over, what?" I said just as Mick said, "Wait, who?"
"Mick, none of your business. Ren, i'll tell you later."
I chuckled and went back to tattooing.
A knock on the door surprised me but I knew who it was.
Shi got up and opened the door just as I saw who i've been missing.
"Cyril!" I squealed as I sat down my tattoo gun and went to him, a huge smile plastered on his face.
It's only been about two weeks but I missed him.
"Little Ren, I missed you." He mumbled into my hair as he hugged me right to him, his overwhelmingly warm scent filling my nose.
"Missed you more." I chuckled and I felt two hands on my waist, picking me up and pulling me away.
Shiloh.
"We missed him too bitch."
He's our literal dad. It's crazy the love we have for him.
Everyone hugged him and I went back to my chair.
"Sorry." I told James and he just smiled.
"No it's okay. Boyfriend?" He asked and I laughed with a head shake. "No. He's one of my best friends."
"Uhm, I'd like to think of myself as your best friend and legal guardian." Cyril chimed in and I chuckled as he put his hands on my shoulders from behind me.
"Ahh, big brother kind of vibe i'm assuming." James spoke and I nodded.
My phone started ringing from the kitchen table and Cyril backed up and grabbed it for me.
"I'll call them back." I told him as I started up the gun again. "It's Harry." He told me and I looked back at him, a grin on his face.
"Mind if I answer?" I asked the guy and he chuckled.
"Go ahead. I'm chilling and i'm high, so I am fine."
I nodded with a smile and took the phone from Cyrils hand.
"Hello?" I answered and I heard a sigh.
"I fucking miss you."
I had to bite my lip to hide my smile at his deep voice and those words.
I stood up and walked into the kitchen for a little privacy.
"You know, you don't have to be missing me."
He hummed.
"Are you inviting me?" He asked and I rolled my eyes. "You were already invited if you don't remember. I said you can come if you can't stay away." I teased, hoping he really would.
"Fucking amazing cause I can't stay away any longer. I'm almost in Staten Island. Wanna see you." "Stay the night?" "Obviously."
I smirked and hummed.
"I'll leave the door unlocked, everyone's here." "See you soon baby." "Be safe." I mumbled as I hung up.
Fuck, i'm so excited.
I went back to the living room and unlocked the door before I sat down where James was.
"Why'd you unlock the door?" Shi asked from the couch.
"Harry's gonna come." I told him and he rolled his eyes with an obnoxious groan.
"You two are obsessed." He said and I mentally punched him in the face.
"I literally haven't seen him in three days."
Well I saw him briefly at the bar like I said but I haven't seen him like i'm used to seeing him in a while. And no I didn't mean that in a sexual way but I also haven't seen him like that in a minute either.
My period doesn't end until tomorrow though so that's just fucking great.
"Really? Three days?" Cyril asked and I nodded. "Why?"
"She missed us and wanted to see us more than him." Mick told him, which was a little true but also a little false.
I did want to see them but I wanted to see Harry equally as much.
"Yeah." I said with a chuckle.
"So that's the boyfriend then." James said with a chuckle and I shrugged. "Yeah." I chuckled and I heard everyone go silent.
What the fuck?
I looked up to see everyone turned to me.
"Wait he's you boyfriend?" Shiloh said and I mentally cursed myself.
I mean, he technically is but shit, they didn't need to know that. They'll give me hell. I just know it.
"Since when?" Audie practically yelled but Cyrils face just had a shit eating grin.
"Oh I fucking knew it would happen." He said as he clapped his hands together.
"He didn't technically ask but I mean, we're together so. Let's just change the subject." I rolled my eyes as I went back to tattooing.
They eventually dropped it and continued tattooing. James wanted a big skeleton who has dice in both hands. Not sure why but it actually looks dope.
"So how long have you and your...boyfriend been together?" James asked slowly as if he didn't know if he should call Harry my boyfriend.
"Uhm, I honestly don't know. We met a few months ago." I nervously chuckled, not liking questions like that because I literally don't know.
"I get that, sometimes you never really establish a time when you got together."
I nodded with a little chuckle, wishing this conversation would end because i'm not in the mood to talk about it.
I started on the last dice, which shouldn't take longer than 10 minutes and he started up another question.
"So is it serious?"
Literally someone kick me in the throat. Is he flirting? Is he asking to be nosey for hidden reasons or is he genuinely just curious? Fuck I don't know.
"Yeah. It is." I answered the best way I knew how because to me, it is serious.
Suddenly I heard a little knock as the door opened and my head went to the door.
"Ayyy it's the mysteriously rich man in black!" Mick said as Harry walked in, indeed in all black looking mouthwatering.
Fuck.
He lightly laughed and nodded at him.
"Good to see you."
He gets so uncomfy talking to people in my life which is kind of cute because he's to being an asshole but he knows that's unacceptable here. Wel, besides him and Shi's relationship.
That seems better too though. I mean I guess.
"Hey man, how are you?" Cyril greeted as they did the little slap lock hands greeting thing that men do.
"Good as I can be I guess." He chuckled and he smirked down at Audie on the couch.
"Hi Audie." He greeted and she huffed. "I still don't like you which is incredibly hard when you're such a tall drink of water." She said as she stood up and hugged him.
He looked stuck on what to do before he lightly hugged her back.
Well, not what I was expecting her to do.
"Wasn't expecting that greeting but i'll take it." He laughed.
"Won't get a greeting like that from me." Shiloh mumbled and he rolled his eyes. "As if i'd want it." Harry mumbled before his eyes came over to me and he smirked.
He walked over to me as I continued tattoo'ing and the room was so silent.
His hands went to my shoulders as he got behind me.
"Why the fuck did it get so quiet?" He asked and I laughed as Cyril chuckled with me.
"We just think you two are cute. Such a cute couple." Audie smirked at her purposeful use of the word 'couple'.
"Okay...you guys can't talk because we're cute?"
Audie and Cyril started laughing while Mick just stared at me with a little smile, Shi not even paying us any attention.
"Okay continue conversation please. This is why he doesn't come over." I chuckled and then I pulled the gun away and looked up at him.
He had one curl hanging on his forehead and a very relaxed look on his face. Wow, I actually might melt.
"Hi." "Hi." He smirked and I wanted to kiss him so bad but we're both not into doing that in front of all of them.
"Uhm, this is James by the way. He works with Shi and Mick."
Harry's eyes went to him and his face dropped into a more serious one.
He better be nice.
He nodded at him.
"I'm Harry." He introduced himself. "Ah okay, nice to meet you man. You seem to be a fan favorite here." He chuckled but Harry's serious expression didn't change much as his fingers dipped more into my shoulders.
"Exclude me from that." Shiloh said and I just rolled my eyes.
"Thought we were past that." Harry said and Shi looked back at him. "Yeah but then I remembered just how much I dislike you."
James chuckled which seemingly pissed Harry off just a tiny bit which probably wasn't visible to anyone else but I could feel his hands tense on me.
"Yeah and what were your reasonings again? Because if they're the same as Audies, she just hugged me so I think you could get over it if she did." Harry explained and Shi sarcastically hummed.
"You know, I could but I won't."
I groaned as I filled in one of the dots on the dice.
"Stop being a douche Shi." I told him and he scoffed. "It's not like my opinion on him matters to you anyways so i'll continue to be a douche if I please."
"Alright, let's relax Shi." Cyril said as he threw an empty water bottle at him.
Cyril and Harry just know each other so much better than the rest of them know Harry.
I can't even explain how thankful I am that Harry invited Cyril that day. They talked, they got to know each other a bit more and I could tell Harry really trusted Cyril and Cyril trusts Harry. It was so cool to have them get along.
"Since when do you like him?" Shi asked. "When did I not?" Cyril chuckled with confusion.
"Okay then, why do you like him?"
Seriously guys? Can we not?
They continued a conversation about Harry while he was right here. I finished up the guys tattoo and rubbed it down before putting salve on it and wrapping it up.
"Okay, you're done." I smiled and he gave me a smile. "Looks sick. Love it. Didn't know you were so good."
I smiled with a little head tilt because I get uncomfortable at compliments.
"Well thank you. I'm glad you like it." I told him.
He paid me beforehand so that was nice.
I cleaned up as the guy went to sit over with the guys. I immediately stood up when I finished and turned to Harry.
"My room please." I said quietly as he smirked at me and followed.
"Don't fuck loudly, we're watching a movie!" Mick yelled and I flipped him off from behind me.
"Can you kindly fuck off?" I said back as I pulled a laughing Harry in my room and shut the door before wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing him.
"Mmm." He hummed against my lips as they moved against mine, his tongue teasingly slipping past my lips.
"Fucking missed you." He groaned and I nodded into the kiss. "Missed you more." I chuckled and he smiled before his hands went to the back of my thighs, hoisting me up onto my vanity.
His lips sloppily kissed mine in a kiss that's turned heated.
"Do you realize.." He mumbled before kissing me again. "How fucking boring..." Another kiss. "My place is without you."
In that moment, my heart swelled so big, I thought it might burst.
"Let's not do the space thing again please." I breathed into the kiss. "Not a fucking chance." He shook his head, our heavy breathes being swallowed by each others mouths.
He slowed the kiss down again and softly kissed me. His hands slid up and down my thighs before he picked me up again, a laugh leaving my mouth as he dropped me on my bed.
"Do we need to go back out there right now or can we stay in here for a bit?" He asked, which was very kind of him.
Old Harry would've said, and I quote, "I'm not fucking going back out there."
"We can stay in here." I smiled and he nodded with a smile.
He took a deep breathe and his expression changed a little.
"Look...I need to talk to you about something okay?"
I went from horny to anxious really quick.
"Okay..." I said nervously and he sat beside me before pulling me onto his lap so I was straddling him.
He cleared his throat as his eyes stayed on my chest, as if he didn't want to look at me.
"What? Did you do something? You seem nervous." I spoke and he shook his head with furrowed brows. "No. No, it's nothing about us."
Phew, okay. Now I feel like 5% better.
"Well...what is it then?" I asked as I ran my fingers through his hair to calm him down but it was also helping calm me down.
"Okay...so when we were in Vegas, I found out some information and I didn't tell you. It honestly slipped my mind and I found it out on the night of the whole incident at the race and I didn't want to make the night even worse after we left by telling you so I was gonna wait. The time just hasn't felt right since but it's also not my place to wait on telling you this because it's information for you."
For me?
"I thought it doesn't have anything to do with us." I mumbled and he looked up at me. "It doesn't."
I furrowed my brows and he took a deep breathe.
"I met your mom."
My hands stilled in his hair while his nervous facial expression looked up at me.
I'm convinced my ears just played a literal joke on me.
So I laughed.
"Uhm, like my foster mom? You found her or something?" I chuckled, not really caring if he did but hoping he didn't purposely find someone that I care nothing about.
He sighed and held me a little tighter as he cleared his throat.
"No...no Renny, your mom. Your biological mom. And your dad."
My facial expression changed now.
Is he serious?
"And your brother." He said quietly as my body felt like it went numb.
I have a brother?
"Wait...Harry what the fuck are you saying? I'm so confused right now." I sputtered out. "I know, i'm sorry. Okay, uhm, the woman who pointed the gun at the guy who was holding you? Liams mom? Well...that's your mom."
Okay wait, i'm even more confused. I'm so fucking confused.
I slid off of his lap and stood up, needing to just stand for a second.
"Wait a minute...I spoke to them." "Yeah...you did. I didn't know at the time though Renny. I had no idea until you were in the bathroom afterwards and you told Tyson your original last name was Payne. That's how we pieced it together."
I shook my head, still confused.
"You just thought to ask the lady if her last name was Payne? I'm so confused, what the fuck." I whispered to myself.
He sighed and stood up in front of me, gently grabbing my waist.
"Liams last name is Payne." He quietly said.
And it clicked.
Liam is my brother?
"That's how I knew she was your mom when Tyson told me your original last name."
My parents aren't dead? Or at least bad off? I just always kinda hoped their reasoning was a little bit accurate to what they said it was when they dropped me off at the fucking orphanage.
But no.
They're fucking rich.
And they have a son. Who's my fucking age too.
Wait.
"Wait...how old is Liam?" I whispered and I knew from the look in Harry's face.
"He's your twin."
Someone knocked on the door before slowly opening it.
Fuck.
I turned, still stunned at this information. My mind is so scattered right now.
"Hey can I eat your leftover p-" Mick started to say until his posture straightened and he closed my door.
"What's going on? Are you okay?"
I looked back at Harry who looked sorry. Not that he has anything to feel sorry for, i'm just confused on what to do or say right now.
I shook my head.
"I met my mom this weekend." I spoke and Micks brows furrowed. "Come again?"
I sighed and shrugged in frustration.
"Apparently I met my fucking mom and dad this weekend. And...I have a fucking twin brother." I laughed in disbelief and honestly, in a little bit of anger.
Why would they keep him and leave me?
"Wait Renny i'm confused...did you not know you met them until now?"
I shook my head and his eyes went to Harry with a hard expression.
"Are you saying he knew and didn't tell you?"
I shook my head and cleared my throat.
"He didn't know until the end of the trip. It's fine, i'm not mad at him. He didn't do anything." I mumbled in a bit of disorientation.
I met my family. My mom pulled a gun on someone to save me. Yet...she couldn't save me from the life she fucking put me in? She couldn't come save me from the orphanage? Or the foster home for fucks sake? I was worse off there.
"Why didn't you tell her before?" Mick asked in a sharp tone.
"A lot was going on and I was trying not to add anymore stress to her. I didn't even know if she'd wanna know but I was going to tell her regardless. I shouldn't have put it off." His deep voice explained calmly.
"What do you mean more stress? What happened?"
I wasn't looking at either of them but I could feel Harry looking at me.
I didn't tell anyone about the hall incident at the bar in Vegas.
I still had some light bruises but nothing anyone noticed with my hair covering.
"It was just a stressful trip with work and everything." He nonchalantly said and I looked at him, giving a silent thank you to him.
"Everything's fine, I shouldn't have told you right now until I know everything. I was just...shocked. Can you not tell everyone please?" I asked Mick and he nodded.
"Come talk to me later okay? Are you okay?" He said in a serious tone and I nodded, his eyes dancing over to Harry with a hard expression before he left the room, closing the door behind him.
"Renny i'm so-" "Don't say you're sorry Harry."
He stood with a worried look on his face.
"I should've told you sooner."
I nodded.
He should've. He shouldn't have put it off. I'm not mad at him though. Not even a little.
"So what did she say to you?" I asked and he cleared his throat. "Not much honestly. She didn't really explain why she decided to pull the gun for you. She didn't explain anything besides her confirming she's your mom. She thought you might want to see her and talk to her...but I said no." He whispered the last part and my head snapped to look at him.
He told her no?
"I just...I didn't want someone like her having your time. It wasn't my place to do it. I was just...she fucking left you and it fucking infuriates me when I know even a fraction of what you had to go through because of it. You didn't deserve it. Any of it. Once I knew she separated two twins and kept one, it had me seeing red so in the heat of the moment, I told her to go. I know I shouldn't have but I did. If you wanna see her, I can get her number and set up something so you can-" "No." I shook my head and the room got quiet.
"No?"
I shook my head, my eyes still on the random blanket on my bed i've been staring at in a bit of dissociation at this news I never thought i'd be hearing.
"No...I don't wanna see her. Any of them." I quietly spoke.
He was quiet.
"So...they're from England?" I blankly asked and I saw him nod from the corner of my eye. "Yeah...you're a little more like me than you think afterall." He said lightly, referring to the fact that i'm actually fucking English. Just without the accent.
I tried to pull a tiny smile at his attempt to lighten the situation.
I looked at him, his brows furrowed with a pained expression on his face. It softened a bit when he looked at my expression.
"Always knew I was." I mumbled with a small smile and he took a deep breathe before walking up to me and sliding his arms around me, pulling me into one of his tight hugs. They feel like they push every broken piece right back into place.
"They don't fucking deserve to ever know you. They missed out on knowing the greatest person i've ever met and I think they see that now that they met you. You did this all without them okay?" He whispered into my head as he hugged me right against him, my eyes watering from hearing him speak to me in a way he never quite has.
"You became so fucking amazing by yourself. Without them....but if you ever change your mind, that's okay. Okay? If ever want to meet her...i'd have a hard time not going violent on them...but I would stay cool for you. I mean...assuming you'd want me there-" "I always want you with me." I mumbled, my voice cracking from emotions, his arms wrapping me up even tighter at the sound.
"But I don't want to meet them...i've got a family." I mumbled and he nodded against me, feeling his lips on my head bringing me even more warmth than the hug.
"Never seen a better one." He whispered and I felt a tear roll down my face.
I love him.
I love him so fucking much.
"Thank you Harry."
He sat on the edge of the bed with me still in his arms, lifting me and pulling my legs to straddle him in a hug.
"Why are you thanking me baby?" Confusion evident in his question.
I shrugged, feeling another tear roll down my cheek, our tight hug not giving him view to see, thankfully.
"Just for everything."
Suddenly he pulled away from the hug, his hands on my hips as he faced me, his eyes continue to look at my wet cheeks.
He looks scared.
"Renny...are you leaving me?"
I furrowed my brows in confusion.
"I should've told you, I know that but-" "Harry no. No. Why would you think that?"
His eyes calmed a little.
"You're hugging me so tight and you're crying and thanking me for everything...it scared me." He admitted and I shook my head at that insanely ridiculous idea.
I couldn't leave him.
It seems unbearable to ever have to.
I put my hands on his face and traced my thumbs over his cheeks, admiring his face.
"No...I told you i'm not leaving and I meant it." I whispered to him and his eyes closed at my touch on his face.
He slowly nodded and caught one of my thumbs, pressing a kiss to it with his lips.
I'm so in love with him.
"Can't do this without you Renny."
I nodded and kept my eyes watchful on his actions, his lips continuing to press kisses on my hands, going down to my arms.
"Can't do what?" I asked and he sighed. "Life, anything. Just..." He was getting frustrated with himself and I could tell. I don't know why though.
He gives me so much. So much emotion and tells me how much I mean to him and I don't do it enough. And here I am, realizing I am in love with him...as he's getting visibly worried that I don't feel as strong as he does.
I can see it.
Thats what he's thinking.
If only he fucking knew how wrong he was.
If onl-
"Harry." I whispered and his eyes went to mine again.
I cupped his face and gently kissed his lips. Even though it's gentle, he always kisses me like his life depends on it.
No one has ever made me feel like he does.
I pulled away as he lightly hummed.
"I love you." I whispered and his eyes shot open and stared at me.
I don't even care if he says it back.
"So fucking much." I added as I kissed him again like my life depended on it now.