Title: My Sweet Tooth VS Their Craving For Flesh
Author: _Sublime_Fantasies_ ( _Sublime_Fantasies_ )
Genre: Humor, Dark Humor
Chapters Reviewed: Prologue - Chapter 2
Blurb Below:
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I. Title: My Sweet Tooth VS Their Craving For Flesh
Quite a lengthy title. Is it unique? Very much so! But can it be a handful? Up to you to decide. It does tell a more lighthearted story that will also be darker due to the "Craving For Flesh" part. To be honest, I am not sure how I feel about the title. This isn't a bad thing or good thing; I am just feeling neutral about it. Not sure if you could try to make the title shorter since for cover purposes, it can be lengthy. Up to you though, not forcing you to do anything with this as it is your work.
II. Cover
I will be completely honest since I am a brutal reviewer, I am not a fan of the cover. I understand the title is quite extensive so you will need to have a text-based cover, but I feel the fonts and the different colors are making it seem too messy. Again, I know it is hard with the title quantity, but to have basically 6-8 different fonts doesn't work. Sticking to 2-3 fonts would be perfect as it adds clarity and cleanliness to the cover. Additionally, I feel that overall, the cover seems outdated to me (like it doesn't feel cohesive at all). Overall, the cover is not the most appealing thing to look at, which is SUCH a crucial part in attracting readers. A suggestion I have is getting the cover done with a graphics shop as they will be able to understand your vision you have; but also, being able to ensure it comes out appealing to the eyes and grabbing viewership.
III. Blurb
That humor and dark humor aspect is really shining through in this blurb. Now, is it my exact type of blurb that I am used to? Uhm... no, but I don't mind it. I see that at the bottom, you put it is temporary so nothing critical here. If you want some guidance with your blurb, just let me know. I don't want to fully strike the blurb if it is just temporary; so, for now, I will say that I am not completely liking the blurb but yeah.
IV. First Sentences
I am using the first sentences in reference to the Prologue's first sentences. May I say, very interesting! I don't know why, but I never had a food-reference in the first sentences, so this is interesting. The first sentences have a much more informal or casual tone to it with the short sentences, which already sets the mood for the chapter after. Nothing bad with it, I quite like it!
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Shall we begin? SO. You just requested for pretty much a general look at the story!
To start us off, I felt that sense of not knowing what was going on at the beginning of the prologue. Not sure if you intended for this, but this is how it came off to me and I quite liked it since it made me want to continue reading through. Okay can I just say, I think this is a problem of mine, I LOVE when characters are the ones that put stakes on others. Not like guilt-tripping or manipulating but understanding all circumstances and then using that to their advantage to get what they want. With that cat scene in the beginning, perfect example of characters putting stakes on others. What I also enjoy about this story is the humor or dark humor aspect to classic stories. A zombie story, but make it with humor, LOVE THAT! I can also see the psychological thoughts of the main character, due to the 1st person POV, and we get to instantly see what the MC feels and acts upon. I will note this, I do see some inner thoughts that I think need to be in italics. It just helps readers know when the thoughts are internal (psychological), and not the MC's speech. After reading the prologue, I love this anticipation! I think you developed the characters to a reasonable amount and some tension is surely seen here. Additionally, I notice that this prologue is very dialogue heavy. The reason why I mention this is because it is actually the opposite of what my writing style is (I make it a descriptive and atmospheric base with 1st person POV). Nothing bad on your part, just a quick thing I noticed which could slightly affect how much I can apply personal experience to this one.
Okay, that title for chapter one just... makes perfect sense to the genre, very well done! What I actually like that you did, which I am trying to work on myself, is subtly introducing the setting. Quick rant: I noticed that with myself, I tend to want to let the readers know the setting very early on so they can picture the movements clearly, but I feel the way you introduced them is absolutely perfect! Your descriptions on the setting and locations are quite nice, and I don't see any sense of information dumping (which can happen in these types of situations where there is a break from dialogue just to add more into setting quickly). Overall, I like seeing these characters keep on growing and I enjoy their interactions. I will say though, I know this is a zombie apocalypse story so the stakes and fear are already built in; but I would love to see the MC have quick flashbacks (in italics for separation purposes) that could be 2-3 sentences of small objects reminding them of the past. What this does it that it avoids information dumping, but also plays into how the MC still has nightmares of the current situation and small objects that can be symbolic to their childhood.
Your descriptions continue to be better and better, and the choice of words are quite thought out. I am enjoying these reads of chapter one and two! Not a lot to say, I am not seeing crazy grammatical errors and the plot is able to be carried out. Again, though it is dialogue heavy, it is not bothersome to me!
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Now for my takeaway. I like to keep these short and sweet for you to be able to come back to and just quickly see what you might want to take from this review.
1. Improvements to help:
a. Fixing the cover as it is not the best to grab an audience (suggestion I left was to get it done with a graphic shop).
b. Italics for inner thoughts that do not translate to external speech
c. Optional: Add short flashbacks (in italics) to give that reflection of the past (sort of think of it like a quick shocking nightmare) so it raises the suspense and tension for the MC.
2. My personal opinions of the work:
I loved it! I love a classic zombie apocalypse story and the fact that it has humor reminds me of the movies I enjoyed the most with this in it. I will say, I am not crazy about this story like "this is the absolute best thing I ever read," but I did enjoy my read and will most likely continue reading on.
And that is all I have to say. I really enjoyed my reading. If anything, you can message me through PM or through here (you will have to tag me for me to get the notification) for any additional coverage that you would like me to discuss. That is all from me for now!
Have a great day and hope you enjoy this little review of mine!