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HELLO, HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER THAN I DO. x. THE LETTER ON THE TOP WAS WRITTEN ON MONDAY 23/03/15 TO THANK YOU FOR 20K AND FOR THE VOTES ON THE WATTYS. 3/4 OF THIS CHAPTER WAS WRITTEN BEFORE THE ANNOUNCEMENT SO EXCUSE THE CLUMSINESS AT THE END.
-Tarzan-
*37*
Evelyn's POV
The words left my mouth smoothly as if I was prepared to let them out in years. I had just been waiting for the one I would trust enough to confess myself. My vision became blurry with the unstoppable tears that ran out of my eyes. Since the beginning, my eyes trailed on the ceiling in a blank stare, but when I was given a glass of water to cool down to regain my voice, I watched Styles. I couldn't fully see his face, hidden behind my unclear vision. I could only distinguish his lips and his hair.
He had been extremely gentle with me, asking if I didn't want to stop the story before I ended up too depressive. He sometimes asked me how I felt and told me he perfectly understood my reactions despite the fact that I went the wrong way.
Laying myself back on the couch, I had lace my fingers together on the top of my belly. Taking a huge sigh, on its way to my lungs, the air drained my throat. My voice remained as croaky as before, if not worse.
"Evelyn, we can just do something else. And if you feel like, we'll continue later." He softly said, but I shook my head. I didn't know if I was blinded by the fact that he had mesmerized me for a while, but I thought Styles was good at this. He never contradicted my reasons, he never judged my aggressive reactions and he made me feel protected without any physical contact. No reassuring smile. No touch. Only words and the feeling of his presence held me tranquil.
"No, no, I can handle this till the end." I replied weakly, looking back at the ceiling.
**~**
I was peacefully studying geography lessons in my room on a cold Wednesday morning when I heard knocks at the door. It was six in the morning and I was praying I wouldn't have to leave my room for classes downstairs. I shoved my feet into my moccasins and walked towards the door. It was opened before I even reached it, showing two tall women in the frame: Mrs. Rosenberg and my mother. The two faces froze me on my spot before they both greeted me. They both smiled as if they meant it.
"Good morning, sweetie!" Mrs. Rosenberg greeted with the fakest smile on earth. She was hugest hypocrite I'd ever met. "Look who's coming to see you."
It was Wednesday, which meant that no parent didn't have to visit us at the mansion. My mother entered the room, placing her handbag on my king-sized bed along with a bag surely full of stuff for me. She used to bring me some things from her travels: expensive clothes, chocolate from Swiss or couturier shoes. Even my room was the biggest of the mansion, due to her special demand. However, since my childhood, no materialistic things mattered to me.
"Good morning, mum." I saluted her, taking a seat on my bed while she sat on the chair where I had previously been.
"Good morning Evelyn." She responded, checking at the order of my room, the books on my desk and a few clothes that laid on the floor. I wasn't flawless, but she needed me to. The rare times she visited me, she questioned me about my studies and my material needs. She didn't come to visit me in months, I lost the count when the number reached four months. "I heard about your fight at the dining room."
I swallowed my spittle, looking down on the floor. I didn't dare look into her eyes, as I knew I made something bad.
"I'm sorry." I spoke practically inaudibly.
"This disappoints me a lot. You totally know I don't tolerate such a thing. I had talked to Margaret Anderson's parents. They had agreed not to lodge a complaint when I gave her a certain sum."
This was how she had solved it. I wouldn't complain for her help, but I felt her irritation through the unspoken words she kept for herself.
"Why did you do that?"
"Um, I - I" I stuttered, unable to find a good explanation for her. I ran my hands through my short hair. "I wanted you to come."
She laughed mockingly at my response. The laughter should enlighten the mood; however, it added some dramatic touch to words.
"Why would you do that?"
"Because you didn't come in ages." I confessed, feeling that I should tell her about my pain, hoping she'd understand.
"That's stupid. I told you I'd be busy. You don't have to punch someone to death to get me coming." She held the same laugh, crossing her legs.
"But that's true. You would have never come if I didn't do something wrong." I said, lifting my head up. She gave me a questioning glance, but I didn't look down. "Is it right? You're planning on leaving me here till next Easter?"
Her mouth hung open, not having the words to reply me.
"Evelyn, be reasonable. I can't be with you every week end." She attempted to explain, but it wasn't an explanation at all. It was just her usual pretexts to escape me.
"At least every month? Please, mum, I want to go back home." I cried out, walking towards her. I wrapped my arms around her waist. Her body stiffened at the sudden closeness we got. "I don't want to stay here, anymore."
By that time, water gathered at the back of my eyes. I wanted to explode in front of her, to show her how much I missed her and my house.
"Be reasonable. This is the best place to study. What do you want more? You have a good surrounding, great teachers, and luxurious place. Mrs. Rosenberg even makes favoritism towards you." She slowly pulled my arms away from her, uncomfortable with such warmth from me.
"She doesn't!" I yelled out loud, taking a step back.
"Oh spare me your speech about how she treats you." She groaned, with a roll of her eyes. She got up from the chair, crossing her arms above her chest.
"I swear mum. She locked me in the closet without food for a day and half!" I cried out, grasping at the fabric of her skirt.
"Yeah, I know. That's the minimum of punishment you needed, we were just talking about this. Mrs. Rosenberg is a respectable woman, though. She won't spend her time mistreating young girls, and not especially mine." She spat, praising one more time the merits of her old friend. Mrs. Rosenberg was intelligent, she guessed that I'd tell everything to my mother and took the initiative before I did. That's really smart and it discredited me, making me sound like a fool.
"Mum, please take me back home!" I said, wrapping my arms around her waist, again. I willingly shoved my head under her chest.
Her hands settled on my shoulder and started to shake me, saying, "I'm not taking you home, Ok? You'll stay here, until you turn 16?"
"Why? It's because you don't love me?" I asked, like a little kid begging for a lollypop.
Her cold metallic stare was glued on my face.
"Is that right? You don't love me?" I continued, my voice reaching higher octaves. She only gazed at me without any reaction. "Tell me!"
"Shut up, Evelyn. Why wouldn't I?" she finally yelled in reply.
"Say the words." I insisted. All I wanted was those three little words, was it too much to ask? It apparently was, for the person who didn't love me at all.
"Shut up! This little scene won't make me take you home!" she spat back, shaking me with violence.
By that time, hot tears streamed on my cheeks.
"I know you don't love me!" I screamed out at her. My feet took steps back, getting away from her. With the inside of my hand, I dried my eyes off the tears. "You prefer trusting your friend! Why not me? Doesn't it matter to you that I feel bad all the time? You're so dumb and cold-hearted! You don't even realize that she hates you."
"Stop saying shït, Evelyn! We are friends!" she defended herself. I didn't even think they were true friends back in college, only two acquaintances who pretended to be friends with the other one.
"You aren't! It's all bullshît but you're too preoccupied with your work to realize no one likes you!" I yelled at her. Cash. Why would I keep her from things she knew? She only denied it to make me feel like I had a normal mother. But I wasn't too dumb to realize that we didn't have normal mother-daughter relationship.
The palm of her hand was smashed against the flushing skin of my cheek. She slapped me.
"She left without a word. To her, I felt like a - a - a" I stuttered unable to find the suitable words. I sighed once, trying to control my breathing that accelerated. "Robot, that's what she wanted me to be. A perfect daughter with amount of business knowledge even before reaching college. A daughter who'd succeed to her."
"You felt used." He summed up in one word for me. I nodded at him, since it was the defeating truth.
"I was so done with my state, hoping to see her every Friday, hoping to get a phone call or hoping to have her taking me home. I had stopped believing in her, or in anyone to help me out. I had realized that the world was cruel and no one wouldn't believe me. Ever since, I knew the only one I could believe in, was myself. So I decided to leave Rosenberg school on my own."
"I had slightly spoken about it to Angelica and she felt a bit reluctant. So I decided to quit the night before my birthday, I had put in my school bag a few clothes, money I stole from Mrs. Rosenberg, food and girl stuff. I felt excited and sad at the same time since I wasn't fulfilled of the way I'd be leaving the school. But if no one wanted to help me, I'd forget about them. After so long years with Mrs. Rosenberg, I knew all her little habits. She slept at nine a few minutes after the extinction of the lights. One hour later, I was ready to take the stairs for my leaving."
**~**
I was ready, walking in the corridor that led to the stairs. I was leaving. Leaving them with their shît. Only my shadow would stay here. They'd remember me. My mother would remember me, and she'd understand I wasn't wrong. No one would miss me beside Angelica, and let it be. She was the last one I cared about in this mansion.
"Eve, don't do that!" Angelica uttered in shushing way. She was in her nightdress, walking barefoot from our common bedroom.
"Angelica, I have to leave." I spoke calmly, holding my torch pointed towards her face. I wrapped her inside a warm hug. Saying good-bye to the only person who had respect for me was so hard. I didn't want to leave her; but my choice was made and no one would convince me to stay.
"But you won't survive once out of these walls! You're only 14 and you didn't leave school for months, people will eat you alive. It's so dangerous outside!" she said into my ear, holding me even stronger in a warm embrace. "Where will you sleep? What will you do?"
"I don't know, but I'll figure out something. I'm smart." I joked at her because she was the only one I could joke to. She slowly parted from my embrace and took a few steps back. She looked at me in the eyes.
"Don't do that. I have to convince you in any manner." She revealed, making me cock my eyebrow. What did she mean?
"What did you do Angelica?" I asked, grabbing insecurely my schoolbag into my arms.
"I told Mrs. Rosenberg about your plans and she'll follow when you leave the mansion. Instead of being punished when you get caught, just stay here." She confessed, looking down. How dare she betray me? She was giving me to the enemy. I felt betrayed, and the worst, by the only one I trusted. I shook my head, taking steps back.
"How can you do this to me?" I asked, looking at her, disappointed.
"It's better for you."
"It's not like you're one year older than me that you're always right!" I said controlling the tone of my voice in order to leave others asleep. "You aren't a friend at all!"
I regretted trusting her, confiding in her. That's the main reason why I never confessed to anyone. I lacked trust towards them. And once I did, a bitter regret reached my throat up.
"I'm a friend that's why I'm trying to help you." She said, marching closer to me.
"No, if you were a true friend, you'd let me go. You're lucky, you have people who love you and a future with them. But what waits for me in these walls? Tears and sadness? I'm fed up Angelica, I'm leaving!" I spat as I spun towards the staircase. But she grabbed my arm.
"Angelica and I had a fight. She tried to drag me back to my room and I wanted to run to the stairs. I was so angry, so deceived and stupid for trusting her. After a few minutes, the rage and the rest of the jealousy in me controlled my whole body and I threw her in the stairs. Later, I knew her head was smashed against the banisters, but that's all I knew." I stopped the story-telling, glancing at Styles. He promised me not to judge me, but at this level, I wouldn't get mad if he did. His eyes looked into mine, but I couldn't know why. By now, I was the one who tried to understand him and not the other way round.
"Did you feel guilty?" he asked, shoving his face away from me.
"Not straight away. I saw her motionless on the hard floor, but I just let it go. I thought it was legitimate so I ran down the staircase. Since the day I recognized her in the wheelchair with you pulling her in the room, I felt guilty for ruining her. If you knew her in the time she could stand on her feet, you'd be stupefied by her dancing skills. But my excess of hate engulfed me and I broke her... I think it's time to stop because it seems to concern you as much as it concerns Angelica and-"
His green eyes settled back on me. He slowly shook his head and took a gulp from the bottle. I observed his Adam apple move as the drink reached his throat. That's all I could see.
"Eve, continue. I don't mind." He said, running his hand on his back. It showed how it had reached him, too. He couldn't keep still in front of the person who had driven her girlfriend to be handicapped. "What happened after pulling her?"
**~**
I ran to the kitchen with fast pace. I knew that another door that led outside was somewhere there, and it was never properly locked. I searched through the sideboard if there was anything left for me. Shoving some food and water into my bag, my hands trembled with the fear and the excitement creeping in my belly.
"Evelyn!" I heard a yell behind me. The voice was recognizable, making me shiver. I turned around, pointing my torch towards Mrs. Rosenberg who wore her long dressing gown.
"I'm going away! From you and from your shît!" I spat, the adrenaline flowing through my veins, pushing me to yell my anger at her.
"Let's talk calmly about this, okay?" she half-demanded, half-ordered.
"No, I'm leaving."
"And I left, I didn't remember what happened next. It seemed like it was erased from my memory. And until now, I don't remember. I woke up in a hospital bed with doctors, advocates and my mother. They all eyed me strangely, especially my mother who was the only one who stayed after she dismissed everyone. She explained me that Angelica was at the hospital, too and her parents had lodged a complaint about me. Plus, she asked me repeatedly what I did to Mrs. Rosenberg. She was killed the night I left the mansion. And they suspected me to be the killer. At first, I thought I actually could have done that. But soon, I realized I wouldn't even have the guts to do that. But no one believed me. No one."
SO SORRY FOR MAKING ALL THOSE MEMORIES COME BACK FROM A SAD PLANET. BUT WITH THE FREAKING SADNESS THAT IS GOING THROUGH ME RN, I GUESS I WONT STOP WRITING THESE SAD CHAPPIES BC THERE IS SO MUCH TO EXPLAIN AND I HAVE TO LET OUT MY FRUSTRATION THROUGH EVELYN'S BROKEN HEART. I'M SORRY IF YOU DON'T LIKE ALL THE COMPLAINTS. NO ONE BUT MY SIS UNDERSTOOD MY PAIN THESE PAST DAYS.
SORRY IF YOUR NAME ISNT IN THE LETTER, BUT I WROTE ALL THE NAMES THAT CAME UP TO MY MIND, ESPECIALLY MY FRIENDS, MY AMAZING READERS, MY OLD READERS, MY COMMENTERS, MY VOTERS... YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I GIVE YOU NICKNAMES IN MY HEAD WHEN YOUR USERNAME IS TOOOOOO LONG HAHA UNLESS I KNOW YOUR REAL NAME. :)
WHO WANTS A COMFORTING HUG????? BC I NEED ONE Xx :)